An Education
by BellaScotia
Summary: After a sheltered childhood, 21 year old Bella has never been kissed. Desperate to find the kind of love her best friend Jasper has found with Alice, Bella enlists the expert help of her 'player' room-mate Edward. But love soon complicates her sexual awakening. OOC/Graphic Lemons.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a re-post. If you have read the story before I hope you enjoy it again... if you haven't... welcome! It's one of my earlier fanfics, so I apologise for the quality in advance. **

**Thank you to Dooba for her beta work on this and to GreeneyedItalian who pre-read for me too. x**

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Chapter 1

I sat on the sofa watching Jasper over the top of the book I had been reading for the last hour. He was making a good show of being engrossed in the baseball game on TV, but I watched as his eyes stayed still not tracking the action on the screen. My legs were stretched across his lap, and every now and again he would absentmindedly rub my shin or massage one of my feet.

This had been our Sunday night routine ever since we'd moved to Seattle from our childhood home of Forks to attend college. I'd bring home take out from the Deli where I worked on the weekends, and we'd sprawl on the sofa for the evening. Jasper liked to watch the game and I liked to read.

I gave up trying to read. I'd been watching him for over half an hour, marvelling at the contented smile that would creep across his face every time his eyes glazed over before it would disappear again as his attention momentarily returned to the game.

"What's it like being in love Jazz?" I asked, slipping my bookmark into the right page and laying the book on my lap.

"What?" His eyes never left the screen and he might have fooled anyone else that he was too engrossed in the game to have heard the question properly but I knew him better than that.

I dug my heel into his thigh and nudged him "You heard."

He turned and gave me that look I loved, his lovely blue eyes slightly darkened by annoyance and his lips set in a thin line of exasperation. "It's great, now can I watch the game?"

I sat up straight and tucked my legs in beneath me resting my elbows on my knees. "You're not even watching the game. Your mind keeps drifting to her, I can tell by that cute little smile that keeps creeping across your face. Come on Jazz, tell me what it's like."

I had known him for eight years and still couldn't label what we had. He was more than a brother or a best friend to me, and though those definitions were sadly lacking in terms of defining our relationship, they were the closest things I could think of.

I had lived next door to Jasper in Forks with my parents till I was two, but after their divorce my mother took me to live in Phoenix. I spent eleven miserable years with her until Charlie finally rescued me and brought me back to Forks.

After the divorce my mother had a breakdown but since we'd moved to a different state where no one knew us, her behaviour was accepted because people had nothing previous to compare it to. She hid it well for the most part, I was home schooled, she shopped at night. In fact church was the only place we ever went during the day.

When I was thirteen we went to live on a commune, I hated it, everyone in that place was exactly like my mother; unhinged. It took me six months of pretending to go along with everything – no mean feat for a young girl – before they finally trusted me and I was allowed to go on one of the few necessary outings to get supplies. It was my one chance at freedom – and I took it.

Charlie brought me back to Forks. Thankfully my mother didn't follow. She sent me one letter that angered Charlie so much, he wouldn't let me read it. Seeing the effect it had on him, I never wanted to. He eventually burned it. We never heard from her again, and for all I know she still lives on that commune.

When I first arrived back in Forks I felt like I had been transported to Mars. My mother had kept me away from televisions, books, newspapers and even music. I was so naive I was like a newborn child all over again. Charlie enrolled me into school in Forks, and I still have nightmares to this day of them frog marching me across the parking lot in front of the other kids while I cried for my father.

It was open season on me after that, and I was bullied relentlessly until Jasper stepped in. We shared some classes, and he took to walking me to each one. Nobody said a wrong word to me when I was with Jasper and eventually I blended into the background – just the way I liked it.

Though our friendship was born of his pity towards me, it soon grew into a genuine and wonderful friendship that grew stronger every year.

He shifted on the sofa beside me, propelling back into the present. "I just want to know what it's like." I pleaded.

He groaned, but his eyes were light and playful. "This isn't going to turn into one of your bizarre "show me what it's like" requests is it? I'm only just getting over your antics at my Aunt Louise's wedding."

"That wasn't my fault. It was that glass of champagne you pilfered for me that caused it." I protested, blushing furiously at the memory.

We were seventeen when he took me to his aunt's wedding. At the reception he managed to acquire two glasses of champagne, which we gulped down in the hallway outside the kitchens. Later, I had sat in awe watching the bride and groom share a kiss during their first dance. In my inebriated state, I had begged Jasper to give me my first kiss since he'd already had his. He'd refused of course, and then I'd thrown up all over his suit. He's teased me about it ever since.

He nudged my arm with his fist "Stop blushing Swan, it was five years ago." He chuckled.

"And I still Haven't had my first kiss." I groused sticking my tongue out at him for good measure. "I'm not asking you to kiss me, Jazz. I just want to know what it's like to be in love, to share that connection with someone. You're so lucky to have Alice, she's amazing."

"She is." He agreed misty eyed.

"I wish I had her confidence." I mused.

Alice was exactly the type of person I would love to be: funny, confident, smart and most of all comfortable in her own skin. She didn't seem to have any insecurities at all, which was a good thing because all of Jasper's previous girlfriends had found it too difficult to handle the fact that his best friend was female. Alice was so sure of herself, and Jasper, that it really didn't bother her at all.

"You're not the only person out there who's a little shy Bella," he said softly.

That was the understatement of the year. I was painfully shy and found it very difficult to trust anyone.

"I don't think I'll ever find someone." I sighed throwing myself back on the arm rest dramatically.

"You will." He smiled, pulling my right foot into his lap and massaging it gently.

"Sure, where am I going to find a guy who can put up with my particular brand of crazy?"

"Don't say that. You're not crazy."

"Yeah? Tell that to Mike Newton." I huffed, remembering my one disastrous attempt at a date.

In senior year Jasper was desperate to go on a date with Jessica Stanley, but she would only agree if it was a double date. None of Jasper's friends had anyone to go out with, so he somehow managed to talk me into a date with Mike Newton.

What a fiasco that turned out to be. I spent the evening alternating between being offended by him and embarrassed that I just didn't get his jokes. At the end of the night when he tried to kiss me I completely freaked out and slapped him.

"I just don't get guys Jasper, I never have. You're the only one I've ever been able to even speak to without spazzing out."

"You've come a long way since then." He squeezed my ankle. "There's someone out there for you, I promise."

I couldn't see it. I wanted to believe it but I was just too uptight, I always had been. Jasper was the only person I ever really let in. He was always so patient with me and never judged me. It was easy to trust him. For a little while I had wished that we could fall in love, romantic love but it just wasn't like that between us.

His hands stilled on my foot and he swallowed. There was a sudden change in the atmosphere and I could tell he wanted to say something and, judging by the solemn look on his face, I wasn't going to like it.

"I..um.. have something I need to tell you." He didn't look at me. "Alice and I were going to tell you together tomorrow, but since we're sort of on the subject already..." He hesitated and stole a sideways glance at me. "I'm going to move in with Alice."

His words sunk in. I waited for the shock or disappointment or even grief to hit me, but it didn't. It was like somehow I had already known, like somewhere under the surface I had been expecting it. I scooted closer to him, and cupped his jaw in my hand turning his head to face me. "I'm really happy for you." I smiled.

His brow creased in confusion. "You're not upset?"

"I can see how happy she makes you and you practically live over at her place as it is. So no, I'm not upset at all."

"I won't leave until we find you a new roommate."

That erased the smile from my face. I hadn't thought of that. "Oh no, I don't want to live with a stranger, it'll be horrible. I'll end up with some girl who has tons of friends and wants to throw wild parties every weekend."

He swivelled my legs off his lap, pulling me to him. "Maybe it's what you need, Bella. You need to stand on your own two feet some time."

I sighed. "I know but I like living with you. I'll miss you."

"I'll be living a couple of blocks away, and you'll see me every day in college."

I forced down my apprehension and tried to smile. He deserved to be happy, and I didn't want to be the blot on his landscape.

~*AE*~

The following morning I overslept and woke to the sound of Alice's voice drifting in from the living room. I quickly got dressed and opened the door to go and greet them.

"No way Alice, it's not a good idea at all. You know how sensitive she is, he's just all wrong."

I stopped in the doorway listening to them. They were obviously talking about a potential roommate for me and I was glad that Jasper was putting her straight. I didn't want to live with a man.

"Look, I know how Edward might seem to you, Jasper, but he wants to get away from all that. That's why I suggested this place to him–"

"You already pitched this to him?" Jasper interjected, his voice filled with tension. I hoped they wouldn't fight.

"You said you wanted to move in as soon as possible. Edward is looking for a place to live where he can study without all the distractions he has to endure at Emmett's place. I thought it was the perfect solution."

"Yeah, well it's not perfect for Bella."

Alice groaned. "I sort of already told him he could come over and see the place today. That's why I came over early to give Bella plenty notice."

I stepped out of the room and the two of them turned to look at me. "Who are you talking about?" I asked.

Alice opened her mouth to speak but Jasper managed to get in first.

"Alice's cousin is looking for a room to rent and she suggested mine." His words were rushed "I told her it's not a good idea."

I looked at Alice's frown knowing that she couldn't begin to understand just how big a deal this was for me. She stepped forward and her frown lifted into a determined smile.

"Maybe Bella and I should have a little chat," she suggested, looping her arm in mine and leading me back into my bedroom. She perched on the bed while I reluctantly sat down beside her.

"I don't mean to seem pushy, Bella, but Edward really needs a place and you really need a roommate. It just seemed like the perfect solution to me."

"I don't think I could live with a guy," I said quietly.

"You already do." Alice chuckled, but seeing my discomfort she patted my hand. "Look, I know you have issues that I can't even begin to understand, but you are a wonderful girl with a great personality. Maybe it's time for you to find who you really are."

"I know who I am. I'm the girl with one friend who can barely speak to anyone else." I said sarcastically.

"Don't put yourself down, Bella," Alice chided gently. "You just need to get out of your comfort zone a bit, start meeting new people. Jasper will still be your best friend, but maybe it's time to make some more."

I looked at her then, taking in every aspect of her appearance; her glossy purple nails which matched her lipstick perfectly, her black spiky hair, her elegant clothes, and most of all her assured demeanour. She was the exact opposite of me with my long brown dowdy hair, faded jeans and worn baseball boots. It wasn't really the physical differences that made me feel lacking, it was more about the differences in our personalities.

I would love to be confident and uninhibited like Alice. I couldn't help but envy the love she and Jasper shared and how natural and easy it seemed. I wanted to be able to share myself like that with someone too. Maybe she was right; maybe I did need to get out of my comfort zone, and shake off the inhibitions my mother had saddled me with.

I smiled weakly at her. I still wasn't sure about living with another guy, but I had to at least consider her suggestion. "What's your cousin like?"

"Edward is great." She smiled back. "This is the final year of his medical degree. He's looking for somewhere quiet to live, away from his friends, so he can really concentrate on his work."

I liked the sound of that, but I remembered Jasper's concerns earlier. "But he has a reputation?"

She sighed. "Yes, but mostly from people who don't know him. Edward runs deeper than most people realise, and he really is very kind and sweet underneath." She took my hands in hers. "Give it a chance, Bella. It'll do you good, and he'll be studying most of the time anyway. I wouldn't be suggesting this if I thought he was going to be dragging his buddies over for wild parties, would I?"

"I guess not," I conceded, and thinking of the need to get out of my comfort zone, I forced a smile. "Okay, he can come and see the room but if I don't like him–"

"Of course," she said, cutting me off. "I'm just glad you're giving this a chance."

We emerged from my room to find Jasper making coffee in the kitchen.

"You better tidy your room," Alice said to him with a triumphant grin.

His eyebrows rose in surprise and his eyes met mine. "Are you sure?"

I nodded biting my lip. "Yeah, I'm 21 years old. Maybe it's time to cut the apron strings."

My weak attempt at humour did nothing to alleviate the tension on his face. It was clear he didn't think this was a good idea, but Alice was right; I needed to stand alone. His eyes flicked to Alice.

"What time is he coming?"

"I said to come about five." She pulled him out of our tiny galley kitchen. "I'll help you clean up."

When five o'clock came around, it felt like my first day of school all over again. I was so nervous. I felt like a freak sitting on the sofa waiting to meet Edward, while Alice and Jasper finished cleaning up his room. Finally, there was a rhythmic rapping on the door and my breath hitched when Alice darted out of Jasper's room to answer it.

"Edward!" She almost sang his name as she flung the door open wide. "Did you have any problems finding your way here?"

I stood up nervously raking my fingers through my hair and feeling quite ridiculous since it was the apartment he was coming to appraise, not me. Alice took a couple of steps back to let him step into the room.

"No, your directions were good." His voice was velvet soft and slightly husky.

Alice closed the door behind him and he turned to face me. God, he was gorgeous! He lifted his hand and raked his long, slim fingers through his bronze hair. It stuck up in all directions but he made no attempt to smooth it down again. His mouth curved up gently into a smile. I swallowed hard as my eyes traced the outline of his full lips.

I couldn't stop myself from scanning every inch of his face. I found his strong, defined jaw fascinating and must've gazed at it for too long, judging by the way his sharp green eyes narrowed. I felt the warmth on my cheeks as he stared back at me. His eyes were piercing and fringed with the longest eyelashes I'd ever seen on a man. In fact, I'd _never_ noticed a man's eyelashes before.

Alice brought him closer, and his lips stretched into a wide crooked smile as he continued to stare at me. I blushed to the roots of my hair, swallowing hard against the swell of nervous anticipating that was bubbling up from my chest. His lips looked so soft and full and just begged to be kissed. I shook that particular image out of my head, and tried to regain my equilibrium when Alice introduced us.

"Edward Cullen, this is Bella Swan," she trilled. "Bella, this is Edward."

"It's good to meet you," he said softly, holding out his hand.

All I could manage was a strange strangled grunt, as I shook his hand briefly before dropping it like it had burnt me. His eyebrow quirked briefly, but thankfully he let my strange behaviour pass without comment.

"Hey man, good to see you."

Jasper's greeting to Edward sounded a little forced to me, but I couldn't drag my eyes away from Edward to check if he was okay.

He spoke again. "You wanna come see the room? Alice made me clean it up especially."

"Sure," Edward said, finally releasing me from his unnerving gaze.

I watched him follow Jasper into the room.

"I was thinking," Alice said, startling me out of the moment. "Maybe we should ask him to stay for dinner. That way you can get to know him a little and see if you like him."

"Like him?" I gasped, blushing again.

"Not that way." Alice giggled. "I mean like him enough to let him have the room."

"Oh." I cringed. "I'll check what we have in and I'll get started on dinner."

"No, don't go to any trouble," she said, heading to the letter rack where we kept the take out menus. "We'll order in. My treat."

Edward came back out of Jasper's room, and his eyes immediately fell on mine again. It seemed I was cursed to blush my way through every moment of this visit. I felt foolish, but I simply had no control over my strange reaction to him. I'd never felt so affected by someone before... and I wasn't sure I liked it.

"Edward?" Alice said, and as his eyes flicked to her I realised she had been speaking. She shot a curious glance first at me then back to Edward. "I asked if you wanted to stay for dinner, we're ordering take out."

"Sure," he said, shrugging out of his jacket.

My eyes immediately roamed over the lean muscles evident through the thin material of his snug t-shirt. I admired they way they bunched and flexed as he moved.

Alice threw the menus down on the coffee table, and the noise diverted my attention from Edward at last. Jasper sat down beside Alice on the sofa, draping his arm across her shoulder while they flicked through the menus.

I remained standing feigning interest in them, when really I was racking my brains trying to figure out what it was about Edward Cullen that had me so painfully aware of him.

"What do you want, Edward?" Jasper asked without looking up from the menus.

Edward turned and looked at me, his eyes glittering mischievously.

"Italian." He grinned wickedly.


	2. Chapter 2

**I've had a couple of reviews asking why I'm posting this story for a THIRD time. Yeah... sorry about that. The first version was removed because it needed to be cleaned up. The second version was removed when I decided to remove ALL my stories. I've realised that there is no point to having them just languishing on my laptop so I decided to put them back here. Sorry to those of you getting alerts for stories you have already read.**

**There is no ulterior motive for doing this.**

**For those of you who are new to this story, even though the writing itself is not my best work, I had a lot of fun writing this one. :D**

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**Chapter two **

It was an awkward evening. I felt strangely unnerved by Edward, and his presence was making me feel extremely uncomfortable. Though, admittedly it didn't seem like it was intentional. I guess he was flirting, but I had no idea why. Perhaps it just came naturally to him.

I had to admit to myself that the prospect of living with him didn't really appeal to me. I was already certain that I'd tell Alice I didn't want him to move in when I went to the bathroom. However, I overheard her and Jasper excitedly discussing their plans for him to move in as soon as possible and I didn't have the heart to dash their hopes.

I knew Jasper wouldn't leave here until I had a roommate, so my only choice was to say yes to Edward moving in. I decided I'd give it a week or so until Jasper had settled and then I'd ask Edward to leave. I was sure Edward would have no problem using his obvious charms to find somewhere else to live.

After dinner I told Edward that he could have the room if he still wanted it. It did not escape my notice that they were all far happier about it than I was.

~*AE*~

I spent the week helping Jasper pack up his stuff. It was truly a bittersweet experience for both of us, since he'd brought so many things that reminded us of home and brought back so many wonderful memories. It felt like the end of an era, not exactly like I was losing him, but like I was losing my status as his best friend. I'd always known that it would happen one day, and I was truly happy for Jasper, but it still hurt and frightened me in equal measure.

We spent an evening curled up on the sofa going through the photos of our childhood. We reminisced about such events as our first night in the treehouse we helped Jasper's dad build, and the camping trips we took with Charlie. We laughed and cringed at our awkward prom photos. Even though I'd only spent eight years with Jasper, I felt like my life didn't truly begin until I met him. Looking at the photos reminded me that every happy memory I had involved Jasper.

By Friday night I was a blubbering mass of emotions and of no use to anyone. Alice and Jasper made several trips carrying boxes and bags while I stood around in the apartment getting in the way and feeling more miserable than I had felt in ten years.

Alice came up behind me and I started when she spoke. 'Edward will be moving in in the morning. Do you want Jasper and I to come over?'

I turned to face her. She might be tiny, but what she lacked in size she made up for in the sheer exuberance of her personality. Her eyes were filled with understanding, and it helped me come down from abject misery to simple despair.

I stared into her kind eyes and even though her concern for me was evident, I could also see the glitter of excitement in them. My heart lurched with longing. I wanted to experience that happiness and excitement for myself... but I doubted I ever would.

She was beautiful with her elfin features and short dark spiky hair. She was perfect for Jasper and I'd known that the first time I met her. She was so positive and attacked life like nothing was impossible. I envied her in so many ways but it just wasn't possible not to like her. Not least, because she accepted my close friendship with Jasper without complaint.

"Thanks but I'll be okay." I smiled weakly. "I know you guys want to enjoy your new home."

Home.

I had just gotten used to calling this place home, but now Jasper wouldn't be here. I knew that as soon as he closed the door it wouldn't feel like home anymore.

Even though I plastered a smile to my face, Alice shot me a look filled with dubiety.

"Honestly, Alice I'll be fine." I hoped my smile held more conviction and fought the urge to look away as she studied my expression.

"Well if you change your mind, call us and we'll come right over."

I nodded and stood up as Jasper came into the room. "Okay." I sighed heavily. "You guys better go. I've got a _ton _of stuff to do and you're kind of getting in the way."

The joke was lame, but it brought a small smile to Jasper's face as he stalked across the room towards me. He scooped me into his arms, squeezing tightly. "I'm gonna miss our late night chats." He breathed into my hair. "And your cookies. Boy am I gonna miss having those cookies on tap."

I kissed his cheek reluctantly wriggling out of his embrace. "I'll make you a batch every week. I promise, now scoot!"

They walked slowly to the door and paused before looking back at me. There was nothing I could do about the stab of envy I felt seeing them looking so right together. They looked so happy and in love, and having never had a boyfriend I couldn't even begin to imagine how good that must feel.

"Go!" I said, a little more loudly than I"d intended. I all but pushed them out of the door, and after they"d gone I closed it and surveying my empty apartment with a heavy heart.

Mere minutes had passed when the door swung open again, almost knocking me to the floor.

"God I'm sorry!" he gasped, yanking me into his arms.

I melted into his embrace, breathing in his familiar scent. "I love you so much." I sobbed. "You've been everything to me."

"I love you too," he whispered, pressing his lips to my head. "It doesn't stop here. Anytime you need me I'll be here for you. You know that, right?"

I hugged him so tight that my own ribs hurt. "Jazz, I do know that, but it's time. Alice is waiting for you... and my alter ego is waiting for me."

He pulled back and looked at me with one eyebrow quirked. "What?"

I smiled through my tears. "I don't want to live in fear anymore, Jazz. I need to put myself out there and take risks. So as soon as you close that door I'm opening mine – to a new me." I pulled his hand to mine and kissed it. "I want what you've got Jasper. You know how happy I am for you, happy that you've found this wonderful woman who completes you. I want that one day too. And the only way I'm going to get it is by changing."

His eyes brimmed with tears as he cupped my face in his hands. "Don't change too much. You're so much more than you give yourself credit for."

We clung to each other for a few moments before he finally left. I stayed leaning against the door letting my tears fall long after he'd gone. Eventually, my sadness subsided and I found some resolve to try to embrace this new chapter of my life.

Needing to relieve the tensions of the day, I took a long bubble bath and actually enjoyed the peace and tranquillity of having the apartment to myself. But it didn't last. I was padding across the hall to my room wearing only a towel when there was a loud knock on the door. I briefly wondered if Jasper had decided one more check was called for, but then I reminded myself he would still have his key.

I stood stock still in the hallway, unsure what to do.

There was another sharp knock.

"Who is it?" I called out nervously.

"It's Edward." The muffled response came back.

I moved closer to the door, peering through the peep hole. "Oh, I thought you weren't coming till tomorrow."

"Yeah, sorry, I erm... my roommates, well ex-roommates are having this really wild party and I really have some stuff I need to get done so I didn't think... well, I _hoped _you wouldn't mind if I moved in tonight."

I couldn't refuse him since he'd already paid his share of this month's rent in advance. I stood watching him through the peep hole while I tried in vain to think of a get out clause. I didn't have one.

"Bella?"

I drew in a deep breath. "Okay, give me a minute and I'll let you in."

He fished in his pocket and then his hand came up to the door and I listened in horror to the unmistakable sound of a key sliding into the lock.

"It's okay, Jasper gave me a ke–"

His eyes bugged as I jumped back in fright clutching the towel around me. My wet hair dripped on the floor, and I was immensely grateful that I had wrapped the only towel that had been in the bathroom around my body and not my hair.

"Oops." He grinned. "You should have told me I would have waited till you got dressed." His eyes travelled up my naked legs past my towel covered torso and stopped on my face. "Though, I'm not complaining. You don't _have_ to get dressed on my account."

I tutted in disgust and threw my arm out in the direction of his room. "That's your room there. I'm sure you'll remember." I said, hurrying into my own.

"Thank you." He called after me in an annoyingly cheerful sing-song voice. I didn't even want to think about what he was thanking me for.

In the sanctity of my room, I leaned against my door and cringed.

_Great start, Bella. Way to make a good impression on his first night._

I dressed quickly in a pair of comfortable sweats and a white t-shirt, and raked a brush through my hair before bracing myself to face my unwanted house guest. I tentatively poked my head out of my room and listened for a second. My ears zeroed in on a shuffling noise coming from the living room. Fighting back the urge to back up into my room and slam the door, I followed the noise.

He was sprawled on the couch with his long legs stretched out in front of him, and his hands clasped behind his head. I hated how at home he looked already, and clamped my teeth together as I stalked passed him into the galley kitchen which was really just an extension of the living room separated by a small breakfast bar.

"Coffee?" I asked, for want of a better opener.

He stood up and walked towards me holding up a six pack of beer. "I brought these," he said. "I thought we could celebrate our first night together."

I grimaced at his deliberately suggestive choice of expression but chose to ignore it. "I don't drink," I informed him, with just a hint of smugness.

"Ever?" He cocked a questioning eyebrow at me and I shook my head. That stolen glass of champagne at Jasper's aunt's wedding didn't count in my eyes.

"Do you mind if I put these in the fridge," he asked, moving closer.

I stepped back against the counter as he brushed past me. The sweet smell of his cologne wafted past me and I inhaled reflexively. He smelled amazing.

His biceps flexed as he opened the fridge and put the bottles inside. I crossed my arms over my body and watched as he pulled one bottle free before twisting the cap off and placing it to his lips. His Adam's apple bobbed invitingly as he swallowed. I swallowed too, but forced myself to look away when I felt the heat rise in my cheeks.

_What is wrong with me?_

He sighed appreciatively as he drew the bottle away from his lips and leaned his elbow on the top of the refrigerator, apparently at ease invading my personal space. "So you wanna give me a tour of the place?"

"Didn't Jasper already do that?"

"Yeah but I didn't get to see your room."

"Okay, that's it," I said, backing away from him. "This isn't going to work. I'm not sharing my apartment with.. with.. a .. a"

He raised his eyebrows but his green eyes sparkled with mirth. "A what?"

I stepped back into the living room and raked my fingers through my hair before folding my arms across my stomach. I think my reaction to him scared me more than his playful flirting, but I couldn't be sure. "Look Edward, I'm just not comfortable with that sort of thing."

"What sort of thing?" He had followed me into the room, but this time he was keeping a more acceptable distance.

I looked up at him. "All that innuendo."

"Innuendo?" He laughed, but apparently noticed my discomfort because he sobered and fixed me with a serious stare. "Okay, I'm sorry. Jasper did warn me that you were a bit...conservative. I guess I didn't realise just how conservative you really are."

"Why does that sound like an insult?" I asked bitterly.

"It's not, believe me. I guess I just have a warped sense of humour." He held his hands up like I was pointing a gun at him. "Forgive me?"

I sighed. "No more teasing?"

"No more teasing," he agreed, taking another slug of his beer. "You sure you don't want a beer?"

"I told you I don't drink."

He smiled. "That's right. So you did."

Suddenly weary and needing to retreat to my own space, I decided to go to bed. "I'm really quite tired and I have to get up for work in the morning. So if you don't mind I'll leave you to it."

"Sure." He nodded, and I turned to go to my room. "Bella?" I turned back to face him when I reached my door. "Thanks for letting me rent the room, you won't regret it, I promise."

I lay in bed that night seriously doubting those words.

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**Thank you for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The ear-splitting buzzing of my alarm clock woke me early the next morning, and mindful that I had a new –albeit unwanted– roommate, I slammed my fist down silencing it as quickly as I could. My mind wandered back to the previous evening and I allowed myself an objective look at Edward's behaviour – and mine too for that matter.

In the cold light of day I could see that he probably hadn't been flirting with me, but I still didn't like his general demeanour. Thanks to Jasper's many musings over the years, I also knew that my reaction to Edward's teasing was not typical. I really needed to lighten up, but without Jasper to guide me I wasn't sure I could. I had never been good at picking up on social cues without him.

I'd never reacted to anyone the way I reacted to Edward yesterday. It was alien to me to be so affected by a man's presence. Never before had I been so aware of one, and I'd certainly never felt that strange nervous anticipation I felt around Edward. I found it extremely disconcerting.

Reluctantly, I got out of bed, worried that I would be later for work if I wasted any more time worrying about Edward Cullen. I retrieved the clothes I'd set out last night and quickly padded across the hall to the bathroom, offering up a prayer that I wouldn't bump into Edward while I was still wearing my pajamas.

Cutting my shower short, I dressed quickly and went to the kitchen to make breakfast. It was a relief to see Edward's bedroom door still closed; I wasn't in the mood to face him just yet.

Somehow I managed to get lost in thought again and I managed to burn my toast.

"Hey."

My head snapped up at his unexpected greeting; I hadn't even heard him come out of his room. I managed to stifle my groan of disappointment.

"Morning," I muttered.

He was wearing a ratty grey t-shirt that was entirely too short for him and dark blue sweat pants that hung precariously low on his hips. I meant to go back to the task of scraping the burnt bits off my toast, but when he raised his arms above his head to stretch, my toast was forgotten.

My eyes drifted down his torso, falling on the trail of dark hair that snaked from his navel down into his pants. My mouth dried, and I think my jaw may have dropped a little too. At the sound of his soft chuckle, heat flooded my cheeks.

I made the mistake of looking up into his eyes.

"You're blushing," he said, his tone softly teasing.

"I'm not," I denied. "It's the heat from the grill."

"Right. Thank God I lost my morning boner, or..." He paused with a knowing smirk. "_The grill_ might've set you on fire."

His mocking irritated me. I didn't want to think about his boner, and it made me angry that he seemed to have reverted to type – despite his promise last night. I grabbed my last slice of toast, dumped the plate in the sink, and left without a word.

On the way to work, I promised myself that the first thing I would do when I got home would be to call Jasper and tell him the search for a new roommate was on.

~*AE*~

All through my shift I had thought about how I would never get used to having Edward living in my apartment. There was no way it would work. By the time I arrived home, I was desperate to call Jasper and ask for his help. However, as soon as I stepped into the apartment I was sidetracked by the delicious smells wafting from the kitchen. My appetite was instantly elevated from merely hungry to ravenous.

I was shocked to find Edward stooped over the steaming pans on the stove.

He looked as tired as I felt. His hair was limp in the humid air and his eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot, but he still gave me the most dazzling smile I'd seen all day.

"I thought since it's our first official night as roomies I'd cook us something," he said, as I slowly walked towards him.

"You cook?" I leaned over the counter from my safe vantage point in the living room, peering into the contents of the pan he was stirring.

"It's been known to happen on occasion," he said with a grin. "Would you mind getting some plates?"

"What are you making?" I asked, pulling two plates from the cupboard before rummaging in the drawer for cutlery.

"Spaghetti Bolognese."

My heart dropped in my chest. Obviously Jasper hadn't told him about me being vegetarian, and since he'd gone to so much trouble I didn't want to break it to him either.

He seemed to notice my hesitation. "Don't worry I made it with that meat substitute stuff. I didn't use real meat. Jasper told me you don't eat meat."

I relaxed and continued with the task at hand, all the while thinking how strange it was that I was setting the tiny table for someone other than Jasper. Edward moved efficiently around the cramped space that passed for a kitchen. For some reason I found it difficult not to just stare at him while he worked. In my efforts to avoid gawking at him, I straightened the place settings which really didn't need straightened at all.

Eventually, he brought two steaming bowls to the table. One was filled with pasta, and the other with Bolognese sauce. He set them down and dashed back to the kitchen, returning with sliced garlic bread. It smelled heavenly and I piled my plate high.

"You didn't have to do this." I smiled, relaxing for the first time that day. "But I'm glad you did."

He returned my smile without response. Before he sat down, he set a bottle of wine and two glasses on the table. I frowned.

"I know you said you don't drink, but I figured since you've never drunk socially you're not really making an informed decision there." He sat down and uncorked the wine before holding the bottle over my glass. "There's really nothing wrong with enjoying a glass of wine with your meal."

Slightly suspicious of his seeming desire to get me to drink alcohol, I thought about covering the glass with my hand. But I quickly realised that Edward Cullen could easily get women who were far more attractive than me – and he probably didn't need to ply them with alcohol either.

I decided that rather than figuring out devious ways to get me drunk, Edward would more likely be wondering why _I_ hadn't knocked on his door last night and begged him to deflower me.

"Listen," he said, filling his own glass instead. "I'm the last person to coerce anyone into drinking, believe me. I just figured you might enjoy the odd glass of wine with a meal. Sometimes it really does enhance it."

He seemed sincere, and I marvelled at how different he was from this morning. It didn't feel like he was having fun at my expense this time.

"Okay," I relented. "But just a tiny drop."

He filled my glass a quarter way, stopping instantly when I told him that was enough.

Under his watchful gaze, I lifted the glass to my lips and took a careful sip. The wine was velvety on my tongue, tasting fruity as it slid warmly down my throat. Surprisingly, it tasted quite pleasant.

"You like it?" he asked, twirling pasta around his fork.

"It's quite nice," I conceded.

For a moment he looked pleased, and then he proceeded to shovel a huge forkful of pasta into his mouth. I couldn't help but smile shyly at him.

I enjoyed the food, but we ate in semi-awkward silence. The atmosphere wasn't exactly tense, but I was struggling to think of anything to say to him. I got the distinct impression he felt the same way.

When I'd finished eating, I drained the last of my wine and smiled at him. "Thank you Edward that was lovely."

"No problem." He refilled my glass. "You can do the washing up."

His eyes sparkled with good humor. The wine warmed my stomach and I started to relax more.

Edward leaned back in his chair and his shoulders seemed to sag with fatigue.

"You look really tired," I commented.

"I was up late working on a paper that's due in on Monday. I've spent most of today working on it too."

"Did you get it finished?"

"Almost, but it's Saturday night. I'll get it done tomorrow."

I stood up and stacked our plates and cutlery before carrying them into the kitchen. "You going out?"

I came back to the table lifted my wine glass and took it into the kitchen with me. I was feeling a little giddy and emptied the glass into the sink. I stood watching the hot water fill the sink and smiled at the bubbles dancing on the surface.

"I promised Emmett I'd meet him at the bar."

I had been so engrossed in the contents of the sink; I hadn't heard him come up behind me. He laughed lightly when I jumped at the sound of his voice. He was so close, I felt a strange zing of awareness prickle across the back of my neck.

"What about you, do you have plans?"

I shivered when his breath whispered against my skin.

"Oh, I have a hot date tonight," I said, trying hard to ignore his close proximity.

"Really?"

His shocked tone amused me, making me giggle. "With a bubble bath and a good book," I clarified.

He moved to my side, leaning back against the counter. I was glad of the extra space between us.

He folded his arms across his chest, regarding me as if trying to work something out in his head. "No boyfriend?"

All traces of humour left me.

"No," I muttered, looking down into the sink again.

"Touchy subject?"

Maybe it was the wine, but normally I would have cut him dead and ended the conversation there, but for some reason I felt compelled to answer his question. "Not really. I just... I..." I sighed. "I don't date."

How he made the leap from that to his next question was beyond me.

"You've never had a boyfriend?" He sounded shocked.

I considered lying, but my red face had probably already given me away.

"Don't make it sound like a big deal, Edward. I really don't have time to date," I said embarrassed.

Snatching the towel from counter, I proceeded to wipe the plates. I rubbed so furiously, I wouldn't be surprised to find the pattern on the towel rather than the plate.

"Yet, you have time for a lingering bath and a book on a Saturday night?"

"That's something I enjoy doing," I snapped.

"You might enjoy dating," he pointed out, unruffled by my souring mood. "If you try it."

I didn't respond, but he continued to watch me as I finished stacking the dishes and drained the sink. He followed when I brushed past him and headed to the living room to wipe down the table.

"I'm not ragging you, Bella. I'm just curious. I've never met anyone like you."

"No, I don't suppose you have," I said bitterly. "I don't suppose the bars of Seattle are awash with girls who like to read in the bath on a Saturday night."

"You really don't have a very high opinion of me do you?"

"Let's just say your reputation precedes you."

He stepped towards me and I looked up into his eyes, gulping at the sudden intensity held within them. "You really shouldn't believe everything you hear," he warned, lightly tracing his finger down the length of my bare arm.

The tip of his finger was like an electrical current zinging across my skin.

I flinched away from him, and his eyes darkened slightly before he turned and stalked to his room. I was still standing in the same spot when he emerged shrugging into a dark leather jacket. He stopped in the hallway and stared at me for a long agonizing moment.

"Enjoy your bath," he muttered, and left.

I let out a long shaky breath, but managed to hold back my tears. I'd ruined what had started out as a lovely evening because of my insecurities. He probably rushed out of here because he was convinced he'd moved in with a crazy person.

Spotting the wine bottle still sitting on the table, I grabbed it and tipped the contents down the kitchen drain. Watching the dark purplish liquid drain away, darkened my mood. Sadness engulfed me as I started to doubt that I could ever change. I started to worry I was destined to be painfully awkward and alone for the rest of my life.

Feeling utterly miserable, I called Jasper's cell.

"Hi, Bella."

His cheerful greeting further compounded my misery at being stuck here without him.

"I need to find a new roommate," I blurted without preamble.

"What's happened?" He sounded concerned.

"I just don't like him, Jazz. He's too... cocky."

"What did he do?" His tone had softened, but I could still hear the protective edge in it.

"Nothing, really," I admitted weakly. "I just don't feel comfortable having him around."

In truth the problem lay solely with me. It wasn't true that I didn't like him, but I didn't want worry Jasper with the truth: I was finding it hard that the more time I spent with Edward, the more obvious my failings were to me.

He sighed heavily. "Okay, first thing on Monday I'll speak to him and we'll put an ad out on campus. How's that?"

"Thanks, Jazz."

We talked for a while about how he was settling in with Alice, and I felt bad that I had been so miserable about it at the start of our conversation. It was clear Jasper was head over heels in love with her. He was happier than I had ever seen him. How could I not be happy for him?

When we were in high school, Jasper had dated a few girls in our year. However, his friendship with me always caused problems. Girls didn't want to date a guy who put his female best friend first all the time. Jasper always assuaged my guilt by telling me it was their loss.

I agreed with him. He was a terrific guy; kind, loving and considerate, and any girl would be lucky to have him. In my eyes, not just any girl was good enough for him. That was why I was so happy he'd found someone like Alice. He deserved a woman who was confident enough in her own self worth to recognise that I was no threat to her whatsoever.

The pleasure I'd felt when speaking to Jasper evaporated as soon as I ended the call. Deep down I felt like I was being unfair on Edward. It wasn't his fault I couldn't loosen up, yet he would be the one paying for it when I asked him to leave.

Hoping to find some relaxation I started preparing for my bath. Usually a long soak with a good book was enough to lighten my mood.

I'd decided to start working my way through Jane Austen's books again. They were truly wonderful, and made me wish that I had been born over a hundred years ago into a world which seemed more appealing to me than the one I lived in now.

I immersed myself into the warm water and let _Emma _distract me from my worries.

~*AE*~

A loud bang startled me awake. I lay in the dark holding my breath while my brain scrambled to make the transition from dream to reality. All I could hear was the hammering of my own heart.

"Shit!"

Edward's curse was only just audible over another loud thud, and then the apartment door slammed shut. My fingers scrambled along my nightstand searching in the darkness for my lamp. Finally reaching it I flicked the switch, immediately wincing against the brightness. I hurried out of bed wrapping my robe around me, and went to see what the commotion was.

Edward was slumped on the floor groaning. My first instinct was that he was drunk, but then I noticed the overturned coat stand and quickly realised he'd more likely had an accident.

Rushing to his side, I crouched beside him. "Are you okay Edward?" I gasped, gently running my fingers over his face.

His eyes looked a bit dazed when he rolled onto his back and looked up at me. "I couldn't find the light switch and I tripped over that fucking thing," he groused, jerking his thumb at the coat stand. I tried not to wince at his language. "I hit my head on the door when I fell.

An angry red welt was already forming on his forehead.

"Do you feel dizzy?".

He grabbed my hand and pulled it away when I gingerly touched the growing bump. "I'm the one studying medicine remember?" He grimaced holding a hand out in front of his face. "No double vision, no dizziness, no nausea. I'll be fine," he continued as if talking to himself.

"You're lying on the floor," I pointed out, getting to my feet. "All those things might come when you attempt to get up."

I lifted the coat stand, placing it back in the corner by the door before rearranged our jackets. Satisfied that it was back in order, I turned to find Edward still on the floor watching me. I leaned over and offered him my hand.

"Do you need a hand to get up?"

He shook his head then winced. "I'll manage."

I watched as he gingerly pulled himself up to a sitting position. He paused once he was upright, looked around blinking his eyes, and then finally pulled himself up onto his feet.

"I'm fine, but you might want to find somewhere else for that stand. It's a safety hazard sitting there." He turned to me rubbing his neck. His eyes travelled down my body. "Did I wake you?"

I glanced quickly at my watch. It was just after midnight. "It's okay. I haven't been in bed long."

I hovered in the doorway.

"Listen, about earlier," he began. I waited expectantly since he seemed to be sorting something out in his mind before he spoke again. "I didn't mean to freak you out. Jasper warned me about you, and I guess I just didn't really appreciate that you're so..."

"That I'm so what? Naive? Freaky? Weird?" I quizzed him sharply.

Anger and disappointment rippled through me at the thought that he and Jasper had been discussing me like I was a newly discovered species. Even though Edward was clearly trying to make me feel better, his apology was having the opposite effect. It brought back all the bitter memories of how I was received when I first attended school in Forks.

He sighed heavily and sagged against the wall, rubbing his hand down his face. "Bella, I really can't work you out at all. I'm trying to apologise here but you're not exactly making it easy."

"Well let me make it easy for you. I don't like you and I don't want you living here, so I'm giving you a month's notice. I've already called Jasper and we're placing an ad on Monday!"

I turned on my heel and stormed into my room slamming the door behind me.

As soon as I hit the mattress, I burst into tears. Tears of anger and frustration, anger at myself for over reacting and frustration for still holding on to inhibitions that I should have shed years ago. A soft knock on the door stopped me mid sob. "Go away!" I shouted, my voice shuddering with emotion.

"Bella, I know you're decent, so I'm going to come in there if you don't come out."

His gentle voice filled me with sudden remorse. I knew I'd been completely out of line giving him his months notice like that when the problem lay with me.

"Bella?"

I got up to open the door at the same time he stepped into the room. It felt so strange having him in my room. I was just about to suggest we should talk in the living room when he spotted the piano.

"You have a piano in here?" His eyes slid to my face. "May I?" He was barely standing inside the doorway, and I was touched that he was asking permission to move closer to the piano. I nodded. "How on earth did you get a piano up here?"

"It was actually in the living room when Jasper and I moved in," I said quietly, still a little self conscious about him being in my room. "Jasper had it fixed up and retuned for my birthday. We moved it in here because there really isn't enough room for it in the living room."

He looked around my room assessing the space. "There really isn't enough room for it in here either," he observed.

"I know, but I'd rather have the piano to play than more space. Do you play?"

"No." I caught the undercurrent of sadness in his reply. "Maybe you'll play for me before my month is up?"

"Edward," I groaned, reminded of my hasty announcement earlier. "I'm sorry I blurted that out. I should have waited and told you properly when I was calmer."

He sat down on the piano stool and leaned his elbows on his knees, facing me. "I really am sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable earlier. I didn't mean it, and I hate that I keep upsetting you, but I swear it's not intentional. Maybe if we get to know each other a bit better..." He let his voice trail off and stared at me hopefully.

"I don't think it will change anything," I said, sighing softly.

"Bella, do you have any idea how hard it is to find a good, affordable place to stay? This is a major year for me. I really do need somewhere quiet away from all the distractions I'm used to." He leaned forward on the stool, fixing me with a beseeching stare. "Place the ad – by all means – but at least give me a chance to change your mind?"

I owed him that much. Even though I was doubtful, I felt I owed him a second chance after being so mean earlier. "Okay," I agreed with a nod.

He stood up straighter, seemingly recovered. "I'll let you get some sleep then. We can talk again tomorrow." He offered a tight smile and walked stiffly to his room.

I climbed into bed suddenly very tired after a long day of see-sawing emotions. I lay awake for a while ruminating over this new glimpses I'd been given of Edward. Alice had told me he was different underneath it all, but I was still unsettled by the way he seemed to elicit so many conflicting reactions from me.

Thanks to my mostly sleepless night, I was exhausted when I got home from work on Sunday evening. On Sundays I always brought home leftovers from the deli for Jasper's dinner, and I had decided to continue that tradition with Edward. I dumped the bag on the kitchen counter.

The apartment was quiet, and I had just started to wonder if Edward was out when he emerged from his room.

"I got your note," he said. Referring to the note I'd left in the morning asking him not to cook.

I picked up the bag again and waved it at him. "I always bring home leftovers on a Sunday." I placed the bag down and started pulling out the contents. "I brought you a steak sandwich."

He shot me the most charming smile which made my insides twist. "Thank you," he said, softly.

When I was done squirming inside, I somehow managed to turn away from him and focus on the food.

I pulled the lids off everything while he scooted past me and grabbed two plates and some cutlery. We piled our plates with food and Edward brought two sodas to the table.

"So are you ready to talk?" he asked, around a mouthful of his steak sandwich.

"I guess," I said with a shrug, leaving the field open for him to go first.

He wiped his mouth with a napkin and took a long drink of his soda, before fixing me with an intense stare. "Okay, I suggest that we start over. I know we already did, but this time I _will_ try to see things from your point of view. Maybe, if you told me a little more about yourself, it would help."

"I'm not exactly comfortable talking about myself," I confessed, stabbing a mushroom with my fork and popping it into my mouth.

"Well, we could start with the basics, you know, your likes and dislikes. What's your favourite TV show?"

"I don't really watch a lot of TV. I prefer to read."

"Okay, what's your favourite book?"

I smiled, relaxing a little. "That's too difficult to narrow it down to just one. However, the one I keep going back to is East of Eden by John Steinbeck."

He nodded as if I had clarified something that had been puzzling him. "Your mom was religious, right?"

"_Is_ religious." I corrected. "The last I heard she was still living on a commune."

"The one you lived on?"

The pain of remembering my mother, felt like a tiny hairline fracture in my heart. It widened with the memories of the cruel way she accused me of being a sinner almost on a daily basis. Everything seemed to be a sin according to her.

I nodded at him_. "_I look back now with a sense of relief that she didn't try to stop Charlie from taking me or fight to get me back – but it hurt at the time. When Charlie brought me home his way of life was alien to me. I was like a newborn all over again trying to make sense of the world around me. Sometimes I feel like I'll never make sense of it." I dropped my fork onto my plate, my appetite long gone.

I stole a glance at him, worried that I'd been too candid, but his eyes were kind and his expression concerned.

"Do you ever hear from her?" he asked gently.

I shook my head. "It's strange. I wonder what she would say if she could see me now. She wouldn't approve of me being at college." I snorted. "And she'd die if she knew I work on Sundays. Seriously though, she had some very strong opinions on what constitutes sinning. I still carry a lot of the guilt she instilled in me." I l glanced at him. He was settled back in his chair watching me intently. "I guess that's why I overreact to things that seem trivial to other people."

"Sounds like you've had a very tough and sheltered life," he mused. "You need to get out into the world, try some new stuff, find out what _you_ like, who _you_ are."

His kind tone surprised me. There was absolutely no mockery or judgement there at all and a wave of relief washed over me. I hadn't expected him to be so easy to talk to. I'd never opened up about these things to anyone except Jasper.

I stood up and took my plate into the kitchen. "Yeah, well Jasper has helped me with that over the years, but now that he has Alice I'm more or less on my own."

He brought his own plate and the soda glasses in, grabbed a towel and started drying the dishes I was washing.

"You know you're very domesticated," I observed, desperate to change the subject.

He shrugged. "Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme taught me well."

"What about your parents?"

I caught the prickle of tension emanating from him straight away.

"My dad died when I was four and my mom left me with Uncle Carlisle for the weekend but never came back."

I gasped. "How awful!" I wasn't sure what was more awful; the event itself or the cold disaffected way he spoke of it.

"It was the best thing she ever did for me." He put the last of the dishes away, and closed the cupboard door a little too slowly before finally turning to face me again. His emerald eyes were dark with memories that I knew he wouldn't share tonight.

"Maybe you should set some ground rules for me." He smiled and his face was instantly transformed. "You know, like no innuendo, no alcohol..."

"No, I don't mind if you drink, but...um... definitely no innuendo?"

"That's a pity." He smirked playfully. "It's one of the few things I'm good at."

We spent the rest of the evening talking about less personal subjects. I was impressed by the passion in his voice when he spoke of his plans for after college. I went to bed that night feeling like I might have misjudged him, but there was still a nagging voice in my head warning me not to let my guard down.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four **

I muddled through my morning classes on Monday, but by lunchtime I was dead on my feet. I seriously considered skipping the afternoon lectures when I encountered Jasper.

"You okay, Bella? You look like crap."

"Gee, thanks, Jazz," I pouted, but I couldn't help the wide grin that spread across my face when he flung his arms around me.

"Is it that bad?" he asked pulling away to search my eyes. I could see the concern clear in his. "Actually, we sort of came to an agreement last night," I admitted, feeling exposed by my own rashness on Saturday night.

He unfolded a sheet of paper and held it out to me. "So I don't need to put this up then?"

I read the flyer. It was the ad for my spare room. "No, still put it up. I've agreed to give it a shot but I can't really see it working out."

He walked me to the cafeteria as I explained to him the deal that Edward and I had struck. After I finished, I was surprised by Jasper's skepticism.

"Hmm, sounds to me like he wants to start dragging you around Seattle in a warped effort to normalise you."

I stopped mid stride. "_Normalise_ me?"

He shot me the kind of look that a parent might give a child who was being deliberately obtuse. "You know what I mean, Bella. I mean normal to him." He huffed out an exasperated sigh. "What is he trying to do here? Turn you into one of the bar hopping skanks he usually dates?"

"Jazz, we are not going to be dating. He's just suggesting that we get to know each other better and the best way to do that is to share our common interests. I thought you'd be happy. It's time I made more friends."

His eyes narrowed. "Yes it is, but the only interest Edward Cullen has is scouring bars looking for women. That's not a common interest he could share with you."

He seemed annoyed and it was the complete opposite reaction to what I was expecting. I had genuinely thought he'd be pleased that I was willing to give his choice of roommate another shot.

"I thought you'd be pleased." I said again, my new found confidence in my ability to handle Edward slowly evaporating.

"I don't want you to get hurt," he said. "Just don't let him talk you into anything you're not comfortable with."

I rolled my eyes. "We're going to see a movie on Thursday. He's hardly going to pounce on me in the middle of the campus movie club showing of East of Eden."

He scoffed. "Edward's going to sit through that with you?"

"Actually, it was his idea. He knows I don't watch much TV and know even less about movies. He suggested that since I love the book it might be nice for me to watch the film adaptation."

We were still mid argument when Edward appeared at our table. "Hi guys," he said brightly, plonking his tray down on the table and consuming half a pizza slice in one bite. "Jesus Bella, you look like shit."

Jasper frowned.

~*AE*~

I didn't see much of Edward for the rest of the week. True to his word he spent most evenings working in his room or at late lectures. By the time Thursday rolled around when we were due to go to the movie club, Jasper's words were haunting me. Why would Edward want to sit through East of Eden? Was he just playing me?

He materialised in his doorway at seven thirty on the dot dressed in a plain black button down shirt and charcoal jacket. I noticed that he'd shaved, but his hair hadn't cooperated and was as rambunctious as ever. I smiled nervously as he cocked one eyebrow as he appraised my outfit.

Not knowing what the usual attire was for a non-date with your room mate to see a fifty year old film on a college campus, I had decided that maybe a little effort was required. I had donned a simple floral dress toned down by my jean jacket and deck shoes.

"Is this okay?" I nearly bit through my lip with embarrassment.

"Do you think it's okay?" His eyes probed mine. His subtle reminder to be myself did not go unnoticed.

"Point taken," I conceded, forcing a tight smile.

We stepped out into the cool night air and headed for my truck. "Is this heap yours?" he asked, with a chuckle.

"Hey," I groused. "Don't hate the truck."

He held his hands up in apology, but the smile that graced his face was natural and set me at ease.

He slid onto the seat beside me and I started the engine. When I turned to look out the rear window to reverse, our eyes met. His lips pulled back into a wide grin causing my gut to twist in that peculiar way I was quickly becoming accustomed to. I tore my eyes away and concentrated on the task at hand.

We drove in silence but his presence seemed to fill every bit of space around me making me intensely aware of him. He, on the other hand, looked casual and relaxed as his fingers tapped out a lazy rhythm on the window frame.

When we reached our destination I gave Edward one last chance to back out, but he insisted he wanted to do this with me. I was so excited to see the film that I didn't argue, and followed him into the building. We stepped into a room teeming with students all locked in individual discussions. I glanced at Edward, and he smiled encouragingly before suggesting we get some sodas from the refreshment table at the back of the room.

We found two seats in one of the middle rows, and I blushed as a couple of people grumbled when they had to stand to let us past just as the movie was starting.

I thoroughly enjoyed the film. It was a wonderful surprise for me to look around the room and see pleasure reflected in so many faces. It was an entirely new experience to share an emotion with so many people in such a public setting. I glanced at Edward but his eyes were on me rather than the screen. For a brief moment, before he turned back to the screen, I thought I saw a glimmer of pleasure in his eyes.

"That was amazing! Of course it was only a small part of the full story, but still, I'd like to watch more of James Dean's work. He was so intense as Cal!" I trilled excitedly, as we made our way through the dark, crowded, parking lot to my truck. "I expected the place to be empty. I can't believe there were so many people there, and you could have heard a pin drop throughout the entire film."

I opened the truck door and climbed in.

"It wasn't too boring for you was it?" I asked, worried that the night might have been excruciating for him.

His expression was soft with amusement. "It was surprisingly good."

"The film?"

"No Bella, not the film. You were right about that, it wasn't my scene at all, but it was good to see you lose yourself like that."

His words perplexed me but I'd had such a good evening they failed to erase the smile from my face. I pulled the truck out of the lot and headed for home.

Edward chuckled beside me.

"What?" I asked, stealing a glance in his direction.

"I was just thinking you look so buzzed you could probably fly home."

I grinned. "I guess I'm just... buzzed... that I felt a part of something tonight. I've never felt that before, you know? A whole room of people all feeling the same emotion, engrossed in the same story. It was...amazing."

His smile was almost affectionate. "Yeah, you said that already. I hate to break this to you... James Dean only made three films."

"Really?" That disappointed me.

"Yeah, he died young."

I ruminated on that all the way home. Life is way too short to worry about things that really don't matter at all. It gave me renewed conviction that I should make the effort to attack life and get what I want from it, rather than just let it happen around me.

I parked outside the apartment, killed the engine and swivelled in my seat to face him "Thank you Edward, for suggesting this tonight." His eyes met mine. "I had a really good time."

"Well since you like the book so much, I was pretty sure you would enjoy it," he said modestly.

He got out of the truck first and I followed him to the apartment where I waited while he unlocked our front door and stepped inside. We stood facing each other in the hallway.

"I might have a beer," he said, making it sound like an invitation.

In response, I yawned theatrically which made him smile. I became aware of his close proximity when his eyes searched mine and I had to fight the urge to swallow...hard.

"Goodnight Bella." His voice was decadent like melting chocolate and his breath fanned my face.

"Goodnight," I responded, fumbling frantically behind me for the door knob. I found it, twisting it altogether too quickly and almost fell backwards into my room.

His hand clamped around my arm like a vice. "Whoa! Careful." His expression was caught somewhere between intense humour and mild concern.

I wriggled free from his grip and ducked into my room closing the door with more restraint than I felt. I stood for a few interminable moments listening to my own crashing heartbeat, before I mentally berated myself and got ready for another sleepless night.

~*AE*~

I dragged my laundry bag into the apartment on Friday night and dumped it in my room deciding I could put the clothes away later. I had gone straight to the Laundromat after college, and eaten a carton of take out Chinese noodles while I watched my clothes tumble around in the washing machine.

"Edward?" I called out removing my jacket and heading into the living room – no answer.

It was just gone eight and I figured he'd probably gone out for the evening, so I grabbed a soda from the fridge, retrieved my needlepoint from my room, and relaxed onto the couch to unwind.

Less than half an hour later Edward breezed into the apartment brandishing a brown grocery bag and wearing a mischievous grin.

He stopped in front of me and squinted at my needlepoint.

"Seriously?" He smirked. "Friday night, and you're doing needlepoint."

Lately we had fallen into an easy manner with each other, and I now knew he wasn't being mean with his little quips.

"It's very relaxing." I insisted smiling up at him. "I've had a rough day."

"Well I can help with that," he said, dumping the bag on the counter. I watched him pull out two six packs of beer, two large bags of chips, and a pack of playing cards.

I eyed his wares suspiciously, and looked up at him confused.

He walked towards me and took the needlepoint carefully from my hands. "That's really nice," he said looking down at it. "But it's hardly a team sport now, is it?"

"And two six packs and a couple of bags of chips is?" I snorted.

"Last night was your thing. Tonight is mine..." He hesitated slightly but still waggled the cards in front of me. "If you're up for it?"

"Why don't you tell me what you have in mind," I suggested, taking the needlepoint back and standing up. "I'll put this back in my room."

He walked behind me as I went. "Normally, if I'm not too busy with course work, I go out on a Friday night. But since you're newly twenty one but act like your seventeen, I thought we could hang out here, have a couple of beers and play cards. You can play?"

He lingered in my doorway with his arms stretched above his head gripping the frame, and watched me put the needlepoint in my sewing box.

"Does snap count?" I asked, with a giggle.

A wide grin spread over his face. "I had you down as more of a Solitaire girl." He pushed away from the doorway as I walked towards him, and we moved back to the living room. "I'll teach you how to play poker."

He put the beers in the fridge, leaving one out and twisted the cap off before offering it to me.

I eyed the bottle skeptically. I'd never tasted beer before, but the wine had been a pleasant surprise, so I accepted the bottle and took a tentative sip. My mouth was instantly filled with bitter bubbles that left a horrible aftertaste once I swallowed. I grimaced thrusting the bottle back into his hands with a shake of my head.

Edward laughed. "Lucky I brought back up." He lifted a bottle of wine out of the bag and poured me a small glass.

We settled at the table and he roughly explained the rules to me as he dealt the cards. I didn't follow any of it, and the first few hands we played descended into farce as I struggled to comprehend the object of the game.

"For the love of God, Bella, how many times?" He laughed, scooping my cards up and throwing them at me lightly. "My full house beats your flush."

I narrowed my eyes dramatically. "I'm not sure I trust you. You seem to be doing all the winning here."

"Are you accusing me of cheat–"

We were interrupted by a loud knock on the door and exchanged confused glances, before Edward got up to answer it. "You're not expecting anyone are you?" he asked, making his way to the door.

I shook my head standing up to see who it was. He swung the door open to reveal Jasper and Alice.

"Come in!" I leapt towards them. My voice came out sounding embarrassingly like a squeal, and they raised their eyebrows in unison. I cleared my throat, hoping my voice would sound more normal when I spoke again. "I wasn't expecting to see you guys tonight."

Jasper stepped into the apartment eyeing Edward. "We thought you might appreciate some company."

Alice skipped in behind him hugging Edward first and then me. "We thought Edward might be out, and Jasper couldn't bear the thought of you sitting here alone on a Friday night."

Jasper looked sheepish when I laughed. "It never bothered you when you were dating Alice. I can remember many weekends spent alone."

His head snapped up. I was shocked to see that he actually looked offended, but then as quickly as it had appeared, it was gone, and I was left wondering if I had imagined it.

"I'm teaching Bella how to play poker, but it's not going well, let me tell you," Edward said with an easy smile. "It's actually sort of perfect that you guys showed up. She thinks I'm cheating."

"I do not," I protested, swatting his arm.

"Have you been drinking?" Jasper had passed us and was now taking in the contents of the table.

"Yes dad," I replied with a sarcastic giggle. Turning to Alice, I asked, "Would you like a glass of wine?"

Alice beamed at me. "Bella's letting loose. I approve."

The four of us settled at the table and I slowly began to grasp the rules. When I finally won a hand I squealed in delight, and Edward and Alice gave me a high five, while Jasper simply gaped at me open-mouthed.

Alice slid onto Jaspers lap as we played and we laughed at his poorly disguised attempts to peek at her hand. I watched the easy way they were together. The way his lips would brush her shoulder surreptitiously, or she would play with his hair absentmindedly. It made my heart ache, not because I was jealous, but because I longed to feel loved like that.

When the spectre of work the next day loomed in my mind, I made coffee and the game wound down.

Jasper helped me clear the glasses and bottles from the table, and leaned against the counter while I bagged up the trash. "I had a really good time tonight," I told him. "I'm so glad you and Alice came over. I don't know why we didn't think to invite you over."

"We?" He crooked a questioning eyebrow, but his lips were curved into an amused grin. "You've changed your tune."

"Maybe I was slightly hasty. He's been very nice this week," I said, cradling my wine glass to my chest.

He stepped forward and lowered his voice. "Bella, I get that you want to broaden your horizons, but you really shouldn't be too trusting." His eyes were gentle. "He's supposed to be here because he needs to get away from the party life style, yet here he is plying you with alcohol and teaching you poker."

I stifled a giggle. "Jazz, I love that you're concerned but really, we're just trying to get to know each other. It'll make living together a whole lot easier."

He let out a long hissing breath and folded his arms across his chest. "I'm sorry, I know Alice is adamant that he's okay underneath it all, but I've seen him in action and I don't trust him."

"In action?" My eyebrows shot up in surprise.

Jasper ruffled his fingers through his hair, sighing."I just think we should find you someone more suitable."

"Suitable for what?" Edward asked, setting the wine bottle carefully on the counter.

I spun round and could see the hint of challenge in his dark green eyes as he looked at Jasper. Thankfully Alice appeared behind him holding Jasper's jacket. Edward stepped to the side, never taking his eyes off him, as Jasper brushed past. I offered Edward a small smile of apology as I followed them to the door.

"You should come to our place for dinner on Sunday, Bella," Alice said hugging me. "If you don't already have plans?"

I shook my head. "No, it was just going to be my usual leftovers after work night. I'll come straight from work, can I bring anything?"

"No, just your good self." She smiled kissing my cheek.

"I'll see you Sunday," Jasper said hugging me before they left.

Edward was sitting on the couch shuffling the cards when I returned to the living room.

"So, are you gonna tell me what Jasper's problem is?" he asked without looking at me.

"He's always looked out for me. I guess he was just caught off guard seeing me with a drink in my hand and playing poker." I smiled but it drifted away as I continued. "I guess I freaked him out a little bit last weekend when I said I didn't want you living here." My cheeks flamed as I spoke. "That conversation in the kitchen was just him making sure I was okay."

He looked up at me. "Ah, the more suitable comment." He laid the cards on the coffee table and raked his fingers through his hair. "I'm unsuitable?"

"He didn't mean it like that."

He stood up and moved towards me his stride long and fluid. "If I want Jasper's opinion I'll ask him. What's your opinion, do you think I'm unsuitable?"

"I don't think so," I whispered.

To my surprise he grinned. "Well that's progress on last week, isn't it?"

He towered over me, and in the absence of words I simply nodded. His eyes flicked to the kitchen clock, reminding me of the late hour. "I'm going to bed," I said quietly, stepping around him.

I left him standing there as I went to bed. Sleep evaded me as I replayed Jasper's warning in my mind. Was I being too naive?

The following night when I arrived home from work Edward was studying at the living room table. He looked up to say hello and I noticed how tired he looked. Strain was etched across his usually relaxed features.

"I'll just take a quick shower and then I'll cook dinner," I offered, dumping my bag on the couch and stepping gratefully out of my shoes.

"I...erm... I have a date tonight so I'll be eating out, but thanks."

"Oh, right," I said, picking up my shoes. "I think there's some leftover Vegetarian Lasagne. I'll have that if I'm eating alone."

He pointed with his pencil to a small package on the coffee table. "I got you something."

He watched while I bent to pick it up. I fished inside the bag and pulled out two DVDs and turned them over to read the titles. Delight bubbled through me. "Persuasion and Emma."

"Those were all they had," he explained looking adorably uncertain. "I thought you might want to watch them tonight. I saw your reading list on the counter the other day, and thought you might like to watch the movies too."

There was a long moment where we stared at each other. I was extremely touched by the gesture and had the strong urge to hug him – but I couldn't, so the moment passed.

"That's really sweet of you Edward. You didn't have to do that," I said, feeling like my words where wholly inadequate. I turned the cases over and over in my hands, scanning the covers and feeling my gratitude rise with each turn.

"It was no trouble at all. I was passing the store on the way home," he said, closing his books and stacking them in a pile before picking them up. "Do you mind if I take a shower before you?"

I dragged my eyes away from the DVD cases. "Sure, go ahead."

I moved around the kitchen humming to myself, suddenly happy that I had a relaxing night with Jane Austen planned. I heard Edward come out of the bathroom and head into his room, so I took the opportunity to have my shower while my lasagne was defrosting.

The bathroom smelled of his products. A warm rush filtered through me as I breathed in the scent of him. It made me feel things I'd never felt before – things I couldn't name. Again, I was hit with the felling that I wanted to hug him, but this time it was motivated by something far stronger than gratitude.

I thought about Edward when I was in the shower. It was such a nice thing for him to do buying me the films to watch. I also thought about Jasper's suspicion and Alice's insistence that Edward is a good guy. As I towelled off I decided that Alice was probably the more reliable person to believe, and Edward's actions tonight had backed that up.

Wrapping a towel around my body, I padded to my room to get changed. I dressed in a vest top and comfortable pajama bottoms, but mindful that Edward was still in, I topped it off with my fluffy bathrobe. He was just finishing tying his laces in the living room, and stood up as I came in.

He was wearing dark jeans and a snug fitting black long sleeved shirt and he looked every bit as handsome as he did the night he took me to see East of Eden. "You look nice," I commented. "Going somewhere special?"

He shook his head. "Just to some Thai place Emmett loves. He met this new chick..." He hesitated with a grimace. "Sorry, girl... and he set me up with her roommate. A sort of double date." He groaned. "It's all very high school really."

"I'm sure you'll have a great time," I said finding his discomfort funny.

Just as he was leaving a thought occurred to me; this was unchartered territory and something we hadn't set ground rules on.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" I cleared my throat nervously.

"Shoot," he said, seemingly too preoccupied checking the contents of his wallet to notice the gravity of my tone.

"Will you be bringing your date back here?"

His head jerked up and his eyes connected with mine. "I hadn't really thought that far ahead," he admitted. "Did Jasper bring Alice back initially?"

I shook my head. "But that was because Alice already had her own place." I started to regret bringing it up. I felt somehow like I was prying into matters that didn't concern me and thinking too much about Edward and his date wasn't a good thing, judging by the growing weight in my chest. "I don't mind if you do. I won't be staying up late anyway so..."

He dragged his hand through his hair and checked his watch. "No, I...erm... I'll see what happens, but either way I won't bring anyone back here. I better go or I'll be late."

I plopped down on the couch and cringed.

By the time I left for work the next morning Edward hadn't returned.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

On Thursday night I was cleaning the apartment when Edward arrived home looking tired and dishevelled. For the past week we'd been like ships passing in the night; barely in the apartment at the same time for more than a few minutes.

"Hey," he greeted, dropping his bag to the floor with a thud. Spotting the brush and dustpan in my hand, he hastily picked his bag up again and apologised before taking it to his room.

"Have you eaten?" I asked, putting away the brush and removing the scarf from my hair.

"I'll order a pizza later." He raised his hands high above his head, stretching out his lean body. My eyes darted to the narrow strip of smooth skin that was revealed when his shirt rose with his movements. "I'm way too tired to think about cooking tonight."

"There's some pasta in the fridge. I'll heat it up for you," I offered, wrenching my gaze away from his skin.

"If it's not too much trouble, that would be great."

"So how was the hospital?" I called from the kitchen.

"Exhausting."

"I can see that, but you enjoyed it, right?"

He joined me in the kitchen and leaned against the counter to watch me work. A slow smile crept across his face and he nodded in response to my question. "I know it's gonna be hard, and exhausting, and challenging, but I can't wait to start my internship."

Once I'd put the dish in the microwave, we moved to the living room. Kicking off his shoes, he sat on the sofa and pulled one of his feet up and started rubbing it while he talked. "I really felt at home there, you know? For the first time, I felt like I was really seeing what it was all about." He was eager now, invigorated by the subject matter. "I feel like I learned more today than in the years I've spent pouring over textbooks and listening to lectures."

The microwave pinged and I stood instantly.

"You don't have to do that. Sit down and put your feet up I can fix my own meal," he protested, following me.

'I don't mind,' I said with an easy smile as I pulled the dish out and began stirring the contents.

Coming up behind me, he clamped his hands onto my shoulders and started kneading them gently. His thumbs pressed into the knots of muscle between my shoulder blades, rubbing small, warming circles into my skin. I froze instantly, which caused him to snatch his hands away as if I'd burned him.

"Sorry," he said, stepping backwards. "I don't know where that came from. I wasn't thinking."

Shame burned on my face as I fought to keep my composure. True, it had been a completely unexpected act, but it wasn't as if he'd thrown me over his shoulder and carried me off to his bedroom. I was embarrassed that he was obviously so at ease with me that he could take it upon himself to give me a perfectly innocent neck rub, while I had reacted like a freak and turned it into something seedy.

It was another reminder of my failure to behave like a normal adult human being.

"I-I-It's okay," I stammered, still feeling a tingle in the spot he'd rubbed. "I'll leave you to your dinner." I stalked through the living room, unaware that he was following me until he gripped my arm lightly.

"Bella?" His voice was pleading. "I didn't mean to upset you, it was a mistake."

He turned me around, cursing when he saw the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. I wiped at them furiously, too humiliated to meet his gaze.

"Please don't worry, I'm being silly." I sniffed. "I'm just embarrassed."

"Because I rubbed your neck?" I could tell he was trying to hide his incredulity, but his tone belied it.

"No. I'm embarrassed by my stupid reaction to it."

"Don't go running into your room. Please, stay and talk to me.

His voice was so gentle and persuasive I couldn't say no. I allowed him to lead me to the sofa where he sat me down, then sat beside me, being sure to keep a respectful distance.

"You don't have to be so hard on yourself all the time, Bella. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, it was a natural reaction," he said gently.

"Yes, for a thirteen year old."

He chuckled. "Okay, I'll give you that."

His mirth broke some of the tension, making me smile despite myself. The more I got to know Edward the more he surprised me. I was beginning to see past the mantle he had been wearing. There was so much more to him than I had imagined. Sure, I was still aware of his reputation. He still went out drinking at least a couple of nights a week, and he hadn't come home after his date a few weeks ago. But none of that seemed like such a big deal anymore, not when I knew he could be like this.

I shook my head and sighed. "My mother did a real number on me in that department. I guess it was her own guilt for marrying dad and having me, but she made the whole boyfriend thing seem so wrong, so... sinful."

"And you still feel that way?" he probed.

"I don't really think about it. I guess I subconsciously thought if I ignored it I'd wake up one day feeling like everybody else. You know, meet a nice boy, and discover for myself what all the fuss is about."

"I thought you and Jasper might have had a history there, you know, with you two growing up so close and all."

I smiled then. "No, Jasper is like a brother to me. We discussed it and I guess we just figured I was pretty much asexual." I snorted. "It was our little joke and it never bothered me, but lately I've been..." I sucked in a deep breath. "I'm sorry you've had a rough day, you don't want to listen to this."

A slow bitter ache started in my chest, rising to my throat. Without even being consciously aware of it I could now see it. All along I had believed that one day I would meet someone when the time was right maybe even have children. But how could that be possible when I couldn't even stand to have my neck touched by a man who had so captivated me on our first meeting? A small sob escaped my throat.

"I do," he said simply.

I gazed at his face. There was nothing there to suggest he was irritated or bored. There seemed to be genuine sincerity in his voice too, and that gave me the courage to open up to him.

"Seeing Jasper and Alice together has really opened my eyes to what love and intimacy should be like. It's not sinful and wicked like my mom made out." I twisted my hands together in my lap. "Lately, I've been wanting to..." The heat of a slow blush crept up my neck onto my cheeks but I forced myself to continue. "I want someone to love me like that, and _I _want to be able to love like that – but I don't know how."

He moved closer to me, but still didn't touch me and somehow that upset me more. I looked up into his eyes to see they were filled with questions I knew he wouldn't ask. I held his gaze as my hand slowly made its way upwards. Without thinking, I touched his face. He didn't even blink. It was almost as if my fingers weren't fluttering along his exquisitely defined jaw.

My heart burst into life, my mouth drying up completely as my thumb brushed across his bottom lip. My eyes flicked to the muscle working in his jaw. At last a reaction, and the knowledge I was having some effect on him empowered me. I needed to force myself to step out of my comfort zone and take a risk.

"Will you kiss me?" I whispered hopefully.

He exhaled loudly, his breath fanning my face. His eyes closed tight, but he didn't move. "Bella," he groaned. I could hear the rejection in his voice.

With the spell broken, my lip trembled and I struggled to hide my disappointment. I dropped my hand from his face, letting it fall into my lap. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "Of course you won't."

His eyes snapped open and he looked stricken. He stared at me for a long time and I felt the air humming between us, or it might've been my heart I couldn't tell. Slowly, he raised his hands to cup my face. His fingers were so warm and gentle on my skin. He leaned closer. "Bella, are you sure?"

My heart started to pound.

"Yes. I want to know how it feels."

His eyes seared into mine, sending endorphins rocketing through my system. "So it's purely for... research purposes?" he asked lightly. His eyes dropped to my lips in a way that told me he was going to do it.

He leaned forward painfully slowly and pressed his lips softly to mine. A strangled cry escaped from my throat as the pleasure of his touch washed through me. My hands slid up to cover his when his lips began to move. It was such an exquisite sensation as his lips trapped mine, coaxing them to move fluidly in tandem with his.

The feeling of having him so close to me, his hands on my face, his lips on mine, sent shockwaves of electricity pulsing up my spine. But when I felt his tongue probing between my lips, I lost my nerve and pulled back with a soft gasp.

He didn't let me go. He pressed his forehead against mine, gently tracing my cheekbones with his thumbs. His breathing was almost as heavy and rhythmic as my own. I forced my eyes open to see that his were still closed. His brow was deeply furrowed.

"Edward?"

He opened his eyes and extricated his hands from beneath mine. "Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"Why not?"

Had he not enjoyed it? Disappointment coursed through me.

"I shouldn't take advantage of you."

I sat back and shot him a stern look. "You didn't take advantage of me. I _wanted_ you to kiss me."

"Why?" he challenged. There was an accusation in his tone that I couldn't understand.

I bit my lip, blushing under his intense gaze. "I told you, I wanted to know what it feels like."

"You've never asked Jasper?"

My blush deepened. "Yes, I did once but he refused."

His shoulders sagged. "Like I should have done. So what happens now?" he asked with that same accusing tone.

"You're not at all the person I imagined you were. You're so kind and thoughtful, and I really enjoy your company." I knew I was rambling, but I was desperately trying to sort through it in my head as I spoke. "And I feel like I can be myself around you, you know?"

He slumped back on the couch and jammed his fingers into his hair, pulling it back as they raked through it. It sprung up in all directions and I couldn't hold back my giggle.

"I love it when you do that."

"Alright, stop," he groaned. "I don't know what's got into you tonight Bella. One minute you're flinching at my touch, and now you're going all sex kitten on me?"

"No, you don't understand, Edward," I said, taking his hand in mine, excited by the idea burgeoning in my head. "This is perfect. You could teach me all about this stuff."

His eyes popped wide. "Teach you? What are you talking about?"

I sucked in a long calming breath. "I know now that I want to find love. I want to have a relationship, but I keep making horrible mistakes. I get my reactions all wrong and I'm not the easiest person to get to know." I raked my fingers through my hair, and snorted humourlessly. "People tend to avoid me. I think I give off a freak vibe, but with you it's different, you know all about this stuff... so you could help me."

"Wait! Slow down," His eyes grew wide with alarm. This wasn't the reaction I was hoping for. "I know all about _what_ stuff?"

"Relationships, falling in love... that kind of thing," I answered, daring to slide my hand over his forearm. "You could teach me."

He was looking at me as if I'd just spoken to him in Dutch, and then he laughed. "This is a joke, right? You're not seriously asking _me_ to teach you about relationships."

I felt giddy now with the promise of it. If Edward helped me get used to the intimate side of things, maybe when I did finally fall in love I would have a real chance at it. He was the first person, since Jasper, I had really connected with, and he was definitely the first boy – man – who had ever ignited any kind of romantic emotion in me.

"Yes," I said, smiling. "No, I mean, I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend. I'm just asking you to... to show me how to be a girlfriend."

I was getting it all muddled and spectacularly wrong, I could see that much written all over his face.

"So you want me to prep you for some other guy?" His tone was harsh.

"Don't make it sound so cheap."

"Bella, it is cheap. It's _beyond_ cheap." He leaned forward, pulling his hand from mine, and gripped my shoulder. "How far do you want to go? Have you got that all planned out? Do you want me to fu–" Despite his obvious anger, he restrained himself and clamped his mouth shut.

"Edward, I just want to go on a few dates to see what it's like." I pressed on despite the fact I was quickly losing my nerve. "Maybe even have a few kisses. It wasn't too bad was it?"

"No, it wasn't bad at all," he conceded, a faint smile touching his lips. "Bella, you are such an enigma. I don't get you, I really don't."

"But you do," I insisted, encouraged by that hint of a smile. "You're so honest all the time, brutally so sometimes, but that's what I need." I brushed my hand across his arm, feeling the soft sprinkle of hair beneath my fingers. "Please, I don't want to spend all my Friday nights doing needlepoint."

He rolled his eyes and a strained chuckle escaped his lips. "Okay, but if we're going to do this we need to set some ground rules. God! I can't believe I'm even contemplating this, but for some reason, I _do _want to help you."

I clapped my hands in glee and hugged him. He patted my shoulder awkwardly, before pulling back so he could look at me, "First, we have to go on realistic dates. I might even take you to a bar."

"But I've never been to a bar," I gasped in horror.

"A bar, Bella, not a snake pit." His expression turned serious. "And I meant what I said earlier. I need to know how far you want to go with this."

I took in a deep breath and looked him squarely in the eye. "I want to know how to loosen up around the opposite sex, but there are still some values I will be holding on to." I cast my eyes down to my lap, losing my nerve in the face of the sensitive subject. "I'll be saving myself for marriage."

He chucked my chin like I was a baby. "Good girl." He winked and the tense mood was broken.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"There! you look perfect." Alice said, snapping her make up back shut and swivelling my chair round to let me see myself in the mirror "Voila!"

She was right. When she'd offered to make me over for the party she and Jasper were throwing, I'd had my doubts but I'd agreed to let her do it on the proviso that I didn't end up looking like a drag queen. Angling the mirror, I surveyed her handiwork. My skin looked translucent, my eyes seemed wider, and my lashes slightly more prominent and my lips were subtly shimmering. Considering the time she'd spent and the amount of products she'd used, I was surprised to see that it looked like I was hardly wearing any make up at all.

"What about the dress?" she asked.

I stood up and did a little twirl in the full length mirror. The dark green dress was beautiful and I was glad of the short black bolero she'd given me. When I'd first tried the dress on, I wasn't happy with the amount of skin the strapless design revealed. The bolero made me feel much more comfortable.

"Thanks, Alice," I said with a smile, still unable to take my eyes off my reflection.

She laughed a lovely tinkling musical laugh, enveloping me in a surprisingly strong hug for one so small. "I'm just glad you're finally coming out of your shell, Bella. Two months ago you wouldn't have even come to the party never mind let me dress you up."

"You make me sound like a doll."

She kissed my cheek lightly. "You are a doll," she said with an impish grin.

"I'm so glad Jasper found you." I sighed. "You make him so happy, and you don't mind our friendship."

"Of course I don't, why would I? He told me from the start all about you."

"You'd be surprised. You've the first girlfriend Jasper's ever had who has been nice to me."

Alice grinned. "Then their loss is my gain." She smiled affectionately before patting my arm. "Okay, I need to go get myself ready now. You could go check on Jasper; he's supposed to be washing the glasses." I hopped off the stool and headed for the door. "And tell him not to use the ones in the kitchen cabinet. He needs to use the ones in the boxes that my mom dropped off!"

An hour later the party was in full swing. Alice was being the perfect hostess, circling the room and making sure everyone had enough to eat and drink and that the music was just right. Jaspr and I were sitting side by side on bar stools watching her do her thing.

"She's great." Jasper sighed. "I don't know how she does it. She organized all this herself and everything is perfect."

"You washed the glasses." I grinned nudging him. "What's a party without clean glasses?" I held mine up dramatically to the light and studied it.

"You know, I still can't get used to seeing you drink."

"It's a little wine, Jasper. You make me sound like a raving alcoholic."

"Here comes your roomie." He tipped his beer bottle in the direction of the door. "And he brought a date."

Following his gaze, I turned to see Edward walking into the room. He was with a tall dark haired guy who wouldn't look out of place in a wrestling ring and two blondes. I swallowed down a sharp pang of jealousy, reminding myself that what Edward and I had was an arrangement and nothing more. But I was wise enough to know that if he got serious about another girl; our arrangement would be over before it had even begun. He'd mentioned earlier that he would be bringing the girl he went on the double date with.

It had only been a little while since he'd agreed to my request and we hadn't really ironed out the finer details yet. Edward had suggested that maybe he shouldn't date anyone until I was ready to date someone for real. I vetoed that idea straight away. I was touched by his offer, but I doubted he would be able to stick to that bargain and I didn't want him to have to hide things from me.

However, seeing him with his arm loosely draped around the blond girl's shoulder, I felt slightly uncomfortable and wasn't sure how to act.

The big dark haired guy came over first. He amused me greatly by pulling Jasper off his stool and into a painful looking bear hug. "So you finally got whipped!" He yelled over the music, laughing raucously.

Jasper smiled but his voice was sour when he replied. "Not as much as you Emmett. You've had like six dates and already Rosalie leads you round by the c–" He glanced at me. He didn't finish the sentence.

It was little things like that, that convinced me I had done the right thing asking Edward to help me. Jasper had always been there for me, but maybe he had been just a little too protective. Edward, however, didn't have that problem at all.

When Jasper addressed him as Emmett, I realised he was Edward's old roommate. Still holding Jasper in a headlock, his eyes reached mine. His eyebrows rose in surprised appraisal. "Who's this?"

Jasper shot him a venomous glare and rubbed his neck theatrically after Emmett finally released him. "This is Bella, my ex-roommate," he responded, still glaring.

Inexplicably, I felt slighted by Jasper's offhand reference. It wasn't like him. I was more than merely his ex roommate, surely.

Emmett's grin, undiminished by Jasper's show of displeasure, remained at a thousand watts. "So, you're the one Edward is shacking up with?"

"Em! Try to rein it in. just this once!" Jasper snapped, which served only to make Emmett grin wider, but at least he had the good grace to hold up his hands in apology.

With my introduction over, Emmett curled his hand around the forearm of the most beautiful woman in the room, twirling her to face us. Her golden blonde hair hung elegantly like a curtain of silk draping her beautiful alabaster shoulders. On first appearance her bright blue eyes looked wide and innocent, but on further inspection they were as hard as granite, and at this moment in time, as disdainful as if she'd just found something unsavoury on the sole of her shoe.

"This is Rosalie," Emmett announced proudly.

Jasper took the initiative, sliding off his stool and shaking her hand.

"Nice to meet you," he said.

I felt slightly at odds with his formality and stayed seated while extending my hand. She only lightly touched it, barely dipping her head in acknowledgement, which drew a hearty laugh from Emmett. I felt embarrassment heat my cheeks as I squirmed on my stool.

Jasper pulled his stool towards mine before perching himself on top. He draped his arm across my shoulders. "I've had a few enquiries about the room. You sure you want _him_ to keep it."

His emphasis on the word 'him' bothered me a little as we watched Edward approach with the blond girl clamped to his side.

"I asked you to take the ad down,' I said, keeping my voice as low as possible. 'It just took a little while to adjust, but I'm fine now. Edward's a great roommate."

"Jasper, Bella." Edward said smoothly, though he didn't look at Jasper at all. The girl coughed slightly and he looked at her as if only just remembering she was there. "This is Lauren." Though he smiled, I could see the tiniest flicker of uncertainty in his eyes as they connected with mine. However, I was left wondering if I imagined it when they slid back to Lauren. "Bella is my roommate."

It felt like another dismissal.

Though I wouldn't have thought it possible, Lauren was even less friendly than Rosalie. I seethed inwardly when she ignored my hand and gave me a sarcastic smile before asking 'Eddie' to get her a drink. Apparently noticing my embarrassment, Edward shot me an apologetic smile and then winked before leading her to the kitchen.

"What was that?" Jasper gasped.

"What?" I asked, happy to turn away from Edward's retreating form. The last thing I wanted to do was watch him walk away with the girl who had just snubbed me.

"That wink." Jasper snorted. "He totally winked at you. Christ, I hope he's not intending on taking that skank back to the apartment tonight. He'll probably try to coax you into a threesome."

"A threesome?"

He rolled his eyes. "Forget it." He took a long pull of his beer still bristling with annoyance. "Maybe you should stay here tonight. The walls in that apartment are pretty thin."

"Jasper!" I scolded, suddenly understanding what he was referring to.

"I'm just saying," he defended. "But I mean it. I can set up the spare room for you."

"There's no need." My voice was thick with bitterness. "He already said he wouldn't bring any girls back to the apartment." I drained the last of my wine. "But I'm not a child, Jazz. If he wants to have sex with women in his own room, then that's his business."

His jaw dropped. "You talked about that stuff with him?"

I counted to ten before speaking. "Yes we talked. We talk about a lot of things. Alice was right; there's far more to Edward than you give him credit for."

It was true. We'd spent a lot of time talking and getting to know each other. Admittedly, I seemed to do most of the talking. Edward was a really good listener and seemed to be genuinely interested in my past. Whenever I tried to get him to open up more, he would talk mostly about his work and his hopes. He was at his most animated when talking about becoming a doctor and his ambition and passion for it was inspiring.

His past was a grey area that he was very reluctant to talk about. I didn't press him on it. I knew only too well how difficult it can be sharing painful memories, and it was clear that Edward had his fair share of those. Sometimes when I mentioned his past he would distract me with kisses, other times he would turn the subject back to me. I hoped maybe one day he'd trust me enough to really talk about his feelings.

""This is a party guys." Alice admonished startling me out of my reverie. Gracefully, sliding into Jasper's lap, she kissed his cheek. "You two look like you're at a funeral."

"The party's great, babe," Jasper said, sliding his hand around her tiny waist.

I scanned the room. Jasper was right, the music was pumping now and it was filled with people dancing and mingling. Inevitably, I found Edward. He was standing in the far corner of the room leaning against a sideboard, his head bent and lips curved into a small smile as the blonde shouted into his ear. He threw his head back and laughed heartily. My heart leapt at the sight of him. He really was beautiful when he smiled, and I found myself admiring the way his smooth moist lips stretched to reveal his perfect white teeth.

My mouth dried.

Dragging my gaze away I looked around the rest of the room, and realised I didn't know anyone else here. A loud burst of laughter drew my attention to the group of men gathered to my right. Emmett was in the middle of them drinking from what looked like a clear vase, while those around him clapped their hands and chanted his name. He drained the 'vase' alarmingly quickly, before tipping it upside down and planted it on top of his head with a triumphant grin. A loud cheer rose up from those gathered around him.

Behind them a couple were in the midst of a heavy make out session. It took a few moments for it to register that I was openly staring at them. Blushing furiously, I looked away. Clutching my empty glass I slid off the stool, glancing at Jasper and Alice who were completely engrossed in each other, and ventured off in search of a refill.

A big beefy hand gripped my wrist startling me when I reached the centre of the room. "Bella!"

My head snapped around to find Emmett grinning down at me. I was only slightly relieved because he was even more imposing this close up. "You scared me," I shouted above the din of the music.

He swayed slightly on his feet, pulling me deeper into the crowd of gyrating bodies. "You've been stuck on that stool the whole night. It's time to dance!" He bellowed, already comically bobbing in time with the music.

I stood staring at him chewing my lip. I was the world's worst dancer. I just couldn't do it without looking like a complete idiot, and watching Emmett I realized he wasn't that much better. "I can't dance," I confessed, leaning closer so he could hear me.

"Sure you can." He laughed, pulling me into his arms and twirling me around.

I clutched onto his powerful biceps in a desperate bid to keep my balance, but Emmett's hands were firmly encompassing my waist as he moved me in time with the beat. "There you go," he said with a triumphant grin. "You're totally dancing dude!"

I'd never been called dude before. Laughter bubbled in my throat. Even though I would normally be uncomfortable with the situation, thanks to Emmett's exuberance – and perhaps the affects of the wine – I was actually enjoying myself. We 'danced' a while longer until the music changed and he finally released me.

"I'm going to get a drink," I said, already backing into the crowd. "Thanks for the dance."

"Anytime!" he shouted, his attention already caught by something else.

I made my way through the crowd of dancers to the kitchen, where I found the counters laden with bottles of all shapes and sizes. I twirled a few around squinting at the labels. Settling on a bottle of red wine that had already been opened, I poured some into a glass.

"Remind me not to take you dancing when we go on our first date."

I jumped in fright at the sound of his voice and spilled some of the wine over the side of my glass. The warmth of his breath on my ear took me by surprise. I hadn't even heard his approach, yet he was so close. "Why?" I asked turning to face him.

He offered me a crooked grin, making no attempt to step back. "Because, you're not very good at it."

I blushed. "You're such a charmer. Now I can see why you're a big hit with the ladies." I smiled sarcastically, not offended at all by the truth of his words. "Maybe you should teach me how to dance," I challenged.

His grin widened and I was again aware that he was completely invading my personal space. "I'll add it to the list."

I sipped my wine, looking at him over the rim of my glass. "We have a list?"

"No." He chuckled. "But maybe we should consider it, what with poker, dating, and now dancing." He placed his hand on the counter beside me and leaned forward, effectively blocking me in.

"Maybe," I said, feeling like the room had suddenly become a whole lot hotter.

His eyes intensified. He stared at me for a long moment before speaking. "Are you enjoying yourself?"

"I don't really know anyone," I admitted. "It's a good party, but I'd much rather be at home."

"Doing needlepoint?" he asked. The grin was back.

"Yes." I laughed. "But don't tell Alice."

The music changed again, and Edward looked over his shoulder before pushing away from me. "I...um... I better get back to..."

"Your girlfriend." I finished for him.

"She's not my girlfriend," he stated stiffly. "She's my date." He quirked an eyebrow at me "You're not jealous are you?"

I shook my head, perhaps a little too violently. "No, not at all," I denied. "Look, if you want to back out of the deal that's fine."

His brow furrowed. "Do you want me to back out?"

"I guess since you have a girlfriend, you probably should."

He took a step closer, lightly tilting my chin with his fingers so I was looking directly into his eyes. "I already told you she's not my girlfriend." He seemed quietly angry.

"But you slept with her," I blurted, instantly feeling the embarrassment flush my face. His eyebrows shot up. "You didn't come home the first night you went out with her," I continued.

"So you deduced that I slept with her?"

"Didn't you?"

"Bella, what is it you want from me?" His eyes were hard and his lips had pursed into a thin disapproving line.

"I want what we agreed on, but I don't want to stand in the way of you having a proper relationship because you're fake dating me."

He laughed, but it sounded harsh and brittle and entirely without mirth. "I can assure you Bella, you're not standing in the way of anything. I shouldn't have brought her."

"Why?"

"I only brought her because Emmett practically begged me to. I should've stuck to my guns and not let him talk me into it. It was a bad idea.' He looked at me. "It doesn't feel right."

"Because I'm here?"

"Partly, mostly... I don't know. Jesus, I'm not even into her and it feels like I'm cheating on you or something." His cheeks flushed adorably and I couldn't stifle my small giggle. Thankfully, he saw the funny side too and smiled at me. "Yeah, I guess I sound a little crazy now, huh?"

"Maybe a little bit," I joked. "But you've been so good to me, Edward, and if you do meet someone you're... into... we'll stop. I know the script."

His gaze lingered for a long moment, the smile disappearing from his face before he turned away. There was a harder edge to his voice when he muttered, "I don't think you do."

I was puzzled by his parting shot as I watched him walk away.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 **

"C'mon Bella, I have a hot date tonight!" Edward yelled, hammering on the bathroom door.

I smiled at his joke, allowing myself to sink deeper into the fragrant, bubbly bathwater. "So have I!" I yelled back with a wide grin.

He moved away from the door. This was his way of easing the tension, but even though I felt the slight tingle of anticipation, I was coiled like a spring. This was our first 'date'. He was taking me for pizza and then to see a rom-com. Of course even though I'd heard the term before, I still asked him to explain what it meant. A romantic comedy, the perfect first date film – according to Edward. I didn't dare think why.

I stepped out of the bath, wiped the condensation from the mirror and peered at my red face. I wished Alice was at my disposal. If ever there was a time I needed her expert assistance this was it. I flipped the mirror away, yanked my robe from the back of the door and wrapped it around myself, before scurrying into my room.

Sitting on the end of my bed, I tried to conjure up images of a real date. What should I wear, how should I prepare? I didn't have butterflies in my stomach; I had a swarm of killer bees running amok.

Sucking in a long calming breath, I took a few moments to visualise just how I would be feeling if this was real. For some inexplicable reason my mind conjured up the image of Edward pressing his lips to mine. Oh yes, I would definitely want to be kissed. We'd shared a couple of more kisses, but they always left me feeling like I wanted something more.

Deciding it wasn't a good idea to let myself get too preoccupied by that, I turned my attention back to the date itself. I wasn't only worried about what to wear or what to talk about, but I had no idea how much money to take either. It was just a minefield of faux pas' waiting to happen.

Since my wardrobe wasn't exactly the stuff of legend, I ended up picking out the same floral dress I had worn on our non-date to the college film club. This time though, I dressed it up with a flamboyant purple necklace and earrings that Alice lent me, and dainty shoes with a tiny heel. I even pulled the small make up bag Alice had forced me to accept, and peered into it. Steeling myself, I laid out some cosmetics on the counter.

I blow dried my hair, applied moisturiser, and then trying desperately to remember Alice's tuition, gingerly applied some make up. Hearing Edward move around the apartment, I was unsure what to do. Should I wait in here? Should I move to the living room? Nerves got the better of me, and I sat on the piano stool trying to still my shaking hands, as I waited for him to make the first move.

Only a few moments later, there was a soft knock on the door. "Will I go outside and ring the doorbell?" he called.

I wasn't sure if he was joking, but I nervously opened my bedroom door and grimaced at him. "That's not necessary."

His brow furrowed.

"What?" I asked self consciously.

"Um... the make-up," he said, swirling a finger in the direction of my face. "You... um... you look better without it."

I darted back to the mirror. My lips were perhaps a little too vivid, and the eye shadow was not the right shade of purple to match the jewellery.

"Sorry," he muttered. I startled when I realised he was right behind me. "But I thought you might appreciate honesty."

"Yes, of course," I blurted, pulling a wet wipe from the packet on the nightstand. I rubbed it furiously across my face. "The last thing I want to do is look like a clown."

His fingers curled around my wrist, gently stopping my furious rubbing. He took the wipe from my hand. "Sit still," he ordered lightly, and in my embarrassment I did.

He folded the wipe to the clean side, before curving his fingers around my chin to tilt my face upwards. He swept the wipe gently over my eyelids, before folding it and smoothing it down my cheeks. His eyes burned as he brushed it softly across my lips.

My heart started to thump.

"Better," he said, stepping back and pushing his fingers into his hair.

I turned the mirror around and studied my bare face. "Really?"

He loomed behind me in the reflection. The smile dancing on his lips was tender. "You have lovely skin, beautiful dark eyes and gorgeous lips. You don't need to enhance any of it." He straightened, his cheeks flushing slightly. "Mother nature has you covered."

His words moved me, even though I suspected he had already slipped into his role. "I'll take your word for that. You're the expert after all."

His eyes dimmed. He glanced at his watch. "We should go. Are you sure you don't want me to clamp a rose between my teeth and ring the doorbell?"

"Don't be facetious," I chided, following him out of the room.

Edward insisted on taking a cab rather than my truck, despite the fact that I offered to assuage his male pride by letting him drive. He called a cab while I used the bathroom, suddenly nervous again.

~*AE*~

The cab came to a stop in the center of town. Edward hurried out, and before I reached for the handle, he had already swung the door open and proffered his hand to help me out.

I revelled in the old-fashioned gesture, allowing myself to imagine that it was Mr. Darcy holding his hand out to me.

The way he kept a hold of my hand as he led me to the restaurant thrilled me. It made me feel like I was on a real date, and I almost told him that, before I decided it might be best just to role play for the evening.

I had expected him to take me to one of the many chain restaurants in town, but I was pleasantly surprised by the authentic Trattoria we entered. I'm sure there was a waitress, and I think she may have flirted with Edward, but all I could concentrate on was the delicious warmth of his hand enveloping mine. Arrangement be damned, the thrill of enjoying my first proper date felt so good I intended to enjoy every minute of it.

A menu was thrust in front of my face, pulling me out of my Edward-induced haze. My eyes swung to Edward, taking in his quizzical expression.

"Did you ask me something?" I asked nervously.

He jerked his head towards the waitress. I looked up at her, blanching at her severe scowl.

"What would you like to drink?" She asked impatiently, as if she'd asked ten times already.

"Sorry," I said embarrassed, my eyes darted to Edward.

"Bring us a bottle of house red and two mineral waters."

He sounded so assured. I smiled gratefully.

He leaned forward. "Bella, you totally spaced out there." He smirked and opened my menu for me, laying it on the table. "Not cool. Your first priority is the waitress. Listen to her recommendations, but remember; she is here to serve you... you shouldn't apologise just because she was being rude to you."

"Sorry."

He sighed. "Stop apologising." His eyes flashed angrily. "Any predator out there would be watching you right now and thinking he could get away with pretty much anything. Try to be a little more confident."

My heart dropped into my stomach with disappointment. I stood up, hating the familiar prickle of tears stinging my eyes. "This is a mistake. I obviously can't do it," I bit out.

His hand covered mine. "Don't leave. Please," he beseeched.

His plea was heartfelt. The lightness of his touch, coupled with the calming depths of his eyes rendered me helpless, and I fluttered back down to my seat.

"You asked me to teach you," he reminded me, gently circling my palm with his thumb. "That's all I'm doing."

"I'm s–"

"Ah a-a-a" he admonished like he was talking to a child. "No more apologies. Let's take it one step at a time. First is the food." He nudged the menu towards me. "Please don't order the salad. I hate eating with a girl who only nibbles on leaves."

There was a twinkle in his eye that made me relax.

"God no," I said, with only slightly forced brevity. "I have to have a mountain of spaghetti and there must be olives."

The waitress returned to take our order. She chewed the end of her pencil while Edward ordered a steak. Her eyes roamed over his face, dipping down to his chest and back up again.

'Aren't you going to write my order down?' Edward asked, his voice tinged with annoyance.

Unconcerned at being caught ogling him, she flashed a bright smile and scribbled on her pad. Her eyes never left him, and just as it started to feel awkward, Edward rubbed his fingers across mine and said, "What would you like, Bella?"

The waitress reluctantly turned to face me. She didn't even attempt to mask her annoyance. Heeding Edward's earlier instructions, I took what I hoped was a surreptitious deep breath and tilted my chin up. "I'll have the Penne Arrabiatta please, but I'd like it with spaghetti rather than penne."

She nodded curtly and finally left.

After she'd gone, Edward leaned back in his chair. "I'm proud of you." He grinned, eyes glittering.

"Why?"

"You took a specific item from the menu and asked for it your way."

I crooked an eyebrow in question.

"Penne Arrabiatta." he clarified "You asked for it with spaghetti."

"Spaghetti is the only type of pasta I like," I explained, still confused. "Other than lasagne, but that doesn't count."

He chuckled. "Why? It's all the same thing."

I sighed. "This is normally where the freak flag goes up."

His hand squeezed mine. "In your head," he insisted. "Stop trying to read your date's mind. I find this very intriguing and endearing. So again, why spaghetti?"

I swallowed down my insecurity. "You can't twirl Penne around your fork."

His eyes glittered with pleasure. "Why not tagliatelli?"

"Not the same."

"What's the difference?"

I could see he genuinely was interested. "Spaghetti is round, it has a certain yield, firm, resistant, strong." I glanced at him. "Tagliatelli is too flat. It's sloppy and doesn't twirl so easily. It doesn't yield the same way. It feels completely different on my tongue."

He grinned. "So you like the control Spaghetti gives you?"

I laughed. "Perhaps you should take up psychiatry."

"If everyone was as open as you, there would be no need for it."

The waitress chose the perfect moment to bring our drinks. I lifted the water to my lips and took a long drink. Edward grinned knowingly. He'd managed to relax me, and I couldn't help but grin back at him. I filled our wine glasses and raised a toast.

"To first times."

Edward raised his glass and tapped it against mine. "To first dates," he amended.

I managed to get through the meal without making any other stupid mistakes, and the only slight stumbling block was when I had to practically force Edward to let me pay half the bill. Feeling pleasantly full and feeling the warmth of the alcohol in my bloodstream, I smiled as he took my hand again once we were outside.

"I like that," I told him.

"What?"

"You holding my hand, it feels nice."

He frowned. "I'm just trying to make this as real as possible for you, but you'll tell me if I do something you don't like?"

I couldn't imagine that at all, but I nodded anyway.

I lost the argument over the cinema tickets and reluctantly let Edward buy mine, but then I won a little battle of my own when I paid for the sodas.

"So you haven't been to the cinema much?" Edward asked as we made our way along the corridor.

I shook my head. "Charlie and Jasper used to try to talk me into going with them, but it never really interested me before. Even television didn't hold much appeal. If Jazz was watching it I'd usually just curl up beside him and read."

"Sounds very cosy," he remarked.

"I guess it was."

"Well I hope you enjoy the film tonight. It's the usual mind numbing trash that all the chicks go for."

"Chicks?" I shot him a fake glare but couldn't hide my smirk.

He laughed. "Well they do call them chick flicks."

The film didn't really hold my attention that well. A lot of it seemed a bit silly to be honest, and my attention kept wandering to some of the other couples dotted around the theatre. A couple in our row were holding hands, and a girl in front of us was nestled in the crook of her boyfriend's arm. I stole a sideways glance at Edward. His eyes were trained firmly on the screen while his hand was wrapped around his soda cup.

My arm was stretched across the length of armrest palm up. I was sort of hoping he would take my hand or even slide his arm around my shoulder, but his hand never let go of his cup.

The couple on screen finally managed to get it together, and when they started kissing passionately I squirmed a little in my seat.

"Are you okay?"

His breath was warm against my ear drifting down my neck , making me squirm just a little bit more. I nodded my head vigorously not daring to look at him.

"If it's making you uncomfortable, we can leave," he whispered.

I turned to look at him. His face was mere centimeters from mine. My eyes zeroed in on his lips, and to my surprise they curved up into a broad grin. My gaze shifted up to his eyes.

"What are you grinning at?" I hissed.

"I just realised you _are_ uncomfortable," he whispered with a knowing smile that was not in the least bit smug. Unexpectedly, his hand slid into mine and he brought it up to his lips. "But not for the reason I thought." He pressed his lips gently to the back of my hand and then let our hands drop to his lap.

He turned back to the screen, while I fought to drag my attention away from the fact that our hands were resting on his thigh. I knew a part of him was amused by my discomfort, but I couldn't be mad at him when he'd done so much for me already**.**

** ~*AE*~**

Back at the apartment, I stood on the sidewalk while he paid the cab driver. I was too tired to initiate yet another argument over money, so I let him pay and waited patiently. He turned to face me as the cab drove off. He looked so handsome beneath the orange glow of the street lamp.

"Okay," he said coming to my side. "So, this is the end of a first date and you've just stood there and let your date pay the cab and send it away." I looked at him puzzled. "Your date now thinks he's coming up to your apartment with you," he elaborated.

"But you live here," I pointed out, still puzzled.

He smiled. "For the purposes of the tutorial, what would you have done if this was a real date?"

"I would have thanked you and said goodnight," I insisted. "In the cab."

He took my hand again, and I felt it was probably unnecessary since our 'date' was over. We climbed the stairs to the apartment. At the door, I removed my hand from his to get my key from my purse. I pulled it out as soon as we reached the door, but before I could slide it into the lock his hand encircled my wrist stopping me.

"I'm still your date," he said, clearly back in tutorial mode. "We were only local. We didn't get a cab, so I'm being the gentleman and walking you to your door."

"Edward, don't be silly." I laughed, turning again to the door but he didn't let go.

"I'm being serious, indulge me?"He implored. I nodded. "Right, so I've walked you to the door and I'm assuming since it's a first date you won't want me to come in." I shook my head. "Then don't get your key out till your date is at least half way down the stairs. You can't be too careful."

"So what do I do?" I asked, feeling foolish but glad that he was taking the time to be thorough. "Do I just say goodnight and push you towards the stairs."

"Not yet," he murmured his voice suddenly lower and huskier than it was a moment ago. "You wait till after the kiss."

"The kiss?" I squeaked as my heartbeat kicked up a notch. No matter how many times he'd kissed me, it always came as a surprise that he wanted to.

His hand left my wrist and blazed a hot trail up my arm, before curling deliciously around the base of my neck. With gentle fingers, he pulled me towards him and I automatically tilted my face towards his expectantly. My eyes fluttered closed. His lips were soft and warm when they closed over mine.

It felt amazing when his other hand snaked around my waist. It was like pure electricity coursing through me, sparking against every nerve ending in my body when he pulled me closer to his body. This kiss was different from any other kiss he'd given me. It was deeper, more urgent, and utterly intoxicating.

I slid both my arms up and around his neck, enjoying the slight hiss he made when I did. My fingers threaded into his soft hair, and I felt like my body was coming alive with the sensation of touching him, smelling him, tasting him, all at the same time.

Caught up in the moment, I brushed his lower lip with my tongue. The low groan that rumbled in his chest thrilled me, and encouraged, I probed further into his mouth. The heat of the kiss seemed to spread through me like warm honey.

I sighed when his arms tightened around me and I pressed myself closer still. The heat of his body seeped into mine and filled me with a sensation I never wanted to end.

All too soon his hold on me loosened and I felt his hands travel up my arms, slowly unwinding them from around his neck.

He blew out a long shaky breath. I swallowed hard, surprised by the unexpected boldness of my actions and worried that I'd embarrassed myself.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked quietly.

He shook his head, a small slow smile creeping across his lips. "Not at all, but if you kiss like that on a first date you might not find it so easy to get rid of him."

I blushed furiously. "So what happens now?"

He stared at me for a long moment, his chest rising and falling in a deep steady rhythm. I was beginning to wonder if he'd heard the question, but he eventually responded. "You say goodnight – firmly, and then when he reaches the stairs you let yourself in and lock the door behind you."

Once inside the apartment I headed straight for the kitchen, desperate to find some way to occupy my hands and stop them from reaching out to him again. "Coffee?" I called over my shoulder.

"Sure."

He sat on the sofa and removed his shoes, before stretching his long legs out in front of him. He looked a picture of relaxation when I brought the coffee in and sat down beside him.

"So how did I do?" I asked. "Do you think I'm ready to try it for real?"

"Why the rush, do you have someone in mind?" He blew on his coffee before taking a small sip. His eyes stayed trained on the cup.

"I don't really get the opportunity to meet a lot of guys."

"What about in your classes or at work?"

I thought about it for a moment. "There was one guy – Tyler – he asked me out a couple of months ago, but I said no and he hasn't really spoken to me since."

"But you like him?"

I shook my head. "Not particularly."

He smirked. "Well, until you meet someone who does float your boat, we'll continue with the tuition."

I smiled. "It's really great that you're doing this, Edward, but I feel a bit guilty because there's nothing in it for you."

Leaning forward, he placed his elbows on his knees and looked at me intently. "I had a good time tonight," he said softly. "It was good to see you loosening up a bit. You're good company when you let your guard down." He broke eye contact, staring down at his hands and his voice was muted when he continued. "I don't know why, but for some reason I feel quite protective of you."

I wasn't sure how to take that, but I said thank you anyway.

"No problem," he said, standing abruptly. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

I lounged back on the sofa, cradling my cup to my chest while the memory of our evening started to replay in my mind. I thought about how much I'd enjoyed his company and how patient he'd been with me when I was nervous in the restaurant.

The warm contented feeling that was sweeping through me, halted abruptly at the memory of our kiss. Heat crept up my cheeks when I recalled the way I'd pressed against him, and shamelessly slid my tongue into his mouth. Guilt almost crippled me when I realised how much I'd enjoyed it, while Edward was probably thinking I should be saving these things for someone I was actually in love with.

I went to bed and lay in the dark worrying about it. I definitely wanted to be able to be intimate with someone, and after tonight's little display, I knew I could. But would Edward be willing to let me explore just how intimate I could be?


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter eight**

I woke up the next morning with a smile on my face. Two reasons had put it there; my successful date last night with Edward, and the fact that I had a rare day off today. I could hear Edward moving around in the kitchen and since he was already up, I supposed he wouldn't mind if I played a few tunes on the piano.

Being busy with coursework and my job, I hadn't had a lot of opportunity to play lately. The lid creaked when I lifted it, and I stared at the keys for a moment trying to decide what to play. Moonlight Sonata was the first piece that sprung to mind. I was a little rusty, but I closed my eyes and started to feel the music.

Teaching me to play piano was the only gift my mother ever gave me. Though, at the time, when she was knocking me off the stool for making mistakes, it didn't feel like it.

However, as the music coursed through me, I found it uplifting and the pride in having the ability to play such beautiful music was something I knew I would always cherish.

There was a soft rap on the door and I knew it was Edward. "Come in," I called, still playing.

The door swung open and he leaned against the frame to watch. I stopped suddenly feeling a little self-conscious under his scrutiny.

"Don't stop," he requested. "I just wanted to open the door so I could hear you better."

There was a wistful look on his face which reminded me of his melancholy the first time he had seen the piano. "Have you ever played?" I asked, turning back to the keys and resuming the tune.

He stepped into the room and sat on the edge of my unmade bed. "When I was younger I...um... my dad used to play." It was clear he was uncomfortable talking. I kept playing in the hope that he would continue. It pleased me when he did. "One of my earliest memories is of my dad sitting me on his lap at the piano. I think he might have been trying to teach me."

"Didn't you ever consider taking lessons when you were growing up?" I stopped playing.

He shook his head. "No." His curt tone took me by surprise.

"I'm sorry," I said in a rush when he stood up to leave. "I didn't mean to pry."

"No it's not that," he denied. "I have some stuff to do."

And with that he walked out, leaving me ruing my nosiness. I shouldn't have pressed him when it was clear he was uncomfortable talking about his parents.

While he was gone, I took the opportunity to do some long overdue cleaning in the apartment, but that took little more than an hour. By lunchtime I was bored, so I decided to kill two birds with one stone and read my book in the Laundromat while my clothes washed

However, it proved difficult to concentrate on the book. My mind kept drifting back to the previous night, and I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

"What are you looking so pleased with yourself about?"

My head jerked in the direction of Jasper's voice.

"What are you doing here?"

He held a large blue holdall up. "Laundry. What else?" he teased.

"Of course," I muttered, feeling foolish. "I just didn't expect to see you here."

I slid my bookmark into my book and dropped it into my bag, glad that I had some company to while away the boring afternoon with. Jasper began pulling clothes out of his bag and throwing them haphazardly into the large machine. I noticed that some of Alice's clothes were mixed in with his.

"I hope you checked the labels on Alice's stuff," I remarked, as he closed the door.

"Oh, don't worry about that. There's no way she let me sort her laundry myself." He grinned sitting beside me "She packed the bag and gave me strict instructions on what setting to use."

I suppressed a giggle when he pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and studied it before squinting at the machine. His eyes darted back and forth between the machine and the paper, until he finally turned the dial and switched the machine on.

He dropped onto the bench beside me. "So you didn't answer my question."

"What question?"

"When I came in you were grinning like the cat that got the cream. What's got you looking so happy?"

Not ready to tell him the truth, I decided to lie instead. "I was just enjoying my book."

He leaned forward, regarding me suspiciously. "Are you actually attempting to lie to me?" he asked, feigning offence. "I know you better than you think, Swan. What's the deal?"

It was clear to me that Jasper didn't like Edward very much. I had no idea why, but whatever the reason; I didn't want him to try to influence my opinion of Edward. I knew Jasper well enough to know that if I told him the truth he would jump to all the wrong conclusions and interfere. So as much as I hated to do it, I continued to lie.

"Jazz, I'm having a nice day off catching up with my laundry and enjoying one of my favourite books, there really is no big deal."

His eyes narrowed a little and I prayed that my face wouldn't turn red.

After a few seconds, he settled back in his chair and stretched his legs out in front of him, the subject apparently dropped. We talked about the usual mundane stuff for a while, but just as I suspected it might, the topic of conversation eventually worked its way around to Edward.

"How're things going with Edward?"

Once again, I prayed that my cheeks wouldn't heat up and give me away. "It's actually going really well. I don't think we need to worry about finding a new roommate."

"Oh!" He sounded surprised.

"It's true," I continued, fighting to keep the irritation I was feeling out of my voice. "Alice was right; he really is serious about working hard. I hardly see him. He's usually holed up in his room studying."

"What about the weekends?"

"I don't keep tabs on him, Jazz." I clicked my tongue in annoyance.

"Does he come in drunk?" he asked. "Or bring girls back?"

I shook my head in reply to both questions. Knowing Jasper as well as I did, I knew he'd become suspicious if I tried to defend Edward, and I doubted I could keep lying to him if he started to really question me about our situation.

I really wanted to ask him what his problem with Edward was, but I decided it would be easier to protect our privacy if I didn't. The last thing I wanted to do was run the risk of Jasper finding out about what I'd asked Edward to do and warning him off.

He seemed to accept my answers, and I was relieved when we settled into an amiable silence.

When my wash cycle finished, Jasper helped me transfer the clothes to the dryer.

'I've been doing some thinking,' he said as we sat back down. "About that stuff you said about wanting to change."

"To change?"

"You said you wanted to make some new friends and loosen up a bit."

"Oh that," I said, stifling a giggle having known all along what he'd been getting at. "What were you thinking?" I pressed.

"Well, I know you don't like bars, but Alice and I are going to this open mic thing tonight and we thought you might like to come." He smiled. "We've gone a couple of times. It's not usually busy and Alice and I will be there to look out for you. What do you say?"

I was touched by his efforts, even though his reference to looking out for me annoyed me a little bit. Maybe it was ungrateful of me to feel that way. Jasper was just trying to be there for me like he's always been, but this was something I needed to achieve alone.

"Thanks Jazz," I said, squeezing his knee. "But I have some college stuff to catch up on. Maybe some other time?"

His knowing smile told me he was probably thinking that I wasn't serious about changing. He probably thought I'd be too scared to go to a bar with him and Alice, but that wasn't my reason for declining the invitation. I wanted to stay home so I could talk to Edward about arranging another date, and to apologise to him for making him feel uncomfortable earlier.

As soon as my laundry was finished, I left Jasper alone with the promise I'd call him the following day. The apartment was empty and I spent my evening alone waiting for Edward to come home. Jasper's offer started to sound more tempting as boredom set in. I didn't want to spend another evening alone reading or doing needlepoint.

Feeling a sudden burst of courage, I called Jasper and asked if it was too late to take him up on his offer.

"No you're in luck," he said. "Alice is just getting ready. We can pick you up in about half an hour."

I smiled feeling pleased with myself, but then it faded. "Jazz, what will I wear?"

He chuckled down the line. "Jeans and a t-shirt will be fine Bella. It's not a black tie function."

I stuck my tongue out at the receiver even though he couldn't see me, and then hung up before rushing to my room to change. Since I was going to a bar for the first time, I started to worry if I should make more of an effort and try to do my make-up again. Remembering Edward had said I looked better without it, I decided just to go with some lip gloss and mascara

Exactly half an hour later, as I was finishing up in the bathroom, I heard the front door open and came out expecting to see Edward.

"You ready?"

At first I was surprised to see Jasper, but then I remembered he still had his key.

"Alice is waiting in the cab," he said, holding the door open for me while I grabbed my jacket from the stand.

The bar was all the way across town. I spent the journey, wedged between Alice and Jasper in the back seat of the cab, hoping that I wouldn't feel like a fish out of water once we arrived.

My nerves were starting to get the better of me as I waited on the side walk with Alice while Jasper paid the cab driver.

Two intimidating doormen, muscular and bald and resembling bookends, flanked the door and glared at us menacingly as we approached.

One of them clamped his beefy hand on my shoulder. "ID!" he demanded.

Despite my trembling hands. I managed to fish my ID out of my bag and shoved it under his nose. He snorted contemptuously at me, but stepped aside to let us in.

"Don't worry about him," Alice whispered in my ear as she swung the door open. "It's probably his time of the month."

I giggled and felt Jasper come up behind us as I stepped inside. "You okay?"

I nodded, trying to dampen down the regret I was now feeling. Suddenly, doing needlepoint didn't seem like such a bad way to spend an evening.

The bar wasn't busy but I still felt a little out of place. Walking behind Alice and Jasper, I took a good look at the place. A cloud of smoke hung in the air like a gossamer curtain, rendering the dim lights above the bar, and around the stage, hazy. A woman was singing on the stage, but it looked like less than half of the twenty or thirty people present were listening to her.

"What would you like to drink?" Jasper yelled a little too loudly, and one of the men near the stage glanced at us with annoyance etched on his face.

"I'll have a beer," Alice answered, and then looked at me with enquiring eyes.

"Um... do they sell wine here?" I asked gingerly. "I don't like beer."

Jasper walked over to the bar and I followed Alice to an empty table. It was no surprise to find that I didn't recognise a single person, even though a lot of them looked like students.

Jasper brought the drinks to the table and handed me a glass of wine served in a beer glass.

"It's not the classiest join," he said with a laugh when I grimaced at it.

The wine tasted very thin and vinegary, but I didn't want to be a nuisance so took a sip and laid it on the table in front of me. Jasper threw his arm across Alice's shoulder and we turned our attention to the stage. It amazed me that people would just get up and sing in front of everyone. Some of them weren't very good but it didn't seem to bother them. I couldn't imagine ever having the courage to do it. I could barely play piano in front of Edward.

After about an hour the door swung open again and I was vaguely aware of a group of people coming in. By now I was too engrossed in the music to pay any attention, but my head whipped round when I heard a familiar voice rise above the music.

"Hey it's Jasper and Alice!" Emmett called, striding towards us.

My heart sunk when I saw Lauren and Rosalie following close behind him.

"Mind if we join you?" Emmett asked, despite the fact that he was already dragging another table over towards ours. He pushed them together, almost knocking our drinks over. He didn't seem to notice. "How's my little dancer?" He shot me a grin so infectious, I couldn't help but grin back.

The two girls sat down at the table, barely acknowledging us.

"What are you drinking?" Emmett asked, eyeing our glasses.

"Beer for Alice and me," Jasper answered amiably, seemingly unconcerned at the intrusion. "And a red wine for Bella."

"Do they sell wine in here?" Emmett asked, frowning at my glass.

When I held the glass up, I was surprise to find it almost empty. Emmett turned towards the bar. "Edward," he roared, and I was horrified to see Edward standing at the bar. "Two more beers, and a red wine." Emmett lowered his voice at the end as if he was almost embarrassed to say the words 'red wine'.

While Jasper and Emmett began pulling over another two chairs, I watched Edward at the bar. He was talking to a tall dark-haired guy, and I wasn't sure if he'd noticed me. If I'd known he would be coming here with Lauren I would never have come. My palms started to sweat and I felt the almost overwhelming urge to run for the door.

After a few moments I realised I was still staring at Edward and when I glanced at the guy beside him, I was embarrassed to see he was staring back at me. I dropped my eyes to the table in embarrassment.

There was much shuffling of chairs as everyone sat down. I was grateful that Emmett sat beside me, he was certainly large enough to block out my view of Lauren and Rosalie who were sitting on the other side of him. Alice scooted to the other side of me, leaving two free seats for Edward and his friend.

Edward's friend held the tray while Edward handed out the drinks. When it came time to hand me mine, Edward quirked an eyebrow at me conveying that he was surprised to see me. I raised both mine in reply, letting him know that the surprise was mutual. Seemingly satisfied with our private, wordless, conversation, he smiled.

He turned towards his friend and put a hand on his shoulder. "This is Jacob Black," he said addressing all of us.

Jacob flashed a bright grin that was almost blinding, and shook all our hands, before sitting down in the chair opposite mine. "Good to meet you all," he said, even though he never took his eyes off me while he spoke.

Edward sat down in the last chair beside Jasper and took a long pull of his beer. I turned my attention back to the stage, glad that it meant I had to turn my back to Edward. Now that I was hyper aware of Edward's presence, I found that I couldn't really concentrate on the acts on the stage. I was dreading the moment he would sit beside Lauren.

During a break from the acts, a DJ played some music and Alice and Jasper got up to dance. I kept my eyes trained on them, and was just becoming conscious of the fact that I still had my back to the rest of the table when I felt a tap on my arm.

"Can I get you another drink Bella?" Jacob asked.

I looked down at my glass to find it empty. "Um, I haven't bought any drinks yet," I said.

He beamed at me. "That's okay. It's my turn to buy them, but you can come to the bar with me and help."

Without waiting for a response, he turned and headed for the bar. After only taking a few steps, he turned back. 'Are you coming?'

In my peripheral vision I could tell Edward was watching. I got up and followed Jacob, careful not to look at Edward.

"So you're Edward's new roommate?" Jacob asked after he'd ordered the drinks.

I nodded.

"How do you know him?" I asked.

"I met him here when we were both doing the open mic thing. He's way better than me on the guitar, so we've had a couple of jamming sessions." He started putting the drinks on a tray. "Plus, we work at the same hospital."

"You're an intern too?"

He paid for the drinks before answering. "No, I'm just a porter."

I got the impression he was slightly embarrassed by this as he immediately walked towards the table without saying anything further. Alice and Jasper were now wrapped in each other's arms on the dance floor swaying to a romantic song. After Jacob had given everyone their drinks, he surprised me by sitting beside me in Alice's seat.

"So what do you do?" He asked, leaning into me slightly.

He was very handsome with smooth russet skin, silky black hair and big brown eyes that reminded me of a teddy bear I'd had when I was a child. His lips were full and dark, accentuating the impossible whiteness of his teeth.

"I'm doing an English degree." I smiled. "I want to be a teacher."

"Cool." He nodded his head in approval. "It's always good to have goals."

There was a tinge of regret in his voice. "Don't you have goals?"

He laughed. "Sure, I want to own my own body repair shop one day. But for now I have to work at the hospital to pay the bills while I build up my reputation."

"So you do both?"

"Yep, I work on peoples cars from home between shifts at the hospital."

I was impressed. We talked for a while longer until Jasper and Alice returned to the table. Jacob offered to give Alice her seat back, but she waved him away, opting to sit on Jasper's knee instead. As I leaned forward to ask Jasper if I should buy some drinks, I felt a warm hand on my back.

"Jacob!"

I was shocked by the harsh tone of Edward's voice. When I turned to look at him he was looking at Jacob and nodding his head in the direction of the stage.

"You're up," he continued in a softer tone.

I felt the cool air on my back when Jacob removed his hand. He smiled sweetly at me and strode confidently towards the stage.

I shot a glance at Edward but his eyes stayed fixed on Jacob.

It was stupid of me to think that Edward might be jealous, and the disappointment I felt worried me. Needing a few moments alone, I hurried to the restroom.

I sat in the stall for a few minutes mentally berating myself for reading too much into the situation with Edward. My presence here had probably annoyed him, and I hated the fact that I'd likely ruined his date.

I avoided looking in the mirror while I washed my hands. I didn't want to see my own disappointment reflected back at me. All I wanted to do was go home and forget that I'd ever been here.

However, when I opened the door to leave, I almost jumped out of my skin because Edward was standing right on the other side of it.

'Are you okay?' he asked, taking hold of my arm and guiding me around a corner. The only light was a soft glow from the street lamps filtering in through the window to our left. He stood over me with one hand on the wall beside my head.

I tried not to think about how close he was.

"I didn't expect to see you here tonight." There was no reproach in his voice. "I thought you didn't do bars."

"I...um...I" I had no idea why I was stammering. "Jasper and Alice invited me. If I'd known you'd be here with a date, I wouldn't have come." I glanced up at his face. "I'm sorry."

Annoyance tightened his features slightly. "I'm not with Lauren,' he snorted. "I came with Jacob. We met Emmett and the girls outside, though I can guess they probably knew we'd be here."

"Oh." Embarrassment washed over me again. "Will you be singing?" I asked, desperately changing the subject.

He shook his head. "Not tonight."

He seemed distracted.

I waited for him to say something else, but he just stood there staring at me in a way that made me aware of the thudding of my heart. He was so close I could smell the intoxicating scent of his warm skin. His gaze was unwavering, and I saw the same glint in his eye that I'd witnessed last night just before he kissed me.

Emboldened by it, I turned my face and pressed my lips to his arm. A strange mixture of fear and excitement ignited within me. I knew I shouldn't be doing this but I was driven by a force of nature that I couldn't seem to control.

His breath fanned across my cheek, and I almost melted to the floor with relief when instead of pushing me away, his hand gently cupped my cheek and tilted my face towards his.

"We are getting bold aren't we?" His voice was seductive and almost reverent.

It was all the encouragement I needed. Threading my fingers up into his hair, I pulled his head down to mine and moaned with delight when our lips met. The kiss wasn't gentle like it had been last night. It was stronger, more urgent and entirely delicious.

Like a frenzy had come over me, I pressed myself against his body harder than I had last night. This time he didn't restrain me. This time his arms wound tightly around my body, moulding it perfectly to his.

I traced his broad shoulders, feeling the hard knot of muscles beneath my fingers. The solid muscles in his thighs pressed tight against mine when he pulled me closer still. Warm anticipation zinged through my body.

The warm, velvety, wetness of his tongue brought a whimper from my throat when it slid between my lips. He tasted wonderful and I couldn't resist sweeping my tongue across his.

His warmth surrounded me. I could feel it all the way down the front of my body and in the strong circles he was rubbing on my back. Despite the fact that we were pressed so tightly together, I still felt like I wasn't anywhere near close enough to him, yet I could find no way to get closer.

With a soft groan, he pulled back, his chest heaving slightly. I hardly had time to breathe before he grinned and his lips descended again.

This time he trailed hot, wet kisses across my cheek and down to the delicate skin just beneath me ear.

"Bella," he rasped, as his hands delved into my hair, cradling my head as he angled it for better access to my neck.

Shivers of pure pleasure shot down my spine when his lips slid over my sensitive skin. I couldn't help the soft whimpering noises I was making as he kissed his way back towards my mouth.

I licked slowly across his bottom lip, luring his tongue into my mouth. His fingers dug into my sides and I felt a strange tingling all over my body that seemed to pulse between my legs. As his hands brushed higher, I felt a brief moment of hesitation, but the kiss was too delightful to break.

"Bella?"

Alice's voice had the same impact as a bucket of cold water. We jumped apart like we'd shocked each other.

Her voice had come from around the corner and I knew she couldn't see us yet. Without saying anything to Edward I rushed around to greet her. "I'm here," I called. My voice sounded high and shaky.

I hurried forward to prevent her from coming any closer and spotting Edward.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her eyes filled with concern.

"I just needed some air," I lied, cringing at the sound of guilt dripping from my voice.

"Bella, you shouldn't go outside alone."

"I didn't, I was just standing at the door."

"Jasper was worried about you."

"It wouldn't be like him," I said, rolling my eyes good-naturedly.

She smiled. 'I know he can be overbearing at times, but it's just because he cares so much.'

'I know,' I conceded.

Jasper asked me a bunch of questions when I got back to the table. I was still reeling from Edward's kiss so I probably wasn't making any sense in my responses.

Thankfully, he and Alice thought I was drunk and decided to take me home. I said goodbye to everyone, noticing that Edward hadn't returned. I seemed to be the only one who noticed. I thought about asking Jacob to check if he was in the men's room, but since that would draw attention to his absence, I decided against it.

I pretended to sleep in the cab on the way home to avoid any more questions from Jasper and Alice. I felt giddy by the time I reached the apartment, and was planning on waiting up for Edward so we could continue our make out session. I hadn't factored on the possibility that he would already be home.

He was sitting on the sofa, hunched over, head bowed and his elbows resting on his knees. My heart dropped like a stone in my chest. There was the unmistakable air of regret surrounding him. Surely I was the one meant to be feeling that way, yet for some reason all of this was coming easier to me than I'd thought it would.

It didn't feel wrong at all. In fact, it felt so very right.

I didn't want Edward to regret it, because I never would.

When he finally looked up at me, his eyes were hooded not filled with the regret expected.

"Hi," I said, more glibly than I felt.

"Are you drunk?" he asked.

"I had two glasses of wine." I grimaced at the thought of the sour, vinegary liquid the bar had been passing off as wine. "Maybe I'm a little bit tipsy, why?" I walked slowly to the couch and grinned when the oddest thought occurred to me; I was moving slowly as if he was my prey and I was afraid to scare him off.

"Why are you grinning?" He sounded cautiously amused.

"I like kissing you," I blurted. I had no idea why I said that, because I hadn't been thinking that at all... well not at that moment.

"You certainly are tipsy," he noted as I sat down beside him.

For a long moment he didn't move. I listened to the steady rhythm of his breathing, hoping that he would reach out to me again. He didn't. He slid back on the sofa, putting himself behind me.

I turned to look at him. "Maybe we should consider tonight our second date." My voice sounded weak, almost a whisper.

"Bella, it's the alcohol. You have to be aware of that. It makes you do things you wouldn't normally do." He tried to smile but failed. "Like kissing your roommate in bars."

"You were kissing yours," I accused lightly.

"Touche." This time he did manage to smile. "I'm supposed to be the...um... teacher here. I've got to be the responsible one, and I have to protect you." He chuckled a little. "From yourself."

"So, are _you_ drunk?" I asked. He shook his head. "Then why did you kiss me back?"

The smile fell from his face and his eyes swung away. I instantly regretted asking. "Oh!" I gasped.. "A pity response."

He scooted forward. "You only kissed me because you were drunk. I shouldn't have allowed it to happen."

"That's not true," I denied bitterly. "I've been thinking about last night's kiss all day, even when I wasn't drunk, and I couldn't wait to do it again."

"Really?" His brows shot up in surprise.

"Really," I insisted. "You must remember what it was like when it was all new to you. It's wonderful. I never realised it would be this easy to actually enjoy that kind of thing," I raked my fingers through my hair, lost in my musings and, perhaps, not entirely aware that I was spewing the inner workings of my mind out loud. "If I'd known it could be like this, I'd have let Mike Newton kiss me all those years ago. God, I've deprived myself of this for too long."

He stared at me with hard confused eyes. "So you think you're ready to unleash yourself on the male population of Seattle?"

I shook my head. "No. I just know that I can do this now, and I want to explore it a little further."

His jaw dropped. "Further?"

I slid towards him on the sofa. "I hate to sound like an inexperienced sixteen year old, but really that is my level." I was trying to keep my tone light despite the tingling sensation revving up within me. "Can't we just treat this as our second date and make out some more without over-analysing everything?"

He blew out a harsh doubtful breath. Desperate to keep the momentum going, I placed my hand gingerly on his wrist and pulled his arm up so I could snuggle into his side. He seemed frozen for a few beats, but then his hand squeezed my shoulder and I knew I was winning.

"Kiss me," I whispered, turning my face to his.

My heart soared when he complied.

As soon as his lips claimed mine, I was sucked back into that bubble of pleasure that had surrounded us earlier. He kissed me long and hard, his tongue tracing mine and his teeth occasionally nibbling my bottom lip.

I was in heaven, but before long the uncomfortable position caused me to wince as my neck started to hurt.

"Are you okay?" He lifted his head to check.

"Yes," I responded, my breath coming out in little gasps. "But I'm not very comfortable."

He slid his hands down my thighs before curling his fingers around my knees. I swallowed hard when he lifted my legs and stretched them out on the sofa. His eyes were intense as he stretched out beside me and pulled me close.

"Better?" he asked, and I nodded before attacking his mouth again.

Before long I was on my back with Edward looming over me planting exquisite kisses on my face and neck. I'd never felt anything as thrilling as this in my life. My heart was hammering in my chest, my breathing was laboured, my skin was practically crackling with electricity and still I felt that same throb between my legs. I wanted more.

"Edward?" I gasped between kisses.

"Hmm?" he answered, his mouth still nibbling around the shell of my ear.

"What's the next...um...stage?"

His head shot up and his eyes searched mine "What?"

"I...um... I never really understood what first and second base meant."

His eyes softened. "I think we're definitely hitting second base territory here."

I smiled. "Then don't stop."

He frowned at me. "I need to, and you need to tell me when."

I promised I would.

He bent and gave me the gentlest kiss he'd given me all night, but before long the heat enveloped us again. The heat of his palm permeated my shirt when he slid his hand out from underneath me and rested it on my abdomen.

His lips nibbled along my jaw line and up to my ear. "Do you want me to touch you Bella?" The whisper of his breath against my ear and neck made my eyes roll. I swallowed hard and nodded. "Stop me if you need to," he said.

The mere thought of him touching me, ignited an emotion in me that I didn't recognize. My hands flew to his hair and I clung to him as I kissed him as hard as I could. His loud moan echoed in the empty room. His hand stilled on my abdomen, but I kept kissing him until it finally began to move.

Achingly slowly, he brushed his fingers over my shirt in upward circles that gradually travelled up my torso. My senses seemed heightened by the contact and shivers of anticipation rippled through my body. When his fingers brushed the underside of my breast, I sucked violently on his tongue, vaguely frightened that I might bite it.

One finger traced a tiny pattern on the curve of my breast. A tremor of guilt caught me by surprise, and I pulled his hair a little too forcefully. He winced, but thankfully he didn't seem to realise why I had pulled his hair.

I wanted this. I couldn't let long suppressed feelings instilled by mother ruin it. I fought to keep control, concentrating on Edward's lips on mine, his tongue soft against my own. I focussed on the wonderful warmth of his body against mine. Pleasure started to win out and I relaxed into the sensation of it all once more.

"Is this okay?" he whispered.

His hand covered my breast lightly.

"Yes." I sighed, and arched myself into his eager palm, gasping in pleasure when he squeezed gently.

His lips and tongue lapped at my neck and my nipple hardened in his hand. I squirmed beneath him. Something hard dug into my hip and he groaned loudly.

And then as if the energy supply had been cut off he sat up abruptly and raked his hands down his face.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked, panicked by the abruptness of his movement.

"No... not at all." He stood up and straightened his clothes. "That was second base... definitely second base." His voice was a little shaky, and his mood not as light as he would have me believe. "Lesson over."

I felt bereft as I sat up and faced him. I reached for him but he moved out of my reach and perched on the edge of the sofa. He turned to look at me, and was gratified to note that his eyes were still burning.

He stood up again. "I'm going to take a shower. You should go to bed, it's late."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 **

I was rudely awakened by the shrill ring of the telephone. I lay for a couple of rings, hoping Edward would get it, but I eventually gave up and rushed out of bed to answer it.

"Hello?" I answered, my voice still a little croaky from sleep.

"Bella, it's Alice."

"Hi Alice," I responded, checking my watch. It wasn't yet six a.m. "Is that the right time?" I said aloud even though I could see it was.

"Bella, Jasper has had some bad news." I hadn't noticed the tension in her voice initially, but it was coming through loud and clear now. "Can you come over?"

"What's happened?"

"It's Jasper's mom, she..." A sick feeling flared in my stomach when her voice trailed off. "She was killed in a car accident last night. I'm sorry Bella, but Jasper really needs you."

"I'll be right there."

Back in my room, I rushed around pulling clothes from my drawers and stuffing them into an overnight bag.

"Is everything okay?"

I turned to find Edward, standing bleary-eyed in the doorway. "No." I shook my head, feeling the first stirrings of emotion. I'd been so focussed on getting ready to leave for Forks that the news hadn't sunk in yet. "Jasper's mom has–" I couldn't get the word out, it got lost in my choked sob. Suddenly the enormity of it struck me and I dropped heavily onto my bed.

Edward rushed to my side, his eyes filled with concern. "Is there anything I can do?"

I shook my head sadly. "I need to go, Jasper needs me."

When I rose and headed towards the door, Edward's hand curled around my upper arm, restraining me gently.

His eyes flicked down my body.

"You might want to get dressed first," he advised softly.

I looked down at my pajamas, and thanked him

~*AE*~

Alice's expression was grave when she opened to door and stepped to the side to let me in.

"Where is he?" I asked, rushing past her.

She pointed towards the living room. Jasper stood up when I pushed the door open, and I launched myself straight into his arms. "I'm so sorry Jazz!" I sobbed.

He gripped me so tight I could hardly breathe.

"I can't believe it Bella," he cried, "I just... I can't. I spoke to her yesterday."

We cried in each other's arms, but eventually practicality seeped into my consciousness. "Jazz," I said gently, my face still buried in his chest. "I'll take you home."

Alice offered to come, but Jasper said she should stay. I made myself scarce while they discussed it. It sounded like Alice had an important work commitment and Jasper insisted that she join us in a couple of days. Alice reluctantly agreed, but not before making him promise to call her if he needed her to be there sooner.

Within a few hours I was driving through the familiar wet streets of Forks. Jasper had hardly said a word for the entire journey, but his hand had stayed firmly clamped to my knee. It felt like I was his security blanket for the duration of the drive.

Even though we hadn't arrived at Jasper's house yet, seeing these streets seemed to hammer the point home that something fundamental had changed here. The streets seemed a little lonelier, the air heavy with the sense of loss.

There were already a few cars parked outside Jasper's house, so it took a bit of manoeuvring to get the truck into Charlie's drive. I stared at Jasper's house for a moment. Marjorie Whitlock was gone. Her footfalls would never be heard on these sidewalks again, her smile would never again light up any of these homes. I turned to Jasper and squeezed his hand. "Let's go."

His movements were slow, as if he was carrying a heavy weight on his shoulders. He rounded the truck and took hold of my hand, before leading me towards his childhood home. Normally, Marjorie would greet us on the porch, and a great sadness washed over me when Jasper's dad emerged through the front door.

Jack Whitlock was a proud man and not being one for outward displays of emotion, he stood stoic on the porch, watching our approach.

I glanced at the house and saw Charlie wave from the window. I dipped my head to the side to indicate that I was staying with Jasper for a moment. Charlie nodded to let me know he knew what I meant, and I turned my attention back to Jasper and his dad.

"Jasper," Jack acknowledged stiffly.

He looked a lot like Jasper, only harder around the edges and with an air of dignity that few men held. His once-blonde hair was pure white and, as always, neatly cropped. The only hint that there was something wrong was the telltale stubble on his chin, and the red rim around his eyes.

"Dad," Jasper responded in similar fashion.

I hesitated at Jasper's side, before addressing his dad. "We got here as soon as we could."

"I appreciate that, Bella," Jack said quietly. "It's nice to see you again, though I wish it could be in better circumstances."

Tears sprung to my eyes and I nodded, embarrassed by my display of emotion when he showed none. He patted my shoulder before opening the door and leading me into the house. Once inside, I headed straight for the living room, leaving Jasper and his dad to greet one another properly in private.

Despite the fact that the living room was full of people, it was eerily quiet. A tray of sandwiches lay untouched on the coffee table in the centre of the room, and I briefly wondered who had brought them. With the curtains drawn, the darkness of the room reflected the mood of everyone in it. The corner seemed as good a place as any to stand while I waited for Jasper.

A collective murmur rippled through the room together with a sudden flurry of movement when Jasper and his dad walked in. It was as if their presence had provoked an instant reaction in everyone present. The tension in the room was as palpable as the sadness surrounding Jasper and Jack.

A tall woman came in from the kitchen holding a steaming coffee pot. I vaguely recognised her, but couldn't place her at first. However, as soon as she passed Jack the resemblance was obvious and I remembered she was Jasper's aunt Wilma.

She smiled warmly at me and accepted when I offered to help her serve coffee and sandwiches to the people who had come to offer support. It amazed me how many people had come considering the accident had happened less than twenty four hours ago.

Before long, more relatives arrived. I was beginning to feel like I was intruding as I watched Jasper hug his aunts and shake the hands of his uncles who all offered him the same apology. The front room became so busy Jasper and I retreated to the kitchen, where he sat down at the table while I washed coffee cups.

His dad's voice drifted through from the hallway, and when he started explaining to someone what had happened to Marjorie, I realised he probably wasn't aware that Jasper and I could hear him. Jasper's shoulders started to shake but he caught my elbow when I moved to close the door. His hand slipped into mine and feeling his gentle pull, I sat down beside him to offer what little comfort I could.

Marjorie Whitlock had been driving home from her sister's house last night when she encountered two young boys racing each other along the mile stretch of road that leads into Forks. They were occupying both lanes and with nowhere to go, Marjorie's car veered off the highway and hit a tree. She was killed instantly.

Jack's voice grew harsh when he revealed that the two boys survived.

Jasper's grip tightened painfully and it was all I could do not to wince. After a few moments he stood up and led me out through the back door.

"You should go see Charlie. He'll be desperate to see you." His lip trembled as he spoke.

"I don't mind staying," I protested. "Charlie knows where I am."

He sighed heavily and shot me a watery-eyed look of appreciation. "I'm gonna give Alice a call, and then I should talk to Dad."

Leaning towards him, I placed my forehead on his shoulder. His hand slid around my waist and I felt his warm breath in my hair as he kissed the top of my head.

Anchored by his grief, I was reluctant to pull away, but eventually I did. "I'll come over later," I promised.

"Can you stay over?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course."

He smiled sadly, and watched me walk across the lawn towards Charlie's.

I sucked in a calming breath, immediately smelling the unmistakable musty smell of moss and damp grass. I drew a certain comfort from its familiarity.

This had been my home, my sanctuary for eight years before I moved to Seattle with Jasper. Jasper had been there for me all through the difficult adjustments I'd had to make, and now I could be here to help him through this.

Charlie was sitting at the table cleaning his gun when I got in. I dropped my bag on the floor and flew into his arms. "It's so good to see you Dad."

His embrace was strong and when I attempted to pull away, he held me a beat longer before releasing me. "It's such a shame about Marjorie."

He sighed sharply, dropping heavily back into his chair. He rubbed his fingers over the thick stubble on his chin. I took in the deep frown on his mouth and the grey pallor of his skin.

"You were there?" I gasped.

"Jim and I were first on the scene," he admitted with a slow nod.

"Oh, Dad!" I sobbed. "It's so horrible. I can't believe she's gone, poor Jasper."

"Poor Jack," he added.

The loneliness evident in his tone saddened me further.

While I cooked dinner for us, we managed to have a semi normal conversation about my new life in Seattle and his lonely one here. I didn't fail to notice that Sue Clearwater's name came up quite a few times and each time it did, his eyes lit up.

I was thrilled. I didn't know the exact status of their relationship, but it was plain to see that he was fond of her and she was putting a smile on his face. Perhaps he wouldn't be lonely for too much longer.

After dinner I asked Charlie, out of respect, if I could go back to Jasper's. He agreed, even when I added that I wouldn't be home till morning. I knew that even though he trusted me, he still wasn't entirely comfortable with me spending the night at Jasper's.

Jasper's house was still filled with people. Jack looked tired and tense when he answered the door and directed me to the back garden where Jasper was cleaning out the tree house.

I could hear Jasper thumping around inside before I even reached the tree. The ladder consisted of broken tree limbs that had been fashioned into rungs and nailed to the trunk at precise intervals. Laying my hand on it, I closed my eyes and listened to the familiar sounds of the forest behind us. I could almost be thirteen years old again and climbing this ladder for the very first time.

"We should really repaint this thing," Jasper said dejectedly when I poked my head in through the opening in the floor. "It'll rot if we don't."

The tree house did look neglected. Where the walls had once been smooth and sound, they were now rough and broken, and the window was cracked.

Jasper helped me inside and then went straight back to sweeping the damp leaves and moss into a corner. Spotting a refuse sack propped against the wall, I began scooping up the leaves and deposited them into it.

"Can you remember the grand opening ceremony?" Jasper asked when we'd finished and the place looked infinitely better.

"We were so excited, it was like all our Christmases wrapped into one," I recalled, watching him open the large bag that had been sitting in the far corner.

"I still can't believe she agreed to let us spend the night here." There was a slight catch in his voice when he mentioned his mother, but he busied himself pulling the contents from the bag. "Even though it barely lasted two hours."

I smiled at the memory, hiding my surprise when he pulled out a camping mattress and several sleeping bags with pillows.

"She knew we wouldn't last the night."

He set to work inflating the mattress with a foot pump.

"I loved this place," he reminisced. "It was our little sanctuary from the world."

"Maybe it was more mine than yours." I smiled. "You managed just fine in the real world. It was me who needed sanctuary."

He unzipped two of the sleeping bags, laying them across the mattress before zipping two more together and spreading them out like a makeshift quilt. He finished by covering it all with two thick duvets. He shot me a questioning look before scooting beneath the covers.

Without hesitation I joined him, sighing in appreciation of his body heat as he pulled me to his side. He wrapped his arm around me, allowing me to rest my head on his shoulder. "You gave me purpose, Bella," he whispered. "I always felt I meant something to you, you know? It was like with you I had a reason for being, I felt worth something. I would do anything to make you smile."

"I know, and you did it so easily."

He hugged me tightly, rolling me onto my side. His heartbeat was strong against my ear.

"She always hoped we'd fall in love and you would be the daughter she never had," he murmured, rubbing my shoulder distractedly. "She would have loved that."

"She would have loved Alice," I said gently.

A sob erupted in his chest. "She'll never get to know her properly now."

He clung to me, his grief pouring out in long heartbreaking sobs. Tears stung my eyes, raw emotion burning in my chest, but this was _his_ pain and I had to absorb it, not add to it. Eventually his tears subsided. His breathing slowed to a steady rhythm which told me he had fallen asleep. It wasn't long before I joined him.

The cold stiffness in my limbs woke me. I knew instantly that he was awake because he was shivering too. I curled my arms and legs around him and pulled him closer. "I forgot how cold it gets out here," I muttered through chattering teeth.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep," he whispered.

I kissed his cheek. "Don't be. I'm glad you did, you needed it."

"It feels so strange," he mused. "I feel like we're teenagers again."

I could hear the sadness in his voice. He wished she was still here, but I could tell he wasn't ready to talk about her again yet. "Remember the first time we fell asleep in here?" I asked, trying hard to inject some lightness into my tone.

He snuggled closer and I was relieved to see a hint of a smile playing on his lips "Charlie brought his gun."

I managed a small laugh. "The night of the wedding."

"I was a hormonal teenager, I don't blame him."

I snorted cynically. "If only he'd known, it was _you_ who was protecting _my_ virtue that night... despite my efforts."

All at once there was a shift in the ambiance. "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if I'd indulged you?" he asked.

If he'd asked me that a couple of months ago I would have said no, because I'd always assumed that refusing me was the right thing to do. I'd trusted his judgement implicitly, but I was a different person now. Now, I regretted my blind acceptance of his refusal.

Perhaps if I'd forced the issue, I could've learned something from Jasper that I was now learning from Edward. I wouldn't have been frozen for all these years, and I might have found my soul mate just like Jasper had done.

Best friends is all Jasper and I were ever meant to be, but I couldn't help but wonder if he'd kissed me when I asked him to I would've found the courage to trust someone long before now.

Of course I could say nothing of this to him.

"It all worked out in the end, Jazz," I said gently. "You found your soul mate and she accepts us for what we are: best friends."

I felt his smile against my cheek. "She's the most self assured person I've ever met."

"She's perfect for you," I agreed.

"What about you though?" he asked. "I really wish you could find someone."

"I'm working on it," I said before I could control my tongue.

He rose abruptly, leaning over me to look into my face. "What?"

I forced a smile, but didn't meet his gaze. "I mean I'm trying to broaden my horizons, that's why I came to the bar with you and Alice. Maybe one day, I'll be..." I rooted around for the right word and ended up settling for humour. "Normalized."

He settled back down beside me, lying flat on his back. "You're never going to let me forget that are you?"

"Not in this lifetime," I said, chuckling.

However, I'd inadvertently turned the conversation to Edward.

"Seriously though Bella, are you sure you're okay living with Edward?"

"Don't you trust Alice's judgement?" I countered. "He's really a hard working guy, he doesn't bring girls back. In fact, he's a lot like you."

"Maybe now, but his true colors will show soon enough."

It was my turn to prop myself up and look down at him. "What are you getting at?"

"Let's not argue tonight," he sighed, his tone apologetic. "Not about Edward Cullen."

Out of respect I let it drop, but I didn't like it one bit. I was sure I'd seen what Alice knew about Edward, that he was kind and loyal and giving. Jasper just wasn't willing to see it too.

We lay in silence for a long while and my thoughts drifted back to Marjorie Whitlock, my Forks mother. Despite what Jasper said, I knew that she hadn't really hoped Jasper and I would get together. She was intensely proud of the way her son had patched me up and made me almost fit for the outside world. But I also knew that, deep down, she worried that I would be too much work for him and that he would miss out on the chance to find happiness on a less dependent level.

She was right of course, he'd found what he needed, and it wasn't me.

"Thanks for being here," he whispered, and I couldn't hold back my tears for all he'd lost today, for, albeit on a lesser scale, I had lost it too.

"I'll always be here for you."

~*AE*~

Alice arrived two days later in time for the funeral, which was an excruciating but cathartic affair. We stayed in Forks for the rest of the week. Jasper spent time showing Alice around, while I spent some time with Charlie.

On Friday night, the three of us huddled together in the cold tree house. Alice had fallen in love with it as soon as she saw it and said when she has kids she's going to make sure they have one just like it. Her legs were draped over mine and her head resting on Jasper's lap.

"Who wants to go see a movie?" I suggested, worried that Alice would be tired of hearing Jasper and I talking about our childhood.

Jasper sat up. "You hate the cinema."

"No I don't," I denied. "I've just never...um... taken the time to–"

"Enjoy it?" Alice finished for me.

I nodded, grateful for her interruption, but then I stupidly mentioned enjoying the rom-com I'd gone to see with Edward.

"Who did you see that with?" Jasper asked, clearly surprised.

I sat up and sighed, avoiding his eyes. "I went with a friend from work."

His eyes narrowed. He knew I was lying. "You went on a date!" he gasped, but the tone of his voice was reverent, not bitter.

I tried to deny it, but I was painfully aware that my crimson cheeks had blown my cover.

His eyes widened as if he'd just had an epiphany. "Did you go out with that Jacob dude?" He turned to Alice. "I knew he was going to ask her out."

Alice nodded, but it held an air of appeasement rather than agreement.

Knowing Jasper didn't know Jacob any better than I did, I reluctantly lied. "Yes, I went on a date with Jacob."

"You never told me," Jasper said. "How was it, did he treat you okay?"

"Jasper, you have to trust Bella's judgment. She's not a child," Alice scolded. "Does she look like someone who has been mistreated?"

He regarded me for a moment then shook his head. "I guess it's just hard to switch it off. I just need to know that you're okay."

I smiled at him. "I am," I insisted. Turning to Alice, I asked, "Are we going to a movie or what?"

~*AE*~

I spent my last day in Forks with Charlie.

"It's good to have you back Bells," he said, finishing up the last of the meal I'd cooked for him. "I worry about you living in the city."

"I know you do, but Jasper's there with me."

He pushed his empty plate away and sat back in his chair. "You seem different," he observed. "Not in a bad way, I mean, you seem..." He paused and stared at me for a long moment. "A little more confident. It suits you."

A hot blush crept across my cheeks. "I guess I'm just growing up, Dad."

"I guess."

When Sue came over later in the evening, it was amusing to see Charlie's discomfort. He kept checking for reactions from me, whenever Sue sat beside him or used a term of endearment when speaking to him.

I wasn't sure if he could tell that I was happy to see him and Sue together, but I was.

It was still early when I made my excuses and went to bed, but I figured they'd want some time alone together. As I lay in my room, I couldn't help but think about how different my life had become since moving to the city.

I was eager to return.

~*AE*~

It was late afternoon on Sunday when I arrived home. Finding the apartment empty, I went straight back out again and took my clothes to the Laundromat. I'd meant to wash my things at Charlie's but hadn't gotten round to it.

When I arrived home just after six, Edward was stretched out on the sofa watching the news on TV.

"Hey," he greeted warmly. He turned to face me but didn't get up. "How was Forks?"

"Good," I said, thinking about Charlie. "But sad too."

"How's Jasper doing?"

"Struggling, but he has Alice," I replied.

"And how are you?" he asked, moving his legs to allow me to sit down on the sofa beside him.

Without thinking, I lifted his arm and pulled it around me to rest my head on his shoulder. It was the kind of thing I would normally do with Jasper but the way his body tensed quickly alerted me to my mistake.

"Um... what are you doing, Bella?"

I sat up again. "Sorry, I guess after spending a few days with Jasper, I just forgot myself."

"So this is how you are with Jasper?" he asked, still not moving.

"Yeah," I admitted. "Though, not so much now that he's with Alice. I just need a hug sometimes."

His expression softened and he raised his arm again in invitation. With a sigh of contentment I resumed my position, enjoying the way his arm draped lazily over my shoulder.

We lay like that for a few moments and it felt like the most natural thing in the world for me slide my hand across his abs and nuzzle his neck. He didn't protest when my knee rested on his thigh and I breathed in the wonderful musky scent of him.

"Is _this_ how you were with Jasper?" His words came out on a long slow exhale.

I immediately pulled back to see a brief flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. "No," I whispered. "Never."

He closed his eyes. "The lines are getting blurred."

"What do you mean?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbow.

"Define our deal," he requested, without opening his eyes.

I searched my brain trying to find a way to put it into words. "Um... you are... um... showing me how to date and how to..." My failure to articulate it embarrassed me.

"Yeah, I'm supposed to be showing you how to date and how to relax and enjoy yourself when you like somebody. But what is this?" He touched my hand where it was wrapped tightly around his waist. "And this?" His fingers lightly grazed my knee straddled across his lap.

"I like being close to you," I muttered. Now it was my turn to look away. "I've never been like this with anyone, and I like it." His questions hadn't been harsh and I found the courage to drop my head back onto his shoulder. He didn't stop me. "It scares me a little sometimes, but you make me feel like it's not wrong."

"It _isn't_ wrong," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "But you should be doing these things with someone you have feelings for."

"I have feelings for you," I blurted. He stiffened again. "I just mean that I like you, Edward. I feel comfortable around you and I want to explore this with you. Maybe we should move the goalposts a little."

He rolled us until he was looming over me, one eyebrow quirked in apparent amusement. "I think that's what you've been doing all along." He brushed his fingers gently through my hair, smoothing it away from my face. "You keep changing the rules because you have no idea what you're doing and you have nothing to compare this to. You haven't even been on a real date yet."

I reached a hand up to touch his face. "What's the point though, if I can't let myself go? I don't want to ruin it for myself before I've had a chance to find out what it's like to be intimate with someone." My eyes probed his. "What If I do date someone and it's a disaster? It could set me back again."

He surprised me by chuckling and dropping a quick kiss to the tip of my nose. "Do I get any say in the deal?"

"Of course," I replied, happy that the mood was lightening.

He sat up abruptly, pulling me to face him. "Are you sure this is what you really want?" He lightly traced his finger down my face onto my neck and across my collar bone. "You want me to be the first man to touch you?" I shivered when he moved slightly closer, his breath fanning my face. "Even though we're not in a relationship, you want me to show you what it can be like?"

I nodded, my tongue suddenly feeling too big for my dry mouth. He leaned closer still, letting his lips brush across my cheek as he whispered, "do you want to feel my body against yours?"

The ability to form words deserted me, rendering me capable only of small strangled noises that might've been embarrassing if I was capable of feeling anything other than the pleasure his touch was bringing me. His fingers skimmed lightly over the naked strip of skin between my shirt hem and the waistband of my jeans. Prickles of sensation brought goose bumps to my willing flesh.

"Do you want me to make love to you?" he murmured, his lips brushing my ear.

My heart was crashing in my chest, and my whole body seemed to be throbbing with pleasure but yet aching at the same time. Surrounded by the sheer potency of his masculinity, I should have been terrified, but I wasn't. My whole body was humming with excitement, with the sheer joy of discovering that his touch and his words excited me beyond measure. I knew without a doubt that I wanted what he was offering.

"Yes," I whimpered.

He rocked back instantly.

The sudden chill snapped me out of the spell he'd put me under. My eyes flew open, to find that his were dark and accusing.

"How can you possibly know that?" he demanded, all traces of seduction gone from his voice. "Not so long ago you were saving yourself for marriage, or have you forgotten that? You've never had a boyfriend but you'd be willing to give it up, like that!" He snapped his fingers in front of my face.

"You don't have to be so mean about it, I didn't think you meant today," I huffed, my sudden anger outweighing my embarrassment with myself. "I just meant... eventually."

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh." He rubbed his temples with his long fingers. "You seem to have no problems at all with intimacy, so maybe we should–."

"We haven't done anything yet," I argued, cutting him off before he could back out of our deal. "I still need you... to help me."

He frowned and shook his head a little. I waited with baited breath while he seemed to mull it over. "Okay, we'll take it one step at a time, but there are some ground rules." I nodded eagerly. "Rule one; you have to go on a real date with someone else."

"Why?" I balked at the idea.

"So you can experience a real date – with someone other than me," he said, clearly enjoying stating the obvious.

"What's the next rule?"

"If you meet someone you like, you have to tell me and we'll stop. I'm not into fooling around with another guy's girl, okay?"

"What about your dates?"

"I won't be dating anyone."

I frowned. "How is that fair? If I'm dating someone then you should be free to do it too."

He quirked an eyebrow. "It wouldn't bother you?"

It bothered the hell out of me. "Maybe a little bit."

His lips spread into a smile. "It's different for me, I already know myself. I can wait till this is over. You, on the other hand, are trying to find love – so you have to date. So, if you go out on a date and like the guy and want to go on a second date with him, this stops. He can be your guinea pig, you won't need me anymore."

His words made sense, so I relented with a nod.

"Rule three," he continued, pulling me to him. "You have to be vocal about this. I need you to tell me what you like, and you need to tell me to stop if I do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, okay?"

"Okay," I agreed. "Won't it get frustrating for you?"

He chuckled as his lips teased my earlobe. "Remember that little make out session we had the night we were at the bar?" He continued when I nodded. "I'm no virgin, you know that, but you were so... responsive, so into it, that it was the hottest experience I've had in a long time."

His warm lips claimed mine. As I sagged back against the sofa, I pulled him down with me. The heat from his firm body seeped through my clothes when he stretched out beside me. His fingers were firm but still gentle as they delved into my hair, angling my head so he could kiss me more thoroughly.

With slow lingering kisses, his lips started to move downwards, grazing my neck lightly. "I like that," I told him, gasping slightly.

I felt his smile. "Good." His hand left my hair, stroking slowly down to my collarbone, where his fingers scorched a path across my eager skin.

"I liked it when you touched me last time," I forced out on a strangled groan.

The sharp knock on the door startled us both. Edward sat up abruptly, leaving me still panting for him. To my horror I heard the door opening.

"Roll over, pretend you're asleep," Edward whispered.

I did as he said, pressing my face into a cushion.

"Bella?" Jasper's voice echoed down the hallway and I heard his footsteps approach.

I heard Edward walk towards him. "She's sleeping," he said quietly. "She was there when I got in."

"Oh, right," Jasper said lowering his voice. "She sleeps like a log, so I won't try to wake her."

"Do you want a coffee or something?" Edward asked.

"I just popped in to give her this," Jasper said. "My dad didn't have a chance to give it to her before she left."

There was a silence and I wondered what it was they were looking at.

"It's just a couple of things of my mom's. I'll just leave them here."

My heart ached and I was desperate to turn round and tell him I was awake, but if I did it would open a can of worms.

"Maybe you should hold onto them and give her them yourself," Edward suggested.

"Yeah," Jasper agreed. "I better get going, tell her I stopped by."

"I will." There was a short pause. "I'm sorry about your mom," Edward added.

The only sound was their footsteps receding down the hallway.

"Hey, how well do you know that Jacob guy?" Jasper asked when they reached the end of the hallway.

"Pretty well, he's a decent guy."

"Did you know Bella's dating him?"

"What? Um... no," Edward answered, and I wondered if Jasper could hear his surprise as clearly as I could.

"Yeah, she told me when we were in Forks that he took her to see a movie."

"Jacob's cool," Edward said evenly. "He won't mess her around."

"I can't say I like the idea." Jasper said. "I worry about her, she's... well, you know how she is."

"I do," Edward responded, sounding a little tense. "But you don't have to worry; she's more than capable of handling herself. Besides, she has you looking out for her and I'm here if she needs me."

Jasper laughed. "Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that."

And with that he left and the door closed just a little too loudly behind him.

I sat up as Edward stalked back into the room. "Why did I have to pretend to be asleep?" I asked, getting up.

"Because your face is all flushed and your hair looks like someone's been running their fingers through it." He pointed at my hair as if to emphasise his point. His tone was severe but I could tell he was still bristling at Jasper and not me. "Why did you tell him you were dating Jacob?"

"I let it slip about the film we went to see and he asked me who I went with."

"And Jacob sprung to mind?"

"No, he just assumed it was Jacob. He said something about Jacob wanting to ask me out, so rather than tell him the truth and have him sticking his nose in, I lied."

Edward looked thoughtful. "Do you like Jacob?"

The question puzzled me, but not as much as the calculating look in his eye did. "He's okay, why?"

"He's been asking about you since that night in the bar. He asked me to set him up with you."

"Oh!" I gasped "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I was going to, but I guess I got a little side tracked." He glanced at the sofa.

I blushed.

"I think it's perfect," he said with disappointing enthusiasm. "I meant what I said; Jake's a nice guy, you could do worse than go out on a date with him."

"I'm not ready," I said sourly.

He sat down beside me and kissed my temple. "Sure you are."

"Why are you so desperate for me to do this?"

"Because even though I've agreed to this, I don't want to take something from you that you could be giving to someone you love, and you won't be able to do that unless you start dating." He kissed me again. "For real."

"But in the meantime, we can keep up the tuition?" I said quirking an eyebrow in, what I hoped, was a suggestive manner.

In response, he pulled me into his arms.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

For a couple of days Edward didn't bring up Jacob's name again. I began to relax, believing he wouldn't press the issue. I'd been telling the truth when I said I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to risk things ending badly, at least with Edward it wasn't real. It was merely an experiment, and I knew what to expect: that it would end, but amicably.

On Tuesday I had lunch with Jasper at college. I wasn't surprised to see him back so soon, he had always been the type who liked to keep himself busy in times of stress, and we'd been calling each other a lot since getting back from Forks.

"How are you today?" I asked, sliding into the chair beside him.

"I'm okay." He smiled weakly at me. "Just keeping busy."

"How's your dad? I was thinking of calling him tonight."

Jasper sighed sharply. "You know what he's like. He's insisting he's fine." He rubbed his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. "He would never admit to actually having any fucking feelings about anything. He barely mentions it when I call him."

I gripped his arm to try to make him look at me. "Jazz," I soothed. "Everyone deals with grief in their own way."

"His fucking wife was killed!"

A hush descended over the dining room, and I knew without looking that all eyes were on us but I didn't care, all I cared about was getting Jasper out of there so I could talk to him and comfort him in private. I stood up, my chair scraping across the floor, oddly loud in the unusual quietness of the room.

"Come on, Jazz," I urged, cupping his elbow. "Let's go."

In his current state he clearly wasn't thinking right, and just as I leaned over he leapt to his feet. The back of his head slammed into my face.

"Ow!" I yelped in agony as I fell backwards, but in my desperation to right myself I clutched blindly at the table, completely missed it, and fell awkwardly on the concrete floor with a sickening crunch. I knew at once I had broken something.

"Oh God, Bella!" Jasper cried, as he dropped to his knees beside me. "I'm so sorry."

A small group gathered round us as I wept in agony. Jasper scooped me into his arms and rushed me straight to the exit.

"I think I've broken my arm," I sobbed, wincing in pain at every step.

"I'll take you straight to the hospital. There's no point seeing the nurse she'll only send us there anyway."

In the parking lot he placed me gingerly in his car, his eyes full of apology as he closed the door gently.

He must have apologised a hundred times by the time we arrived at the hospital, but all I could concentrate on was the unbearable pain in my arm and the horrible metallic taste of blood in my mouth.

We waited an hour before my name was finally called. After some X-rays it was confirmed that I had broken my wrist, but thankfully it was a clean break. I was given some pain killers and Jasper stayed with me while they fitted me with a cast.

"God, I'm such a jerk," he groaned watching me grimace in pain. "I don't know what came over me."

"I do," I said, hissing as my hand was elevated slightly. "You just got a bit emotional, it's to be expected. Please stop beating yourself up about it. It's a broken wrist, I'll survive."

He kissed the top of my head. "You also have a fat lip."

I stuck my tongue out at him. My lip throbbed.

Eventually I was allowed to leave and Jasper led me out through the waiting room. I felt a bit woozy from the painkillers, so he left me sitting at the main entrance while he went to bring the car to the main entrance.

"Bella?"

I turned to see Jacob walking towards me, his brow furrowed in concern as he spotted the cast. "What happened to you?" He was wearing a light blue polo shirt and dark blue pants. His name badge was pinned to the top pocket of his shirt.

"I had an accident at college." I felt self-conscious meeting him unexpectedly like this, especially since I now knew he was interested in me.

He sat down beside me. "Looks nasty."

"It's not too bad, apparently it should heal quickly."

"Do you need a ride home?" he asked, looking around as if to check if I was with anyone. "I'm due a break soon."

I shook my head. "No thanks, Jasper has just gone to get the car."

He looked a little disappointed. "You know I'm glad I ran into you Bella," he began. I could tell by the shift in his demeanour that he was going to ask me a question. I was pretty sure it was one I wasn't ready to answer yet. "I was gonna..."

"I've got the car out front, Bella, we'll have to be quick though." I was never more happy to see Jasper. He looked at Jacob, quirking an eyebrow. "Hi Jacob, I didn't know you worked here."

Jacob smiled and shook the hand that Jasper offered. "Yeah," he said. "Hopefully not for much longer though."

They had a brief conversation about work, while I stood there terrified that Jasper would say something about the lie I'd told him.

"It was nice seeing you again Jacob," I smiled, pulling on Jasper's arm. I was too desperate to get away from Jacob to feel guilty for my rudeness.

"Hey, listen," Jasper said, stopping and turning back towards Jacob. "Alice and I are having a barbecue this weekend, Bella's coming." He grinned, looking down at me. "You should come too."

"Sure." Jacob beamed at me before looking at Jasper. "Sounds great, I'll get the address from Edward."

I cringed as Jasper led me out to the car. Not only was my lie to Jasper about to catch up with me, but he had just inadvertently done Edward's dirty work for him.

"You didn't tell me your boyfriend works at the hospital," he teased whilst strapping my seat belt for me.

"He's not my boyfriend."

"I thought you said you were dating him?"

"_One_ date doesn't constitute dating."

"I thought you liked him."

"I never said that." I was already forming a plan in my head to use the broken wrist as my get-out-of-barbecue-free card.

"Bella, you didn't have to," he chuckled. "That night in the tree house you went all dreamy when you were telling Alice and me about your date."

_Oh God!_ This was worse than I thought. "Look, he's a nice guy and I had a nice time, but I'm not really ready to get into anything with him. It was one date. I just want to leave it at that."

"Look, I know why you're trying to hide this from me," he said, shooting me little sideways glances as he drove. "But I promise, as long as he treats you right I won't stick my nose in. Okay?"

I rolled my eyes and looked out of the window knowing that any further protestations would be futile.

When he pulled up outside my building, his eyes focussed on my cast.

"I'm totally signing that thing when we get back to the apartment."

By the time we got into the apartment, the pain killers I'd been given at the hospital were wearing off and I felt sore and tired. Jasper made sure I was comfortable on the sofa before making me a cup of coffee.

"What time did they give me the pain killers?" I asked when he set the cup on the table beside me.

He glanced up at the clock. "It was about two so I guess it would be okay for you to take a couple more now."

He passed me the bottle we'd picked up from the pharmacy on the way home. I eagerly swallowed down two pills and lay back against the cushions. "You should go, I'll be fine now."

"I called Alice. I can stay a while longer, if you want," he offered.

It was the 'if you want' part of the offer that told me all I needed to know. "No, honestly I'm fine. I'll probably just watch a bit of TV and then go to bed."

He kissed my cheek and rubbed my hair away from my forehead before kissing that too. "I really am sorry, Bella."

"It was a good distraction though." I tried to smile but I could see his confusion. "It made you forget about your worries for a while," I clarified.

His shoulders sagged making me kick myself for bringing it up again. "Yeah," he agreed sadly.

I watched him leave, looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders once again.

I must have dozed off, because a finger tracing my swollen lip startled me awake.

"What happened to you?"

I opened my eyes to find Edward perched on the edge of the coffee table looking down at me with eyes full of concern. His finger was still delicately tracing my mouth.

"I had an accident at college." I held the cast up, but regretted it instantly when a bolt of pain shot up my arm. "I broke my wrist."

"How did you manage that?" he asked, focussing on the cast.

"Jasper got up too quickly, we clashed heads, and I came off worst."

"How can you break your wrist clashing heads?" He quirked his eyebrow at me.

"I fell awkwardly."

"Can I get you anything?" He stood up. "Coffee?"

"No thanks, I won't sleep tonight if I drink anymore."

"It's only seven."

I glanced at the clock in surprise. I'd been sleeping for less than an hour. "I feel like I've been sleeping for hours."

He read the label on the medicine bottle Jasper had left on the table. "Yeah, these make you drowsy. You won't be able to drive with these."

I held up my cast and winced again. Would I ever learn not to do that? "I can't drive with this either."

He smiled sympathetically.

"Oh, I just remembered," I said, attempting to sit up. He stepped forward right away to help me up. "I met Jacob at the hospital."

He sat down beside me. "Did he ask you out?"

I shook my head. "No, but I think he was going to before Jasper interrupted us."

"That's a pity," Edward said, still smiling at me. "But if Jacob is anything, he's persistent. He'll call, don't worry about that."

"But I am worried, Edward," I complained, disappointed by his eagerness. "I meant what I said the other day; I don't feel like I want to go out on a date with anyone yet."

"You went on a date with me and it was fine."

"That was different."

My head was still spinning a little bit so I reclined against the back of the sofa. Edward mirrored this action, staring at me intently.

"How is it different?"

"Because I knew it wasn't real, so there was no pressure. I didn't have to worry if you liked me or not... or... if I liked you."

He shifted a little to fully face me. "Jacob likes you."

I sighed in frustration. "Don't push me into this, Edward."

He held his hands up, "Okay, I'll let it drop." He turned away. "For now."

"We do have a problem though," I said, closing my eyes against the slight swimming of my vision. "Jasper invited him to the barbecue on Saturday."

Even though my eyes were shut, I could tell he was sporting a wide grin as soon as he spoke. "That's good," he insisted.

"Jasper thinks I went on a date with Jacob," I reminded him. "I don't want Jasper to find out I lied."

"Oh."

I opened my eyes, rolling my head to look at him.

The smile slowly crept back across his handsome face. "You worry too much. It'll be fine, and at least this way you can get to know Jacob a bit better without the pressure of a date."

All of a sudden, I was hit with the irrational urge to smack him in the mouth with my cast.

Later, while Edward was making himself something to eat, I went to my room to get ready for bed, only to find just how limiting a newly broken wrist can be. It was unbelievably painful to move my fingers so I had to struggle to undo my buttons with my left hand, and every time I moved my arm throbbed.

It took me three times longer than normal to wriggle out of my jeans, and I had just managed to get tied up in knots trying to get my top off when there was a tap on the door.

"You okay in there Bella?" Edward called. "Do you need any help?"

"No!" I shouted a little too loudly in my alarm. "I'm doing fine, thanks."

"I brought your pills and a glass of water in case you need them during the night."

Sagging back on the bed I looked down at myself. My arm was trapped in my top and I hadn't even managed to pull on my sleep shorts yet. "Just leave them by the door. I'll get them in a minute."

"Okay," he said.

I heard him walking away before realising I hadn't thanked him. "Edward?"

"Yeah?" he called back.

"Thanks."

He didn't say anything else and I sat on the edge of my bed wrestling with my top, but it was no use, I couldn't get it off. I managed to force my arm back through the sleeve and decided I might as well just sleep in it. I padded to the door and pressed my ear to it to make sure Edward wasn't in the near vicinity. Satisfied that I couldn't hear him, I quickly opened the door and snatched up the glass. Unable to pick up the dish with the pills in it at the same time, I hurried to put the glass on my nightstand before coming back for it.

I'd only just made it to the door when I heard his footsteps approach. In a moment of panic that he might see me in only my panties and mangled shirt, I slammed the door, leaving the glass outside.

"Bella?"

"I'm not decent!" I shouted.

"Do you need any help?"

"No, I just need you to go away so I can get the glass."

"Let me know when you're decent and I'll bring it in," he said from directly behind the door.

My cheeks were blazing as I scooted under the duvet. "Okay," I called, not looking at him when he opened the door and walked in.

He knelt beside the bed. "If you need any help, all you have to do is ask."

The tenderness in his eyes soothed me a little. "I'm okay, Edward, really."

"Are you going to sleep in that top?"

"Yes," I said, worried that he'd offer to help me remove it.

He placed the glass on the nightstand beside the pills, seeming to regard them for a moment or two before finally standing up. "Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight," I grumbled when he put out the light.

I lay in the dark, feeling foolish. He'd been offering me help and all I could do was worry that he would see me in my underwear. All of the confidence I'd found around him recently had evaporated, and I felt bitter tears well in my eyes. I'd been so sure I was on my way to liberating myself from the shackles holding me back from normal relationships, but now in the lonely darkness of my room, it seemed as far out of my reach as ever.

In the morning I was awoken by the pain shooting up my arm. The weak yellow glow of sunrise alerted me to the fact that it was still very early. I struggled up to a sitting position and grabbed the bottle of pills, but I couldn't hold it with my sore hand while trying to open it with my good hand. My frustration from last night returned and I threw the bottle across the room, bursting into tears.

Pain and frustration overwhelmed me, and I flopped back onto my bed succumbing to my misery.

Moments later, there was a light tap on the door. "Go away, Edward, I'm fine!" I snapped, wiping my tears on my sleeve.

"I'm coming in," he said forcefully.

The door opened.

I turned quickly attempting to catch the duvet, but yelped in pain because I'd used my sore arm to do it.

"For Christ's sake, Bella," he scolded, crossing the room in three strides. He pulled the duvet over me. "I have seen girls in their underwear before. I'm not gonna pounce on you."

I turned my face deeper into the pillow, crying harder. I felt the weight of him dip the mattress before his hand slid over my shoulder. "Why are you crying?" His voice was gentler now.

"I can't do anything right," I mumbled.

"Bella, you have a broken wrist, you can't expect to just carry on regardless. It'll take a little while for you to get some use back in that arm." The warm circles he was rubbing on my back were making me feel better.

I slowly turned to face him and accepted the tissue he was holding out to me. He looked away while I blew my nose noisily. Embarrassment washed through me.

"I'm sorry, I'm being childish," I whispered, hating the way my voice was still shaking with the last remnants of my sobs.

"It's not just the arm that's upsetting you is it?" he guessed.

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut against the fresh batch of tears threatening to spill out.

He moved closer, and careful not to hurt my arm, pulled me into his arms. He smelled wonderful in the morning, which was the first thing that hit me. The second was the fact that he was shirtless and I hadn't noticed. It further compounded my misery, and not for the first time in this newborn day I groaned in frustration.

"Look, I'm sorry I was a bit harsh with you when I first came in." He swept his hand over my forehead, pulling my hair away from my face. "Tell me what's wrong?"

"I really thought I was getting somewhere," I explained quietly in stilted words. "That I was gaining some confidence, and it would only be a matter of time before I would be able to do the whole relationship thing." I swallowed hard and my cheeks burned. "I thought I would one day be able to... to make love." My voice cracked. "But I can't even let you take my top off."

"Bella, you shouldn't try to run before you can walk. We've made out a couple of times, and you _have_ gained a lot of confidence." His fingers traced comforting circles on my back while he spoke. "But this reaction is perfectly normal. Any girl would feel the way you do right now." He pressed his lips to the top of my head. "Don't lose your nerve now."

"But, I feel safe with you, and I like doing stuff with you. I didn't expect to feel frightened at the thought of you seeing me naked."

I buried my face in his chest and he held me close saying nothing for a long time. When he did speak it was the last thing I expected him to ask. "Has Jasper seen you naked?"

My head shot up. "What?" I gasped.

"No, not like that." He exhaled gently. "I just mean, you two grew up really close, and I was wondering if there was ever a time when he had to do something like this for you."

"No one has seen me naked."

"But he's seen you in a bathing suit right?" I nodded. "And if he lived here you would let him help you?" I nodded again. "Okay, so this is the same thing Bella, it's nothing to do with our...situation, it's just one friend helping out another, okay?"

His words made sense but cradled in his arms, having just felt the soft sprinkle of hair on his chest against my cheek, it was very difficult to think of him as I would of Jasper. However, I had no choice but to agree with him.

"Good, because we need to get that top off you, it doesn't smell so good."

I gasped, but then seeing the mirth in his eyes, I snickered. "You're mean."

His tone turned serious again. "I can take your top off without looking and then I'll pass you your robe, you should be okay to wash your body with one hand. I'll wash your hair later." He looked down at me again. "It's not like you'll be going anywhere this morning."

"I guess not."

Unwrapping my hands from around his waist, where I hadn't even realised they were placed, he gently raised my good arm. Just like he'd promised, his eyes were firmly closed. I smiled, relieved. When his fingers traced under the hem of my top and brushed my bare skin, it was all I could do not to jump in fright.

Taking his advice, I tried to pretend it was just like Jasper helping me out. I hadn't factored on how his touch would affect me. The warmth of his fingers brushing against my skin when he pulled my top up caused goose bumps to spring up on my flesh. The way my nipples hardened when he pulled the material higher over my breasts was not unpleasant at all. I scanned his face, but he showed no emotion while his fingers encircled my good arm and pulled it free from my sleeve.

"That's the easy part," he murmured.

His hands fluttered to the two buttons at my neck and I marvelled at how easily he opened them with his eyes still closed. He leaned closer, hooking his other hand under my armpit to support my hurt arm, while he pulled the top sideways over my head. All I could think about was the feeling of his thumb resting on the side of my breast while he gently slid the shirt down my arm. The heat of his thumb felt like a branding iron on my delicate flesh, but wild horses couldn't have dragged me from his touch.

When he'd finished removing the top, he stood up and retrieved my robe from the hook on my door. He paused to pick up my pills from the floor where I'd flung them, and when he turned I saw his eyes were closed again. With impressive accuracy, he draped the robe around my shoulders.

I moved to put my good arm in the sleeve. "Wait," he said, and I startled when his hand snaked around my back, and with one quick tug, he undid my bra. He chuckled at my ensuing gasp.

The bra fluttered down my arms, and I let it drop completely off before forcing my arm into the sleeve. He felt his way gingerly across the shoulder of my other arm, before positioning the other sleeve. I winced in pain when I slid my sore arm in.

I clutched at both sides of the robe, suddenly aware that I was sitting in front of him exposed. His eyes stayed firmly closed, and he was enviously calm while I was a quivering wreck.

I pulled the robe around me, and put the belt into his hands so he could tie it. When he was done he opened his eyes. "There." He smiled, satisfied with his work. "I didn't see a thing." He surprised me by leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to my lips.

I blushed. "Thank you."

He rubbed my arm affectionately. "It was my pleasure." The way his eyes blazed restored a little of my confidence, and I could only smile back.

Edward offered to make breakfast while I went to the bathroom to get washed. I managed to do it with one hand, though it was laborious and not as thorough as I would like. Getting both arms back into my robe was a bit of a challenge, and when I couldn't tie the sash I mustered as much courage as I could and ventured to the kitchen to ask Edward to help.

He was busy stirring eggs in a pan and singing to himself when I got to the kitchen.

"I could use a little help," I said quietly. "I can't tie the robe."

He looked up, smiling. "Sure." He strode towards me, adjusted the robe carefully and tied it for me.

When he finished he didn't let go like I expected. Instead, he stood staring into my eyes. My heart began to beat faster, and I was hit with the desire to be kissed. I gazed back at him, aware that the air was charged between us.

He took a step closer to me. I couldn't stop myself from inhaling the scent of him anymore than I could have stopped my heart from beating. His fingers curled around my chin, tilting my face upwards. He smiled a little before dipping his head and covering my mouth with his.

This wasn't a date, nor was it pre-planned, but I wanted it. I needed it. After my crisis of confidence earlier, I definitely needed his kiss. His lips trailed slowly from my mouth to my ear.

"I'm taking the day off too," he whispered, before leaving me standing stunned while he went back to the eggs. "You should get dressed," he added with a wink.

"How?" I asked sarcastically, coming out of my stupor.

"You should manage sweat pants okay, and if you have a button down you won't need to raise your arm to get it on," he answered.

Back in my room, I found what I needed. My panties and the sweats didn't cause me too much trouble, but I stared dubiously at my bra. Knowing I wouldn't be able to fasten it, I decided to go without.

I slid my arm into my pale lemon before realizing I wouldn't be able to do the buttons with one hand. Employing the method Edward had used this morning, I managed to struggle my way into a t-shirt. My arm was throbbing slightly by the time I was done.

Edward was plating up the eggs with toast when I returned to the kitchen.

I sat down at the table, thanking him, and realised I hadn't eaten since lunchtime yesterday. I was famished. He poured me a cup of coffee and placed it in front of me before sitting down opposite me.

"Well since we're playing hooky," he grinned, "I thought we could turn it into a hooky date."

"A hooky _date_?" I asked in confusion, covering my mouth since I hadn't finished eating.

He shovelled a forkful of eggs into his mouth, muffling his voice. "Yeah, it's a new invention of mine."

"What exactly does it entail?" I asked, returning his grin.

Suddenly, I felt his foot slide slowly up my calf. "It's where I take the day off to be with you and we can do stuff."

"Stuff?" I quirked an eyebrow in anticipation.

"Don't worry, it'll be good stuff." His toes squeezed my calf. "I promise."

I decided I liked the inventor in Edward.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven **

The warmth of his foot sliding up my calf was extremely distracting. I tried hard to concentrate on my food, but it wasn't easy. He pushed his plate away and his eyes glittered mischievously as he sat back in his chair, studying my reaction.

Since his mood was playful, I tried my hardest to keep my face neutral even when his foot slid higher up the leg of my sweat pants, coming to a stop on my inner thigh. I lost my appetite for food midway through and stood up abruptly.

Lifting my plate, I dropped it onto his before carrying them both into the kitchen. Since I couldn't scrape the plates into the trash with only one functional hand, I set them on the counter and stared at them as it they were a conundrum I couldn't figure out.

Edward came up behind me, and deliberately circling his arms around me, he grabbed the plates and did the job for me.

"Let me do it," he said.

The warm rush of his breath against my ear, sent a mild shiver down my spine.

After he'd set the plates down, he let his hands slide slowly up my arms to cup my shoulders. I sighed in pleasure at the feeling of his thumbs work out the knots in my muscles, and leaned back against his hard chest. We stayed like that for a minute or two before he gently turned me to face him and took my hands in his.

"I think you need a little confidence building today," he said gently and pressed his lips to my forehead. "You've been coming out of your shell so beautifully these last few weeks. It would be a shame to stall now."

I nodded, feeling a little foolish at my over reaction earlier, but he was right; I needed to keep going. "So what are we doing today?" I managed a weak smile. "On our _hooky date_."

"That's entirely up to you."

I held up my cast. "I'm not sure if I'm capable of much." I felt a twinge of pain in my wrist and knew the first thing I needed to do was pop a couple of painkillers.

He clasped his hands around my waist, pulling me gently closer. "We could watch a movie, listen to music." His head dipped till his lips were brushing the shell of my ear. "Make out a little."

The breathy promise of his last suggestion sparked a throb of desire deep inside me. "I like option three," I whispered.

I felt his lips curve into a smile as they brushed the base of my neck. "I was hoping you'd say that." He straightened up a little but his lips only made it as far as my temple. "One suggestion though, and you can say no if you don't want to." He paused and I nodded, indicating he should continue. "We should maybe go to my room, just in case Jasper decides to pay you one of his impromptu visits."

I hadn't thought of that. "Right, of course," I said. "But why not my room?"

He pulled back further to look into my eyes. "You should save your room for when you are doing this for real."

I hated it when he reminded me that none of this was real. I'd done it myself on occasion, but for some reason it bothered me more when he felt the need to do it.

"Okay." I nodded, some of my enthusiasm waning.

He frowned. "You don't have to, Bella, this is all about you. We'll only do what you want to do. I'm not trying to force you into anything."

I tried to focus on the positive. For him to want to do this with me there had to be a part of him that was attracted to me. He was still watching me intently, and I could see a hint of something in his eyes. They were slightly hooded but tender at the same time.

Encouraged, I smiled at him, stretched up on my tiptoes, and planted a quick kiss on his lips. "I know."

While Edward went to the bathroom, I took my pills and finished clearing the table.

He sneaked up behind me, making me giggle when he scooped me into his arms, and carried me into his room. Without letting go he sat down on the bed and I settled in his lap. His fingers were gentle when he titled my face so he could kiss me.

His lips were soft and yielding and tasted utterly delicious. His tongue rolled slowly across my bottom lip, tracing a feathery pattern before he deepened the kiss. I expelled a low moan into his mouth.

There was a sudden urgency in him when he deepened the kiss. Prickles of pleasure zinged across my scalp when his fingers delved into my hair, angling my head while he devoured my lips. It was the most sensuous kiss he'd ever given me, and my body felt boneless as I gave into the sensations washing through me.

In my efforts to get closer to him, I twisted my neck painfully. Noticing my discomfort, Edward pulled his lips away from mine, slid me off his knee and asked me to stretch out on the bed. "Move over," he requested huskily. I complied.

He stretched out beside me and lay flat on his back, pulling me half way across his body so my face was hovering above his. I liked the new position and attacked his mouth with fervour, propping myself with my elbows while he supported my weaker arm with his. I kissed him long and hard and plunged my tongue into his mouth with wild abandon.

He groaned as my leg brushed across his lap. The hard ridge of his erection was unmistakable. "I'm sorry." I blushed.

His fingers cupped my cheek and he smiled. "It's okay, Bella... believe me, it's okay."

It was pleasing to see the arousal clear in his eyes, even though it also made me feel a little bit nervous. I was enjoying myself too much to let the anxiety take over. I swept my hand down his torso, feeling the ridges of his ribs and the hard flat expanse of his stomach. My fingers traced the bottom of his t-shirt and I was hit by the sudden urge to feel his naked skin beneath my fingertips.

Slowly lifting his shirt a little, I allowed my fingers to rub a small circle just beneath his navel. The coarse hair beneath my fingers reminded me of the glimpse of it I'd gotten on his first morning here.

It occurred to me that he was completely still beneath me. My eyes drifted upwards to see that his were dark with unmistakable restraint.

My heart constricted when I realised just how much he was doing for me by simply being here. I felt the urge to say something to him, but words seemed inadequate, so I bent my head and nuzzled his neck while my hand traced a lazy path up beneath his clothes.

The rumble of his groan vibrated beneath my hand, thrilling me. His lips curved into a slow smile when my lips fluttered across his jaw line.

I was beginning to scare myself now. Not because I wasn't enjoying this, but because I was perhaps enjoying it too much. It felt like an instinct I never knew I had was kicking in. I took my time alternating between nuzzling his neck and kissing his gorgeous face while all the time my hand was roaming around beneath his shirt.

"Will you take your shirt off?" I asked shyly.

I bit my lip waiting for his response. At first he seemed frozen in place, but after a few seconds he sat up and pulled his shirt over his head. My stomach flip-flopped at the sight of his muscles flexing in his back, and the flawless silky smoothness of his skin. I stared down at his body when he lay down beside me again.

He rolled onto his side and cupped my face in his hand. "Take your time, Bella. We can stop whenever you want to."

But I couldn't stop now. The strangest feeling was brewing in me. It had started as an ache between my legs, but now it seemed to be blooming outwards, radiating through my whole body. Touching him and kissing him seemed to make it better and worse at the same time.

I felt a tiny frisson of fatigue on the periphery of all that I was feeling and realised my pain killers were kicking in. Not wanting to waste any more time, I pulled him to me and kissed him again. The knowledge that I knew every tiny ridge of his lips, every nuance of his tongue was like an accomplishment to me. Knowing my way around that delicious mouth with my own and being able to draw groans of pleasure from him filled me with pride. I felt like I'd learned a new skill, and I was actually pretty good at it.

I wanted to learn more.

I lay back, feeling as if I was sinking into the mattress and smiled lazily at him as he hovered above me. "Touch me," I begged, and the throb between my legs grew stronger.

He planted small kisses across my jaw, up the swell of my cheek and towards my ear. "Are you sure?" When I nodded vigorously, he smiled, pressing his cheek to mine. Without preamble his hand went straight to my breast, cupping it lightly. Goose bumps sprung up all over my body, and my eyes rolled back. "No bra?" he groaned.

I languidly raised my cast to remind him, enjoying the sensation too much to speak. He hissed slightly before his fingers started to move, rubbing electric circles over my breast that seemed to burn through my shirt. Soft lips brushed my collarbone. I arched upwards, wanting his mouth to slide lower.

Somewhere within the clouds that were now fogging my mind, I remembered his request that I let him know what I wanted, that I be vocal. "Kiss me," I begged, cupping my hand over his, increasing the pressure on my breast. "Here."

His lips stilled and he shifted slightly as if to pull away, but I squeezed his hand over my breast tighter. "I want you to."

Another low groan rumbled in his chest. Dropping his lips back to my collarbone, he slid his hand from beneath mine and started to undo my shirt buttons. Nervous anticipation rocketed through me, bringing a soft whimper from my throat when I felt the first button release. The slick heat of his tongue danced across my eager flesh. I had never felt so good in my entire life. My head felt like it was filling up with marshmallow while my body sank deeper into the soft mattress, making me feel boneless.

His tongue was like a tiny bolt of lightning, shocking my skin everywhere it touched. I heard a groan as he opened my shirt and despite my feelings earlier, I didn't care that my breast was exposed to him. All I wanted was to feel his lips on me. I wanted to lift my head to look at him, but I didn't have the energy.

Finally, his mouth closed around my nipple where it seemed every nerve ending in my body had congregated. He flicked it gently with his tongue, and a high-pitched gasp filled the room.

Drowsy pleasure enveloped me, and I concentrated on the way his tongue swirled around my nipple. When he sucked, the pleasure of it almost consumed me.

"Edward!" I groaned but it sounded strange, slurred.

All at once I felt the cold air on my skin as his head jerked upwards. I groaned in protest but couldn't open my eyes.

"Shit!" His voice receded into the enveloping fog. "The pills."

The dark weight surrounding me finally overcame me. The last thing I did was smile.

~*AE*~

I woke up with a jolt. My eyes flew open. At first I was confused by the colour of the walls, but then I smiled when I remembered I was in Edward's room. I stretched the stiffness out of my muscles, only wincing slightly at the now familiar pain in my wrist.

Flipping onto my back, I stared at the ceiling and let the events from earlier replay in my mind. I was assailed by images of Edward kissing me, me trailing my hand across his naked torso. My mouth dried when I remembered asking him to remove his shirt. Then I gasped as I remembered his lips on me, and my hand flew to my chest.

"I'm sorry."

My head jerked to the side to find him sitting at his desk. His expression was grim as he glared at me.

I sat up and almost choked before the top button of my shirt popped releasing the tension. He'd buttoned every button all the way up to my collar. "Why are you sorry?"

I expected him to move towards me, but he didn't. "I knew you had taken your pills. I should have realised they would have an effect on you."

"And you think that's why I..." I felt the blush stain my cheeks and inwardly cursed it. "Why I asked you to–"

"Yes." He forced the word out through gritted teeth.

Instantly, I was annoyed by his assumption. I climbed out of his bed and went to his side. "You're wrong."

"Am I?" he asked dubiously.

Curving my hand around his cheek, I tilted his face, making him look at me. "I wanted you to do that," I insisted. "And it was wonderful."

His hand shot up, gripping my wrist. "Bella, you were doped up to the eyeballs."

I snorted. "I took a couple of painkillers. I felt warm and fuzzy, that's all."

"You passed out," he retorted.

"I fell asleep. I had a rough night, I was relaxed," I babbled. "Please don't ruin it."

"Bella." His voice was filled with warning.

"No!" I snapped. "I'm being serious here. I trust you, and I want you to do the same for me." I swivelled on the seat beside him. "Edward, you have to trust me to tell you when I've had enough. I _will_ tell you if I'm uncomfortable with anything. I already promised you I would."

"I do trust you." He sighed. "But when there are mitigating circumstances– like today– it's not a case of not trusting you, it's a case of understanding that you might be acting out of character."

Anger erupted within me. "The whole thing is out of character for me, that's the point!" I stood up to face him. "I wanted everything I asked you to do. I need you to trust me on that."

He rose to his feet, stepping so close to me we were toe to toe. I waited for him to speak, but he simply stared at me with an unfathomable expression.

I pressed my hand to his chest. "I prefer the cocky Edward," I said, trying to lighten my tone. "When you're like this you make me feel like a child that's done something wrong."

"I don't mean to." He rubbed his hand down his face. "But you're right; I guess you're not the only one who needs to loosen up."

When he rubbed his hands through is hair, I noticed it was damp.

"How long was I sleeping?" I asked, suddenly distracted by the fresh scent of his body.

"Not long, why?"

"You took a shower," I observed. It was good to know he hadn't been sitting glaring at me all morning.

"I needed to freshen up," he explained. A flicker of amusement flashed in his eyes, but it was so brief I wondered if I'd imagined it. "What do you want to do now?" he asked with a gleam in his eye that gave me hope that he would indeed loosen up.

"We could pick up where we left off?" I said, mustering up all my courage.

He practically growled at me and his grin was wolfish. "It's your party."

He hooked his hands under my armpits and pulled me effortlessly off the ground leaving me no choice but to wrap my legs around his waist. He carried me back to his bed and lowered me onto it. A nervous giggle escaped me when I realised he was poised between my legs, though he wasn't actually on the bed with me.

The anticipation was delicious, as I watched him lower himself painfully slowly. My lips tingled from it, eager for the feel of his mouth on mine. However, fate had other ideas and a light tapping on the door stopped him in his tracks.

A harsh groan of frustration thundered in his chest. "Who the fuck–" He turned towards me. "Sorry."

This was a good day and one curse word wasn't going to change it. "It's okay." I smiled and he swept me back on to my feet.

The door tapped again, just as I made it to the sofa where I lay down and tried to look as if I'd been there all morning.

Edward hurried to the door. As soon as he opened it, I head Alice's voice. I sat up when she came into view carrying a large brown bag and two cups of coffee in a holder.

"I didn't expect you to be home," she said to Edward.

"I have a study day," Edward lied.

Alice tilted her chin up, and Edward obligingly kissed her cheek.

"How's the invalid?" she asked cheerfully, dumping her wares on the coffee table.

"I'm fine," I replied, moving so she could sit down beside me. "I didn't sleep well last night, but I took my tablets this morning and had a little nap. I just woke up."

"How are you managing with dressing and undressing?" She lowered her voice, but Edward must have heard her because he winked at me conspiratorially behind her back. "I should have come over last night, but I didn't get in till after midnight and..." For the first time ever I saw her blush. "Jasper and I overslept this morning."

Her admission made me giggle. I couldn't imagine Alice, who was always so poised and well organised, oversleeping at all. "It's okay," I insisted. "Luckily I was wearing a button down and this wasn't hard to put on," I said looking down at my clothes.

"That _was _lucky." Edward said with just a little hint of a smile.

Alice didn't notice because she was already pulling things out of the bag she'd brought. "I brought an early lunch, in case you were hungry."

"I'm starved," I admitted, eagerly looking into the bag.

She laid out bagels, little pots of fillings, a packed salad, cold cuts, a tub of coleslaw, and four of the largest muffins I had ever seen.

"Are you expecting company?" Edward smiled looking over her shoulder at all the food.

Alice shrugged. "Everything looked so good I couldn't resist buying all this." She smiled up at him. "It's a good job I did. I know how big your appetite is."

Edward busied himself in the kitchen making himself coffee, while Alice and I sipped ours from the Styrofoam cups. She told me how miserable Jasper was when he told her about the accident. We both knew there was no point in me trying to come up with something to make him feel better. Jasper needed to worry it out of his system, and it might actually stop him from dwelling on his grief and the problems with his dad for a little while.

Edward brought plates and cutlery to the table. We piled our plates and he sat down on the chair opposite us to eat. I listened while he and Alice caught up on some family news. Before long the conversation turned to the upcoming barbecue.

"Do you think it will stay dry? It is Seattle, after all," Edward asked with a teasing grin.

Alice dabbed her mouth with her napkin. "You know me better than that, Edward. I have a contingency plan, but I'm sure it will be fine. I _did_ check the weather report."

"Yeah, because we all know how infallible they are." He rolled his eyes in good humour.

Alice ignored him, turning her attention to me. "Jasper said he invited Jacob."

I looked down at my bagel. "Yeah," I said quietly.

"Is there a problem?" Concern erased the smile from her face.

"No," I denied.

"I thought you'd be pleased that we invited your boyfriend," she continued.

I glanced up at Edward who was suddenly engrossed in the task of spreading cream cheese on his bagel.

"He's not my boyfriend," I said evenly.

"Maybe not _yet_," she teased.

She seemed to be watching me for some kind of reaction. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something had me feeling like this was some sort of test.

"I like Jacob b–"

"Oh that much was clear in the bar," she trilled, completely cutting me off at the worst possible moment, "Don't you agree, Edward?"

"Yeah." He didn't look up from his food.

"You know, I wasn't surprised when you told Jasper and I that you're dating him."

"I'm not!"

I hadn't meant for my response to sound so harsh, but she didn't seem fazed by it.

"Oh come on Bella, why so coy? You two had obvious chemistry in the bar." She licked a glob of cheese off the tip of her finger. "Right, Edward? I couldn't help but notice the way you two sat so close together when you were talking."

I hated the way she kept asking Edward for his opinion. I half expected him to jump on her bandwagon. This was exactly the kind of ammunition he would use to encourage me to go out with Jacob. However, he couldn't get a word in because Alice just wouldn't stop talking about it.

"I have to be honest, Jasper is a little worried. Jacob seems like a nice guy, but you can never be too careful." She turned to Edward. "You know him pretty well, right?"

He nodded. "He's cool."

"Yes but how is he with women?"

He stood up. "Well, if you're asking if he's like me, the answer's no." He stalked to the kitchen, still talking. "Jacob's only had one girlfriend in the time I've known him. He's a relationship kind of guy. He doesn't do one night stands."

_Great_, I thought, _perfect for pure little Bella_.

Alice frowned as she watched Edward dump his food in the trash.

"Look," I said, sitting up straighter and dumping my half eaten bagel onto an empty plate. "I wish you would stop trying to make more of this than there is."

Alice placed her hand on my knee. "We just want to see you happy." She smiled, making me feel like a petulant five-year-old.

"I _am _happy," I grumbled. "Though, that is rapidly changing."

"I have to go. I have some errands to run," Alice said, gathering up the remains of our lunch. She took the plates into the kitchen where Edward was still clattering around. Edward's voice sounded sour when he thanked her for lunch, but Alice didn't seem to notice.

She was still smiling when she came back into the living room. "If you need anything at all, let me know."

"I will," I promised.

"Okay. I'll see you on Saturday," she said, sliding her jacket on and leaning down to kiss my cheek. "It'll be fun, and I promise I won't try to force you and Jacob together."

"I'd appreciate that," I said, forcing a stiff smile.

"I'm sure I won't need to." She grinned wickedly.

And with that parting shot she was gone.

I half expected Edward to pick up where Alice left off, but he didn't. Instead he walked to the table by the window, picked up one of the chairs and headed towards the bathroom.

"Come on, I'll wash your hair," he said over his shoulder.

I followed him to the bathroom, grateful for the distraction.

He pushed the chair up against the sink, motioning for me to sit down on it. He adjusted the position of the chair, before gently tilting my head backwards to make it easier for him to wet my hair. There was suddenly a strange intensity in him. He didn't speak, and I wondered if my lack of enthusiasm towards Alice's meddling had annoyed him.

Maybe I owed it to him to try harder. He'd agreed to help me until I was ready to date, yet here I was selfishly putting it off. He was foregoing his normal propensity for prolific dating for my sake, yet I was trying to avoid letting them set me up with Jacob. I really should be making an effort to free him from the responsibility he had committed to in good faith.

He pulled the showerhead forward, quickly checking the temperature of the water before wetting my hair.

"Which shampoo?" he asked, eyeing the many bottles on the shelf.

"The red one will do. It's a shampoo and conditioner — it'll save you time."

He looked down at me. "Is that the one you normally use?"

I shook my head. "I normally use the white one." He snatched up the white bottle. "But if you use that, you'll need to use the conditioner too," I finished weakly.

He ignored me and squeezed a blob of shampoo into his hand. He worked it into my hair roughly.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked as his fingers vigorously rubbed my scalp.

When I'd imagined him washing my hair this wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

He looked down at me again. "No. Why?"

"You seem a little... tense."

He didn't comment on this as he rinsed my hair but merely asked which bottle was the conditioner. I decided against pointing out that I normally shampooed twice. When he leaned over me to get to the bottle, I caught a glimpse of the skin beneath his navel, and that little trail of hair that was fast becoming my favourite thing about him.

It was a nice distraction from his bad mood.

"That's nice," I remarked, enjoying his gentler movements while he massaged in the conditioner.

His shoulders sagged slightly when he glanced at me with eyes that were softer than they had been a moment ago, but I could still see something was troubling him.

"I normally leave the conditioner in for a couple of minutes before I rinse," I blurted in my attempt to lighten the mood further.

At last he focussed on me, and though his face was still hard, his fingers were gentle as they traced circles on my scalp. I hummed with pleasure, closing my eyes.

My soft moan must have had an effect on him because all at once his lips were next to my ear. "Do you still want to pick up where we left off?"

My eyes flew open as one of his wet hands rested on the bare skin exposed where my shirt had ridden up. When my eyes met his, I saw a possessiveness in his that scared and thrilled me in equal measure.

"We don't have to," he muttered, obviously picking up on my inner turmoil. His eyes dulled, and all at once he looked jaded.

"You seem different," I said, going for honesty rather than tangling myself up in knots trying to figure him out.

"Different how?" He picked up the showerhead again and started to rinse my hair.

"Annoyed, maybe," I ventured, trying to catch his eye. "Like you're disappointed in me."

His lips pressed together forming a grim line as his eyes flicked to me and then back to what he was doing. "I'm not disappointed in you, Bella."

"But something ruined your mood," I pointed out. "I'm sorry I wasn't very enthusiastic with Alice." His brow furrowed in confusion. "Her attempts to match-make with Jacob," I clarified.

After wringing my hair out like a dishrag, he encouraged me to lean forward so he could wrap a towel around my head.

"Alice is a master manipulator. She always has been." He sounded resigned. "Once she gets the bit between her teeth, she won't let go till she gets what she wants."

"I thought you'd be pleased that she's doing your dirty work for you."

He frowned. "My _dirty work_?"

"You want me to go out with Jacob," I said pointedly. "Alice is trying to make it happen, and if it works you're free from any... obligation to me."

"That's how you see it?" He sat down the edge of the bath, taking both my hands in his. His eyes were piercing.

I looked down at our hands and nodded. "I will try," I whispered. "I'll give Jacob a fair chance."

He pulled me to my feet and led me out of the bathroom without a word. Maybe I had alleviated his fears, because suddenly he had purpose as he strode to his bedroom with me trailing in his wake.

Once inside he turned to me, pulling me roughly into his arms. His kiss rendered me boneless in seconds and I sagged into him. Eventually he dragged his lips from mine. His eyes were blazing as he gazed down at me.

"What do you want?"

I balked at the hard edge in his voice.

His eyes softened instantly and he sighed as if a spell had been broken. "Tell me what you want me to do?" The confusion on his face and the tenderness that crept into his voice brought a lump to my throat.

"Hold me," I begged, pressing my body close to his.

He unravelled the towel from my hair, before wrapping his arms around me and cradling my head against chest. I listened to the steady beat of his heart while tears formed in my eyes.


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12 **

I returned to college a week after the accident. Even though I'd regained some use in my hand, I knew I wouldn't manage to write. But it was important for me to keep up with my classes regardless.

Edward was still helping me to get dressed, but he was perfunctory in his actions at best. I would sit with my bra pressed against my breasts and he would barely look at me while he fastened the clasp. It was almost as if he was being extra careful not to let his fingers touch my naked skin.

He'd been aghast to find me crying that day I'd asked him to hold me. When I'd had no explanation for my emotional state, he had comforted me, but since then there was something missing. He seemed to be withdrawing and I worried that he was reconsidering our deal.

Despite the fact that he'd agreed to let me set the pace, I couldn't help but feel he was disappointed that I didn't want to try a real date this soon.

In his efforts to avoid me, he'd stayed out late every night. By Friday I was sick of sitting in the apartment alone, so I decided to take the bus from college straight to Alice and Jasper's place.

Jasper pulled me into a tight bear hug as soon as I arrived.

"How's the arm?" He drew back, lifting it gently to look at it.

"Better." I smiled, glad of some warm human interaction. "Where's Alice?"

"In the shower," Jasper said, leading me into the living room.

"Are you guys going out?"

He shook his head, gesturing for me to sit on the sofa beside him. "She's going out with a couple of girls from work." He turned to me grinning broadly. "I'm staying in with my BFF."

I laughed for the first time in a week. "I thought she'd be spending the evening preparing for tomorrow."

He chuckled. "You obviously don't know Alice very well. Everything has been ready and organised for the barbecue since Monday. Except for the food – she bought that today. I can't even fit my beers in the fridge."

"Oh no," I mocked. "What a disaster. Warm beer... how _will_ you survive?"

He raised his hand as if to thump my arm playfully, but when he glanced at my cast he dropped his hand. "You looking forward to tomorrow?"

"Sure," I lied.

Thankfully Jasper didn't mention Jacob. We sat in silence watching the news until Alice finally skipped down the stairs looking a vision in tight black pants and a bright red top.

"Bella!" she greeted, darting forward to sit beside me. "I'm so glad you're here. Make sure he doesn't drink all the beer, and don't let him touch any of the food in the fridge." She scowled at Jasper. "It's for tomorrow."

"Yes dear," Jasper drawled sarcastically. "It's ridiculous that the kitchen is full of food and I have to order take out for dinner."

"Chinese?" I asked hopefully.

"Sure," Jasper said, handing me the menu. "You can call them. I'll have my usual."

While I made the phone call, Jasper saw Alice off before dashing upstairs. He returned carrying a small bag, which he dropped into my lap.

"My dad asked me to give you these."

Opening the bag, I peered nervously inside. I reached in and pulled out Marjorie's cameo brooch. Tears pricked my eyes. She didn't wear it often, but every time she had I'd always remarked how lovely it was. I knew it was quite old fashioned but I loved it anyway.

"I always wanted this." I whispered.

Jasper pulled me into a tight hug. "She said it reminded her of you because you always made a big deal of it whenever she wore it. Dad thought she'd like you to have it."

There were also a couple of photographs in the bag. One was of Jasper and I with his parents when they'd taken me on a trip to Disneyworld. The other showed Marjorie and I laughing on the porch. I touched her face on each one, crying again when Jasper pressed his lips to my temple.

I tipped the last thing out of the bag. It was a small necklace made out of different coloured beads and crystals. I'd made it for her for Mother's day when I was fourteen. It meant so much to me to know that she'd kept it.

"Thank you so much, Jasper." I sobbed. "I'll call your dad tomorrow and thank him too."

We sat lost in our own private memories for a while until the doorbell chimed.

After our meal we curled up on the sofa watching TV, much like we used to do when we lived together. It felt different now. Jasper was massaging my leg distractedly, and for a reason I couldn't fathom, it bothered me.

It seemed that my experimenting with Edward had awakened something in me that had been lying dormant. Jasper's touch had lost its innocence. I didn't feel that way about Jasper, but having him touch my like that suddenly felt inappropriate, and I worried what Alice would think if she saw us.

When I slid my legs off his lap, he didn't notice until I tensed when he pulled them back again.

His brow furrowed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

His fingers stopped moving, but he didn't remove his hand from my calf. "Is this _bothering_ you?"

"Don't you think Alice would mind?" I asked.

He frowned. "Why would she? It's just you, Bella. It's not like I'm feeling you up." He seemed mildly offended.

"I know," I said quietly. "But now that you have a girlfriend, I feel like maybe we shouldn't be so tactile anymore."

He ruminated over this for a moment before nodding. "I never really thought about it, but it's different for us. We grew up together. She knows it doesn't mean anything."

"How would you feel if she had a male friend who had a penchant for rubbing_ her_ legs?"

"Point taken."

I scooted to his side. "I still love you, though." I smiled, pecking his cheek. "That won't change. I guess I'll just have to employ a new leg rubber."

"You really are changing," he mused, regarding me with something that was not unlike suspicion. "You wouldn't have joked about that before. I guess I should be proud of you—"

"You're not proud of me?" I interrupted, a little stung by his inadvertent admission.

He looked at me sadly. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry. I guess I'm just feeling a little redundant now. I've been so used to you relying on me. I liked it." He raked his fingers through his hair. "I just feel like I'm losing you."

"You're not_ losing_ me, Jasper. I'm finding myself."

He sat back. "And you promise you're okay living with Edward?"

I felt a slight flush hit my cheeks, but fought to keep a composed expression on my face. "Yes. Edward isn't home a lot, and when he is, he's usually studying. I really don't know what your problem is with him, Jazz."

"He's a player, Bella, and I don't want him playing you." He stared at me for a moment. "From the way Alice talks about him, he must have some redeeming qualities. But I'm not sure I trust him around you, that's all."

"Why?"

"Come on Bella, I'm not blind. I can see the effect he has on girls. He's good looking, he has the lines, he can have any girl he wants, and usually does." He scoffed. "And he's not very respectful of them either."

"So you think if he sets his sights on me, I'll be powerless to resist?" The conversation was getting on my nerves now, and to be honest I didn't want to hear how good Edward was at getting girls.

"I can't stop caring about you. I just want you to be aware of these things. You're still so inexperienced when it comes to things like this."

I couldn't disagree. "I know, Jazz, but we both have to accept things are changing."

He nodded in apparent agreement and thankfully changed the subject. "It's getting late, do you want to stay over?"

"No, I'm sure Alice will have a million jobs that need doing in the morning and I'll never get a chance to go home and change. I'd rather just go home and come back in the morning."

"Okay, I'll walk you home."

~*AE*~

Even though I wasn't surprised to find the apartment empty, it was still a disappointment. Tired from my long day, I decided to take a bath. No matter how thorough I'd been washing myself with a flannel, I still felt like I was in dire need of a long soak.

While the bath filled, I rummaged around in the kitchen looking for something to cover my cast with. I settled on a plastic bag and secured it with duct tape. Pleased with my efforts, I hurried back to the bathroom where a tub full of fragrant bubbles awaited.

I undressed as quickly as I could. It was satisfying to finally have a little bit of independence back.

Keeping my cast raised, I slowly submerged myself into the blissful depths of the fragrant water. My pleasured moan reverberated off the walls as I lay against the bath pillow.

I must have dozed off because the sound of the front door closing jolted me awake. In my fright I almost let my cast fall into the water.

"Is that you, Edward?" I called.

"Who else?" His voice was muffled by the door. "What are you doing?"

"I'm in the bath."

"How did you manage that?"

"I wrapped my arm in plastic."

He chuckled. "Very resourceful. Do you need someone to wash your back?"

It sounded like he'd finally come out of his funk. The playful tone of his voice pleased me.

"Actually, I could use some help washing my hair. I–"

I almost squealed when the door opened, and he popped his head around it.

"I...um... meant when I get out of the bath," I stammered, blushing furiously and eternally grateful that the bubbles covered the entire surface of the water.

He didn't look embarrassed at all, and simply smiled. "Okay, just holler when you want me."

The suggestiveness in his voice, coupled with the mischievous glint in his eyes had me biting my lip while I pondered initiating something. When he turned to leave, it spurred me into action.

"Wait!" I called, a little too loudly and _way _too desperately.

His eyebrow quirked and the gleam in his eye intensified.

"Um... you can come in."

He stepped into the room fully, eyeing the makeshift waterproofing around my cast. "Good job," he praised.

It felt oddly exciting having him in here with me when I was completely naked beneath the bubbles.

The way he stared boldly at the water made me glance down to check that the bubbles were still there.

"Don't worry, you're completely covered," he said, sitting down on the toilet seat before adding suggestively, "Damn bubbles."

A small bead of sweat trickled from my forehead down into my eye, and I lifted my hand carefully to wipe it away.

"Actually," he said, focussing on my hand as it dropped back to the side of the tub. "I have something I wanted to ask you."

"Shoot."

"I have this thing I have to go to next Thursday, it's a fund raiser that Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme do every year for the children's hospice." He looked up at me and grimaced. "Good cause, lousy event. Anyway, I was wondering if you'd like to be my date?"

"Your fake date?" I enquired with a teasing smile.

"If you want to call it that."

"What kind of function is it?" I asked, ignoring his feigned affront.

"It's quite formal: Black tie, five course dinner, dancing... that kind of thing."

"It sounds lovely. Of course I'll come." I was initially excited by the thought of attending such a function, but then I frowned. "I don't have anything to wear."

He laughed. "You can call Alice, she and Jasper are going too. I'm sure she'd love to help you with that."

We sat in silence for a few moments. Trying to picture what the event would be like, I closed my eyes and imagined a grand room with chandeliers and big round white tables adorned with crystal glasses and silverware. I'd never been to anything like that before, but I knew already that I really wanted to go. "Thanks for asking me."

"My pleasure." His voice was husky and when I opened my eyes he was staring intently at my face. "Do you need me to wash your hair?"

"Yes." My heart started to beat a little faster.

He stood up. "You'll have to sit up," he murmured as he grabbed the shampoo. "I can get you a towel to wrap around yourself."

I felt like I was standing on a threshold. Remembering that he'd already had his mouth on my breasts, I decided it wasn't too big a step to let him see them too. I swallowed hard, keeping eye contact with him while I started to rise.

I had hoped to gracefully rise out of the water, but with only one good arm, I lacked the strength and fumbled in my efforts to pull myself up. My hand slipped on slick surface and I fell back into the water.

He knelt quickly and plunged his hand into the water. Never taking his eyes from mine, he slid his arm around my back to support me as I sat up. I felt the bubbles sliding down my breasts as I emerged from the water.

"You're trembling," he murmured, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Am I?"

We stayed staring at each other for what felt like a long time. Eventually he spoke. "You have to ask me."

I knew instantly what he meant.

I worried my lip between my teeth while I summoned up the courage. There wasn't an ounce of impatience in his tender gaze.

"Look at me," I whispered.

When his eyes slid slowly downwards, I had to fight the urge to cover myself. He exhaled slowly. "You're beautiful, Bella."

Now I could feel myself trembling. The hand that had been supporting me, traced a lazy pattern on my naked back. After only a few seconds, he looked up into my eyes again.

"I'm going to wash your hair now, but I can't promise I won't get the shampoo everywhere. I may get a little distracted."

I shivered when he poured some shampoo onto my hair and began to lather it. My eyes drifted closed, while I enjoyed the sensation of his fingers working gently on my scalp.

All too soon his fingers were replaced by the water as he rinsed the shampoo from my hair.

"Would you mind washing it again?" I asked, opening one eye to catch him gazing down at my breasts. I blushed.

"Sure," he muttered distractedly.

Suddenly, the water from the showerhead sprayed onto my face and into my mouth.

"Sorry!" he gasped, when I started to cough.

He joined in when I started laughing and assured him I was okay.

He dropped the showerhead into the water and massaged some more shampoo into my hair. I could feel the spray of water from the nozzle prickling my skin beneath the water. He plunged his hand in to retrieve it and I inhaled deeply when his fingers grazed my naked thigh.

He said nothing while he rinsed my hair, and even with closed eyes, I could tell he was still stealing glances at by body. It felt liberating. His reaction to that first look had empowered me, and for the first time in my life I felt attractive.

"Conditioner?" His voice was almost a groan.

"No."

I didn't want to waste any more time. I wanted to get out of the bath so I could kiss him. I wasn't quite ready to step out in all my naked glory, but I needn't have worried because Edward brought me a towel.

He held it out to me, spread wide so that I could step into his embrace.

"My eyes are closed," he assured me when I hesitated.

He waited patiently while I carefully climbed out of the bath. I sighed in pleasure when he wrapped the warm towel around me. His lips briefly swept across my forehead.

"I'm going to leave you to do what you have to do," he said. "I'll be in my room... if you want to join me."

His voice was so gentle and reverent that I felt a strong burst of appreciation that this beautiful sexy man was being so kind and patient with me. After he left, I dried myself off quickly before struggling into my pyjamas and wrapping my hair in the towel. I couldn't wait to get to his room.

The door was ajar. I half expected the room to be dark but as I shyly stepped inside, I noticed that he had turned on his bedside lamp. He was sitting on the bed, back to the headboard and legs stretched out in front of him. He smiled affectionately at me, patting the space beside him.

The libido I never knew I had suddenly revved into life, firing on all cylinders, while I tried hard not to leap across the room into his arms. Somehow, I managed to walk towards him at a respectable pace.

I lay down beside him.

"You smell gorgeous," he murmured, burying his face in my neck.

I moaned at the feel of his lips on the pulse point at the base of my neck. "You've been so distant these last few days," I whispered.

"Have I?"

"You know you have."

"Sorry." His lips swept upwards, brushing mine lightly.

"Where were you tonight?" I managed to ask, despite the distraction of his wonderful kisses.

"Library." His voice was muffled against my skin. "You?"

"Jasper's."

He rose up, gazing into my eyes. "Are we done talking?" He smiled, and I nodded just as his lips captured mine again.

He kissed me long and hard while one hand pulled the towel from my hair, and threw it across the room. Without breaking the kiss, he slipped his fingers into my hair, smoothing it away from my face.

Lifting onto his elbows, he looked down at me with a suddenly serious expression. "I'm trusting you to tell me if you need to stop." He paused for a beat to ensure I understood. I dipped my head slightly to indicate I did. I marvelled at the beauty of his sculpted chest when he slowly pulled his shirt over his head.

With deft movements that brought a moan of delight to my lips, he began to undo the buttons on my top. He kissed his way down my neck, scraping his teeth across my collar bone while he undid the last button.

Desire rippled through me when he pulled my top open and lifted his eyes to mine. "Is this okay?" His face was a mask of pure passion.

"Yes," I confirmed, my chest heaving.

He looked down at my breasts. "God Bella, you have great tits," he groaned.

Rather than repelling me, the crudeness in his choice of word inflamed me more.

The warmth of his hands sent ripples of pleasure across my skin when he cupped both breasts.

"Oh God!" I exclaimed, overwhelmed by the sensation of his touch.

His thumbs brushed my nipples, sending an electric current thrumming through my whole body. The ache between my legs throbbed like it had a pulse of its own.

Waves of pure desire rolled through me. His breath was warm on my cool skin, his kisses feeling like pure shots of bliss everywhere they touched. He moved lower, trailing his lips and tongue between my breasts. I wanted him to kiss them so badly, and afraid that he would stop, I encouraged him.

"Kiss me, please," I pleaded, arching my back.

"Where?"

His question was soft and encouraging.

"My breasts," I managed to say just before his delicious tongue reached out and flicked my aching flesh.

He plumped my breast with his hand before sucking my nipple deep into his mouth. I balled my fists, causing my sore wrist to throb, but it wasn't enough to detract from the intense pleasure he was giving me.

I reached up to grab his hair, pulling him to me while he sucked harder. His soft moan sent exquisite vibrations across my nipple. I deliberately pressed my thigh into his erection, and with another groan, he flexed his hips and ground it harder against me. My breath caught in my throat.

His head snapped up.

"Don't stop," I demanded, and he seemed only too happy to oblige when he immediately covered my other breast with his hot mouth.

I watched as his tongue swirled around my nipple and then his mouth closed completely over it. His cheeks hollowed, and the pulling sensation seemed to go all the way to the apex of my thighs.

Succumbing to the sensations washing through me, my head dropped backwards onto the pillow. He released my nipple and claimed my mouth with his warm wet lips. I moaned loudly when his chest hair brushed my nipples. I'd never known such intense feelings.

His hips were still undulating, pressing his erection hard against my thigh. It was almost instinctive when I opened my legs. I wanted him to cover me completely, to press against the ache between my legs, but it also scared me and I lost my nerve.

Sucking in a deep, calming breath, I splayed my hand across his chest pushing against it a little. He dragged his mouth away instantly, dropping his forehead onto mine. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut and his ragged breathing seemed to match my own.

Eventually his eyes popped open. "Good," he said approvingly, and kissed my forehead.

I pulled my top closed while I sat up and leaned against the headboard. We sat side by side and when I realised we were both panting a little, I started to laugh. He turned to face me and the laughter died in my throat when my eyes fell to his broad chest. I ran my fingers through the fine sprinkling of hair that covered it. "You're beautiful too," I told him.

He chuckled. "Men don't like to be called beautiful, Bella."

I grinned at him. "You're sexy as hell?" I amended.

Unexpectedly his expression became tender, and he reached out to cup my cheek. "You are amazing." He pulled me into his arms and kissed me deeply.

After a few more kisses, I rested my head on his chest.

"Does it always hurt?" I asked quietly.

"Does what always hurt?"

I felt shy, but I needed to know. "When you kiss me and touch me, I get this ache..." I hesitated. "Mostly between my legs."

He kissed the top of my head. "That's arousal, Bella. It's not actually pain, more like an itch that you need to scratch."

I nodded, agreeing that his description was better than mine.

"Does it go away eventually?"

"There are ways to get rid of it," he said, sounding lightly amused. "But it's getting late."

Lying beside him was so comfortable, I didn't want to leave. I lay curled against him, enjoying the masculine scent of him. His fingers traced lazy circles on my back. I noticed his other hand was clenched into a fist.

In the morning I was utterly miserable when I awoke alone and in my own bed. My misery was further compounded when I remembered that it was the day of Alice's barbecue.


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13 **

I sat up in bed and realised I was naked from the waist up. Memories from last night washed over me and I giggled like a schoolgirl while blushing furiously. Resting back against my pillow, I pulled the duvet up to my chin and lay there for a few moments going over it all in my mind. It was difficult to believe that I'd come so far so quickly, but as soon as Edward was near me it all felt so natural.

My confidence was soaring and I was really beginning to feel like I could let go of all my inhibitions.

Since I'd promised to help Alice with the barbecue, I had to push the wonderful memories to the back of my mind and get out of bed. It struck me that Edward must have carried me back to my own room during the night, but I had no recollection of it.

Glancing out of the window, I saw that Alice had been right; it looked like it was going to be a beautiful day. I stared into my closet, as if a suitable outfit would suddenly jump out at me.

Opting to go with something light and summery, I pulled out my white sleeveless summer top and a pair of navy blue cropped trousers.

On the way to the bathroom, I noticed Edward's door was closed. I decided I'd wake him after I was washed and dressed. As I walked into the kitchen it turned out I didn't need to wake him. I found a note propped against the percolator.

_Bella,_

_ I had to leave early to run a couple of errands_

_ I'll see you at Alice's._

_ Edward._

It was short and to the point. I couldn't say what it lacked, maybe a reference to last night? A little kiss on the end? Even though I knew that this was only an arrangement, the impersonal tone of the note disappointed me.

Pushing the note out of my mind, I took my coffee and went to the bathroom to try do do something with my hair.

I grimaced in the mirror; it looked like straw. Maybe I _should_ have let Edward condition it last night. I caught my own eye in the mirror and for the first time in a while, I really looked at myself. The reminder of last night had brought a deep flush to my cheeks and my eyes seemed to be brighter than normal. I bit my lip as my finger traced my collar bone and my eyes closed while I tried to imagine what I'd looked like to Edward last night.

The rap of knuckles on wood startled me. The front door opened immediately after, and Jasper called out to me.

"I'm in here!" I yelled.

The bathroom door was open, and I watched in the mirror as he came into the room. "You ready?" he asked with a smile.

"I'm just doing my hair," I said, dragging the brush through it and wincing as it caught in the tangles.

Deciding I couldn't do anything with my hair, I rooted around in the drawer looking for something to tie it up with.

"So, how are you feeling after last night?" Jasper asked, leaning against the sink.

I'd just taken a gulp of coffee and it came flying out of my mouth when Jasper's question registered. I grabbed a towel to wipe my chin. "What?" I croaked as soon as I could speak.

Jasper was at my side patting my back while I coughed uncontrollably.

"You know, our little tête-à-tête about not being so tacit," he elaborated when my body finally stopped trying to expel a lung.

"Tactile," I corrected. I'd forgotten all about that and started to relax again. I really had to get a hold of myself and remember that nobody knew a thing about Edward and me. "I feel okay about it. We're still best friends Jazz, nothing will change that."

I went back to the task of tying my hair up, which wasn't easy with the cast on my wrist. Jasper asked where Edward was and I explained that he had already left. Finally ready, I threw some stuff in my bag, collected the flowers and wine I'd bought for Alice, and followed Jasper out to his car.

When we arrived, I instantly spotted the huge black Jeep parked in the driveway. It was pretty hard to miss.

"Whose is that?" I asked, getting out of Jasper's car.

"That's Emmett's pride and joy," Jasper answered. "Alice drafted him in to help me move the furniture around."

We went inside to find Alice issuing out orders to Emmett, who was lugging large objects around the room like they weighed nothing at all.

"Hey dancer," he called, waving at me and almost dropping the huge footstool he was carrying.

"Just take that upstairs, Emmett, and put it in the back bedroom. It'll only get in the way later," Alice ordered.

Emmett winked at me before disappearing upstairs.

I handed the wine and flowers to Alice. "What do you need me to do?"

She accepted the flowers, pressing her face into them and inhaling deeply. "That's so sweet of you Bella, people hardly do this anymore. You're so thoughtful." She turned to Jasper. "I bet nobody else thinks to bring a gift for the hostess."

Jasper laughed. "I bet everyone will bring a ton of booze."

"Which they'll proceed to drink themselves," she pointed out.

Jasper conceded the point and Alice's voice turned businesslike again when she turned to speak to me. "I need you to help me put up the Chinese lanterns in the garden."

We managed to get everything done within a couple of hours. Alice shot me a knowing smirk when the first guests arrived and handed over some alcohol.

Since the kitchen counters were overflowing with bottles and cans, Alice and I had set out the cold food in the dining room. Jasper and Emmett were already outside, thumping their chests in front of the grill.

"Men love that," she said with a smirk, watching them from the window. "What is it about cooking meat outdoors that brings out the caveman in all of them?"

I laughed as I nibbled on a breadstick. I had no idea.

"Wine?" Alice asked, passing me and heading towards the door.

It was barely lunchtime. "It's a little early for me," I said following her to the kitchen. "I'll just grab a soda. Oh I almost forgot," I continued, taking a drink from the fridge. "I need your help with something. Edward has asked me to go to this charity thing with him, and I–" I stopped talking when I caught the strange expression on her face. "What?" "Edward is taking you to the ball?"

I giggled. "You make me sound like Cinderella."

Her expression didn't change. "I'm a little shocked that he asked you."

"He only mentioned it last night. I think he didn't have time to find a date, so he invited me," I explained.

"Oh," she said. "I see." But judging by the disappointed look on her face she didn't see at all. "So what can I help you with?"

"Well, I really don't have anything fancy to wear, and I don't have a lot of money to buy something. So, I was hoping I could borrow a dress from you?"

She smiled affectionately at me. "I have lots of things that will fit you. We could do a little fashion show later, and you can borrow anything you like."

"If you're sure," I muttered, not entirely liking the idea of having to parade around in front of her wearing several outfits.

"Great, as soon as things get going we can sneak off upstairs. It won't take long." A small smile crept across her lips. "I'm so glad he asked you."

The doorbell chimed, and she rushed off to answer it before I could respond.

People started to arrive steadily, and so I didn't get much chance to talk to Alice again. When I finished helping Alice put the finishing touches to the buffet, I headed outside to check out Jasper and Emmett's efforts. The sun had made an appearance which had enticed people to come outside. They stood in small groups talking amongst themselves. I didn't know any of them, so I headed straight towards the two honorary cavemen.

"How's it coming along?" I asked, watching Jasper poke at the coals with a pair of tongs.

"We're waiting for the damn flames to burn out," he groused.

"Dude, quit poking at them. It makes it worse," Emmett complained.

Their impatience was palpable and quite amusing. I couldn't hide my amusement when they started to argue about whether it was best to poke or not to poke. Eventually, Jasper played his trump card and asked Emmett where Rose was.

Emmett's eyes bugged when he looked at his watch. "Shit!" he exclaimed "She'll kill me. I was meant to pick her up a half hour ago." He patted his pockets frantically. "Fuck! I bet my cell's in the car. She's probably called a hundred times." Jasper looked smug as we watched Emmett race across the lawn towards the house.

"I knew that would get rid of him," he said, laughing.

"And now you're chief caveman."

He shot me a puzzled look. I decided to leave him in the dark, and merely smiled sweetly at him.

In the absence of having anyone else to talk to, I settled into a chair beside Jasper. He continued to poke at the coals while I sipped my soda. The silence between us was comfortable, and I settled back on my chair to enjoy the warmth of the sun on my skin. Tilting my face up towards the sun, I closed my eyes and listened to the unintelligible chatter around me. After a while I became aware of the muted sounds of music coming from the house.

"Maybe we should bring some speakers out into the garden," Jasper mused as if he'd been reading my mind.

"I'll do it," I offered, knowing it would take nothing short of a natural disaster to get him away from the grill.

"Thanks, and maybe you could bring me out another beer when you come back?"

I walked away, chuckling at his reluctance to leave his post.

I got into the house just in time to see Emmett arrive back with Rosalie and Lauren in tow. Even though I'd seen them only a few times, I was sick of the sight of them already. I'd never seen two more sullen women in all my life, and having spent thirteen years with my mother, that was really saying something.

I spoke to Alice about the speakers and she helped me to set it up. When I took a beer out to Jasper, I found him looking decidedly less smug now that Emmett was nagging him again. Alice steered me towards the decking and introduced me to a group of women she worked with. The conversation was enjoyable for a while, but I took my cue to leave when it turned to work issues.

The smell of the meat cooking on the grill was enough to send me indoors. In the dining room I piled my plate with food before heading into the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine. I figured it would be okay to have a glass with my food.

Outside, I took a seat next to Jasper and Alice. The music was lively and some people were dancing. Alice's friends were cackling in the corner, seemingly having a great time. I felt a little out of place because I didn't really know anyone aside from Alice, Jasper and Emmett. However, I couldn't hurt Alice's feelings by leaving early. I wished Edward had come, but it didn't look like he was going to show.

As if I'd conjured him up, I heard Emmett call Edward's name from inside the house and knew he'd arrived. The anticipation of him coming out into the garden had me squirming in my seat. Alice looked at me quizzically, but said nothing.

A few moments later he stepped out of the house. He was wearing a loose light blue t-shirt with button fly denims that were ripped at the knee. On anyone else that outfit might have looked like he'd made no effort at all, but on Edward it looked effortlessly sexy. He turned towards us, but before I could acknowledge him, Jacob stepped out onto the patio behind him.

Jacob was slightly more formally dressed in a white button down shirt and dark-dyed denims. The white of the shirt complimented the rich, warm tones of his skin making him look very handsome. They approached, and I couldn't help but smile when Jacob handed Alice a bunch of flowers.

Jasper rolled his eyes when Alice simpered over them.

I felt a pang of guilt that I had been dreading seeing Jacob, he was clearly a very kind and thoughtful person.

"Hey," Edward greeted us collectively. He kissed Alice's cheek and shook Jasper's hand. All I got was a quick smile.

I returned the smile, saying nothing.

"Thanks for inviting me," Jacob said, shaking Jasper's hand. After greeting everyone else, Jacob turned to me. "Hi, Bella."

Aware that all eyes were on us, I couldn't stop the small blush that crept across my cheeks. "Hi," I responded, smiling awkwardly.

There was an awkward pause while I wracked my brains, trying to find something else to say. Jasper must've sensed my discomfort, and asked me to go with him to get some more drinks.

My relief was short lived when Jacob insisted that he and I should do it, citing that Jasper was already busy with the food.

I stole a glance at Edward, but his face was expressionless.

In the kitchen I pulled some beers out of the fridge, and noticing that there was now some space, I put some of the ones sitting on the counter in to chill. Jacob accepted a beer, opening it right away and taking a long pull.

"Boy, I needed that," he said, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. "Edward and I have been working at my dad's place all day. That's why we're late."

"What were you working on?" I poured some more wine into my glass and took a sip.

"Dad uses a wheelchair. His ramp was getting pretty old and ramshackle, so Edward and a couple of the guys helped me finish off the new one."

"That was nice of them," I commented, not really knowing what else to say.

The awkward silence returned, so I lifted the drinks and suggested taking them out to the others.

Alice and Edward were standing at the far end of the garden, deep in conversation. Jasper and Emmett had taken up residence at the barbecue again, leaving the seats empty.

"Wow," Jacob remarked seeing the empty chairs. "Never had that effect before."

I had my suspicions that this was Edward's work.

We sat down and placed the bottles of beer on the table in front of us.

Jacob looked around the garden. "I don't know anyone here," he said.

"Me neither," I confessed.

"Well, we'll just have to keep each other company." He grinned but then hesitated. "If that's okay?"

"Of course," I responded. I felt a common bond with him since we were both feeling like fish out of water.

"So you're from Forks?" he asked, leaning back in his chair and stretching his long legs out in front of him.

"Yes. Jasper and I moved here last year for college."

"Edward said you're studying English."

It wasn't a question but I treated it as one anyway "Yes, it comes from a lifetime of being buried in books." I smiled conspiratorially at him. "I think I relate to the fictional world better than the real one."

"Nothing wrong with that," he said, clinking his bottle against my glass in a silent toast.

A few obviously inebriated people had started an odd drinking game in the garden, which involved throwing balls at plastic cups. Nobody seemed to be particularly good at it, but it looked like they were enjoying themselves anyway.

"So have you always lived in Seattle?" I asked, turning my attention away from the growing hilarity.

"Yeah."

I detected a note of regret in his voice. "But...?"

He leaned forward and raked a hand through his hair before turning to face me. "One of my sisters got married and moved to California a few years ago. It was sort of a dream of mine to go out there and pursue a career in music." He scoffed. "I was young, you know, thought I was better than I really am. Anyway, my other sister moved to New York to study art right before my dad had his accident and... well – here I am."

I felt bad for having drawn him on such a personal subject. "I'm sorry Jacob. I'm not really good at light conversation. I didn't mean to pry."

He looked aghast. "No. Please don't apologise." His gaze intensified as he stared at me. "I don't normally do this. I guess you're just easy to talk to."

I blushed. "You too."

He smiled and took a drink from his bottle. "Okay, so since _I've _embarrassed myself, you have to tell me your inappropriate-for-a-party story."

I swallowed and looked away while deciding to go for the edited version. "Let's see... my dad raised me alone in Forks. I've had a very sheltered life and um... I guess that's it."

"No mom?" he asked earnestly.

I shook my head.

"Well." He tapped his bottle against my glass again. "That's something else we have in common. Let's move onto the fun stuff. What kind of music do you like?"

We talked for a while longer about music, films and books. Our tastes were completely different and Jacob's knowledge of music was far superior to mine. The conversation flowed after that. I felt comfortable talking to him and before long we were swapping embarrassing stories.

"... so you took your shirt off just to dab at a tiny cut on her head?" I roared with laughter. "...and there was no blood on it at all?"

Jacob looked slightly embarrassed, but was laughing as hard as I was "Hey, I was young. I had been working out a bit. I thought it might impress her." He chuckled defensively. "I think they call it peacocking."

I just couldn't imagine Jacob playing the hero and ripping his shirt off dramatically, but to do it just to dab at a tiny cut that was barely bleeding was too funny. "Did it work?"

He smiled. "We dated for two years." Then the smile faded. "But it didn't work out."

"I'm sorry," I said, sobering.

"Don't be. I guess a six pack will only take you so far."

"I'm sure there's more to you than that," I said, without thinking. I turned away, unnerved by the pleased gleam in his eye.

"You two seem to be having fun."

I turned to see Jasper sit down next to us.

"Jacob was just reliving his years as a peacock." Jacob and I burst out laughing, while Jasper looked at the two of us in bemusement.

The drinking game in the yard had gathered pace, and the women Alice had introduced me to earlier were now doing a weird conga around the garden. It was getting dark now, and the Chinese lanterns were glowing in the twilight.

I hadn't realised we'd been talking for so long. My wine glass lay empty by my feet. I picked it up and smiled at Jacob. "I'm going to get a refill. Do you want another beer?"

He shook his head. "I've already had one. I best not drink any more."

"Why?" I asked, genuinely perplexed, since it seemed everyone here was more than up for it.

"I need to get back to help my dad in a couple of hours."

"Of course," I said, remembering that his dad was wheelchair bound. "He's very lucky to have you."

He looked down. "Yeah, well, he devoted his life to me and my sisters. It's the least I can do." He forced a smile. "Let's not get into all that again."

When Jasper struck up a conversation with Jacob, I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom before getting another drink.

The music was much louder inside the house, and the party was certainly in full swing as I wrestled my way through the throng of bodies. Finally making it to the stairs, I couldn't help but stop halfway up to scan the crowd, looking for Edward. I spotted him leaning against the far wall amidst a small group of people – mainly female. He didn't appear to be speaking, but he looked comfortable enough.

It was difficult not to notice the way the women were acting around him. It looked like the female version of peacocking to me. They twirled their hair around their fingers, licking their lips suggestively while gazing up at him through fluttering eyelashes. Lauren seemed to be chief attendee, and when Edward finally said something she threw her head back and laughed, putting her hand on his forearm possessively. I turned to go upstairs.

"Hey dancer."

Emmett was standing two steps above me, elbows resting on the banister and his eyes trained where mine had just been.

"Are you going to call me that every time you see me?" I asked irritably, though my irritation wasn't really directed at him.

"He certainly draws the females in," he said, nodding his head in Edward's direction and ignoring my question completely.

"Looks like it," I agreed sourly.

He took a step down and his arms slid closer but he didn't look at me. "See that muscle working in his jaw?"

At first I didn't understand, but I looked more closely at Edward and I could see it. Even from this distance it looked as if his teeth were clenched, and there was a definite little twitch beneath his skin.

"He hates the attention," Emmett said. "Nobody really sees that." In my peripheral vision I saw him turn and look directly at me, but I kept my eyes on Edward. "People hear stuff and form opinions but they don't _see _what's right in front of them."

I stole a glance at him and he smiled innocently.

When I returned my gaze to Edward, I saw that Emmett was right; he didn't look relaxed at all.

"He's completely aware."

"Of what?"

"Of you," he said soberly. "Why do you think he's in here?"

"Because that's where all the girls are?" I groused.

He shook his head in a way that made me feel like I had just disappointed him greatly.

My cheeks heated under his piercing gaze.

He took the last step and his big body was right next to mine, but there was nothing threatening in his stance. "You guys need to wise up," he said, before disappearing out into the garden.

Instead of making my way upstairs, I took another look at Edward. It looked to me like Emmett had only been partly right; that wasn't tension in Edward's face – it was restraint. He was keeping his promise to me when he probably wanted to go off with one of his admirers. Tears pricked my eyes just as Edward turned and looked directly at me, he tilted his chin up in greeting. I darted upstairs.

In the bathroom I stared at myself in the mirror while washing my hands. Plain old Bella Swan with her mousey-brown hair tied in a pony tail and virginal white top stared back at me. The women surrounding Edward tonight were bold, provocatively dressed, and probably stimulating company. I hated how much it bothered me that Edward hadn't spent any time with me at all today.

Somewhere in my subconscious, I cursed the wine for fuelling my self-pity. I dabbed my eyes furiously, before drawing in a deep calming breath and leaving the bathroom. The hallway was empty, and I stood for a moment, hit by a strong aversion against rejoining the party. But I couldn't just go sneaking off, so I steeled myself against my natural insecurities and headed for the stairs.

In order to avoid making eye contact with Edward again, I kept my head down while I descended the stairs. I managed to slip into the kitchen without looking at him once. After refilling my wine glass, I pulled a soda from the fridge for Jacob and turned to leave. I almost dropped the drinks when I saw Edward standing in the doorway..

"Hey," he greeted, walking towards me.

"I was just getting some wine," I blurted, trying hard not to look at his face.

He stepped closer. "You and Jacob seem to be hitting it off."

"You were right," I said bitterly, stung by his apparent approval. "He _is_ a nice guy."

He hooked a finger under my chin to tilt my face up, making it impossible not to look at him. "Are you pissed at me?"

I shook my head, releasing my chin from his grip.

His eyes narrowed and then softened. He leaned forward. "I'm sorry I had to leave early this morning," he said, completely misreading my mood. "I wanted to wake you to tell you." He glanced over his shoulder and lowered his voice. "Last night was amazing. _You_ were amazing."

I pulled back, dropping my gaze to the floor. It hurt that he was using that to put me at ease. Maybe even trying to make me feel worthy for Jacob's sake. A hard knot of emotion tightened in my throat, preventing me from speaking. I moved around him and went back to Jacob.

The garden looked magical now that it was dark, and the sight of it lifted my mood a little. The lanterns were glowing and the outdoor lights adorning the fences twinkled beautifully. The drinking game had ended and the pounding music from earlier had been switched to something slower and more relaxing. I found Jacob sitting alone, and it occurred to me that if our roles were reversed and he had gone inside, no one would have approached me either.

Feeling a strange kinship, I pressed the soda can into his hand before sitting down beside him. Couples were dancing on the grass and the conversation surrounding us was muted, with only the occasional burst of laughter.

"So, we already had a date?" Jacob asked suddenly.

My mouth dried. "What?"

He inclined his head towards Jasper who was walking round the garden, dumping empty bottles and cups into the trash can he was carrying.

He leaned towards me. "Jasper and I had a little chat while you were gone, and he seems to think I took you to the movies a few weeks ago."

Panic gripped me and my heart almost stopped beating. "Does he know I lied?"

He pressed his lips together. "Relax, I didn't rat you out, but I didn't like the way he questioned me. What's going on, Bella?"

He didn't seem to be angry, but his obvious confusion made me feel guilty. My relief made me feel guiltier still. I tried desperately to think of something to tell him in lieu of the truth. "Jasper and I grew up together. He's almost like a brother to me and he's very protective."

He was nodding his head as I spoke. "Yeah I caught that, but why would you tell him I'd taken you out?"

I took a long sip of my wine. "It was more a misunderstanding than anything else. It was easier for me to let him believe I'd gone on a date with you, rather than tell him the truth."

"Which is?"

I looked at him and frowned. The last thing I wanted to do was lie to him, but I couldn't tell him the truth either. It was too private to share with someone I hardly knew.

He laid his hand on my forearm, and the warmth of his palm seeped into my cool skin. "Listen, it's none of my business really, but can I just ask one thing?"

I nodded. "Of course." I owed him that much.

"Is there something going on with you and Jasper?" He looked across the yard to where Jasper was standing with Alice. "Are you guys fooling around behind Alice's back?"

"No!" I gasped. "Oh God, no it's nothing like that, Jacob."

"Okay," he said, squeezing my arm to placate me. "I'm sorry. I just had to ask." His eyes softened. "So you're not dating anyone at the moment?"

"No."

He grinned, leaning in closer. I thought the moment had come for him to ask me out.

"Dance with me?"

I blinked. I hadn't expected that. Looking at the people dancing, I saw they were mostly couples dancing to a slow song. "I'm not a very good dancer."

He took my hand in his, pulling me gently to my feet. "I just saved your skin. It's the least you can do." His voice was gently teasing. "Besides, when the music's this slow, it's really just a case of holding on to each other and moving in circles." He smiled, leading me onto the grass.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 **

We found a space among the dancers and Jacob slid his hand around my waist, pulling me gently towards him. We weren't quite touching, but I could feel the heat of his body in stark contrast to the cool breeze blowing on my back.

The music was melodic and soothing and I looked down at our feet to mimic Jacob's movements.

"You don't have to look at your feet the whole time, Bella."

I looked up into his handsome face, returning his smile. "I'm _really_ bad at dancing, Jacob, you have no idea."

The hand resting on the small of my back pressed more firmly against me as he pulled me a little closer. My throat constricted and I swallowed hard when his chest came into contact with mine. He seemed to be unaware of my nervous reaction and continued to move. I tried to focus on the music to help me relax. It was strangely unnerving to be this close to him.

"You okay?" he murmured, stooping until his lips were close to my ear.

His hold on me loosened as soon as he felt me stiffen, indicating that he had picked up on my tension. When I looked up into his face, the concern and confusion in his expression increased my guilt. "I'm sorry," I whispered, trying to disentangle myself from his hold.

He restrained me but not in a forceful way. "Wait," he pleaded gently. "I'm sorry if I'm moving too fast for you." He removed his hand from around my back and placed it on the side of my waist, creating more distance between us. I knew we probably looked oddly formal compared to the other dancers, but it felt better.

"It's me." I sighed, wondering how I could explain it to him. "I'm not–"

"Much of a dancer?" he interjected, giving me an easy way out, which I appreciated more than he could know.

I nodded in agreement, feeling foolish, but squeezed his hand in a silent thank you.

He didn't say anything further while we danced. When the song finished, he didn't let go of my hand as we made our way back to our chairs. It was a surprise to see Edward was sitting at the table when we arrived. I caught his quick glance at our hands, but it was Jacob he spoke to when he looked up.

"I brought the guitars out," he told him, inclining his head towards two acoustic guitars propped against the table.

Jacob let go of my hand and began to rub his fingers across the back of his neck. "I don't know, man, everybody's having a good time. I don't want to kill the buzz."

Edward laughed, but it sounded oddly brittle. "Most of them are too loaded to care." He thrust a guitar into Jacob's reluctant grip. "Come on, Alice is disconnecting the outside speakers. The music will still be on in the house, so if nobody likes us they can go inside." He turned to me. "You don't mind if I steal him away for a little while, do you?"

I frowned at him, confused by his phrasing and short manner. He quirked an eyebrow expectantly. "No," I said.

Jacob sighed when Edward pushed him towards the grass.

They sat in the corner of the garden and started tuning the guitars. I drained my glass and went inside to get more wine. Grabbing the first bottle of wine that came to hand, I turned to go back outside but met Jasper in the doorway.

"You having fun?" he asked.

"Sure," I replied, distracted by the fact that Alice, Emmett, Lauren and Rosalie were now sitting at the table.

I turned back towards the house, telling Jasper I needed to find a cork screw.

"Alice tells me Edward is bringing you to the Cullen's charity ball on Thursday," Jasper said, following me to the kitchen.

"Yes, he is," I said, only half listening because I'd just realised the bottle had a screw cap. "I'm really looking forward to it."

With sudden purpose that took my by surprise, he cupped my elbow and guided me past the kitchen and into the small utility room beside it.

"Look," he said, closing the door behind us and flicking on the light. "I get all that you're trying to do Bella, and I want to support you. I want to see you happy, but don't get sucked in by Edward Cullen." He was swaying slightly and I realised he was a little drunk.

I rolled my eyes. "He's taking me to the ball as a friend. It would be much the same as if you were taking me."

"Yeah, but I wouldn't be trying to get into your panties."

I gasped, and he at least had the good grace to look sheepish.

"I'm sorry," he said. "That was uncalled for."

"Yes it was," I snapped. "I'm having a nice time today Jazz. Let's not get into this again; there really is no big drama. It's two friends going on a night out."

"So you're friends now?"

"Of course, he's my roommate. We could hardly be enemies."

"Yeah, well I've been watching him today and he doesn't seem to like you spending so much time with Jacob."

"What are you talking about? He's the one who is encouraging me to go out with Jacob."

Jasper's eyes narrowed. "Why?"

I realised how that might sound, and cursed myself for slipping up. "I guess, like you, he just wants to support me and he seems to think that Jacob and I would get along."

"And are you?"

"Yes." I nodded, relieved to be speaking the truth. "We don't have very much in common but he's good company."

He rubbed his hands through his hair. "I just want you to be happy Bella, but I want you to be careful too. I still think Edward has ulterior motives."

The accusation irked me. I was the one making all the demands and Edward had been nothing but kind and patient with me.

"Maybe people who don't know anything about our relationship could say the same about you." I touched his arm. "I know you care about me Jazz. But I'm a big girl now, and I'm capable of making my own decisions."

"I know," he conceded. "But promise me if you need anything, or even someone to talk to, you'll come to me."

"You'll be my first point of contact," I lied.

My heart dropped in my chest. I could already feel the difference in our relationship. Not so long ago I wouldn't have had to lie to Jasper, he would have been the first person I would turn to for anything. Until now, I hadn't realised how much I'd changed in the last few months. I was proud of myself, but at the same time, I didn't like keeping things from Jasper.

He wrapped me in his arms, placing a light kiss on my cheek. "Okay, let's go out and listen to your _friends_ sing."

I swatted his arm playfully to mask my sadness.

We made our way back outside to the table. Alice stood up, allowing Jasper to slide into her seat and pull her down onto his lap. She wound her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. It seemed they were both a little tipsy. I put my wine bottle on the table, retrieved my glass and poured, before turning to Lauren who was sitting on the other side of me.

"Wine?" I asked, holding the bottle up.

She turned, and to my surprise her lips spread into a smile. "Thanks," she said, holding her glass out. It was the first time she'd smiled at me and I wondered how drunk she was.

Rosalie declined, without even looking at me.

"I saw you dancing with Jacob," Lauren said, still facing him and Edward. "He's really hot, isn't he?"

I thought about how hot his skin had been when we were dancing, but I knew that wasn't what she was referring to. "He's very good looking," I said.

Her smile was genuine when she touched her glass to mine. "Here's to hot guys," she said and turned back to them.

I was surprised by her friendliness, but didn't get a chance to question it. My attention was diverted when Jacob and Edward began to strum. People were still talking around us, but gradually the conversation lulled as people turned their attention to the music. By the time Jacob started to sing, he had the attention of everyone in the garden.

His voice was strong and clear, and he sang with passion as he strummed forcefully on the guitar. Edward didn't sing, but his eyes were closed and he seemed lost in the music too. I sipped my wine and alternated between watching Jacob and watching Edward. When the song finished, the garden erupted into enthusiastic applause and whistles.

They launched into a second song but this one was much slower and they were plucking the strings rather than strumming them. Lauren picked up the bottle of wine and refilled both our glasses. "I can't wait till Edward sings," she whispered, leaning in close. "You could get off on his voice alone."

Her words bothered me, but I tried to ignore them and chose to concentrate on Jacob's song instead. It was so sweet and moving it brought a lump to my throat, and I watched him over the rim of my glass as he sung with his eyes closed. I stole a glance at Edward, and almost dropped my glass when I saw he was looking at me. Even from this far away, I could see how intense his eyes looked.

Lauren leaned close again. "Jesus," she hissed. My eyes jerked away and focussed on Lauren. She was smiling, no leering, at Edward. "He's so fucking hot. He's_ never_ looked at me like that before."

I glanced back at Edward to see if he really had been looking at Lauren and not me, but he was looking down at his fingers now, and seemed to be as absorbed in the music as Jacob was.

"Does he ever mention me?" Lauren asked after a few more moments spent staring at Edward. I could tell by the way she slurred her words slightly that she was becoming very drunk. "I really thought he wasn't interested anymore, but fuck! That look." Her eyelids were a little droopy when she looked at me. "Just makes you want to fuck his brains out." She bit her lip and sighed, clearly reliving a memory I didn't want to contemplate.

Balking at her crudeness, I grabbed my wine glass and took a long drink in an effort to hide my reaction. I was sure Edward been looking at me, but seeing the blatant arousal on Lauren's face suddenly made me feel sick.

"I need to go to the bathroom." I muttered, scrambling out of my seat and almost tripping over her legs. She was too far gone to notice.

Surprisingly, even though the yard was crowded, the house seemed to be even more crowded than earlier, and I had to force my way through to the stairs. I scurried up them, just making it to the bathroom in time to throw up.

I grimaced and flushed the toilet before turning on the faucet and scooping some water into my mouth to rinse it. I opened the vanity drawer, knowing Alice kept a supply of new toothbrushes, but the first thing I saw was a box of condoms.

_Just makes you want to fuck his brains out._

My heart fell into my stomach as I thought of Lauren's reaction to Edward compared to how I'd reacted in Jacob's arms. It seemed to underline the massive gulf between me and a normal girl like Lauren. I turned and threw up into the bowl again, sinking to my knees.

Eventually, I became aware of the sound of singing coming through the open window. I could tell it wasn't Jacob singing. I went to the window and opened it a little wider to look out. If I had been blindfolded, I would never have connected that singing voice to Edward.

He sang in thick smoky tones, raw with emotion, and heavily seductive. He was playing alone, Jacob wasn't in sight. I listened for a while, but the horrible taste in my mouth rendered my need to brush my teeth stronger than my need to listen to Edward.

I was cleaning my teeth when there was a light tap at the door. Glancing at the bowl, I made sure I hadn't left any telltale mess before calling out, "Yes?"

"Bella?" Jacob's response was muffled through the door. My eyes widened in alarm and I spat out the toothpaste and rinsed the brush before wiping my mouth. "I have to leave now. I just wanted to say goodbye." When I opened the door he frowned. "Are you okay?"

"Too much wine," I admitted.

He pressed his lips together in a small sympathetic smile. "I wish I could stay, but I gotta go and help my dad with some stuff," he said ruefully.

"Oh right," I said, standing awkwardly in the doorway. I wasn't really sure what to do, and wondered if I should shake his hand or kiss his cheek or something.

He turned to leave.

"You were very good," I blurted. He stopped and turned to face me again, quirking an eyebrow. "Your singing. It was great," I elaborated.

I was vaguely aware of the sound of applause coming from the garden while Jacob stepped closer. He raised his arms up and gripped the top of the doorframe. I was rooted to the spot. "I had a nice time today," he said quietly, and his body seemed to take up far too much space around me.

I didn't feel as intimidated as I had when we danced, but it was still a little disconcerting. "Me too," I said, finally looking into his eyes.

"I'd like to take you out on a date... and not an imaginary one this time," he said, teasing me lightly. Despite the show of masculinity in his stance, the vulnerability evident in his eyes was extremely endearing. "If you'd like to?"

"Yes, I'd like that."

He blew out a long breath as if he'd been holding it in and dropped his hands to his sides. "Great."

I blushed at his enthusiasm.

He lifted his hand and touched my shoulder before leaning in. I turned my cheek to him and he kissed it lightly. "I'll call you," he murmured, his face still millimetres from mine. "Bye."

I turned, intending to watch him walk away, but instead I saw Edward walking towards us.

"I gotta go," Jacob said to him, grabbing his hand to shake it.

Edward clapped Jacob on the shoulder. "The guitars are in your car," he told him.

Jacob thanked him before disappearing down the stairs.

"You missed my singing," Edward said with a smile that seemed forced. "I'm offended." He placed a hand on his heart in mock hurt.

"Sorry, I felt a bit sick," I explained.

"You've really been knocking back the wine all day. I'm surprised you lasted this long."

"How would you know?" I asked, failing to keep the bitter edge out of my voice. "I've hardly seen you all day."

"Yeah, well you had Jacob to keep you company."

"He just asked me out, so it looks like your mission has been accomplished!" I snapped.

I put my hands on his chest, intending to push him away, but as soon as I touched him his hands gripped my shoulders, preventing me from leaving. "How was it?" he asked, his eyes suddenly boring into mine. "Dancing with him? Touching him?"

I stared up into his eyes, stunned by their dark intensity. The muscle in his jaw that Emmett had pointed out earlier began to twitch. His fingers curled around my shoulders, pulling me closer until I felt his breath on my face. Like a moth to a flame, I rose on my tiptoes to bring my mouth closer to his.

"God! I really need to take a piss!"A woman came scurrying down the hall, looking at us enquiringly. "Is there a line?"

Edward released his grip on my shoulders and I rocked back onto my heels, before turning to respond to the woman.

"No," I shook my head and stood away from the open door. "It's free, go ahead."

She smiled gratefully and ducked in, closing the door behind her. Edward stood staring at me with a conflicted look on his face. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking but I was afraid what his answer might be. Eventually he looked away from me.

"I should get back downstairs," I said, turning away. He'd hurt me earlier with his comment about last night, and I didn't want to hang around to let him cheapen it any further.

He tried to grab my arm but I evaded his grasp. I heard him sigh as he followed me downstairs.

Someone had re-connected the outside speakers, and through the open patio doors I could see people dancing. When I stepped back out into the garden, Alice was still perched on Jasper's knee and Emmett and Rosalie were dancing. Lauren was passed out on the chair.

"There you are," Jasper called. It was clear he very drunk. "We were just going to send out a search party for you."

Edward came out behind me and handed me a soda. I thanked him without looking up.

"Where's Jacob?" Jasper asked, craning his neck to look behind us.

"He had to go home."

I noticed that Edward hadn't followed me to the table, but had stopped to talk to a group of people on the patio. I sat down in Emmett's seat.

"So did he ask you out on another date?" Alice asked when I turned to face them.

"Yeah."

"That's good isn't it?" she said, making me realise that my response had been less than enthusiastic.

At the sound of footsteps, I turned to see Edward coming towards us. "Yes of course it is," I said to Alice, trying to inject a little more enthusiasm into my tone.

"I think you'll be fine with him, Bella," Jasper slurred. "He's a really cool dude."

I sniggered. "A cool dude? You've been sitting with Emmett too long."

He shifted in his seat, trying to lean forward. Alice scooted off his lap, opting to sit in the chair beside him.

"No I mean it. I'm sorry about all that shit earlier," Jasper went on, leaning closer to me and taking my hand. I glanced nervously at Alice, but she didn't seem concerned at all. "I worry about you, I really do. Of course you know that already... ha, everybody knows that already." He hiccupped loudly. "But I want you to be happy." He grabbed Alice's hand and pulled it into his grip beside mine. "I want you to be as happy as me and Alice."

Alice smirked knowingly when he kissed both our hands. He looked up and caught her. "No, no, I'm being serious Alice. Bella deserves the best. If she's found true love then I'm happy for her."

"It's only a date, Jasper," I pointed out, stealing a glance at Edward. He was busying himself, trying to pry the half full wine glance out of Lauren's hands without waking her.

"It's your second date," he said, reminding me of my lie. "That's gotta count for something, and he's really cool, he brought Alice flowers." He was rambling now. "Who does that? I'll tell you who... nice guys... nice guys do that!" He looked pointedly at Edward, and there was such obvious disdain in his eyes that I was glad Edward was otherwise occupied.

After his warnings against Edward earlier, I was annoyed by his overzealous approval of Jacob. Having heard enough, I removed my hand from Jasper's grip and stood up. "Listen, I've got work in the morning, I'm going to go home."

Edward looked up. "You can't walk home alone. Emmett will drop us off." He glanced over at Emmett and Rosalie who were still dancing. "If you don't mind waiting till he's done dancing."

I had no particular desire to walk home alone at this late hour, so I shrugged my shoulders and sat back down.

"I'll walk you home," Jasper said, trying to get up out of his seat.

"Don't be ridiculous," Alice said, circling her arms around his waist when he swayed on his feet. "Emmett passes their way anyway." She steadied him by looping his arm around her shoulder. "Let's get you up to bed."

He leered at her. "Yes please."

Alice shook her head and mouthed an apology before leading him away. He started rambling again about how nice Jacob was as Alice pulled him towards the house.

"Well, looks like you've got his seal of approval," Edward commented, dropping into the seat next to mine.

"I don't need anybody's approval," I insisted.

I sat sipping my soda, watching Rosalie and Emmett dance. I was just beginning to relax again when Lauren suddenly lurched forward, and threw up all over her shoes.

"Great," Edward hissed, leaping to his feet. "Rosalie!"

Emmett followed Rosalie when she rushed over to help, and grimaced at the mess while helping her pull Lauren out of the chair. Alice stepped out into the garden, but dashed back inside as soon as she spotted the mess. A few moments later, she returned with a bucket of soapy water and instructed Edward and I to move the table so she could clean up.

"Looks like the party's over," she groaned.

~*AE*~

Edward turned his key and swung the door open, motioning for me to enter the apartment first. I stepped inside and flicked on the lights, before taking off my shoes and jacket and dumping them at the coat stand.

"God, it's been a long day," I said, sighing wearily. "You know I'm actually glad I threw up earlier, or I'd probably be in the same state Lauren is in now."

Edward closed the door and followed me. "Yep, I'm so glad I wasn't taking _her _home."

His words reminded me of Lauren's behaviour earlier, and a bolt of jealousy shot through me. "It's not like you haven't taken her home before."

His brow furrowed.

"I'm sorry," I said, following him into the living room. "I don't know where that came from."

He sat down heavily on the sofa, kicking off his shoes. "I told you I wouldn't do that until this is over." He motioned his finger between us. "I guess that won't be too long now."

"Don't start with the Jacob stuff again. I'm going on one date with him. Why is everyone trying to marry us off already?" I slid on to the sofa beside him.

"This is what you want," he pointed out. "To start dating, and he's a n–"

"A nice guy. I know. You said that a million times already." I leaned back on the sofa and tilted my head to look at him. He was resting backwards with his eyes closed. "Why did you ask me how it felt dancing with him earlier?"

His eyes opened and he turned to look down at me. "I was just curious to know how you thought it went today," he explained. "Did it feel okay when he danced with you?"

"I was a little tense."

"What about when he kissed your cheek?"

Something in the timbre of his voice bothered me, but maybe not in a bad way. He sounded just a little _too_ interested. "It kind of felt like when my dad kisses my cheek." I snorted. "I mean, a kiss on the cheek is just a kiss on the cheek no matter who gives it, right?"

"I guess."

"Unless you want to disprove that statement." I was only half joking but his instant frown disappointed me. "What?" I asked turning so I was fully facing him.

"You're getting all flirty," he accused lightly.

"And not doing a very good job of it apparently," I huffed.

"It doesn't feel right," he said softly. "Not when you've spent the day with Jacob, and he's probably at home now going over it in his mind and looking forward to the date." He stared at me intently. "Do you understand what I'm getting at?"

I stood up. "Yep, you paint quite the picture. I feel totally guilty now. But for the record, I wasn't flirting with him today."

He grasped my hand when I tried to walk away. "He's a friend, this isn't easy for me." His eyes were soft and imploring. "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I'm just saying maybe this doesn't feel right anymore."

"We made an agreement before Jacob came on the scene. I haven't even been out with him yet. It's not like we're cheating." He stood up and I took a step towards him. "We're not doing anything wrong. We're just two people sticking to an agreement."

He pulled me close, and I looked up into his eyes when he dipped his head. I waited for his lips to reach mine, but they didn't. His hand snaked up my neck to cup my face gently. He smiled seductively and slowly turned my head to the right.

His warm breath fanned my face, tickling my neck as his fingers caressed it. When his lips finally made contact it was on my cheek and not my mouth. They were soft and warm and sent a delicious current rippling beneath my skin. He parted his lips slightly, and felt the faintest flick of his tongue before his lips closed and the soft swell of my cheek was sucked gently into his mouth. It was the kind of kiss that made me want more and I tried to turn my mouth towards his.

He held me in place, brushing his thumbs over my cheekbones, while his mouth stayed on my cheek. With a final soft suck, he brushed his lips softly over my skin and pulled back to look at me. He lifted one eyebrow.

"You just love proving me wrong," I griped, trying desperately to hide the effect his kiss had had on me.

He wasn't smug like I might've expected. His expression was serious. "I'm sorry I didn't spend much time with you today," he murmured. "I'll make it up to you next week when we go on our date. I'll be the perfect gentleman, I promise."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

For the next couple of days I did nothing but work, study and sleep. Edward had managed to get himself a stint at the hospital. It was another work experience type thing that I didn't really understand. Someone had dropped out and Edward had managed to take that place, but it meant he'd be staying at the hospital for three days.

On Tuesday night, Charlie called to catch up.

"How's your wrist?" he asked. I could hear the television in the background and flicked through the channels on mine till I found the same one.

"Fine, but I have another four weeks until they take the cast off," I told him. "It's driving me insane. It's so limiting."

"Are you coping okay at college?"

"I'm getting by."

The commercials were still on, but I knew as soon as the game came back on he'd make his excuses and get off the phone.

"At least you've got Jasper there to help you at home."

I hadn't told him that Jasper had moved out. Charlie was even more over-protective than Jasper and if he knew I was living with Edward, he'd have me out of here quicker than he could say 'over-my-dead-body'.

"Hmm-mm," I responded vaguely.

When the game came back on, I waited for him to wind down the conversation – but he didn't.

"So, I was thinking of coming to see you this weekend," he said, taking me completely by surprise.

"You? Come here?"

"Sure, I do know how to get to Seattle, Bells." There was a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Why?"

"Can't a man just pay his daughter a visit?"

"Dad, what's up?" Even though the game was in full swing, he didn't seem in any hurry to hang up. It was a sure sign something was on his mind.

"Are you busy Saturday?" he asked, ignoring my question.

"I'm working both days this weekend, but I finish at four on Saturday. If you come later we could go out to dinner and you could sleep on the sofa..." I hesitated, hoping he couldn't hear my reluctance. "If you want to."

There was a long pause. "Um... I'm not coming alone."

"Oh," I said trying to hide the mirth in my voice. "Are you bringing Sue?"

"Yeah," he mumbled.

"Well, that's even better. We can all have dinner together." I took a deep breath. "But you'll probably have to book into a hotel. I don't have enough room for you both here."

I could almost feel the heat of his embarrassment through the phone line. "Yeah, I'll...uh... see what Sue thinks and get back to you on that."

My hand flew to the receiver to muffle my snigger. I could picture him running his finger under the collar of his shirt in embarrassment.

"Okay dad. Now get back to your game."

"Bella?" he said quietly.

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

My heart swelled. "Bye dad. I love you."

The line disconnected and I smiled at the telephone long after I put the receiver down. I knew what he was thanking me for: A year ago, in fact a month ago, I might have been appalled at the thought of him and Sue spending a night in a hotel together, and I would have told him as much. Although, I doubted he'd be quite so accommodating if he found out Edward was living here.

I picked up the phone and called Jasper.

"I need a favour," I asked as soon as he picked up.

"Anything," he said, laughing. "And hello to you too."

"Sorry... hi. Listen, Dad's coming to Seattle this weekend. I need you to stay here on Saturday night, just in case."

"Um, I'll need to check with Alice in case she has any plans."

"No, just you," I clarified. "So he'll think you still live here."

"Yeah, I get that Bella. I just meant I need to check in case Alice has made plans for _us_."

"Oh right." I blushed. "But please try."

"What about Edward?"

"Maybe he could sleep in your spare room, it's just one night."

Jasper chuckled. "I'm sure Edward will have no trouble finding a bed for the night."

"Just ask Alice," I snapped.

I spent Wednesday evening in the library catching up on some much needed reading. I could have gone home to the apartment, but I was tired of sitting in on my own and at least there were other people in the library. People watching during my study breaks was much more enjoyable than staring at the apartment walls.

An hour before the library was due to close, I was packing up my things when a thought struck me. My heart started to pound when I sat down in front of the computer and clicked the reference icon.

After a quick look over my shoulder, I quickly typed in the first search. Several titles came up and I blushed when I realised most of them were in the teen non-fiction listings. Satisfied that the library was sufficiently empty, I headed towards the teen section. Unfortunately, there were a few girls giggling in front of the shelves I was headed for, so I walked purposefully past them, pretending I was just passing through.

I hung around for a few minutes, but the girls didn't look like they were in any hurry to leave. In the end, I abandoned my impromptu idea of perusing the sex education manuals, deciding it was probably time to go home anyway. Not in the mood to cook for one, I picked up some Chinese food for myself on the way home.

When I opened the door to the apartment, I was greeted by the sound of the TV. I smiled; Edward was home.

He was sprawled on the sofa, his overnight bag and shoes discarded on the floor. At first I thought he was sleeping until he turned and smiled up at me.

"How was the hospital?"

He grinned broadly, sitting up. "I'm gonna love being an intern."

It thrilled me to see him so passionate about his work. "Have you eaten?" I asked, holding up my take out cartons. "We can share."

"Do you have enough for both of us?" he asked, sitting up.

"There's some bread and I think we have some cheese in the fridge. We can stretch it out."

As we ate, he spoke enthusiastically about his past couple of days, and then the conversation turned to me.

"How have you been doing?" he asked, pointing his fork towards my cast.

I looked down at it. It was getting pretty grubby looking now, but there wasn't a lot I could do about that. "Not too bad."

His fork rose and pointed at my hair. "And your hair?"

"I haven't really managed to wash it properly. I've done my best but it's not really fit for anything but a ponytail." I frowned, touching my hand to it self-consciously.

"What about a bath?"

"Excuse me?" I almost choked on my food.

He chuckled. "Have you been managing to take a bath?"

"Oh," I said, realising it wasn't an invitation. "Yes, but washing my hair is difficult."

"I'll wash your hair for you tonight if you want," he offered. "I'll even use the conditioner and wait for the...what is it? Two minutes?"

"Yes, two minutes," I confirmed with a smile. "Thank you."

After our meal, I cleared up while Edward took his things into his room. My thoughts drifted back to his offer to wash my hair. I stood at the kitchen window, wondering if he meant to wash it while I was in the bath, or after I got out of the bath. I was too embarrassed to ask him.

While Edward was putting his things away, I went to my own room, opened my closet and pulled out the dress Alice had lent me for the charity function. It was a midnight blue knee length dress with a tight bodice, straight neckline, and thin spaghetti straps.

She also lent me a pair of silver strappy sandals, a silver clutch bag, and a chiffon wrap that matched the dress. I was really looking forward to the event, not least because I'd never been to anything that had required me to dress up so glamorously. However, I also worried that I would look out of place.

I put the dress back in the closet and set about getting my things ready for my bath. Deciding it would be best to have a bath and then ask Edward to wash my hair, I filled the bath before making another makeshift cover for my cast in the kitchen.

Edward came out just as I was finishing up. "Are you taking a bath right now?" he asked, eying my robe. He walked towards me and sat down on the coffee table next to the leg I had propped up on it.

"Yes, when I'm done, you can come and wash my hair... if that's okay."

"Of course," he said.

He settled in front of the TV while I went back to the bathroom. I relaxed into the bubbles for a while before I finally summoned up the energy to wash myself. It took forever to shave my legs, and even longer to do my armpits since I could barely grip the razor with my left hand. There was no way I could ever ask Edward to do this particular task.

Finally satisfied with my labours, I got out of the bath, towelled myself dry, and put on clean underwear and my robe. Then I called Edward and he came in, carrying a chair for me to sit on.

While he washed my hair, I told him about Charlie's plans to come to Seattle at the weekend, and I think I might have managed to hide my pleasure when he agreed to spend the night at Alice's. He sat on the edge of the bath staring at his hands, while we waited for the conditioner to work.

He made no attempt to continue our conversation, and so I found myself trying to think of something to say to him just to get him out of his sudden gloom.

"This is really good of you, Edward." I said, my head lolling back against the makeshift pillow he'd made out of a towel.

"Yeah, well, if I don't make it as a doctor, then maybe I can forge a career in hairdressing."

"I wouldn't go that far," I said, relieved by his small smile.

After he rinsed my hair and wrapped it in a towel, I followed him back to the living room. He sat behind me on the sofa and rubbed my hair with the towel to dry it. It wasn't completely necessary but I was enjoying being pampered, so I let him continue with the task. He picked up the TV remote and flicked through the channels.

"There's a chick flick on if you want to watch it?" he suggested, nestling in behind me.

I couldn't say I was entirely enamoured of the term 'chick-flick', but I decided to indulge him. "What's it about?"

He scooped my legs up so I was lying across the sofa and he was spooned behind me. "You've never seen _Ghost_?" He seemed surprised as he pointed the remote at the TV.

"Is it scary?"

He chuckled, and I sighed as the soft rumble of his chest resonated through me. "No, I think you might like it."

At first it was difficult to keep my eyes focussed on the screen and my mind on the plot. I was much too aware of Edward's body curled behind mine, but not just that, I was also concerned by this sudden show of affection. Ever since the barbecue, he had changed. It was as if he was making a concerted effort to be nicer to me. He was dictating the pace now, and I was beginning to like it.

The romance of the film soon caught my attention and, all ruminations about Edward were forgotten. By the end of the film I was in tears, and Edward was snoring softly behind me.

When I turned to face him, he stirred but didn't wake. I took the rare opportunity to study his face. His skin was so smooth it looked like he didn't even have pores, and his thick, glorious eyelashes fanned out in a dark crescent over his cheeks. His lips captivated me most – they were so full and utterly inviting.

Almost without thinking, my hand crept up the front of his body and my thumb brushed gently over his lower lip. I was so focussed on the soft fullness of it, I almost missed the shift of his mouth before it enveloped my thumb.

My eyes darted to his, and I gasped when I saw they were open and blazing with an emotion I didn't recognise. My breath caught in my throat.

His tongue circled my thumb before he sucked it into his mouth. His eyes flicked to mine, shining with mild concern as he brushed away the remnants of my tears with his thumb.

"You enjoyed the film then?" he asked, letting my thumb drop from his mouth.

A nervous laugh bubbled in my throat. "It was stupid."

He cupped my cheek tenderly. "The stupid ones are the best."

Strong emotion welled up inside me and I pressed my lips to his. He responded eagerly, flipping me onto my back and devouring my mouth. Suddenly his few days away felt like months, and it was like I had emerged from a desert into the most wonderful oasis.

My fingers itched to touch his bare skin, and the ache between my legs throbbed. Thankfully, he addressed all of this when he spoke.

"We need to take this into my room."

I leapt off the couch, which made him chuckle as he joined me. He lifted me up into his arms and I wrapped my legs around his waist, claiming his lips again when he strode towards his room. This was the boldest we'd ever been, and it was not a moment too soon in my eyes.

He lowered me onto his bed, but somewhat disappointingly, settled at my side. However, I wasn't disappointed for long, because he crushed himself to me and his tongue plunged into my mouth at the same time as he buried both hands in my hair.

I met his tongue with mine, full force, clutching at his shirt. I brought my hand up, intending to run my fingers through his hair, but too late I remembered the cast just as it clunked against his head.

"Ow!" he cried out, breaking the kiss. After a short moment of recovery, he grinned at me and flicked off the light. I could still make out his handsome features in the weak moonlight filtering in through the window.

I giggled an apology before pulling his lips back to mine. His kisses were feverish and his fingers bit into my scalp. He raised his head, fixing me with a determined stare while his fingers tickled the skin beneath my robe. I swallowed in anticipation when he started to untie the belt. He pulled the edges of my robe apart slightly and I sagged back onto the pillows.

Every nerve ending in my body burst into life when I felt his flattened tongue slowly lick across my belly. "Oh God, that feels good," I moaned.

With deft fingers, he parted my robe and explored every inch of my torso with his talented tongue. There was an urgency, a boldness about him, that I hadn't witnessed before, and it seemed to ignite a similar reaction in me. I arched my back in invitation as he finally exposed my breasts completely.

"Bella," he groaned, his voice sounding like a mixture of delight and warning. His head rose higher and the faint moonlight glittered in his eyes when he looked at me. He opened his mouth to speak, but I gripped his face in my hands and raised my mouth to his ear.

I bit his earlobe gently. "Don't say anything," I begged. "I need you."

He responded by cupping both my breasts firmly. My eyes rolled back a little and a soft groan flew from my lips at the contact. I wondered, momentarily, if he could feel my heart pounding beneath his fingertips. His hands felt heavenly on my body, and I raised my eyes to his shyly.

"Is this okay?" he whispered.

Rendered mute by the intensity of the moment, I simply nodded.

Slowly, he lowered his head and let his lips blaze a hot wet trail down the column of my throat. When he slipped one hand beneath me and pulled my body closer to his eager mouth, my resultant moan reverberated around the room. With a touch that bordered on reverence, his tongue slowly licked across my nipple right before his lips closed over it. I felt the soft tug of his mouth arrow straight to my centre.

My head lolled back, and by the time he moved to my other breast I was aching with a need for him that was so strong I started to tremble. I hooked my arm under him, and, mindful of my cast, pulled him closer to me. His erection was hot and hard against my hip, and I was gripped with the need to feel it right where I needed him most. I lowered my arm and tried to push his hips upwards.

My breast popped out of his mouth and he looked up at me. "What are you doing?" he whispered between ragged breaths.

He lifted himself up slightly to better look at me, and seizing my chance, I slid my hips beneath his. He closed his eyes tightly for a moment before they slowly opened and focussed on me. "Bella." His voice was husky with warning, but still tender. "You feel so fucking good. I don't know if I can go any further without stopping."

His honesty coupled with the passionate glint in his eyes confounded me. Desperate to break down the last shred of his control, I lifted my head and kissed him hard. At first he remained rigid above me, but then his body relaxed and with a soft groan, he let his body cover mine fully. My heart rate spiked exponentially with the exquisite pleasure of feeling the weight of him pressing into my torso. His hips pressed into mine when my legs opened a little wider to accommodate him.

He stilled for a moment, but then his hand smoothed downwards over my bare skin until he reached my calf. His fingers gently curled around the back of my knee and hitched it gently over his hip.

He pressed deeper into me, sending waves of pure desire coursing through my body. The friction of him rocking against me was like nothing I'd ever felt before.

He paused.

"Please don't stop," I gasped into his ear. Relief washed over me when his lips started their delicious descent again. "Promise me you won't stop, it's so good."

"Fuck Bella," he groaned, his lips vibrating against my nipple. "You're killing me."

He pulled my other leg around his waist and began to grind harder against me while sucking hard on my breast. At last it felt like we were on equal footing, enjoying ourselves on the same level. His touch was as firm and desperate as mine, his moans equally loud, his hips pressing down with the same ferocity as mine were tilting up to meet them.

Long dormant muscles deep within me started to tighten, constricting in response to every flex of his hips. The heat of his breath washed over my neck and chest in sharp forceful bursts. The tingling between my legs intensified to the point where I felt like something might explode inside me.

The symphony of our moans filling the room heightened the pleasure flowing through me. I couldn't think, I could only feel.

My voice grew louder and my hips undulated in time with his. Arousal was screaming through me now and a strange feeling was brewing in my lower abdomen, coiling tight like a spring. I kept gasping his name as it wound tighter. Something was going to happen; I could feel it. My body seemed to be flying on auto pilot as it strained towards something I couldn't comprehend. But I couldn't stop, I wouldn't. It felt like I was flying forward on a course known only by my body, and I had no choice but to follow.

The darkness enveloped me. Every one of my senses constricted around me, narrowing into one tiny point right between my legs. As soon as I acknowledged it, it started to release, opening like a flower greeting the warmth and light of the sun. Edward's feverish breaths and soft groans gave me the courage to let go and allow my natural responses to take over.

He buried his face into my neck, grazing my skin with his teeth. All at once his movements became erratic, and his hands gripped my backside as he pushed harder against me. With the increased pressure the tightening that had been coiling through me unravelled, and my body erupted in convulsions beneath his. My legs clamped like a vice around his hips, my eyes rolling back in pure white hot ecstasy as I rode the wave of bliss he was giving me.

He rode it out with me, his pleasure-filled moans echoing my own until at last his movements slowed, becoming gentler until the room was quiet and I burst into happy tears.

"I'm okay," I whispered when I felt him stiffen. "I'm okay, I promise."

He pulled up to look at me, and even though I couldn't see him clearly, his concern was evident.

I smiled and cupped his cheek in my palm. Tears were still falling as I spoke. "That was wonderful."

He dropped his forehead to mine, and we lay like that while our hearts hammered and our breathing slowed. Eventually, he sat up and fixed my robe before tightening the belt around me. Satisfied with my state of dress, he propped himself on his elbow and looked down at me.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He wiped my tears away with his thumb.

I nodded "Did I..?" I faltered.

He bent and kissed me lightly. "Yes," he whispered.

My heart flipped in my chest. "Did you?"

He smiled, and I thought that if there was more light I might see a touch of colour in his cheeks. "I didn't intend it to go that far, Bella."

"You said I could set the pace," I reminded him.

He sat up fully on the edge of the bed and raked his fingers through his hair. I could hear the desperation in his voice when he said, "I never intended it to get this far."

I sat up. "Didn't you like it?" I was confused; maybe it was different for men.

When he pulled me close to his chest, his heart hammered against my ear. I waited for him to respond, but he didn't. He simply rubbed warming circles on my back that told me the connection had been broken.

"Please don't regret this in the morning," I whispered, feeling bereft.

He slid his finger under my chin and tilted my face up. His kiss was tender and heartbreakingly sweet.

"Never."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

I was eating lunch alone in the corner of the canteen when Jasper thumped his tray down on the table, almost scaring the life out of me.

"Sorry," he said, turning the chair backwards and straddling it. "I didn't mean it to hit the table so hard." He picked up a French fry and chewed on it. "You looking forward to tonight?"

"Yes, I can't wait." I smiled enthusiastically, glad that his disapproval of Edward taking me seemed to have finally waned.

"I'm a little bit nervous to be honest. It sounds like kind of a big deal," he admitted.

"Me too." I giggled. "I'm excited about it, but what if I do something stupid like drink from the bowl you're meant to dip your fingers in... or knock a glass of wine over someone's ten thousand dollar dress?"

He laughed loudly. "If you drink from that bowl and get funny looks, I'll do it too and we'll pretend it's a Forks tradition."

It felt so good to be like this with him again.

"Alice lent me a beautiful dress." I picked at my sandwich, tearing off tiny bite sized pieces before popping them into my mouth. "So I think I'll be dressed appropriately at least. She knows what's required. What about you? Have you got a tux?"

He nodded. "I rented one. I'm picking it up when I leave here." He looked at me and grinned "There'll be dancing." His eyes glittered in challenge.

I groaned. "I know." I held my dirty cast up. "But I'm pretty sure this will put anyone off from asking me."

We talked through the rest of lunch. I asked about his father, and we wondered aloud what Charlie's impending visit might mean. All the while I kept waiting for him to slip in a dig about Edward – but it never came.

~*AE*~

I stood in front of the full-length mirror in my room, looking at myself. The dress fit beautifully, and I had managed to curl my hair into soft waves using the old set of heated rollers I'd bought from a garage sale when I was going through my make-more-of-an-effort phase. This was the first time I'd ever used them and I had to admit, I was sort of pleased with the result.

I'd decided against putting the sandals on just yet since the heel was higher than I was used to, and there seemed to be no point in prolonging the agony. I applied a little make up and then sat on the edge of my bed, fiddling with the silver bracelet Charlie had given me for my eighteenth birthday.

My mind drifted back to last night and for the hundredth time today. A small involuntary moan escaped my throat and my insides clenched. I'd lain awake for a long time when I got back to my room and the memory of it both excited and disturbed me in equal measure.

It excited me because I'd never known it was possible to feel something as intensely pleasurable and wonderful, but it disturbed me for very different reasons. It felt like Edward was right, we probably had taken things further than we should have. While I could not regret it, there was still a part of me that worried I had shared something with Edward that I shouldn't have.

I was beginning to feel that he might ruin me for anyone else. Being with him was utterly enjoyable in every sense, even the times when we simply talked over a meal or swapped stories about our day. I was starting to think that it might not be possible to just walk away from this and find it with someone else.

The front door closing snapped me out of my reverie and, hearing Edward rushing up the hallway, I came out of my room just in time to see him dart into his. He came back out seconds later and offered me a rueful smile.

"I'm sorry I'm late. It'll take me ten minutes to shower and shave, I promise."

He headed straight for the bathroom, but when he got to the doorway he stopped and turned to me. "You look beautiful by the way." He smiled before closing the door behind him.

I sat on the sofa, drinking a glass of water while Edward darted around the apartment, muttering to himself and rooting around in drawers for random things. He turned down my offer of help. My mind wandered back to last night, yet again, and I shifted on the sofa as the waves of desire washed over me.

"You okay?"

I looked up to find him standing in his bedroom doorway watching me. My eyes almost popped out on stalks. He looked absolutely devastating in his suit. My mouth dried instantly. My eyes dropped to the shiny shoes on his feet, travelling up his impossibly long legs in appreciation of the way his pants were perfectly cut to fit. He was leaning against the doorframe, one hand in his pocket, and I swallowed as the sudden desire to run my hands up his muscular thighs almost overwhelmed me.

His shirt was cream, not white, which complimented the natural tones of his skin. My eyes honed in on the soft sprinkling of hair peeking out of the open neckline of his shirt. What I wouldn't give to swirl my tongue across that skin and up towards his rugged jaw. His lips curved into a sexy smile and I found myself smiling back when my eyes finally met his.

"I asked if you are okay?" he said softly, pushing away from the frame and moving towards me. "You look a little distracted."

I snapped out of my trance. "Aren't you wearing a tie?"

He raised his hand to indicate the black silk tie draped across his palm. "Would you mind?"

"Of course not," I said, only happy to be given something to do other than ogle him.

He walked towards me at the same time I moved closer, and we met half way. Reaching my arms around his neck, I pulled his collar up to slide the tie around it. I tried hard to ignore the warmth of his breath on my face and the mixture of toothpaste and spicy cologne that greeted my nose. The trembling of my fingers made me fumble slightly when I knotted his tie.

His skin was soft when I dipped my fingers under his collar. The soft bob of his Adam's apple, caught my eye as I slid them across his skin, turning his collar down.

I looked up into his burning eyes. "All done."

When I moved to withdraw my hands, he covered them with his and held them against his chest with one hand while the other touched my hair. I stood frozen, watching him curl a tendril of my hair around his finger. "You look beautiful tonight, Bella."

My heart constricted at the breathy tone of his voice.

"You said that already, but thank you," I whispered. "So do you." He smirked, and the small rise of his eyebrows reminded me that he'd once told me men didn't like to be called that. A blush warmed my cheeks. "You look very handsome," I amended.

"Since Alice and Jasper will be there tonight, I guess I should kiss you now," he murmured, pulling me gently closer.

He tilted my face slowly towards his dipped head. The warm press of his lips was tentative at first, but when my arms hooked around his neck to pull him closer, he exerted more pressure and parted my lips with his tongue. My stomach flip-flopped when his arms closed like a vice around me, crushing our bodies together. I was suddenly very thankful that he was holding me upright, because my trembling legs felt boneless. All too soon he pulled away and smiled at me while brushing the backs of his fingers across my cheek.

"It's time to go."

I looked up at his hair, which was as wild as always. "Aren't you going to do something with your hair?" I asked, managing to form some sort of smile with my still-quivering lips.

He pointed to my grubby looking cast. "I'm leaving it like this in honour of that. This way we are both sporting something that doesn't quite conform."

During the taxi ride he held my hand the whole time. The soft brush of his thumb across the back of my hand soothed my nerves. Though he didn't speak, he kept glancing at me and I couldn't help but return his small smiles. I was looking forward to our evening, and I felt like I had nothing to worry about as long as Edward was with me.

The road was very busy outside the venue, with cars backed up for nearly two blocks. Edward leaned forward in his seat and instructed the driver to pull over, suggesting that we walk the rest of the way. As soon as I got out of the cab he took my hand again, raising it to his lips and pressing a soft kiss on my knuckles.

I liked this side of him and wished we were going somewhere quiet and intimate, rather than a busy high profile social function.

As we got nearer, my nerves started to kick in again at the sight of all the stunningly attractive women and handsome men striding purposefully towards the building. I glanced nervously at Edward.

"You look beautiful, Bella," he assured me, as if he knew exactly what was going through my mind.

He held my elbow as he led me up the steps into the lobby. The opulence of the surroundings unnerved me a little, but it was hard not to be excited about attending such a prestigious event.

Edward kept a firm hold on my arm as he manoeuvred me through the throng of bodies, occasionally stopping to speak to people. He introduced me to so many people, I knew it would be futile to try to remember all their names.

The elevator was so full I was pressed up against Edward while it climbed to the 76Th floor. I felt his hand skim my hip, which caused a sudden wave of heat to flare across my skin. Surreptitiously, I rubbed my palm up his firm thigh and smiled at the small huff of his breath against my neck.

The doors slid open and we stepped out into a large circular room, with windows that were so large around the circumference that it seemed as if the walls were constructed entirely from glass

I wanted to go straight to the windows and admire the view, but before I could Edward whispered in my ear, "Here come uncle Carlisle and aunt Esme."

The most elegant couple I'd ever seen was approaching us. I had no idea how old they were, but they didn't look very old to me. Edward's uncle had light blonde hair that was swept back off his face, highlighting the handsome features of his face. His skin was smooth and pale and the skin around his twinkling blue eyes didn't have any of the tell-tale signs of aging that Charlie's had. Beside him, his wife was equally stunning. She was small and demure with wavy brown hair and a wide smile that was friendly and inviting.

Edward introduced me to them as his roommate, as he had done with the others downstairs. Both of them shook my hand and welcomed me warmly, before ushering Edward and I to our table. Jasper and Alice were already seated and Alice jumped to her feet to greet us as soon as she spotted our approach.

"Bella," she said, taking my hands and spreading them wide before letting her eyes roam up and down my body. "That dress looks divine on you, you should keep it." She pulled me close and kissed my cheek.

"No, no, I couldn't," I protested, but she waved it away with an elegant flick of her wrist. I decided we could argue about it some other time, and diverted the attention back to her. "You look stunning as always, Alice."

She was wearing a figure hugging, off the shoulder, cerise dress, which had a large bow on one shoulder. The tight skirt rested just above the knee and showed off her shapely legs to perfection. Her heels were impossibly high, and when she stepped around me to greet Edward, she walked as confidently as if she was wearing sneakers.

Jasper moved towards me. "You look stunning," he complimented with a small grin. "You should wash more often."

I swatted his arm playfully when he leaned in to kiss my cheek. He pulled back and looked up at Edward who had come up behind me.

"Hey." Jasper's expression dulled when he greeted Edward, but at least his tone was polite.

Edward's greeting was equally muted as he shook Jasper's hand.

Thankfully, Esme and Carlisle chose that moment to join us and introduce the two other couples who would be seated at our table.

"Jasper's being unusually polite," Edward murmured into my ear while he bent to push my chair in.

I might have known Edward would miss nothing. "I think he's finally getting used to the idea that I'm an adult," I said, forcing a smile.

"Well, not before time." He seemed amused.

We'd been seated directly across from Alice and Jasper and I couldn't help but notice the frequent glances Jasper was shooting our way. I had the feeling he was waiting for Edward to do something wrong.

Waiters milled around between the tables carrying trays of champagne. Edward took two glasses, handing one to me with a warm smile. I took a sip and when I turned to set it on the table, I caught Jasper's eye. He held my gaze for a moment, and I noticed his eyes darken when Edward slipped his arm around my shoulder.

My heart sunk a little, but I wasn't about to let Jasper ruin my evening, so I turned my attention to Edward and smiled up at him. "Thank you for bringing me."

His fingers curled around my shoulder, squeezing gently. "Thank you for coming."

I managed to get through the meal without making any social faux pas' and the mood between Jasper and me lightened when we noticed that we were both taking social clues from those around us.

After the meal was over, Esme and Carlisle gave a short speech about charity and how much money had been raised. When the applause died down, music started to play and couples drifted towards the dance floor.

Edward stood up and offered his hand to me.

I grimaced. "You know I don't like to dance."

His smile was a little pleading. "Indulge me."

Sighing, I placed my hand in his and followed him as he weaved through the tables. I giggled as he theatrically twirled me into his arms, but my heel caught on something and I almost toppled to the ground. "See," I said pointedly.

"I've got you," he insisted, wrapping one arm around my waist and pulling me close.

Most of the other dancers were older couples, and I didn't have a clue how to dance to this type of music. I felt foolish as I stumbled a few times until Edward pulled me gently to the side of the dance floor.

"Take off your shoes," he said.

"What? No!"

Ignoring my refusal, he bent down at my feet and circled my calf with his warm hand. My cheeks flamed when one couple glanced curiously at us while Edward raised my leg to slip my shoe off.

"Edward!" I hissed in complaint.

Taking no notice, he removed my other shoe and placed them both beneath an empty table.

He stood up, circled my waist with one hand and held the other out to me. "Jump on," he said with a smirk.

"I can't believe you're making me do this," I groused, mortified.

His smile never wavered while he lifted me gently, so I could put my bare feet on top of his shoes. "No one will even notice."

I glanced around the dance floor, surprised to see that nobody was paying any attention to us at all.

He moved effortlessly around the floor as if I weighed nothing at all and his amused grin was hard to resist. "Now isn't this fun?"

"You're mad," I giggled, enjoying the way his muscular thighs flexed against my own.

Dancing with Edward was like a lesson in sensory overload. Everything else melted away until I was aware of only him. His hand was warm on the small of my back as he held me closely, his fingers dipping precariously close to the swell of my bottom – but I couldn't find the will to care.

I leaned in closer, gasping inwardly at the sensation of my breasts brush lightly against his chest as he turned us. His eyes darkened, zeroing in on my mouth, when I bit my lip to stop the moan that threatened to escape. Heat rippled across my skin and my hand flexed tighter in his when he ran his tongue along his bottom lip.

I ached to taste his kiss again.

Being so close to him as he manoeuvred us across the floor, I could feel the play of the strong muscles in his legs, back and arms, as well as the heat radiating from his body which seemed to call out to me. There was an answering heat burning low in my abdomen that made me wish he could waltz me right out the door and straight home – to bed.

The sweet melody around us had nothing on his voice when he leaned forward and murmured into my ear, "You're beautiful."

His words settled deep inside me and bloomed like a flower. In his arms, I _felt _beautiful.

We danced to three songs before I started to worry about his feet.

"Don't worry," he insisted when I expressed my concern. "I'm fine."

"I'd feel better if we took a rest."

"_We_?" He quirked an eyebrow at me. "I'm the one doing all the work here."

"You insisted."

"I did," he agreed with a light laugh.

With a final flourish he spun us towards the table that concealed my shoes. He didn't let go when I stepped off his feet. His thumb brushed across my cheekbone.

"You look a little flushed," he observed. "Did you enjoy dancing with me?"

"Very much," I responded, my voice barely audible over the breathy sigh that accompanied it.

He stared at me for a long moment and then his lips expanded into a warm smile. "Do you need help?" he asked eventually, pointing down at my shoes.

I declined his offer and he stood beside me, waiting patiently. He held my hand firmly as we walked back to our table, and I blushed a little when he held out my chair so I could sit down next to Esme. As soon as I was seated he excused himself and left me alone with her.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" she asked.

"Yes, thank you. I'm so glad Edward asked me to come."

I was careful to keep my cast on my lap. It really did look grubby now, and I wouldn't dare put it anywhere near the table.

"I'm glad too," she said kindly. "It's about time he brought a date." Her words puzzled me a little, but I felt it would be a good idea to clarify the situation for her.

"I'm not actually his date," I explained. "I think his date cancelled, so I stepped in at the last minute."

"Hmm," she mused, raising her eyebrows. "That _is_ surprising, because in five years he has never brought a date to one of these galas."

"Never?"

She shot me a knowing smile that was completely disconcerting, but before I could question her further, Edward returned.

He placed a glass of champagne in front of me.

Esme moved to let Edward sit in his chair. "I already had a glass of champagne," I said to Edward, eyeing the glass.

"Well, don't let me corrupt you." He winked at me conspiratorially, sending a spark of arousal fizzing through me. My eyes tracked his tongue when he took a sip from his glass and licked his lips.

I snatched my own glass up and downed half of it in one gulp.

Esme's voice jolted me out of my stupor. "I hope Edward isn't giving you too much trouble."

"Hmmm?" Was my less than eloquent response.

My brain was still flailing around in an Edward induced haze.

"Having a new roommate must be an adjustment for you," she clarified. "He can be quite the hell raiser when he wants to be."

Edward's insulted frown made me laugh.

"He studies most of the time," I said, touching his arm comfortingly. "Sorry to damage your reputation."

At last he smiled and Esme laughed, looking at him affectionately. "I'm glad you're knuckling down, this is a very important year for you. You did the right thing moving out of Emmett's place." She turned back to me. "I love that boy, but he needs to constantly surround himself with people. Edward couldn't study in that environment."

"I wish you two would stop talking as if I'm not here," Edward complained lightly.

A short while later, Carlisle approached the table and whisked Esme onto the dance floor.

Edward's hand brushed the exposed skin on my back, sending a delicious shiver up my spine. "I don't suppose you'll want to dance again," he murmured, his breath fanning across my neck.

I shook my head, preferring to stay and enjoy the pleasure of his close proximity and the dark sparkle in his eyes. The air between us seemed to crackle with energy, making me want nothing more than for him to take me home.

With infuriatingly bad timing, Jasper and Alice returned to the table, and I felt the coldness instantly when Edward sat back in his chair and removed his hand from my back. I stole a glance at him and he was looking into his glass pensively.

"So where is Jacob taking you tomorrow?" Jasper asked across the table.

If I could've reached him I would've kicked him.

"We haven't decided yet," I answered, more amiably than I felt. "I guess we'll just play it by ear."

"Is he picking you up?" Jasper asked. I nodded in response. "Good," he continued. "You don't want to be meeting in some bar or restaurant you've never been to."

Alice nudged him sharply in the ribs, probably to remind him he was being over bearing again.

Edward stood up abruptly and smiled tightly at Alice. "I'm just going to say goodnight to the folks." He turned to me. "I'll only be a couple of minutes, and then I'll take you home."

Alice followed, leaving Jasper and I alone.

"Did you enjoy yourself tonight?"

"Yes," he answered with a forced smile. "What time do you want me on Saturday?"

"I get in from work just after four, so maybe if you can be there just before that in case Charlie shows up early."

"Sure. It'll be like old times." His voice seemed oddly restrained. "Are you sure you don't want Alice and I to share a cab with you guys?"

"You don't go the same way as us."

He pondered on that for a moment. "You two seem to be getting quite friendly," he sneered, his eyes darting in Edward's direction.

"Why do you have to say it like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you hate that I'm getting along with Edward. I've had a nice night and now you're ruining it."

His head whipped around and he stared at me incredulously. "So, I'm not allowed to worry about you now?"

"What's there to worry about?"

"He's been all over you tonight." His lips twisted as if he suddenly had a bad taste in his mouth. "Touching you every chance he gets–"

"So no-one is allowed to touch me now?" I interrupted.

"He was practically grabbing your ass on the dance floor."

"Now you're just being ridiculous," I snapped.

"Am I?" He glared across the room at Edward before turning back to me, his eyes narrowed. "Do you let _him _rub your legs?"

I stared at him open mouthed, wondering what had prompted that question. "We are not having this conversation."

Biting my lip against the threatening tears, I stood up and grabbed my wrap, pulling it tightly around my shoulders.

Jasper stood up and handed me my bag. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Well you did."

"We can talk about this when I see you on Saturday." His voice was filled with remorse, but I was too angry to respond. Maybe it was a good thing that he was coming on Saturday, because it was clear we needed to talk.

Without another word, I left Jasper at the table and made my way towards Edward who was waiting for me beside his aunt and uncle. Esme thanked me for coming, and it was with great relief that I followed Edward towards the elevator.

"You okay?" he asked, while we waited for it to arrive.

I nodded, afraid that my voice might crack if I spoke.

He took my hand, threading his fingers with mine and I couldn't help but mirror the affectionate smile he gave me. My tension melted away immediately.

Strangely, the elevator seemed to be just as crowded as it had been when we arrived, and it seemed we were part of a mass exodus. Outside, there was a long line of people waiting for cabs so Edward suggested that we walk for a while.

With only the wrap providing cover, I shivered slightly when the cool night air hit my skin. Edward noticed my discomfort and promptly shrugged out of his suit jacket, slipping it over my shoulders. I thanked him while I slipped my arms gratefully into the warm sleeves.

"You were right when you said you'd be the perfect gentleman," I remarked, pulling the jacket tighter around me and enjoying the strong whiff of his scent I caught from the collar.

He shrugged. "You're the first person ever to think of me as a gentleman, I can assure you."

"I don't care what you're like with anyone else," I said, even though I secretly did. "I only care about the way you make me feel."

He stopped and studied my expression for a moment, and I feared that the champagne had loosened my tongue too much.

"How do I make you feel?"

I smiled. "Like a woman."

Without warning, he backed me up into a doorway and pressed the full length of his body against mine. My heart soared when his head dipped and his warm lips enveloped my mouth. His tongue slid between my lips, enticing a low moan from my throat. He kissed me long and hard before finally pulling away and whispering a confession into my ear.

"I've wanted to do that all night."

Even though he was holding me so close, I couldn't help but focus on the passionate glint in his eyes.

His voice was intense, almost possessive, when he spoke again. "Tonight you're _my_ date, and I haven't kissed you nearly enough."

His words were almost as thrilling as the kiss that followed. The sweet buzz of arousal that I was fast coming to love thrummed through me, and I was suddenly desperate to get home.

"Look at us." He chuckled against my lips when he finally allowed me to come up for air. "Making out like teenagers in a doorway."

He captured my lips again and my whole body felt like it was being licked by flames from the inside. I pulled back panting for air again. "I never did anything like this when I was a teenager," I murmured as he skimmed his nose across my cheek, inhaling deeply.

His sigh was just this side of imperceptible, and his mouth hadn't been so close to my ear, I might have missed it. The realisation that he was getting himself under control panicked me. I was enjoying his arousal too much to let him rein it in again.

"We need to find a cab," I insisted, already looking up and down the street desperate for any sign of one.

He chuckled while peppering my cheek with soft kisses. "Slow down." With one final kiss on the tip of my nose, he took my hand and led me back on to the street. "A little stroll to cool off might do us both good."

I was more than a little disappointed by his self control, but clung to the hope that we would continue our kisses back at the apartment.

It didn't take long, however, before my feet started to hurt and Edward had to admit defeat and hail a passing cab.

When we arrived at the apartment, it seemed the walk had served its purpose for Edward. His ardour had more than cooled by the time I closed the door behind us and pressed myself against him.

"It's past midnight, Cinderella," he teased with a gentle smile, extricating himself from my grip.

"I guess my prince just turned into a frog," I grumbled.

"You're getting your fairy tales mixed up."

He bent and kissed me on the mouth, but there was no heat in it to indicate it might lead to anything more. I suspected it had something to do with my imminent date with Jacob.

In less than twenty-four hours I'd be going on a 'real' date at Edward's insistence. Yet, I knew I'd had my first real date already – and now it was ending far too soon.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17 **

I checked my watch for the thousandth time: it was_ still_ six twenty five. Jacob had said six thirty, which at the time had seemed too early for a date, but I'd somehow managed to get ready far too early. It wasn't a case of being over eager for the date; it was more to do with my eagerness to get it out of the way. I felt a twinge of guilt for feeling that way.

At exactly six thirty, as if he'd been standing outside the door waiting for the big hand to fall on the six, Jacob knocked on my door.

Dampening down my sudden attack of nerves, I walked towards it.

He turned as I opened the door, looking resplendent in a black shirt and dark jeans. His lips spread into a wide gleaming smile.

"Hi," He said slightly shyly.

"Hello Jacob," I greeted, trying to conjure up a smile as genuine as his. "I'll just grab my bag."

He remained standing in the doorway while I gathered my things. When I turned to face him, I felt a sharp pang of disappointment hit me. Guilt flared in my chest. It wasn't Jacob's fault that my heart wasn't in it. The very least he deserved was that I give him a fair chance.

"I have a cab waiting downstairs. I thought we could go to this Thai place downtown?" he said forming it as a question rather than a statement.

"I've never eaten Thai food," I told him, taking my time on the stairs. I was wearing heels and already regretting it.

Seemingly sensing my apprehension, he stopped and held his hand out to me.

I paused for a moment before accepting it. He looked almost as uncertain as I felt when his warm hand envelope mine, and we took the stairs together.

The restaurant was extremely busy and deafening. A tall thin, not to mention borderline-rude, waitress ushered us to the bar to await our table.

"What would you like to drink?" Jacob shouted over the inappropriately loud sound system.

"Diet Pepsi!" I yelled back.

He leaned closer. "I'm pretty sure they sell proper wine in here," he said, clearly remembering our first encounter at the bar.

I shook my head. "I'd rather have a soda."

He turned back to the bar tender and ordered two. It seemed he would be abstaining too.

All sorts of glamorous people were milling around us – and to my mind – most of the women were wearing far too few clothes. The loud music and even louder chatter, wasn't conducive to any kind of conversation and Jacob and I ended up sitting in silence on bar stools that were very uncomfortable and much too high.

Eventually we were led to a table in the center of the restaurant, but it was so crammed with tables that I brushed elbows with the occupants of the tables next to ours. A menu was thrust into my hands by an androgynous person dripping with disdain. I found myself wondering if rudeness was a pre-requisite for acquiring a job here.

I glanced at Jacob who seemed to be as completely uncomfortable as I was. I lowered my eyes to the menu but as soon as I saw the prices, I snapped it shut.

"This is ridiculous!" I hollered over the noise.

"Sorry?" Jacob yelled from little more than a foot away.

I stood up, jerking my head towards the exit. For a moment he looked confused and slightly dejected, but I forced a smile and held my hand out.

He took it and we scurried to the exit. The cool quietness of the street outside felt like the best pain killer known to man.

"What's wrong?" Jacob asked, clearly concerned.

"Nothing," I insisted. "I just couldn't sit there amid that chaos and pay good money to feel that uncomfortable."

"This is one of the best restaurants in town," he insisted.

"Not in my eyes," I said, training a disconcerted eye back to the chaos. I shuddered, and for the first time in my life I was glad to be a misfit.

"Where to now?"

I smiled. "I like Italian food," I said hopefully.

He shrugged and grabbed my hand before hailing a cab.

Fifteen minutes later we were seated in a quiet booth in a humble Italian restaurant.

"Better?" he asked.

"Absolutely," I said with a smile.

"The Thai place seemed like a good idea at the time," he said ruefully.

I felt ungrateful. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to seem ungrateful, that place was just not conducive to a nice date."

He grinned. "Well, I'm guessing _conducive_ is a good thing."

I sat back in the booth and opened my menu with fake offence, flashing him a withering look. "I hope you're not going to spend the evening being facetious."

He roared with laughter. "Okay enough with the big words. Can we please stick to Layman's English?"

While we were ordering our food, I nodded at Jacob's suggestion of ordering wine too. The waitress smiled pleasantly and I watched her walk away. She was really very pretty, and nothing like that "person" who had rudely seated us at the Thai place.

The sound system was playing Frank Sinatra and it reminded me of Charlie.

"My dad's coming to visit me tomorrow," I said, turning back to Jacob who was watching me intently. "He's got a new girlfriend." It felt slightly ridiculous referring to Sue Clearwater as a girlfriend. "He's bringing her with him. I guess this must be the big formal meeting, it's not like him to socialise."

"Have you met her before?" Jacob asked, pouring iced water into our glasses.

"Yes, I met her when I went back home for Jasper's mom's funeral."

"So he must be coming all this way for a reason?"

"I think so," I said with a shrug.

The waitress brought our entrees and poured us a glass of wine each.

Jacob bit into a large slice of Garlic bread and started speaking immediately. "Sounds like you're about to gain a step mother." Strangely it didn't bother me that he spoke with his mouth full.

I sat back in the booth. "I never thought of that."

Jacob stopped chewing. "I'm only guessing of course." He frowned. "Would it bother you?"

When I thought about Charlie's life, all I could see was him sitting in front of the flat screen, watching the game and eating a TV dinner. If Sue offered him an alternative, then I was more than happy for him.

"No," I said. "I don't think it does."

Jacob smiled and raised his glass. "Here's to Step Moms."

I touched my glass to his before taking a small sip.

Jacob told me about his life growing up on a reservation on the outskirts of Seattle before he and his father moved to the city because it was easier for Jacob to get business. I listened as he spoke about his desire to start up his own business, impressed by how driven and determined he seemed to be.

We lingered over the meal for a while until eventually Jacob called for the check and refused to let me pay half. He took my hand when I got up to leave.

"Where to now?" I asked, echoing his question from earlier.

He looked at his watch. "We could go to the movies, or there's a wine bar just across the street."

"The wine bar sounds nice."

Outside the restaurant, he took hold of my hand again, but I was struck by the feeling it felt like when Jasper held my hand. I wasn't aware of every tiny movement of his fingers the way I was when Edward did it, and a sharp pang of guilt twisted my stomach.

Jacob was lovely. He was really good company and the perfect gentleman, but he wasn't Edward. I worried that I was leading him on and thought maybe I should put a stop to this right now, but when he turned and flashed his bright grin at me, I decided to enjoy this one date with him.

In the wine bar we found a vacant table in a quiet corner. There was a man playing piano, and it all seemed very civilized and grown up. We grimaced at each other after perusing the wine list.

"Don't you think this is a little up market for us?" I whispered.

He leaned forward. "Who cares? At least we can hear each other talk in here."

We talked for a long time, about everything. However, the more time I spent in his company the more it underlined what was sadly lacking from this date compared to my dates with Edward. It's not that I wasn't enjoying myself, I was truly was, but there just wasn't any spark with Jacob. I wasn't desperate for him to take my hand or kiss me or even lean into me when he spoke the way I am with Edward.

Perhaps Jacob could sense my lack of enthusiasm because he offered to take me home before we'd finished our wine. I waited on the sidewalk while he flagged down a cab. He held the door open while I climbed inside. I scooted across the seat to give him some room and the relief I felt when he left a respectable distance between us made me feel guilty.

We remained silent for the entire journey back to the apartment. Recalling the first date I had with Edward, I toyed with the idea of saying goodbye to Jacob in the cab, but he had been so attentive all evening I felt that would be a little insulting.

I shivered in the cool night air while he paid the cab. A ripple of apprehension flitted up my spine when he took my hand again.

"I'll walk you to your door."

My pace slowed as we climbed the stairs. Edward had advised me not to let my date get out of the cab unless I wanted him to, yet here I was trudging towards my apartment with Jacob and dreading having to ask him to leave when we got to the door. I knew I didn't want to lead him on any further by inviting him inside.

"I had a nice time," Jacob said, but his troubled expression belied his words.

"Me too."

"Really?"

I nodded, trying to muster up some enthusiasm. "It was fun."

He took a step closer and leaned in, lightly placing his hands on my shoulders.

Instantly I knew he intended to kiss me and out of curiosity I let him.

He dropped one hand down to the small of my back while the other reverently curved around my neck. I felt his fingers slide through my hair as he cradled my head in his hand. Warm lips covered mine and my eyes drifted closed as I tried to lose myself in the sensation.

But there was no sensation. There was no tingling beneath his touch, no rushing of blood in my ears or hammering of my heart. Where there should've been a wonderful crescendo there was merely a silent soulless kiss that felt extremely awkward.

He pulled away, and regarded me with eyes that were surprisingly rueful.

"It's not working is it?"

I shook my head. "I'm sorry."

He sighed and rubbed his hands vigorously through his hair before speaking again. "It's me who should apologize," he said.

I didn't understand.

"Do you mind if I'm completely honest with you?" he continued before I could voice my confusion.

"Of course not I'd appreciate it."

He looked around pointedly. "I'd rather not talk here in the hallway."

Suddenly I was suspicious that this was a rouse to get into my apartment. However, he seemed to read my expression because he instantly looked horrified.

"No, I didn't mean in there," he said in a rush, pointing his finger at my apartment. "I saw a coffee place down the street was still open. "Will you come for a coffee with me?"

I blushed, feeling a little foolish for misjudging him. "Yes."

He kept his hands stuffed into his jacket pockets as we walked to the coffee house.

It was surprisingly busy and Jacob insisted I get us a table while he bought the coffees.

I found a table by the window and jealously watched a couple making out at a bus stop across the street.

"One black coffee," Jacob said, diverting my attention from the couple.

I looked up at him and smiled, taking the cup from him. He set a plate between us which held a large slab of New York cheesecake, and handed me a fork.

I eyed the tower of cream nestling on top of the milky looking drink in his glass mug. "What's that?' I asked pointing my fork.

"It's a Cinnamon dolce latte," he said before taking a sip and ending up with a cream moustache on his top lip. "It goes well with the cheesecake."

"Sounds like a sugar overload if you ask me," I said stirring my coffee.

He gestured to the cake. "Try it."

He waited till I scooped up the first bite before digging in with his own fork. He scooped a large piece into his mouth and made a borderline inappropriate noise while he chewed. I gave a little moan of appreciation of my own, enjoying the creamy sweetness.

The bliss didn't last long. Jacob's expression quickly turned serious indicating he was ready to talk.

"Okay, first I probably owe you an apology," he said. I attempted to speak but he waved his fork dismissively, shaking his head. "No, no, let me say this. I really like you Bella, and I was so desperate to be attracted to you. At first I believed I was, and I thought if we went on a date and really got to know each other then maybe I could really fall for you..."

His voice trailed off and he groaned dropping his fork onto the plate. "I'm sorry, I'm probably not making much sense. Let me start from the beginning."

"I think you should." I said utterly confused by his near rant.

"This isn't going to sound good, but there's this girl –woman – I like, very much but nothing can ever happen between us." A defeated expression ghosted over his featured and he turned his face to the window. "I've loved Leah for a long time and I've tried so hard to move on." He turned to face me again. "That's why I was so desperate to fall for you, and I nearly did." His hand covered mine.

He looked so dejected that my heart ached for him. "Why can't you be with her? Doesn't she feel the same way as you do?" I asked gently.

" Leah is married to my cousin," he explained. "He's a complete dick, he always has been. Leah was planning to leave him, but then he was involved in the accident with my dad and now he relies on her. She doesn't want to be the woman who leaves her invalid husband." He sipped his coffee, but this time he wiped the cream off his lip straight away. "She deserves so much better."

"Was she leaving him for you?"

A deep crease formed between his brows while he stared hard into his ridiculous looking coffee. "Nothing physical has ever happened between us... but we know we love each other."

I didn't know what to say to that. I couldn't imagine the pain of loving someone you can't be with, and watching them be with someone else.

"Bella, I don't want you to think I was using you. I need to move on, I can't live like this anymore. I need to accept that she'll never be mine. I want to find someone I'm _allowed_ to love, and when I met you I felt an instant connection. I thought –no, I hoped– it might mean that finally I _had_ found someone else."

He looked out of the window again, and suddenly I wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be alright, but who was I to tell anyone that?

"Were you going to just settle for me?" I had to ask. It wasn't my place to judge him but I couldn't help but think it was a little bit selfish of him to start a relationship with someone when he already loved another.

"No!"He looked aghast. "That's why I'm being honest with you. Don't take offence, but I realized tonight that I don't have those kind of feelings for you and it wouldn't be fair to string you along."

His words hit me like a sledgehammer. Suddenly everything I'd been doing with Edward came into sharp focus. It was real. And deep down I'd known all along. Yet here I was out on a date with Jacob, risking hurting his feelings, just so I could be sure about Edward.

I'd been sure all along, I just couldn't admit it.

"If it makes any difference, I had a good time tonight,' Jacob said, looking worried. "I'm sorry if I lead you on."

I cringed inwardly but said nothing. "You have nothing to apologize for. I enjoyed your company too... it wasn't a wasted evening."

His relief was palpable and not for the first time that night, it occurred to me that he was sweet and caring. He'd clearly been worried that he'd hurt my feelings or offended me.

"I seem to have a gift for making friends with guys," I told him, squeezing his hand. "I'd love it if we could be friends... and I suppose I should be honest too."

His eyebrows rose.

"I've met someone who I like very much."

"So why did you agree to a date with me?" Now it was his turn to look perplexed.

I could feel my face turning crimson. "I only just realized,' I confessed.

He leaned back in his chair, smiling cynically. "Wow. That's flattering. One date with me and you're running into the arms of another guy."

"It's not like that," I protested.

"I'm just teasing," he said picking up both our forks and handing me mine. "What a pair, huh?" he said scooping up a mound of cake.

"So, who's the guy who's in possession of your heart?"

_Edward. _I almost smiled and I very nearly cried, but in the end I shook my head. "I haven't told him, so I can't tell you."

"Well, I hope he feels the same way as you do," he said, raising my hands to his lips and pressing a sweet kiss on my knuckles. "Unrequited love really is a bitch. I wouldn't wish it on anyone."

Even though his love wasn't strictly unrequited, I knew what he meant.

"You know, I'm quite relieved. I've been dreading this date." His eyebrows rose in shock and I blushed. "Not because I didn't like you. But because I thought I was going to end up hurting you." I snorted. "How conceited is that?"

"Everybody seemed so keen to force us together," he said.

Then we both burst out laughing. "If they could see us now."

"So what's the deal with you and that Jasper dude? It's not him you're in love with is it?"

"No, I mean I do love Jasper but we grew up together. He's my best friend, he's more like family to me," I explained.

"I'm not sure he sees it that way," Jacob said, eyeing me earnestly. "He's really quite possessive of you."

"He's just looking out for me," I said bristling slightly at having to defend Jasper. "He always has done."

He sat back in his chair, placing his hands flat on the table. "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry. It's just that wasn't the vibe I got from him."

Curiosity got the better of me. "What vibe did you get?"

He looked at me like he wasn't sure whether to continue the conversation. Then he forced out a long breath that puffed out his cheeks and continued, "I just got the feeling he didn't want me to make a move on you. Like, the thought of it angered him. He seemed jealous if you ask me."

Jasper had been acting a little strangely lately, but I was sure he was just looking out for me. After all, he'd seemed pleased at the barbecue when it was mentioned that I'd be going on a date with Jacob. "I'm sure he didn't realise he was being so overbearing," I said.

We talked through another two coffees and the rest of the cheesecake. It wasn't until I stifled my first yawn that we noticed the time — it was past 2am.

He walked me back to the apartment and hugged me warmly at the door with a promise to call me soon. He'd practically twisted my arm to let him service my truck. Before he left, I promised him that I wouldn't breathe a word about Leah to anyone.

I slid my key into the lock, suddenly eager to see Edward. Somehow I'd managed to fall in love with him and he was the first person I wanted to share the revelation with.

The door was pulled open before I turned the key.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

** Epov**

I sat in the coffee shop for hours. Bella had told me that Jacob was picking her up at six thirty and knowing Jacob he'd be prompt. I wasn't taking any chances, the last think I fucking wanted was to run into them as they were leaving, all loved up and shit. The coffee shop seemed as good a place as any to hang out till the coast was clear.

_Why did I insist on this date?_

It wasn't the caffeine that made my feet bounce on the tile beneath them. I had so much nervous energy coursing through me. My stomach was twisting itself into knots and it took enormous effort not to run to the apartment and stop her_. _

I couldn't stop her though, it wouldn't be fair. She needed a reality check, but I hadn't expected to get one myself. Last night I considered asking her not to go, but I had no right to ask her for anything. She's never even dated anyone else, so how could she know if it was me she wanted?

"Can I get you anything else?"

The waitress stared down at me, her over-glossed lips pouting ridiculously. Her eyes roamed down my body and she quirked one eyebrow when she met my eyes again. Her tongue briefly swept across her bottom lip, she was clearly interested.

"Just the check," I said, turning my attention back to the window.

_I wonder where he's taking her._

A few moments later the waitress returned with the check_. _Her number was scrawled across the top of it. Without looking at her I threw some bills on the table and left – without the check. A couple of months ago I would have found out what time she clocked off and come back for her. Maybe I would've found some comfort between her legs, but there was no comfort in any of it now. Not now that I could tell the difference.

The streets were thronging with people buzzed with the promise of a new weekend. I pushed my way through with my head down and my hands jammed into my pockets.

The apartment was in darkness and for the first time today I smiled, but my relief was short lived. I flicked the light on, threw my jacket against the coat stand and took two steps. Two lousy fucking steps, that's all it took and the scent of her hit me like a freight train.

The scent of her shampoo wafting from the bathroom was strongest of all, conjuring up images of her in the bath and me helping her to sit up. I could still see the bubbles slipping down her beautiful skin to reveal her perfect nipples. My fingers ached to touch her again.

Trying to shake the memories of her out of my head, I closed the bathroom door. I'd tortured myself enough about the things we'd shared – things that meant more to me than they should. I'd fooled myself into thinking they meant more to her too.

I headed straight for the fridge, pulled out a beer, twisted off the cap and downed it in one long pull. The bottle almost broke, I slammed it down on the counter so hard, but I didn't care, I just pulled another one out of the fridge and took it with me into the living room.

It was far too quiet in the apartment. I had no real desire to watch TV but I needed the distraction. It sparked into life and I sagged back on the sofa, flicking through the channels.

_Ghost._

Someone somewhere seemed to be having a joke at my expense. Yet more memories assailed me: Her tears still shining on her cheeks, her thumb in my mouth.

_Oh for fuck's sake._

In the beginning, I found her sort of sweet and funny. I'd never met anyone like her before and it was hard for me to imagine there were people still that fucking innocent in this cynical world. As I got to know her better I liked her even more. Everything about her is so uncomplicated. She's so open and honest and never tries to be anything other than herself.

I was more used to girls who hide themselves behind layers of make-up, false nails, and sometimes even fake fucking tits. They're the kind of girls who would stare at their own reflection in any shiny surface while I was talking. They were about as interested in me as I was in them. None of it was real, it was only about getting laid.

With Bella it was different. She listened and she was not afraid to share her opinions and disagree with me. I found myself looking forward to simple things like spending time with her and seeing her welcoming smile whenever I came home.

It was a mystery to me why I felt so protective of her, but I did. She brought out instincts in me that I never knew I had. For the first time in a very long time I cared about someone other than myself... and it scared the crap out of me.

I drained my beer and sagged back on the sofa. My eyes zeroed in on the clock; eight p.m. They'd probably be in a restaurant by now. Was he holding her hand? Was she smiling at him, the way she smiles at me?

My fingernails dug painfully into my palms when I thought about what they might be doing. The thought of his lips on hers twisted like a knife in my gut. I was hit with the urge to get out of the apartment. I couldn't just sit there all night turning myself inside out with jealousy. It was pointless anyway, I'd pushed her into the arms of someone else and it was too late to take it back. My chance was gone.

_Fuck this._

Jabbing my finger into the remote, I turned off the TV and stalked to my room to get some clean clothes. There was no way I could stand another minute of this. I needed to get out.

Taking a shower didn't really appeal to me considering how much the bathroom smelled like her, but it had been a long day and I really needed one. Taking my clothes with me, I dumped them on the toilet lid and started to strip. It occurred to me that I'd spent a lot of time jacking off in the shower since she moved in and I couldn't help the bitter snort that accompanied that thought.

The water hit my skin in needles of pure heat. I turned my face upwards, enjoying the warmth washing over me, but all too quickly my thoughts returned to her – to her body beneath mine. My dick hardened and lacking the energy to fight it any longer, I let myself remember every detail.

_She pulled me onto her and opened her legs. I felt like I was fifteen again. My dick had never been harder as I ground into her. The soft sigh she blew into my hair when I sucked her nipple into my mouth, spurred me on. Her hips were bucking up to meet mine and her tiny ass was dwarfed in my hands, but I still couldn't pull her close enough. The feel of her heart hammering against my lips, and the sound of her softly gasping my name drove me so crazy I nearly told her._

My impending orgasm pulled me out of the memory. I wanted to stop, but the smell of her all around me had me pumping my cock furiously. It all started to spiral in my head, fuelling my arousal: The smells, the images, the memory of how her skin felt beneath my touch, even the need in her voice. My hips started to buck when I recalled the feeling of my tongue swirling over her tits.

I came hard.

By the time I'd cleaned the shower, dressed and shaved, my stomach was growling with hunger. I decided I should eat something before going out.

There was a tub of leftovers in the fridge. I opened it, sniffed it and stuck it in the microwave to heat through. I put my watch on while I waited and noticed it was nearly nine o'clock_._

_Don't even think about where they'll be._

Grabbing my dinner from the microwave and another beer from the fridge, I settled on the sofa to eat. I had just stabbed my first forkful of macaroni when the door opened. My heart skipped a beat with the thought that Bella had come home early, but when I leaned to the side to see who it was, I was disappointed to see Jasper walking towards me.

"Don't you ever knock," I snapped, unable to keep the anger out of my voice.

He threw his key on the table. "Sorry man." It was the most unconvincing apology I'd ever heard.

"She's out." I said chewing down the rubbery food.

"I know," he said, smiling. "Her big date, right?"

_Fuck you._

"If you knew she was out why are you here?" I looked at him pointedly.

He sat down. I bristled.

"You know her dad is coming by tomorrow?"

"I'm fucking hiding out at your place," I said bitterly.

He knew this, so I could only assume that he was making some kind of point. I didn't give a fuck that the guy didn't like me, but I hated that he was loving the fact that Bella didn't want her dad to know about me.

Bitterness churned in my stomach. Maybe they're all the fucking same. Not good enough to be their son, not good enough to be their man. Daddy's coming to town, get rid of me and move fucking golden boy in.

"I just thought, I should stay here tonight, in case Charlie comes by earlier than expected."

"Like first thing in the morning?" I asked sarcastically. "I doubt it."

He stretched his legs out on the table. "And, I was just thinking I should be here for when she gets back from her date."

I lost my appetite and set my plate on the table next to his feet. The urge to knock his feet to the floor was strong, but I managed to restrain myself.

There was something about this guy that just rubbed me up the wrong way. Alice and Bella thought the sun shone out of his ass, but to me he was a dick.

"Jacob's cool," I bit out. "She'll be fine."

The words almost stuck in my throat.

He swung his eyes disdainfully to me, and it was the first time the prick had looked at me since he got here. "She'll be buzzed. She might want to share her experience with her best friend."

The way he said it felt like another dig, and I pushed my hands into my hair to stop them from flying into his smug face.

He was probably right. As much as I couldn't understand it, he was her best friend and she probably would come home all giddy with excitement. I could almost imagine her floating in on a cloud of happiness and the last thing she'd want to see is my scowling face.

I couldn't bear the thought of seeing her flushed and happy the way she was that night after our first date. She was so eager to share with me and the thought of her sharing with anyone else gutted me.

She'd shared so much, even her first orgasm.

_"Did I...?" "Did you?"_

Did I fucking_ ever_. I could walk into any bar in town and pick up some desperate girl and fuck her brains out –God knows I've done it more times than I could ever care to count – but I would never find anything as mind blowing as sharing that with her. I came in my pants like a horny teenager because the air was so electric around us, and the sheer pleasure we were both experiencing was the biggest turn on I'd ever known.

She was so fucking eager, so happy to find that buzz, that I'd allowed myself on occasion to think that it was me, only me. But she constantly reminded me it wasn't real, and when she'd asked me to move out for the weekend it told me all I needed to know.

Last night had been real for me and I lay in bed all night painfully aware that she was just across the hall, I wanted to go to her, tell her, fucking _ask_ her. But she'd gone to sleep without a care in the world. The date had changed nothing, none of it was real and I was just the asshole who'd been deluding himself all along.

I looked at Jasper stretched out on the sofa, feet sprawled on the table. He'd had a lifetime with her and could offer her far more than I ever could and he fucking knew it. He was acceptable. She would have opened up to him, she would have fallen in love with him and he was too much of a selfish prick to see it. He had Alice _and_ he had his B fucking FF, and that's the way he liked it.

"Well if you're staying here tonight, I guess I'll go out," I said standing up. I couldn't stand another minute in his fucking company.

"Will you be coming home?" He asked all fucking smug, and I could've quite happily punched the smile right off his face.

"I won't be home. You can use my room, there's some clean sheets in the closet."

I wondered briefly if he'd smell Bella on my sheets when he changed the bed, and maybe a part of me hoped he would.

Pushing that thought aside, I grabbed my jacket and wallet and left.

As I pulled the door closed behind me, I knew it was over. The rest of my night would be about getting Bella Swan out of my system.


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER 19 **

The door swung open and the wide grin I'd been wearing dropped off my face.

"Jasper?"

He grinned, opening his arms sickeningly wide. "Surprise!"

I fought to hide my bitter disappointment. "What are you doing here?"

He pulled me inside, closing the door behind me. "I figured since Charlie is coming over tomorrow, I might as well stay here tonight... just in case he comes over early in the morning."

"He knows I'm working, he won't be here until four p.m. at the earliest." I shrugged out of my jacket and hooked it on the coat stand, bristling with irritation at this sudden change of plans. "Where's Edward?"

He frowned briefly. "He went out."

"Did you have anything to do with that?"

"No. He was already dressed to go out when I got here."

My stomach started to churn.

"Where did he go?"

"I don't know, he didn't say. Bella, what's wrong? Did something happen on your date?"

He stepped forward and attempted to put his arms around me. I stepped back, wincing when the gnarly edge of the coat stand dug into my back.

Bitter disappointment enflamed me, not least because I suspected that Edward's departure was due to Jasper's unexpected arrival.

Jasper's expression hardened. "Did Jacob hurt you?"

"No, _you_ did!"

"What did _I_ do?" His jaw slackened and he looked utterly bemused.

Just a few moments ago I had been brimming with excitement at the thought of telling Edward my true feelings, now he was out and I couldn't help but direct my anger and bitterness towards Jasper.

"Ever since you moved out you've changed. It's like you disapprove of everything I do. You even made Jacob feel uncomfortable with your possessiveness."

"I'm just looking out for you, Bella."

"No you're not. You're stifling me. Whenever I'm having a nice time with Edward you spoil it."

Anger flashed in his eyes as they narrowed. "What's Edward got to do with anything? You were out with Jacob tonight."

"I'm not just talking about tonight. You do it all the time. The night we were playing poker, you came in and you weren't happy that I'd been drinking. You make nasty comments about Edward every chance you get. You walk in here any time you like, you don't live here Jasper! You can't do that anymore."

His expression didn't change, so I pressed on. "You ask me things that are none of your business. How is it any business of yours if Edward rubs my legs?"

His face twisted with contempt. "Does he?"

"Jacob was right. You ARE acting like you're jealous. Is that why Edward left? Because you showed up and made him feel uncomfortable, like you did with Jacob?"

"How did I make Jacob feel uncomfortable?"

"By asking him questions that are none of your business." I yelled. "You get so over protective. You tried to scare him off, and now you're here when I didn't ask you to come until tomorrow... and Edward's gone... and you're just ruining everything!"

"I came tonight because I thought you might want to talk about your date."

His explanation served only to anger me further. Somewhere deep inside of me a voice was pleading with me to calm down, but irrationality won. I did want to talk about my date, but not with Jasper.

"We could've talked tomorrow. You had no right showing up here tonight and forcing Edward out."

"For fuck's sake Bella, why are you so fixated on Edward all of a sudden? Do you have a crush on him because he fucking waltzed you around on his feet last night? It's an act... the guys a player. He's gone out on a date and you're acting like I marched him out of here with a shotgun pointed at his back."

The wind was thoroughly knocked out of my sails. I blinked at Jasper.

"A date?"

His lips creased into a deep frown when my voice cracked emotionally. He stared at me and I felt exposed.

"Don't even consider being with him Bella," he groaned, moving closer. "I know you're desperate to find love, but you won't find it with the likes of Edward Cullen." His palm cupped my cheek as he leaned closer. "You deserve someone who understands you, someone who knows you well enough to make it special for you."

I jerked my head away, hating how he was attempting to belittle Edward.

"Please go," I whispered.

"What?" His head snapped upwards.

"I don't want you here tonight, Jasper. I want to be by myself."

"But–"

"Just go!" I yelled.

With a force that surprised me I pushed him backwards and yanked open the door. "Go home to Alice."

Right before the door slammed in his face, I noticed that his eyes were wide like saucers. Part of me felt bad, but the part of me that had registered his words when he said Edward was on a date, won out.

I crumpled to the floor.

"I'm not having a second date." I sobbed into my hands, my heart dropping like a stone in my chest.

Somehow, I couldn't believe that he would do this. That he would go out on a date before I had a chance to tell him that I didn't want to date Jacob again. What was I intending to do? Just walk in here and say: '_I love you Edward, everything's perfect, we don't have to pretend anymore.'_

What was it Jacob had said? The first couple of years are the worst? _Years_?

Feeling slightly sick, I dragged myself up off the floor and stumbled into the bathroom. I washed my face with shaking hands and stared at my reflection in the mirror. Fresh tears rolled down my face. My make-up was a mess and I looked every bit as heartbroken as I felt.

My disappointment in Edward was matched by my disappointment in myself at how I'd treated Jasper.

Jacob's words had struck a chord with me, but instead of behaving like an adult and discussing it with Jasper, I'd come home and vented my anger at him. However, I was too preoccupied with thoughts of Edward to worry too much about Jasper.

Eventually I got ready for bed, but I lay awake torturing myself wondering where Edward was and who he was with. I padded across the hall to his room and crawled into his bed. The familiar smell of him on the sheets hit me like a punch in the gut. Images of the things we'd shared played over and over in my mind, until the woman in his arms wasn't me anymore.

His pillow was soaked with my tears as I fell into a fitful sleep.

In the morning, I lay on my back staring at his ceiling. I felt disappointed, hurt even, that he had gone out on a date as soon as I had. He hadn't waited for me, so sure was he that I would fall for Jacob that when the first opportunity presented itself, he pulled out of our deal.

I continued to mull it over while I got ready to go to work. After a night of torturing myself by wondering if he'd gone out with Lauren again, or maybe met someone new, I had to try to put it out of my mind.

Of course that proved to be impossible, but as the day wore on I began to think about it more rationally. If I'd had my epiphany last week and Edward had gone out on a date, I would be devastated now and willing to give up on him. But I remembered how he was on Wednesday night. He'd been so tender when he'd towel dried my hair and lay beside me while I watched a movie. The passion we'd shared later was as real as the romance he'd shown me at the charity dance the following night.

The memory of the way he'd held me while we danced, his attentiveness and the raw need in his kisses later that night, restored a little bit of my faith in him. He wouldn't have treated me with such respect if he was as bad as Jasper implied.

He might not be an angel, but there was good in him. His refusal to risk humiliating Jacob along with his refusal to allow me to stumble blindly into anything without having a comparison spoke volumes.

By the time I left work, I was clinging to the small glimmer of hope that I could salvage something with Edward.

~*AE*~

I wasn't surprised to find the apartment empty when I got home from work, but I checked his room anyway.

When Charlie arrived to pick me up just before five I was ready and waiting, even though I didn't feel much like socializing. He stood in the middle of the living room looking around.

"It looks smaller with furniture," he commented, craning his neck to look into the kitchen. "And how do you manage to cook in that tiny kitchen?"

I forced a smile. "I manage, Dad."

He pulled me into a tight hug, kissing the top of my head. "I'm sure you do." He glanced at Edward's open bedroom door. "Where's Jasper?"

"He...uh... he's out with Alice." I could feel the heat creep into my cheeks and hoped that Charlie wouldn't spot that I was lying.

Thankfully he suggested that we should go since Sue was waiting for us at the hotel.

Strangely, Charlie did most of the talking on the way to his hotel; a sure sign that he was nervous about something. His babbling was a welcome distraction from my misery over Edward.

When we arrived at the hotel Sue was waiting for us in the foyer. She looked beautiful, her dark skin complimented by the coral dress and jacket she was wearing. Her hair was cut to chin length and was dark and glossy with only a few flecks of grey that showed when she moved. She smiled and kissed my cheek when she greeted me.

"How's your arm?" she asked, looking at my cast.

"It's much better now. I get the cast off next week." I pulled my sleeve down to cover it a bit more. "I can't wait. It looks really dirty now. I hope it doesn't put you off your meal."

She chuckled and shook her head. "It's not that bad." She linked her arm through mine. "The restaurant's this way."

Charlie ambled along behind us, and when we were shown to our table he swiftly moved to Sue's side and held her chair out for her. The smile they shared brought a lump to my throat. I'd never seen Charlie look at anyone like that before.

His eyes lifted and when they connected with mine, a flash of embarrassment flickered in his expression.

He had nothing to be embarrassed about. I was pleased to see him look so happy and in love, even though it made me think of Edward again briefly.

"This is nice," Charlie said awkwardly, unfolding his napkin.

Sue looked mildly tense too, so I decided to help them out. "Why don't you tell me why you came all this way to see me?" I smiled.

Charlie's eyes widened and then he fidgeted with the collar of his shirt. "I… um… well, Sue and I..." He glanced at her hesitantly, but then continued when he received a small encouraging smile in return. "Sue has agreed to become my wife."

I leapt out of my chair. "I'm so happy for you," I hugged him, laughing when he groused about the people looking curiously at us. He begged me to sit down and stop making a scene, but I ignored him and rounded the table to hug Sue too.

"Have you set a date?" I asked returning to my seat.

It was Sue who answered. "Two weeks." I gasped and her eyes flicked to Charlie.

Charlie took her hand, surprising me with an uncharacteristically publish show of affection. "I know it's short notice, but at our age, why wait?"

I couldn't agree more.

"We also wanted to ask you to be our maid of honor," Charlie added, still looking at Sue.

Happy tears pricked my eyes. "I'd love to," I said, getting up for another round of hugs, much to Charlie's exasperation.

"I'll give you some money to buy a dress," Charlie said as I sat back down.

The rest of the meal passed pleasantly, though I did feel a little bit like a third wheel. Sue and Charlie told me stories about Forks, but there were so many private jokes going on, I was finding it difficult to follow the conversation.

Charlie told me to invite Jasper and Alice to the wedding and it didn't go unnoticed when he didn't ask me if I wanted to bring a date. Given the current circumstances, I didn't see the point of bringing it up.

By the time desert arrived I was failing to stifle my yawns.

"You look tired," Charlie said, frowning. "I hope you're not working too hard."

"I'm okay. I didn't sleep well last night."

"Something bothering you?"

"No, I just stayed up too late studying and I found it hard to get to sleep." I felt bad lying to him, but he and Sue were so happy, it wasn't the right time to tell him about Edward. Maybe I wouldn't ever have to tell him about Edward.

Charlie and Sue drove me home, but Sue waited in the car while Charlie walked me to my apartment.

I opened the door and Charlie looked into the dark apartment. "When will Jasper get home?"

"Don't start fussing, Dad," I groaned. "I'm fine on my own. I'm a big girl now." I tried to smile but I was too tired and miserable to pull it off.

"Does he stay over at Alice's?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, but I've got a dead bolt and a chain. I'm perfectly safe. You can quit worrying."

He relented with a small chuckle. "I won't ever stop doing that, but I'll try to keep it to myself more."

His hug was fierce and I clung to him a little bit longer than I should have. He sighed into my hair and I could tell he knew there was something wrong.

"I miss you," he said. "I kinda liked having you under my roof where I could take care of you. You know I'm always here for you, Bella. I might not know the right things to say, but I'm here if you need me."

Tears pricked my eyes. "I'm okay, Dad."

He pulled back and kissed my forehead gently. "Okay, you get some sleep, you look exhausted."

He turned to leave.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you're getting married."

His cheeks colored a little but his smile was wide. "Thanks, Bells."

I slept in Edward's bed again.

~*AE*~

Alice came to the coffee shop half way through my shift on Sunday. I was in the middle of serving a customer when I spotted her walk through the doors with a determined look on her face.

When I finished dealing with the customer she approached. "Do you have a break coming up?"

"Not for another hour," I said, glancing at the clock above the counter.

"Okay, I'll come back then," she said and left without telling me why she wanted to see me.

I could pretty much guess it had something to do with Jasper.

Alice came back at two on the dot.

"Do you mind if we talk here?" I asked her. "I only have fifteen minutes."

"Here will be fine."

She moved to a table in the back while I made two coffees for us.

A couple of my co-workers watched curiously while I carried the coffees over to Alice, but I paid them no notice. I was more interested in what Alice had to say.

"Jasper told me what happened between you two the other night," she said quietly. "He's pretty cut up about it."

"I was going to call him last night, but I had some things on my mind."

"Things? Like Edward?"

I felt my face turn crimson. "What did Jasper tell you?"

She smiled sympathetically. "Jasper didn't have to tell me anything. I've known for a while that you were falling for Edward. In fact I think you and Edward are the only two people who can't see it."

I groaned and buried my face in my hands. "I do love him Alice, but it's a one way street. He went out on a date on Friday and he hasn't been home since. It's already over before it even got started."

"He hasn't been home because you asked him to stay away," her tone was gentle but I could hear the slight admonishment in it. "I don't know where he was on Friday night, Bella, but last night he was at my place and I've never seen him so miserable."

"Miserable?"

She nodded. "I spent my Saturday night at home with two guys who were brooding over you. Jasper was in a mood over the fight you two had, and Edward was mooching around looking like someone had kicked his puppy."

"It was Edward's idea that I should go on a date," I argued.

"It wasn't the date that upset him Bella," she said softly. "When you asked him to move out for the weekend when your dad was coming to town, he saw that as a sign that you didn't think he was good enough to meet him."

I clapped my hand over my mouth and gasped. "No. That wasn't the reason." I cringed at the thought that I had inadvertently hurt him. "Charlie is very protective of me, for obvious reasons, and I don't think he'd let me stay here if he knew I wasn't living with Jasper."

She shook her head. "Bella, you're an adult now and it's about time you took control of your own life. I'm sure your dad would come round if you were honest with him."

I was aware that my time was running out and I glanced over my shoulder to look at the clock. "What do I do now Alice?"

"First you make things up with Jasper – I don't think I can stand another night like last night – and then you need to have an honest talk with Edward."

"I don't know if it's too late for that... with Edward I mean. I don't think he wants the same things I do."

"The thing with Edward is that he has never had a relationship. Ever. He doesn't really date girls, quite frankly he doesn't treat them very well at all, which is why Jasper doesn't really like him." She paused to take a quick sip of her coffee. "I'm digressing, sorry. Edward seems supremely confident but underneath the confidence he is quite insecure. Life wasn't easy for him when he was younger and it is very difficult for him to let people in."

"Are you saying he _can't_ have a relationship?"

"Oh no!" She shook her head vehemently. "Not at all, just the opposite, in fact. I think you are perfect for him, Bella."

"Why?"

"Because he's happy around you and I can see that he's starting to let you in. Don't give up on him yet."

Since she was being so candid with me, I told her everything that had happened between Edward and me. She listened without judgement, even though she did look a little surprised when I described our arrangement to her. "I think his date on Friday means that he wants out."

She leaned closer and stared right into my eyes. "Of course he wants out. He doesn't want some silly arrangement. He has genuine feelings for you, I'm sure of it," she said. "But you both need to stop skirting around the issue and be honest with each other."

"I could ask him to come to the wedding with me."

"Wedding?"

"My dad's getting married in a couple of weeks... oh, and he asked me to invite you and Jasper, by the way." I smiled at her. "I could take Edward as my date." I had the sudden urge to confide in her again. "But I don't want to just _date_ him," I lowered my voice. "I want to... um... _be _with him."

"You know you are so adorable in your honesty, Bella. I'm convinced that is what endears you to him most."

"But I don't know how to..."

"Seduce him?" She quirked an eyebrow and I nodded

"I know where things go. You know, like where he puts his..." I cringed with embarrassment and couldn't finish the sentence. "But there's more to it than that, and I really don't know what to expect. He has a lot of experience and I'm worried that I'll disappoint him." I was blushing furiously now but my mouth had gone into overdrive and I just kept blurting things out to her. "I was going to get a book from the library, but it was in the young adult section and I didn't even have the courage to go and get it from the shelf."

"Bella, you won't find what you need in the young adult section," She said, checking her watch. "Listen, I'm free tomorrow afternoon, can you cut some classes?" I nodded. "Good, I'll pick you up at your apartment at two."

"Okay, but where will we be going?"

She grinned. "To buy you an education."

~*AE*~

I spent the rest of my shift going over what Alice had said. She'd given me some hope to go on, but the more time passed the less confident I felt. What if Edward had been with someone else on Friday? What if he didn't have feelings for me, and Alice was mistaken? There seemed to be a million what ifs standing in the way of what I wanted.

By the time I arrived home I was hungry, tired and miserable.

The apartment was quiet when I let myself in and I removed my jacket deliberately slowly while I listened for some sound that would indicate that Edward was home. I heard nothing. I dragged my weary feet to the kitchen and laid the food on the counter and stood staring at it.

It was still early but the light coming in through the window was dim from the grey, cloudy evening outside. Rain started to fall heavily and I watched as people ran along the sidewalk as if they thought running would help them dodge the raindrops.

I opened the fridge, looked inside and closed it again. Wandering into the living room, I put the TV on for some background noise, but I had no desire to watch anything. Resting my head back against the sofa I let my eyes drift closed.

They snapped open again at the sound of his bedroom door opening.

Relief flooded through my veins, quickly followed by a rush of nervous tension

"Hi," he said quietly.

I turned to see him standing in the doorway looking as tired and disheveled as I felt. I forced a smile, but received nothing in return.

"There's food in the kitchen. It's on the counter," I said, pointing to the stuff I'd brought from work. My voice sounded hollow, this was not how it was meant to be.

"How was your dad?" he asked as he passed.

My teeth clenched, of all the things that have happened this weekend, that's what he asked about? "He's getting married," I answered, trying to keep in mind what Alice had told me about how hurt he was that I'd asked him to not to be here.

He passed no further comment while he peered into the containers I'd brought. I watched him open the lids and sniff the contents. Judging by his expression, none of it was appetizing to him.

Words failed me and it felt like there was a giant elephant in the room. I could feel his distance but I had no idea how to shorten it.

Finally he dropped the container he had been peering into back onto the counter, and came fully back into the room. He didn't sit down. "How did your date go?"

"It was good, how was yours?" I knew I sounded jealous and bitter, but I really couldn't help it.

He blinked a couple of times "What?"

"I asked how your date was on Friday night?"

His eyes darkened and he stared at me with his jaw clenched tightly for a moment before he spoke. "Did that fucker tell you I was going out on a date?"

"I take it by 'that fucker' you mean Jasper," I said feeling my anger rise. I'd never sworn in my life before. "Yes, he did."

He covered the distance between us in two long strides until he was towering over me. I wasn't afraid even though his anger was palpable. "When you tell me about your date, I'll tell you what I did on Friday night."

"I won't be seeing him again." I said, cutting straight to the point. I stood up and made my way to the kitchen. Not from a particular desire for food, but more to get out from under his piercing gaze.

Unfortunately, he followed me. Coming right up behind me, he placed his hands on the counter on either side of me, effectively trapping me with his body. I could feel the warmth of his breath on my neck.

"Did he kiss you?" His voice was low and I could feel the heat of his body seeping through my clothes.

"Yes," I said and it came out barely a whisper.

His knuckles whitened.

I wanted to tell him how I felt but I had to hear what he had to say first. What had he been doing on Friday? The date had changed things, and I needed to know what he was thinking before I took the next step.

"How was it?" His lips were close to my ear and I shivered at the velvet intensity of his voice.

"I think the clue is in the fact that I'm not seeing him again," I said, trying to keep my tone light. "It was passionless." I tilted my head slightly and felt his breath in my hair. "He was really nice. We had a very interesting conversation but I don't like him that way."

_The way I like you._

"So what did _you _do on Friday night?" I wasn't sure I wanted to hear it, but I had to ask.

"I went out and got blind drunk and slept at Emmett's place," he said, pushing away.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you get blind drunk?" I had a pretty good idea, but I wondered if he would admit it.

"Because that fu– best friend of yours marched in like he owns the fucking place and annoyed the hell out of me." He pushed away from the counter and stalked into the living room. "I don't like being hounded out of my own place, and I definitely don't like him coming round here to gloat about it."

I went to the coffee table and picked up Jasper's key. "This," I said, holding it up to him, "is Jasper's key. You won't have to worry about that from now on."

"Good," he said, flushing slightly and rubbing his hand across the back of his neck. Some of his intensity evaporated and he sat down on the sofa. "I think we should talk," he said, motioning for me to join him.

I sat down, relieved that we were finally going to discuss things.

"I did a lot of thinking yesterday," he began in a tone of voice that could only be described as ominous. "I think maybe we should just drop this whole arrangement thing. I mean, you've been out on a date now. Sure, it didn't work out, but you pretty much know what you're doing now..." His voice trailed off.

He hadn't looked at me once during his little speech.

I was completely confused. A moment ago he was acting all jealous, but now he was telling me he wanted out.

"Did you sleep with someone on Friday?" I asked, dreading his answer.

His eyebrows shot up, and he quickly shook his head. "No, I wasn't on a date and I didn't sleep with anyone."

"Did you want to?"

"I thought I did, but I didn't."

I blew out a long sigh of relief. "I agree that we should drop the arrangement," I said, trying to muster up the courage for what I had to say next.

Still not looking at me, he nodded slowly. It took all the strength I had not to give up because of that one gesture. I had to at least try. Even if he was convinced it wouldn't work, I had to tell him how I felt. I didn't want to look back on this and regret not laying all my cards on the table.

Taking a deep breath, I put myself out there. "I don't want it to be an arrangement any more, Edward, because my feelings for you are real. Everything we've shared has been real and I don't want to pretend anymore. Will you come to my dad's wedding with me... as my boyfriend?'

His head spun in my direction, his eyes wide with shock.

My heart started to pound in my chest. "I don't want us to stop what we're doing," I continued. "But I want us to stop pretending that it isn't real."


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

My words were met with silence and a glazed expression. I started to lose some of my nerve.

"I know boyfriend is a juvenile word, but I want you to be more than my date. I love... spending time with you, talking with you, sleeping beside you. I've never felt like this before, but I know that it's what I want – and you're the one I want it with."

He stared at me with an expression that would normally be accompanied by an open mouth, but his jaw was tight and a muscle worked furiously in his jaw. He looked like a man caught between grabbing me to profess undying love and running for the door. I feared if I told him now that I loved him he'd go for option B.

"I've never felt the way I did on Friday night,' he said quietly. "Jacob's been a good friend to me, but the thought of you two together made me want to rip him limb from limb." He looked at me finally. "I have no right to feel that way, Bella. I don't know if I can be what you want me to be."

I slid closer to him, but didn't touch him. "I only want you to be you."

His shoulders sagged and his head dipped in a posture of defeat. "You don't know me. You don't know how I am with women."

None of the things Jasper had said mattered to me. I didn't care that Edward had a reputation, I only cared about the way he had treated me. He'd never made me feel uncomfortable, he'd never forced me into anything and he'd certainly never disrespected me.

Sliding my hand down his forearm, I captured his hand in mine and squeezed it tightly. "I know how you are with me, and I like it. That's all that matters."

My head dropped onto his shoulder. "I like how you never take more than I'm willing to give, and you make me feel like I'm someone who could be desirable. I don't feel like a freak with you."

He kissed the top of my head. "You could do better than me."

Raising our hands to my lips I kissed his knuckles. "I couldn't. You're perfect for me. I don't want anyone else."

He gripped my shoulders and his forehead rested on mine, his eyes closed. "Are you sure?"

Fear bubbled in my throat, I wanted to tell him everything, but knowing he had never had an actual relationship before was what stopped me. I opted to go for a more basic version of it.

"Yes, Edward, I want you. Do you want me too?"

His eyelids tightened, the muscle in his jaw began to pulse again and his fingers dug a little deeper into my shoulders.

"Say yes," I whispered.

"I don't know if I can do this," he murmured "I–"

"We can try," I urged. "Just say yes."

He was unnervingly still for so long but then the word I was longing to hear came out on a long sigh, like he had been holding it in for all of his life and was finally giving in to it. "Yes." He exhaled sharply before crushing his lips to mine.

I melted with relief, reveling in the warm pressure of his lips on mine.

Pulling back he brushed his hands through my hair and gazed into my eyes. "I do want you Bella, but I'm worried that you don't know what you're getting yourself into."

"I went out with Jacob like you wanted me to. We did all the things I did with you, but it wasn't the same."

"How is it different with me?" he asked.

I was snuggled against him, my face pressed into the crook of his neck. I could feel his pulse beating against my cheek.

I allowed myself a small smile, glad that I could finally see things so clearly. "When Jacob and I were in the restaurant I noticed the music that was playing was what Charlie liked. I also noticed how pretty the waitress was, and even what color the walls were. With you, I didn't hear or see or feel anything but you." I blushed, worried that I'd said too much.

His head tilted and I felt his lips on my head. "We have to take this slowly Bella."

I looked up at him worried that he was having doubts. "But we'll still be... intimate?" I searched his face, begging for an answer that would convince me we weren't taking a backward step.

He groaned. "Don't look at me like that," he begged, closing his eyes but I could hear the humor in his tone. "I don't think I could bear not to touch you now." His eyes opened and the passion in them had me melting. 'But I promise I'll take it slow.'

My heart soared, and my lips spread into a wide smile. With Alice's help I knew I could make him break that promise.

"So you won't make me date anyone else?" I joked.

"Never," he all but growled.

We lay together on the sofa for a while talking until our kisses in between got heated and rendered us silent. After the honesty of our words, the promise in his kisses was overwhelming.

He wrapped himself around me, caressing my body and peppering my skin with affectionate kisses.

It amazed me how I could have ever deluded myself that it was all an act on both our parts. Being this close to him, feeling his hands and mouth on me felt completely natural and right, though deep down there was a voice – which sounded suspiciously like my mother's– trying to tell me it was wrong.

I didn't want to listen to that voice.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, rubbing his finger between my eyebrows.

"I was just thinking about how right this feels," I said, pulling his finger down so I could kiss the tip.

"And that makes you frown?"

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, his gaze so affectionate it made me wonder why he'd never had a relationship. It seemed to me that any girl would want to be with a man so loving.

"Have you ever had a proper girlfriend?" I asked, flipping onto my side to face him.

He rolled on to his back, leaving me looming over him. "I already told you I don't do relationships."

He sounded a little irritated by my question.

"Why?"

His lips lifted into an unconvincing smile. "I guess I just never found the right girl."

I cupped his cheek, smoothing my thumb over one eyebrow and waited until he finally raised his eyes to meet mine. "Be honest with me," I urged.

A fleeting emotion flickered on his face. It worried me. I kept sweeping my thumb over his eyebrow rhythmically. Finally he began to speak.

"I've never met anyone who makes me feel like I'm...' He glanced up at me, his eyes filled with pain. He sighed harshly.

"Like you're what?"

His eyes glazed over and his whole body seemed to deflate. His eyes hardened and then it seemed like his face morphed into a mask that sent a chill down my spine. He was shutting himself off.

The hollowness of his voice sent a chill down my spine. "We should just enjoy this."

I could hear the end of that sentence even though he didn't voice the words. _'While it lasts.'_

"This will last," I insisted.

All at once he snapped out of his melancholy and threaded his fingers into my hair, pulling my face down towards his. His kiss seared into my soul, robbing me of everything but pleasure.

He carried me to bed, removing everything but my underwear. He kept his on too as he slipped beneath the sheets and spooned me. His hand rubbed gentle circles on my stomach while his lips roamed all over my neck and shoulders.

I could feel his erection nestled against my backside, but he never pressed it into me. His fingers continued to swirl on my stomach, they didn't move higher nor lower and his voice was tender when he whispered in my ear.

"I'll treat you like a Queen, Bella. I won't let anyone hurt you, but I can't promise not to do it myself."

I pulled his arm tighter around me. It saddened me to hear his total lack of faith in himself. "You won't hurt me," I said.

"Not intentionally," he responded.

His mood was much lighter in the morning while we got ready for our day. While I got dressed in my own room I could hear him singing in the shower. It was nice to know that he was happy and I wished that I didn't have classes and could stay home with him. I was also a little nervous about my shopping trip with Alice because I had no idea what she had in mind.

I was bent over stuffing books into my bag when I felt his hands lightly grip my hips. The fresh clean scent of him greeted my nostrils as I straightened and turned to face him.

"I heard you singing in the shower," I told him. "You sounded happy."

His lips curved into a wide smile. "Waking up with you in my arms makes me happy." He dropped a quick kiss onto the tip of my nose. "Are you happy?"

I chuckled. "Immensely."

Time was pressing, so I hugged him tightly before telling him I had to run. During the drive to school I couldn't stop smiling. I was so happy that we were finally being honest with each other and I couldn't believe my luck that he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

My smile faded when I pulled into the parking lot and immediately spotted Jasper leaning against the wall looking like he was waiting for me.

Despite Alice's advice, I hadn't called him. Talking to Edward had been my main priority and I was so buzzed after that, I didn't want to ruin it by calling Jasper.

"Hey," he said, coming up to me as I closed the truck door. I responded in kind.

We stood facing each other, and for the first time in my life I couldn't think of anything to say to him. We'd never really had a fight before, and though I wanted to apologize to him for yelling at him, I didn't want him to think I was apologizing for telling him mind his own business.

"I'm sorry for being a jerk the other night," he said finally. "I never meant to upset you."

He raised his hand as if to reach out to me, but then jammed it into his pocket instead.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," I said, hating that I felt like I was losing part of the connection we'd always shared. "It's done now, we should just move on."

I finally looked up into his eyes and was stunned by the raw sadness I could see in them. It hurt me to know that I was the cause of it. He'd been through so much, losing his mother, and I didn't want him to think that he was losing me too. He was still my best friend.

Stepping closer, I wound my arms around his waist and pressed my cheek to his chest. His arms wrapped around me instantly.

"Are we okay now?" he whispered.

"Yes," I said before taking a step back. "I shouldn't have been so horrible to you on Friday, but I meant what I said. You have to let me make my own decisions, Jasper. I know you're trying to protect me, but I don't need you to."

He pressed his lips together and nodded. "I know."

"I have to get to class," I said regretfully.

He started to walk with me. "Alice told me that Charlie and Sue are getting married." There was no reproach in his voice to indicate he was annoyed that I hadn't told him myself. Instead, we slipped into an easy conversation about Charlie, and I started to believe that we could get back to normal.

~*AE*~

"This is where your education starts," Alice trilled.

I looked up at the sign and my mouth dropped open. "An adult bookstore?"

"They don't just sell books, but let's not run before we can walk." She turned to enter the shop, but on noticing my hesitancy she stopped. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to. I know I can be a little pushy sometimes, so just tell me to back off if you need to."

"You're not being pushy," I insisted. "I asked you to help me." I glanced at the shop sign again. "I'm just a little bit nervous about what to expect."

Looping her arm through mine she leaned in close. "We're just going to buy a couple of books that will... broaden your horizons a little."

Taking a deep breath, I nodded and followed her inside. I kept my head bowed so that my hair covered most of my face, too embarrassed to risk making eye contact with anyone.

Without letting go of me, Alice led me through the aisles, muttering to herself as we walked. "Pretty much anything in this section will be good," she said, stopping at last. "Though I do warn you some are pretty graphic, but at least these ones contain some semblance of romance."

"These are fiction," I pointed out. The book I had intended getting from the library was educational – in the right sense of the word.

"Bella, these can be really enjoyable to read and it'll give you an idea of what..." she lowered her voice dramatically, "...sex can be like, and all the different ways there are of doing it."

"How many different ways can there be?" I asked bewildered. "I mean there's only one place for it to go."

At first she laughed, not in an unkind way, but perhaps it made her feel bad because her expression sobered quickly. "Jasper told me a little bit about your life before you moved to Forks. He didn't go into great detail, he only told me to help me understand the bond you two shared. I didn't realize that you were – and please don't be offended when I say this – quite so naive."

"My mom made me believe that sex was an evil thing. She used to rant about how she had been weak and sinful when she was with my dad." I looked at her shyly, expecting to see her looking at me as if I'd suddenly grown to heads. I was relieved to see that her eyes were kind and encouraging. "I've always avoided anything to do with sex." I looked back towards the shelves filled with books. "I usually skip sex scenes in books, yet here I am buying books full of them."

"I'm sorry, Bella, I was just trying to help. Maybe you're not ready for this."

"That's the point. If I don't push myself, I'll never be ready. I want to be ready. Meeting Edward has changed my outlook. It doesn't feel wrong when we're together and I want to..." I let my voice trail off worried that I was being inappropriate. Edward was her cousin after all. "I'm sorry if I'm embarrassing you. I can be too honest sometimes."

She smiled and shook her head. "You're not embarrassing me at all. I'm always here for you if you need any advice."

"It's all so alien to me. I even cut Sex-Ed at school. I had one class and when they showed a sketch of male and female genitalia I left and never went back."

"Do you mind if I ask you something really personal?" Alice asked. I shook my head. "Have you ever seen a naked body." Again I shook my head. "Okay," she said, as if weighing up the information. "Would you like to?"

My eyes grew wide. "Here?"

"I meant in pictures," she said, trying but failing to hide her amusement. "You should take a walk down the next aisle," she advised, turning me to point the way. "There are some more revealing books there. I'll leave you to browse alone."

I forced my feet to move as Alice urged me forward. Even though I really wanted to do this, it still scared me a little. What if looking at pictures and reading the books brought out my old feelings of guilt and it ruined what I had been enjoying with Edward?

Pacing the aisle while I warred with myself, I gingerly fingered the spines trying to find the courage to pick one. I wasn't really sure what the point of the books was, but maybe it was a good idea for me to expand my horizons a little. After all, it wouldn't do for me to freak out at the sight of Edward's naked body.

Plucking a random book from the shelf, I sucked in a deep breath and opened it. One glance at the first page and I nearly swallowed my tongue. The hard cover made a loud noise when I snapped the book shut. Looking up and down the aisle I was relieved to find that I was still entirely alone. After taking a few moments to calm down, I reopened the book.

The first picture was of a blonde-haired woman, her naked body draped over a sofa. She had full round breasts and a tiny waist, but my eyes were drawn directly to the area between her spread legs.

Heat flashed over my skin as I stared at her exposed vagina. Other than a thin strip of hair above it, she was completely bare – I could see _everything_. The folds of skin in varying shades of pink and brown didn't look very nice to me.

The next picture showed two women lying naked on a beach, again with legs open wide, and again almost completely bare. It occurred to me that I had a lot more _coverage_ than these women. I knew some women got bikini waxes, but I'd never thought them necessary. Until now. I knew I'd have to get one. If Edward put his hand down my underwear he'd think he'd found a small animal. Even standing alone in a bookstore, I blushed at the thought of how mortifying that would be.

Dragging my mind away from that particular thought, I continued to flick through the pages of the book until I came to the first picture of a naked man.

_Oh my!_

My mouth dried and anxiety rippled through me as my eyes zeroed in on his penis. It looked long and thick and scared the living daylights out of me. He had more hair than the women but his heavy looking balls were smooth and bare.

Turning the page was an action I quickly regretted. Sweat formed between my breasts as I gazed horrified at the next picture. Unable to take any more I snapped the book shut and jammed it back onto the shelf.

My mind was reeling from the image as I made my way back to Alice.

At first she didn't look at me. She was too busy thrusting books into my arms. "These are probably the tamest they have, but they'll give you an idea." "What did you make of the picture books?" She looked up and her smile vanished. "Are you okay? You look a little pale."

"I... why... I mean, who would want to put..." I cringed at my own inability to form a simple sentence. "There was a picture of a woman on her knees with– she had his penis in her– it was in her mouth, Alice!"

She placed her hand on my shoulder. "Okay, maybe it was a bad idea, sending you there alone, but really, Bella, it's a perfectly natural expression of love."

I doubted the woman in the picture loved that man, but even if she did, why would she want to have such an intimate moment photographed?

Alice smiled at me and leaned in close. "You'll be fine, just take your time with all this. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself."

"I wish I was normal," I muttered.

She fixed me with a stern stare. "Stop that. You are normal. Just because you're very inexperienced with these things it doesn't make you a freak. You're just learning these things a little later than most of us did. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I just want to be good for Edward."

She sighed. "Bella, you don't have to sleep with Edward to keep him. Is that what this is about? Do you think he'll go running into the arms of someone else if you don't have sex with him?"

"No." I knew this was true. He'd been so patient with me and had never pressured me or complained that things were moving too slowly. He could easily find sex elsewhere but he'd admitted that he couldn't do it on Friday. He'd admitted that this was all new for him too and I was convinced that he would let me set the pace.

I looked at Alice. "I want this," I said with complete conviction. "I know he'll wait for me, but I can't wait. I want to experience this with him."

"Just let things progress naturally, that's all I'm saying."

After I paid for the books and we stepped out onto the street, I remembered the other thing I wanted Alice to help me with.

"There's one other thing I need your help with." I said shyly. "I noticed something about the women in those pictures." She looked at me curiously. "I need to... um... lose some hair." I grimaced, pointing discreetly downwards.

Her eyes followed the motion of my finger and then her mouth popped open. "Oh." It was her turn to blush. "I'll take you to my salon."

~*AE*~

"Bella," Alice said, laughing. "You don't have to walk like you've just stepped off a horse."

"It's sore," I hissed. "I feel like I'm on fire." I grimaced, remembering the humiliating experience in the Salon. The excruciating embarrassment of the being so exposed to the beautician, was almost as painful as the waxing itself. She'd been very professional about it, but it was mortifying to know that she'd seen parts of me I hadn't even seen myself.

The pain was unbelievable. I couldn't fathom why women voluntarily do this to themselves while men are quite happily walking around _covered_ in hair. It didn't seem fair.

Alice eyed my attire. "Maybe we should have waited till you were wearing sweat pants. Jeans aren't the best thing to wear after a Brazilian."

"A Brazilian? Is that what I had?"

Alice threw her arm around my shoulder and smiled. "I thought you wanted to look like the pictures."

We shared a cab and when it pulled over outside my building I turned to Alice. "Do you think I can do this?"

She nodded. "Just be patient, Bella."

I hesitated before getting out. "Thanks for everything Alice. I can't even tell you how much I appreciate it."

Gathering up my bags, I stepped out onto the street ready to say goodbye, but she surprised me by asking the driver to wait a second before getting out behind me.

"I almost forgot," she said, lowering her voice. "You might want to go see your doctor."

"Why?" I asked perplexed.

"Birth control. Condoms are only ninety nine point nine percent effective," she added with a wink before leaping back into the cab. "It won't hurt to have back-up."

She waved as the cab pulled away, flashing me a wide grin from the rear window.

The apartment was empty when I arrived home. Heading straight for my room, I dumped the books on my bed and stripped off my jeans. The cool air felt good on my hot, newly-waxed skin. I pulled the band of my panties away from me and peered down. My skin looked red and irritated and I only had one little strip of hair left. What had I done? It looked awful.

Alice had suggested using a hand mirror and 'acquainting' myself with my own body, but I'd seen enough naked flesh for one day. Instead, I pulled on a pair of sweat pants and grabbed one of the books from my bed.

I removed the dust cover from Pride and Prejudice and covered the new book with it, not wanting to walk around holding a book with a picture of a half-naked couple on the front of it – even though I was only reading in my apartment.

After making myself a mug of coffee, I settled on the sofa to read.

The sex started on the second page.

S_o much for romance_!

Telling myself this was all in the name of research, I continued reading. My heart was hammering by the time I got to the end of the first chapter. It was a tale filled with wet folds, hard members and eager tongues, and I had the ominous feeling this was only the start of it. The language also left a lot to be desired. I'd never said the word 'cock' out loud, yet here I was reading it twenty times a page.

As I read on, I was surprised to find that I became completely engrossed in the story. Arousal began to heat my blood. Oral sex occurred in the story often, and Alice was right: when it was described like this, it wasn't half as offensive as the photographs had made it seem.

It was hard not to think of Edward while I read words describing wet tongues on nipples and warm lips exploring naked flesh.

It was as if I could feel his hands on me and his lips caressing me, with every word. The door opened, startling me and I dropped the book. Quickly retrieving it and fixing the dust cover, I sat up and tried to appear calm, while inside I was still thrumming with arousal.

He strode down the hallway smiling at me while he removed his jacket. I'm sure he said something in greeting but I was too absorbed in the play of his muscles as they bunched and flexed beneath his tight shirt.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his brow furrowing a little when he stopped in front of me.

My eyes trailed down his body, and for the first time, I started to wonder what he looked like naked. I swallowed hard. The desire I felt for him rippled through me, scaring me a little. Could I really be capable of the things I'd just enjoyed reading about?

Slowly lifting my gaze to meet his, I felt another sharp burst of longing. I was happy to realise that my fears had been unfounded. The books and pictures hadn't put me off at all, quite the opposite, in fact. I knew with complete conviction that I wanted to make love with him, and there was no shame in that at all.

"I will be," I responded.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

EPov

_Jesus .H. Christ! _

She was stretched across the sofa with the most ball-tightening expression on her face. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes were burning, yet she looked like she was fucking squirming with embarrassment.

I glanced at her book while I threw my jacket across the chair. Pride and Prejudice.

_Jane Austen? Fuck! Please don't ask me to turn into Colin fucking Firth!_

I tried to smile with some semblance of normality. Admittedly I hadn't read any of Jane Austen's books, but I was pretty sure they weren't renowned for being a major turn on. Bella definitely looked like she was turned on and there was so much electricity in the air, I was afraid to touch anything in case I spontaneously combusted.

It was starting to affect me. My jeans grew tighter as I stepped closer. She let out a slow breath when I sat down, like she was trying to calm herself.

Sexual energy was rolling off her in waves and it sent a raging hot current straight to my dick.

_Fuck._

I'd promised her last night that I would take things slowly, but if she kept biting her lip like that I couldn't be held responsible for the consequences. I turned away, trying to replay our conversation from last night.

I'd spent all day trying to study but the only thing my brain would compute was everything she'd said to me last night. I meant what I said, I didn't know if I could offer her what she deserved, I'd never took my time with any woman before. I'd only seen the same woman twice on a handful of occasions and even then it had only been under the duress of Emmett.

Sex had never been memorable enough for me to want to come back to the same honey pot twice.

It was different with Bella. I couldn't help but admire the way she didn't let her fears or inhibitions stop her from going for what she wanted. Her honesty last night had humbled me. I never knew how weak I was until I met her. She wasn't afraid of anything, while I was afraid of everything. I'd never had anything to lose before, and it scared me shitless that I would get in too deep and then lose her.

Part of me wanted to stop things now before that happened, but every time I was with her I couldn't resist falling deeper. When I kissed her last night, it relieved me of the horrible hollowness I'd been feeling since Friday night. Even now, the sight of her smiling face with her flushed cheeks and shining eyes was filling me up with happiness.

I'd seen my fair share of aroused women, but Bella's emotions always held an extra layer to them. There was a truth in her that was rare to see. I wanted her with a force that shocked and scared me in equal measure.

She shifted beside me, smiling with her bottom lip still trapped between her teeth. She looked fucking adorable.

What kind of asshole was I when I thought I could give this up, that I could just walk away from the sweetest, hottest fucking thing in my life.

Unable to hold back any longer, I reached forward and gently released her bottom lip and kissed her.

"I'm glad we talked last night," she whispered when I lifted my mouth from hers. "I missed you this weekend."

_I know the feeling, baby._

I almost let out a groan when I thought of Friday night. It had to be one of the worst fucking nights of my life. After leaving the apartment, I'd hit the bars downtown. God alone knows how many I went to.

I roamed the bars looking for a girl to fuck, because I was _that _stupid. I thought it would help me get her out of my system, but instead it highlighted that she meant more to me already than anyone else ever had.

Despite being blind drunk, not one of those girls lit my candle. How could they? The only fucking girl I wanted was out on a date, a fucking date that I – in all my infinite wisdom – had made her go on.

By the end of the night, I'd painted the sidewalk outside Emmett's house with regurgitated beer. I still don't know how I managed to convince a cab driver to take me. I had a vague recollection of sitting in one outside of the apartment, but I must've changed my mind about going home and told him to take me to Emmett's instead.

I spent the night on his couch with only a bucket by my side for company.

None of it mattered now, she was here, she wanted me, and I fucking more than wanted her. Her beautiful face was tilted up expectantly towards mine, so I moulded my lips to hers again. It wasn't enough. I pulled her tight against me and flicked my tongue across her lips. When they opened eagerly, I was lost.

Her kisses were blowing my mind. She wasn't just eager, she was practically fucking rampant as she almost sucked my tongue right out of my mouth. I felt her hands slip beneath my shirt and roam across my torso. When her fingers rubbed across the trail of hair beneath my navel, I smiled. I fucking loved it when she did that, but it made me wish her hand would swirl lower instead of higher.

"God, Bella," I groaned pulling back to look at her. "You have to let me breathe."

The red in her cheeks darkened and she muttered a quiet apology.

I cupped her face in my hand "Don't apologize," I said pressing my lips to hers gently. "I'm only teasing you, it's great, really."

She sat up and for an awful second I thought I'd ruined the moment, but then she looked up at me from beneath her lashes and asked me to take her to bed.

_Fuck me!_

How was I supposed to take things slowly when she was pushing every button I had? Getting my caveman on, I stood up, scooped her into my arms, and carried her to my room.

I lay her down on the bed and this time I lay directly on top of her, but her groan of pleasure was quickly followed by a wince.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked, instantly rolling off her.

"No, not really, I'm just a little tender. Down there."

I couldn't stop my eyes from travelling to the juncture of her thighs. "Why? What's wrong?"

I studied her embarrassed expression, concern welling up in my chest.

She buried her face in my neck and I could feel the heat from her face. I didn't like this.

She said something, but her words were muffled by my neck. "I can't hear you?" I whispered running my fingers through her hair while trying to coax her to look at me.

Her head raised slightly but her eyes were cast downwards. Leaning in, she pressed her lips to my ear. "I...um.. I got waxed today?"

"Waxed?" _Wait...waxed?_ "Why?" Was my less than eloquent response.

"I wanted to look nice for you."

_For me? Dear Lord of all my Christmases come at once, let me fucking see!_

I was all kinds of horny now. "And does it?"

The heat against my neck increased. I loved her blushes. "Does what?"

My voice was barely a whisper. "Does it look nice?"

She trembled."I think it looks sort of ugly."

_I highly doubt that._

She really didn't need to do anything for me. She was the goddamned sexiest woman I'd ever met just by being herself. Still, the thought of seeing the result had my dick twitching like it was having its own personal seizure.

"What are you thinking?" She asked and I looked up into her face again. A pang of guilt flitted through me when I realized I'd been trying to see through her sweatpants while she squirmed with embarrassment.

"Maybe a bath would soothe it."

_Or my tongue._

She nodded and I leapt off the bed offering to get the bath ready. There was no way she was doing this alone. While she was getting ready in her room, I stood in the bathroom watching the bath fill and wishing my dick would calm the fuck down. I shoved my hand down my jeans to adjust it to a more comfortable position but groaned with pleasure as soon as I touched it.

There wasn't enough time to knock one out. I'd just have to grin and bear it for the time being. I snatched my hand out when I heard her coming, and turned as she walked into the bathroom wearing only her robe. Her hair was all piled up on her head.

_Twitch fucking twitch._

She glanced at the bath. "You forgot the bubble bath." She pointed out.

"Did I?" I replied with mock innocence. "Do you want me to add some?"

She knew what I was asking, and to help her decide I pulled her to me and kissed her slowly and thoroughly. Her hands came up to my hair and her fucking cast scraped painfully across my ear. I couldn't wait for her to get that thing off.

I could feel her nipples harden through my shirt but I could also hear her heart hammering.

She was still nuzzling my neck when I reached over her and poured some bubble bath into the running water. "Thank you," she whispered.

To make her more comfortable, I turned my back while she slipped into the water. I couldn't help but wish that I could get in there with her, but there was plenty time for us to get to that stage. Once she was fully immersed she let me know and I turned.

Her gorgeous tits were barely covered by the bubbles and my mouth watered at the sight of them.

"You were right," she said on a relaxed sigh. "It does feel better."

I grabbed the shampoo bottle and she sat up as I kneeled down. "Can I touch you?"

She nodded and I slid my desperate hands over her warm wet flesh, marvelling at the way her nipples pebbled against my palms. She rewarded me with yet another cock twitching sigh and I squeezed a little harder, leaning forward to capture her sweet mouth with mine.

My tongue probed her mouth while my hands caressed her soft skin. I had to wash her hair and get her out of that bath so I could reach her better. All of her. I grabbed the showerhead and set about my task deciding there would be no two fucking minute conditioner tonight. After I rinsed her hair, I grabbed the soap. I was done asking, if she wanted me to stop she'd tell me.

I grinned at her while I lathered the soap between my hands. She didn't protest when I smoothed the bubbled across her shoulders and down over her breasts. Every inch of her upper body was covered in soap but I didn't dip below the water line.

Moving to the bottom of the bath on my knees, I circled one ankle with my fingers and raised it out of the water. The layer of bubbles on the surface of the water was so thick I couldn't see anything beneath them. Much to my annoyance.

I lathered one leg then the other but I could see she was a little uncomfortable, so I handed her the soap. "You can do the good bits," I said winking at her.

She nodded and when her hand plunged into the water my head dropped onto the edge of the bath. There was only so much I could actually watch when I wasn't allowed to take part. She moved around under there for a bit, and unable to take it anymore I stood up and grabbed a towel. I left it on the sink and told her I'd wait for her in my room.

"I won't be long," she promised.

I passed through the doorway and almost broke into a sprint. I ripped off my jeans as soon as I reached my room and couldn't resist palming my cock a couple of times. God she'd be the death of me. I pulled on sweats and got into bed.

_Come on! Come on! What the fuck is taking so long?_

Finally she stepped into the room and the biggest grin stretched across my face. She had a towel wrapped around her hair, and her robe was pulled so tight it was almost wrapped around her twice.

She sat on the edge of the bed and I immediately scooted closer to her and pulled the towel from her hair. I rubbed the worst of the wetness out of her hair, waiting patiently for her to relax. Sliding my arms around her waist, I pulled her gently so her back was leaning against my chest and slid my arms around her waist.

"We can go back into the living room and watch some TV," I said, sliding my lips along her shoulder to the base of her neck.

She turned to face me. "Move over."

I lifted my legs up onto the bed and leaned back against the headboard. She followed, lying down beside me. Kiss me?"

She didn't have to ask twice.

She wound her arms around my neck and her lips traced a gloriously delightful path across my cheek to my earlobe which she sucked into her mouth. "Open my robe," she murmured shyly.

"Are you sure?"

When she nodded, I attacked the belt with eager fingers. I looked directly into her eyes while I untied the robe and parted it. Knowing how big a deal this was for her, I needed to make sure she was truly ready for it. Her eyes glittered like stars in the light from my lamp and she looked like she'd been waiting for this moment forever.

Her chin dipped slightly, like she was answering my internal question.

I wanted my eyes to trail down her torso but they were far too greedy and zeroed straight between her legs.

_OH MY FUCKING GOD! No wonder it hurt. _

She was almost completely bare except for one tiny strip of hair above her slightly swollen lips. Her flesh was still a little red from her salon visit but it in no way diminished her beauty.

I'd seen naked women on many occasions, but I'd never really paid so much attention. It had never been a big deal for them. Their breathing didn't hitch like this, their hearts didn't hammer so loudly, and they'd never given me this much.

My tongue ached, my fingers itched and my cock throbbed, there was so many ways I wanted to touch her. However, I couldn't be sure she was ready. "Bella," I groaned. "I need to touch you."

"Yes, I want it too." she whimpered.

I looked up into her eyes and saw her hesitancy.

I moved closer to her face, touching my forehead to hers. "You are a beautiful sexy woman Bella Swan, and your pussy is definitely not ugly."

Her breathing hitched and I guessed it was my choice of word that caused it. She was gonna have to get used to more words like that from me.

Snaking my hands slowly up her thighs, I felt her shiver beneath my touch. I pulled back, parting her legs gently. When she gasped I stopped and bent to kiss her. "Do you want me to stop?"

She shook her head. "Touch me."

She let me open her legs wider and I gazed down at her. She was fucking gorgeous, all pink and glistening. I felt like I was shaking with the force of wanting her. Needing to compose myself, I took some time to kiss her and run my hands over the skin on her stomach and sides.

It wasn't long before my hand was travelling lower of its own volition. Swallowing her gasps, I slowly traced my index finger across her soft outer lips. She ran her hands through my hair, gripping tightly when my finger dipped into her wet heat. She felt soft and warm and perfect.

Her hips bucked and she moaned into my mouth as her hands slipped to my shoulders, the roughness of her cast digging into my flesh. I pressed a second finger to her flesh, circling her clit gently as my lips slid downwards to capture a nipple.

"Edward."

The sheer need in her tone made me feel like a fucking God. I would do anything to make her moan like that again.

I sucked violently on her nipple, enjoying the wild drumming of her heart that seemed to be beating in time with my own.

It shouldn't have come as a shock to me that I was suddenly hit with the desire to go down on her. In the past it hadn't mattered to me if the one I was with was enjoying herself. I was an asshole, only interested in my own pleasure.

Right now, I wanted to make her feel things she'd never felt before. If I was a better person it would be all about her, but part of me acknowledged that I probably had some kind of God complex going on.

Releasing her nipple from my mouth, I rose and pressed my lips to her ear. "I want to taste you," I murmured. When she stiffened, I swept my fingers over her clit again. "It'll feel just like this, baby. You'll like it I promise."

"Edward... I–"

"Please," I begged. I wanted her to come on my tongue. "I want to."

Her breath blew against my face in short sharp bursts. With stormy eyes, she curled her fingers around my shoulders pressing gently in acquiescence. My lips brushed hers briefly in gratitude before I started my descent.

When I reached her navel, I couldn't resist dipping my tongue into it. The way she jumped made me smile. I lapped at the soft skin on her flat belly and then I caught a faint hint of her scent. She smelled so good I couldn't wait to taste her.

By the time my lips brushed across her mound she was almost ripping my hair out by the roots. But it was hard to mind because her soft whimpers were music to my ears. She was writhing beneath me and keen to keep up the momentum, I withdrew my fingers from her folds and slid both thumbs gently over her sensitive bare lips to part them. Inhaling deeply, I closed my mouth over her exposed clit.

"Edward!" She yelled feeling the first lash of my tongue. My eyes watered when she pulled my hair with all her strength. "Stop."

Doing as she asked, I quickly slid back up her body, pulling her to me."It's okay," I said trying to calm her. She relaxed when I began planting kisses on her eyelids, her nose and finally her mouth. When my tongue slipped into her mouth I felt the moment she tasted herself. Her fingers dug into my back and she pulled back, her eyes wide with shock. I nuzzled her neck.

"I can't imagine why you would want to do that," she said, honest as ever.

"Because you taste so good and I want to make you come," I murmured, lifting my head to look at her. "It's perfectly natural."

Pressing soft kisses on her mouth, I probed between her legs again with my fingers. "It's okay," I told her, wanting it so badly. "I want to do this."

I looked into her eyes and the trust I saw almost made me lose my nerve. I couldn't ever give her as much as she was giving me. I felt unworthy, but taking a leaf from her book, I pushed it aside and kissed my way down her body.

Settling between her legs I felt like there was nowhere else in the world I'd rather be. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Her hands were back in my hair, but less painfully this time and I lowered my mouth back to where it ached to be.

I licked from her entrance right up to her clit, flicking it gently. She bucked and gasped and whispered my name. I fucking loved her for it. I burrowed one hand beneath her to tilt her pelvis upwards before sucking her clit into my mouth. Her knees clamped shut forcefully making me yelp when her thigh slammed into my ear, popping it.

"I'm sorry!" she cried, covering her face with her hands.

I grinned at her, rubbing my ear. It stung a little but it was nothing compared to the ache in my pants. Fearing that the momentum would be lost, I delved into her pussy again. I sucked her hard and this time her knees only twitched. I lapped all around her wet flesh, loving the taste of her, the smell of her, and the sound of her pleasure as she moaned for me.

I ground my cock into the mattress, desperate for some relief while my tongue danced over her flesh. I wanted to push a finger inside her but knew she wasn't ready for that. Instead, I curled my both hands beneath her and held her up to my hungry mouth.

"Oh God! Edward, that feels amazing," she gasped.

_Oh yeah baby_ _keep talking_

"Yes. You're so good. So... good..." Her hips were bucking so hard I could tell she was close, she was almost straining for it. I clamped my lips to her, sucking hard while flicking my tongue furiously over her swollen clit. She exploded beneath me in a torrent of bucking hips and tugging fingers while I desperately fought to keep my mouth on her.

Her hips dropped onto the bed when I removed my hands from beneath her, still gently lapping at her outer lips before sliding back up and pulling her into my arms. "Thank you," I whispered as her lips fluttered across my neck.

She mumbled something back but kept her face buried in my neck. She was panting and I'd never enjoyed a sound more. Within minutes I could hear the deep rhythmic breaths of her slumber. I carefully climbed out of bed and darted for the shower.

After my shower, I returned to my room and stood watching her sleep for a while. I stripped to my boxers and flicked off the light before climbing in beside her. She moaned a little as I moved around trying to get a comfortable position then she curled against my chest and threw her knee across my thigh. I fell asleep enjoying the feeling of having her naked body wrapped around mine.

I felt like I was in paradise.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

BPov

The first thought that struck me as my eyes fluttered open was that my window was on the wrong side of my room. The second was that my pillow had a heartbeat. I swallowed, my own heart kicking up the pace as memories from last night flickered to life in my head. A tiny groan escaped my lips when I remembered what he did to me. He'd been _licking_ me. And it was so good. I couldn't believe that after the pleasure he'd given me _he_ thanked _me_.

I lay listening to the beat of his heart, enjoying the steady rise and fall of his chest while he slept. The broad grin that stretched across my face was all because of him. I felt like I could die right then and I'd die happy. He was everything I wanted. The soft sprinkle of his chest hair tickled my cheek as I pressed myself closer to him.

"Morning." His voice was rough and heavy with sleep. Tilting my head, I looked up into his face. He was smiling too.

I leaned up on my elbow and pressed my lips to his but he pulled back slightly. "I have morning breath," he explained with a grimace.

"I don't care." I smiled, kissing him again. "You smelled worse last night."

The corners of his mouth lifted up into a soft smile and his eyes lit with the memory of last night. I buried my face in the crook of his neck.

"You smell and taste great to me," he murmured, stroking my hair lightly.

Even though I was cringing, I couldn't help but feel a little bit pleased at his admission.

When his watch beeped twice, he groaned startling me out of my reverie. "I have classes," he complained, sitting upright and leaving me lying at eye level with his crotch and inches away from his cotton covered erection.

I gasped.

He looked down at me and chuckled. "I'm sorry. It's a morning thing."

I looked at the shape of him through his boxer shorts, and a slight frisson of apprehension fluttered in my belly. I'd never touched him. I didn't know how to, but for some reason I found myself wanting to.

"Bella," he whispered, his voice was low and filled with warning along with a little hint of amusement. "I really have to go. Could you maybe_ not_ look at me like that?"

"I'm sorry."

When I blushed he scooted down beside me, and crushed his lips to mine.

"Don't apologize. If I had more time I would have no problem whatsoever with you looking at me." He cupped my face, sweeping his thumb across my cheekbone. "But these classes are really important."

I nodded. "I'll make breakfast," I said getting out of bed.

"I don't really have time. I'll just grab something on the way."

I tried to hide my disappointment while I fastened my robe.

He caught my hand, smiling up at me. "I enjoyed sleeping with you."

"Me too," I responded, squeezing his hand.

~*AE*~

"Perfect!" Alice exclaimed, clapping her hands together with excitement.

Relief washed over me. When Alice had offered to help me find a dress for Charlie's wedding, I hadn't realized what I was getting myself into. She was a shopping demon.

She'd suggested a mid-week shopping excursion would be better since the shops are quieter. Today was the only day I had no afternoon classes and Alice had taken the afternoon off work. It seemed like a waste of an afternoon to me.

It felt like we'd visited every boutique in town. I'd tried on what felt like hundreds of dresses, leaving me tired, hungry and irritable.

When I moved towards the dressing rooms Alice stopped me. "Just another couple of minutes," she said, pulling a notebook out of her bag. "This colour is beautiful on you." She turned me to face the mirror.

The deep emerald green complimented my light skin and dark hair. I smoothed my hands down the tight bodice, enjoying the softness of the silk beneath my fingers. Turning from side to side, I looked at it from all angles. It was tighter than anything I'd worn before, and I worried that the strapless design revealed a little too much skin. When I mentioned it to Alice her eyes snapped up from the notebook she was furiously scribbling in, and she shook her head.

"It's stunning," she insisted. "The design really shows off your lovely figure." She trailed the pencil down the curve of my neck and across my shoulder. "You beautiful bone structure and flawless skin, you shouldn't be afraid to show them off."

I wasn't sure. I didn't like the idea of showing so much skin at Charlie's wedding.

She sighed, tucking the pencil behind her ear. "If you feel really uncomfortable, I could make you a wrap with the same material I use for the dress."

I stared at her confused. "I'm sorry, I'm not following you."

"Go get dressed. We have one last shop to go to."

"But I thought this dress was perfect?"

"It is," she said, winking at me. "And I'm going to make you one exactly like it." She turned the notebook towards me, revealing a perfect sketch of the dress. "I'll wait for you out there," she said, jerking her head towards the main shop.

Ten minutes later she bundled me into a cab and gave the driver directions, before finally explaining herself. "It's a hobby of mine," she told me. "I like to make clothes. If I'd had more time I would have designed a dress for you myself, but this way was much quicker. Now that I know what suits you, I can make an almost exact copy of that dress for you for a fraction of the price."

"I didn't know you could do that," I said in awe.

"I'd love to set up my own business designing and making clothes, but for now it's just a hobby when I have the time." She smiled at me. "And the inspiration."

The cab pulled up outside a long row of units, and I followed Alice into the first one. Inside it looked like a warehouse, with long rows of shelving holding every type of fabric in all the colors of the rainbow.

Alice browsed the aisles with an expert eye, throwing things into the cart as she passed. She was humming happily and looked like this was her idea of heaven. I watched her trail her fingers along the rows of fabric, pausing here and there to rub the material between her thumb and fingers.

"This material is slightly thinner than the dress you tried on," she said, offering the material to me to feel. "But it's perfect. It'll hang better and the color is almost exactly the same."

She hefted a large roll of the material into the cart and set off for the next aisle, where she picked up thread, buttons, eyelets and small shiny sequins that she said would add a nice trim. I frowned at them hoping that she wasn't going to get carried away.

Finally satisfied that she had everything she needed, I handed over Charlie's money at the checkout. After she paid, I was surprised by the thick bundle of notes she returned to me. It had cost less than a third of what the dress in the store was selling for. Alice declined when I offered the rest of the money to her as payment for making the dress.

She threatened to take me shopping for shoes with it, so I stuffed it into my pocket and said no more about it. The shoes could wait.

Back at her house, I had to strip down to my underwear so she could take all my measurements. She moved around me stretching the tape over my skin and re-positioning my body for better access. My skin burned with embarrassment even though she was more interested in jotting down numbers in her book than taking any notice of me.

"So how are you enjoying the books?" She asked, running the tape across my shoulders.

My mood cranked from mild embarrassment to utter mortification in an instant.

"I'm almost finished the first one," I said quietly.

She glanced up at me and smiled with a glint in her eyes that looked like pride. "Did you get any tips from it?" Her smile grew mischievous, and I couldn't maintain eye contact as the image of Edward between my legs came to mind.

I felt my nipples pebble. "Do you mind if I get dressed before we discuss this?"

"No, go ahead. I'm done here."

I dressed quickly before heading downstairs, where I found her in the kitchen rooting around in the fridge. "Do you want to stay for dinner?" she asked. "Jasper is out with his dad tonight."

"I'd love to," I said, relieved that she had forgotten what we were talking about upstairs.

My relief was short lived though because she picked the conversation up again as soon as we sat down to eat.

"Okay, so the books," she said, taking a sip of her wine. "We've established you like them, but do they make you feel like you might want to try some things?"

Her boldness disconcerted me. "Is this normal?" I stammered. "I mean, do people really discuss their private lives like this?"

She smiled kindly at me. "Lots of people talk openly about their sex lives with close friends, but it's not for everyone, so please don't think I'm prying. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I only want to help you. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

"Isn't it weird though? I mean, Edward's your cousin."

She chuckled lightly. "You may have a point there. I'll just try not to think of that side of things."

"I do want to talk about it," I admitted. "I don't have anyone else I can talk about this with – except for Edward – but it would be nice to get a female opinion."

"I'm always happy to listen, Bella, and it won't go any further I promise." Her smile faltered. "Is there something bothering you?"

I sighed. "Yes. He's given me... things, and I don't know how to give back."

"Are we talking orgasms here?"

I nodded, trying in vain not to blush. "I haven't even touched him." My eyes dropped to where my hands were twisting in my lap. "_There_."

"When you're reading the books, maybe you should pay attention to what the women do to the men as well as the other way round." She laughed softly and I was relieved that there was no judgement in her tone at all. "It can be surprisingly easy to make a man come. They tend to be quite visually stimulated, so if he can see as well as feel what you're doing, it makes it easier."

"I don't know if I can do that," I gasped.

"Bella, don't put yourself under so much pressure. Just give yourself time." She leaned over, plucking a banana from the fruit bowl and brandishing it at me. "Maybe you should practice a little."

My eyes widened before I realized she was joking and we burst into peals of laughter.

It was late when I got home and, feeling a little buzzed from the wine, I closed the door a little too loudly behind me. Edward poked his head out of the bathroom with a toothbrush jammed between his teeth, and smiled at me.

"I'm just getting ready to hit the sack," he said, pulling the brush out. "Did you have a good time with Alice?"

He remained in the doorway and resumed brushing his teeth. I noticed he wasn't wearing a shirt. My eyes trailed lower to where his belt was undone and the top two buttons on his jeans were open. I couldn't help but stare, and when I finally managed to wrench my gaze up to his face, he winked at me and stepped back into the bathroom.

I took off my jacket and hung it up slowly before turning back to find him standing in the doorway again. I forced my eyes to stay trained on his face while he walked towards me.

"I have another early start tomorrow, and then I have a lecture to go to in the evening." He smelled of soap and toothpaste, and stood so close my lips and fingers itched to touch him. "So I'm just going to head off to bed." He leaned forward and kissed me softly but all too briefly. "I'm gonna be pretty busy this week so you won't see much of me," his mouth slid up to my temple. "But I'll make it up to you when I'm done. I promise."

"I'll hold you to that," I said, hoping he couldn't tell how disappointed I was.

He chuckled and pulled me into a warm hug. "Goodnight."

I suspected this was his way of taking things slowly, and even though I wanted to ask him if I could sleep in his room, I didn't. I didn't want him to think I was being too clingy.

Lying in bed thirty minutes later, I was still hot and bothered from the two little kisses and hug he'd given me. It was taking all my willpower not to go to his room and slip into his bed.

I tossed and turned for a while before giving up on the pretense of trying to sleep. I flicked my lamp on and pulled my book out of the nightstand drawer. I smiled as I thought of Edward spending his days and nights studying medicine, while I was studying this instead of my own course work.

Sliding my bookmark out, I opened the book.

_He stood before her smirking. They both knew why she was here and dispensed with any attempt at conversation. Samantha untied the belt of her coat, making a show of slowly peeling the fabric away from her naked body. _

_ His eyes slid slowly downwards, taking in every detail of her naked form. He lingered on her breasts briefly, moistening his lips with a slow sweep of his tongue that sent a shiver down her spine. _

"_Take off your clothes," she ordered eager to make use of that tongue._

_Under his gaze, she sat down and spread her legs, emboldened by the hunger igniting in his eyes._

_ He made short work of removing his clothes, his gaze staying firmly glued to her glistening pussy. Samantha watched expectantly as he dipped his fingers below the waistband of his boxer shorts and slowly started to pull them down. Her fingers lowered in time with his movements, and when his dick at last sprung free from its confines she groaned, circling her clit with two fingers._

_ He watched fascinated as she began to rub herself hard and fast, but he made no move towards her. Her soft moans made his cock throb, but he knew better than to join in. She loved to be watched... and not just by him. _

_ He could see how wet she was as her fingers worked furiously on her slick folds. She was truly a beautiful sight with her tits bouncing and her toes curling into the thick carpet. Her head lolled back, her legs dropping farther apart when the loud moan heralding her orgasm reverberated around the room. Her fingers slowed as her head came back up and she grinned wickedly at him. She removed her fingers from her sex and crooked them in invitation._

_ He strode towards her, his dick bobbing heavily while he walked. When he reached her, she brushed her palms up his muscular thighs to stop him. His dick was straining right in front of her face. Without a word she slipped her left hand between his legs to cup his balls. A loud groan escaped him when she squeezed them with just the right amount of pressure, just enough to make his dick swell even more. _

_ She wrapped her other hand around his base, stroking upwards. "Fuck," he cursed, feeling pleasure rocket through him when she swirled her thumb spread the pearl of pre-cum from his slit all around the head. More leaked out and she spread all the way down his shaft in one slow stroke._

_ He moved his hands to her head to balance himself while she squeezed his balls harder and increased the pace of her strokes. He felt his balls tighten, but held on. She loved to tease him like this, but he knew it wouldn't be long till he had her mouth._

_ When his thighs began to shake, she took this as her cue and released her grip on him. He watched with rapt fascination as she slid closer. Running her hands up the back of his thighs, she cupped his ass and pulled him towards her gloriously talented mouth. Her lips were warm and wet when she kissed the head and he had to fight the urge to ram his cock home._

_ She moaned slightly and opened her mouth wide, allowing him to slide inside. He gritted his teeth as she gripped the base of his shaft again, while taking as much of him as she could into her mouth. He was almost to the back of her throat when she hollowed her cheeks and sucked hard. "Oh yeah, baby," he grunted, his hips flexing sharply._

_ She began bobbing her head, gripping his rigid flesh roughly while she sucked hard and swirled her tongue around his sensitive head. Her fingernails dug into his hips, pulling him closer as she moaned around his cock. _

_ Her eyes rose to meet his, inflaming him even more. He loved the sight of her lips wrapped around his cock, and he bucked again as she began sucking and stroking relentlessly._

_ He hissed, feeling the last shred of his self control disintegrate. She worked him eagerly and sucked greedily when he released into her mouth. "Fuck!" he yelled, riding the waves of his orgasm, but all too soon she released him with a soft pop, and smirked up at him._

My head sagged back onto the pillow and I dropped the book back into my drawer. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I was tenser now than I had been to begin with, and sleep was definitely out of the question. My breathing was slightly heavier than normal and all I wanted to do was go to Edward, but I couldn't.

I closed my eyes and was hit by the image of Edward standing naked before me just like the man in the book. Having never seen him like that it wasn't easy to imagine, the image vague at best. It floored me to realise that the thought of doing that to myself in front of Edwards was arousing to me. Of course, I knew reading it and acting on it were two entirely different concepts.

The throbbing between my legs was hard to ignore. I thought of the woman in the book while my own fingers snaked beneath my pajamas. I felt the soft sprinkling of hair and bit my lip. It felt so dirty, but the need was stronger and I slowly slid my middle finger across my wet skin. I moaned and my eyes flew open, it seemed so loud in my quiet room.

I lay completely still for a few moments warring with my conscience, but the temptation was too great and I pressed my finger harder against that little nub that Edward had so expertly teased with his tongue. The thought of Edward turned me on more and I pulled my pajama shorts down, opening my legs a little wider.

It felt so good and replaying the images of Edward made it so much better. I was trying to keep my moans as quiet as possible. My heart was hammering in my chest and my arm was beginning to ache a little. I couldn't stop, not yet, I wasn't ready quite yet.

I imagined Edward watching me and a low groan rumbled in my chest. Imagining his eyes on me right now tipped me over the edge. My stomach tensed, my shoulders and head lifted off the mattress, and my hips bucked as wonderful release washed over me.

But my relief was short lived when shame instantly washed over me.

I turned and pressed my face into the pillow and cried.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

My cell phone jingled loudly in my pocket and I rushed to answer it grimacing apologetically at the scowling faces around the waiting room.

"Hello?" I whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" It was Alice.

"I'm in the hospital." I explained, still whispering.

"Oh right, I forgot you're getting the cast off today." She paused. "I've made a start on the dress, but I need you to come over so I can pin it. Can you come over today?"

"Sure," I whispered, desperate to get off the phone. "I'll call you when I'm done here."

I snapped the phone closed, and switched it off while avoiding eye contact with my disapproving fellow patients. Thankfully I didn't have to wait long to be seen, and the relief when the cast was finally removed was immeasurable. I flexed my fingers with a grin, and almost embarrassed myself with the ecstasy of finally being able to scratch the skin on that arm.

When I was done, I made my way through the narrow corridors following the signs for the Planned Parenthood clinic. I'd made the appointment under Alice's advice, but I was dreading it. I had no idea what to expect. What questions would they ask?

The clinic was in a small building separate from the main hospital, but still within the grounds. I ran through the rain to get there before stopping in the doorway to catch my breath.

A plump dark-skinned receptionist looked up and smiled as the door slid closed behind me."May I help you?"

"I have an appointment at one o'clock." I stammered, looking around the waiting area. The walls were a bright yellow color and adorned with all sorts of posters regarding pregnancy and sexual health. There were two other women waiting.

"Your name?" she asked.

"Isabella Swan," I responded quietly. She pointed towards the seating area where I sat down, drumming my fingers on my legs nervously.

After a short wait, an older woman with blonde hair approached me and handed me a clipboard and pen. "Can you fill these out and hand them back to the receptionist when you're done please?" she requested with a smile.

"Sure," I said, frowning at the thick wad of forms.

They contained all sorts of questions about my own health and that of my parents. Questions such as: Does diabetes, heart attacks or strokes run in the family? I wasn't sure. Both sets of grandparents were dead before I was born, and neither Charlie nor my mother had ever gone into great detail. I ticked the no boxes.

Eventually I was ushered into a small room and was glad to find a woman waiting for me. It had crossed my mind that I might have to discuss this with a male doctor. As soon as I was seated she launched straight into personal questions such as, when was my last period and if I was sexually active at the moment. I balked at the latter, but she didn't falter and went on to ask if there was any chance I could be pregnant now. I shook my head, beginning to regret making the appointment.

She took my blood pressure and weighed me and then discussed several different methods of birth control before also reminding me that condoms were the only method that protected against STDs. I didn't want to think about that. Finally, we agreed the pill would be the best method for me and she wrote me a prescription.

I stuffed the prescription in my pocket before leaving the office and running back through the rain to the main hospital. As I was shaking the rain off my hood, I spotted Jacob coming towards me pushing a gurney with an old woman lying on it. When he reached me, I noticed she was sleeping and he slowed to a stop.

"Jacob," I greeted, happy to see him.

"You got the cast off then?" he said pointing at my newly released arm. "What are you doing down here? Isn't that department in the north wing?"

I jerked my thumb behind me before I realized what I was doing. "I had another appointment."

He looked out the window "Oh...OH!"

There was an awkward moment before he finally grinned. "So it's not unrequited anymore?"

I blushed, shaking my head. "No."

"Listen, I've got a lunch break coming up in ten minutes. If you're not doing anything...?" He left the question hanging in the air.

"No, I don't have any plans, and I'm pretty hungry actually."

His grin widened but then he looked down at the old woman. "I better get going. I'll meet you at the main entrance in ten minutes?"

"Okay." I nodded as he moved towards the elevators to our right and stabbed the button.

Fifteen minutes later we were sitting at a small table in the corner of the ground floor cafeteria.

"So, am I allowed to ask who the lucky guy is?" Jacob asked, taking a huge bite out of his sandwich.

I took a sip of my soup to buy a few extra moments before I answered. "I don't want this to be common knowledge yet," I said.

"You can trust me Bella," he said earnestly. "You know my secret," he reminded me.

"It's Edward," I blurted, bracing myself for his reaction.

His eyes widened and his lips pressed together forming a thin grim line.

"You're shocked," I stated.

"Yeah," he said, twirling his Styrofoam coffee cup on the table. "I mean, I know he has a thing for you, that much was obvious at the barbecue, but..." His voice trailed off and he looked uncomfortable. He lifted his sandwich again, shrugging as if to say it was none of his business.

It wasn't really, but I was still curious to know why this seemed to bother him. "But what?" I asked.

He finished chewing, took a long drink of coffee, and then set the cup down carefully as if it was made from delicate crystal. It was clear he was stalling. I eyed him pointedly.

"Ok, I just didn't think he was the kind of guy you'd go for."

"Why?"

"I like Edward, don't get me wrong. He's a great friend, but he's not exactly boyfriend material." He glanced at me, gauging my reaction. "I assume that's what you're looking for. A boyfriend?"

"I know he has a past," I said quietly. "But I'm only interested on how he is now. He's very good to me."

His hand shot across the table and grabbed mine. "Look, I don't want to rain on your parade, and I shouldn't have said anything." He let my hand go as if he was embarrassed that he'd held it in the first place. "I just wouldn't like to see you get hurt."

"You think he'll hurt me?"

"Not physically," he said, balking at the idea. He regarded me across the table for a long moment as if debating within himself what to say next. "Sorry, I...I'm being unfair to Edward. He's a great guy."

"Jacob, I get that he's got a past that everyone seems to take great pains to warn me about, but it really doesn't bother me. All I'm concerned about is what he's like now, with me, and what he'll be like in the future."

He sat back in his chair. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I said, shaking my head. "I appreciate your honesty. That's what friends do, right?" I patted his hand for good measure.

He grinned at me and opened his mouth to say something but then a quiet voice behind us broke the moment.

"Jacob?"

We turned in unison to see a tall dark haired girl approaching the table. She was stunningly beautiful with skin as dark as Jacob's. Her black hair, which hung almost to her waist, was as glossy as wet tar. Her deep brown eyes immediately dropped to my hand resting on top of Jacob's. He immediately snatched his hand back and jumped to his feet..

"Leah!" he exclaimed, "What are you doing here?"

Suddenly he was transformed into an excited boy as he curved his hand under her elbow.

"Paul has an appointment," she said, causing both their expressions to harden briefly. Her eyes darted to me again, snapping Jacob out of his little trance.

"Oh, sorry, this is Bella," he said, gesturing towards me. "Bella, this is Leah."

"It's nice to meet you." I smiled at her holding out my hand, but she took it without saying anything in return.

They stared at each other for a few moments and I began to feel like _I _had intruded on _their_ lunch.

"Leah!" I turned to see a tall man approaching on crutches, his movements taking some effort. Clearly in a foul mood, he glared at Leah who started at the sound of her name. Jacob let go of her as she turned away. "There you are. You said you'd wait at the main entrance," he snapped.

"I came over to say hello to Jacob," she said quietly and then glanced at me. "And his girlfriend." She waved her hand in his direction. "This is Paul, my husband."

Paul scowled at her and only briefly glanced at me before looking at Jacob. "It's about time you got yourself some," he said, and even though he was grinning, his tone still sounded sour.

I managed to hide my shock at his rudeness, and touched Jacob's hand when it looked like he might say something in return. Jacob looked at me, offering a tight smile in response. I could see he was angry, but I noticed he didn't do anything to correct either Leah or Paul in their assumptions about me.

"Did you bring the car round?" Paul asked Leah, to which she shook her head "For fuck's sake, Leah. Go get it then, I'm not hanging around this fucking place all day!"

Her shoulders sagged as she hurried away. Paul, on the other hand, used his crutch to pull out a chair and sat down uninvited at our table. I went back to eating my soup even though my appetite was long gone.

"You don't mind if I wait here with you two lovebirds do you?" he said as an afterthought, shifting to a more comfortable position on the chair.

I had expected him to be in a wheelchair, especially since Jacob has mentioned that he had been badly injured in the accident. A deep angry scar cut a knobbly path down the right side edge of his face, stretching from just below his temple and disappearing down beneath the collar of his shirt.

"So you kept this quiet." He voiced the question to Jacob, but kept his eyes on me.

"Bella and I are just friends," Jacob said finally, but this only served to amuse Paul more.

"What is it with you and chicks?" He snorted. "You're always 'just friends'." I turned away in disgust when he actually made little air quotes with his fingers. "You need to man up if you want to get some pussy."

"Hey, watch your mouth!" Jacob spat.

Paul turned to me. "Sorry." He grinned apologetically.

Thankfully Leah came back quickly, and he got up to leave. I noticed then how stiff his right leg was and Leah curled her arm beneath him as he rose. "I can fucking manage!" He snapped, yanking his arm away.

They both said goodbye and I pushed my plate away. "Well, isn't he just a total sweetheart?" I groused.

"Sorry about that," Jacob muttered. "He's such an asshole!"

My heart clenched for him when I saw the sadness in his eyes as he watched them leave

"I thought you said he was practically an invalid," I said when he finally turned his attention back to me.

"After the accident he was paralyzed. He regained the use of his arms pretty quickly, but not his legs. The right one had to be amputated below the knee. For a long time, he was bed ridden and then he just wouldn't even try to get up. He's very bitter and angry." He snorted "Of course, he was like that before the accident anyway."

"When did he get the feeling back in his legs?" I asked.

"He had surgery last year. It was a shot in the dark really, but that bastard doesn't know how lucky he is. He got fitted with a prosthetic leg a few months ago and even though he can get around now, he's still making Leah's life hell." He frowned and looked at me apologetically and I smiled gently to show him I didn't mind.

"So Leah doesn't have to stay with him."

He smiled sadly. "Yeah, it sounds so simple when you say it like that."

"I'm sorry. It's none of my business."

He laughed but it was brittle. "Yeah, we always seem to be poking around in each other's business."

He checked his watch and it was clear he was in no mood to talk about it further, so I didn't say anything else. We sat for a few moments in silence before Jacob finally pushed his chair back. "I should get back to work."

"Of course," I said, standing up and scooping our uneaten lunch back onto the tray.

He waited while I dumped it in the trash and then walked me to the main entrance. "It was good seeing you again," he said stiffly, and I knew he was still dwelling on seeing Leah.

He stood looking down at me but his eyes weren't really focused. I really felt bad for him and just had to hug him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my ear to his chest ."Thanks for lunch."

At first he didn't react and then his arms wound around me and he pulled me a little tighter than I had anticipated, but I smiled; I'd been right, he needed a hug. Maybe not from me, but he still needed it just the same.

He released me and this time his smile was genuine. "Thanks." He turned to walk away but then stopped. "When are you bringing that truck by? You know, you shouldn't neglect an engine that old."

"I'll call you," I promised.

~*AE*~

After having my dress fitting at Alice's I came home and made a quick dinner of pasta and tomato sauce and then cleaned up the kitchen. I sat at the table in the living room and caught up with some homework. By nine o'clock, I was completely bored and made my way to my room.

My book was lying on top of the nightstand but after the other night I couldn't face it. I still felt slightly ashamed of myself for doing that and I turned away from the book as if it were taunting me. I sat down at the piano and flexed my stiff fingers. It had been too long since I'd been able to play.

I lost myself in the music, just playing any tune that came to me. I don't know how long I'd been playing when I received a lone applause when I finished a piece. I almost jumped out of my skin, but was relieved to see Edward leaning against the door frame.

"You scared me," I gasped. "I didn't hear you come in."

He looked exhausted. Dark circles bruised the flesh beneath his eyes, and his skin held a grey pallor which rendered the stubble on his chin darker.

"How does it feel to have the cast off?" he asked stepping into the room.

"Great." I grinned and turned back to the piano. "It's so nice to be able to play again."

He chuckled. "And maybe you'll be able to run your fingers through my hair now without risk of knocking me out."

I blushed.

"Do you mind if I stay and listen for a while?"

"It's getting late. I should probably call it a night."

"Just one more tune?" His voice was gently pleading, and I couldn't deny him anything.

He sat down on my bed as I began to play. I must have played for longer than I realized because this time when I was finished it was met with silence, and I turned to see him sprawled across my bed fast asleep. One foot was still on the floor and I squatted beside him to carefully remove his shoe.

He stirred a little and shuffled up on the bed, groaning but still asleep. I took off his other shoe and then his socks. Rocking back on my heels, I rolled his socks into a ball and stared at him. He looked to peaceful to wake, and taking into account that he'd clearly had a tough day, I decided to leave him where he was.

I watched him for a little while, recalling Jacob's earlier trepidation. Alice seemed to be the only one that believed in Edward the way I did. Everyone else kept going on about his so called reputation. I mean, it's not as if he was a mass murderer. I couldn't imagine what he'd done that was so bad.

He'd spent the day studying hard, and his desire to achieve his dream of becoming a doctor was evident in his dedication. Why couldn't they see that side of him? Or the way he is with me; gentle, patient and kind.

I went to the kitchen and made myself a cup of cocoa and drank it while staring out of the window onto the empty street below. The streets were dark and wet and I started to think how nice it would be snuggling up to Edward on a night like this. Draining my mug, I washed it and headed back to my room, stopping en route to brush my teeth.

My lamp was still on in the room. I noticed that he had moved fully onto the bed, sprawled out and taking up most of the space. Eyeing his clothes, I decided against attempting to undress him. I didn't want to risk waking him and having him go back to his own bedroom.

Switching off the lamp, I stripped and put on a night shirt as quickly and quietly as I could before stealthily slipping into bed beside him. He was on his side, snoring softly. I positioned myself against him so he was spooned behind me, and gently pulled his arm around my waist. I feel asleep enjoying the warmth of his body around me and the soft sweep of his breath on the back of my neck.

My eyes opened but my brain was still wresting itself out of its sleep fuddled state. I was warm and comfortable and floating on the remnants of my dream. There was a hand, splayed across my belly rubbing lazy circles into my skin as it made its way slowly up my body. I heard a soft moan, was it mine?

Edward.

As the fog of sleep cleared from my brain, I became more aware of him. I could tell he was awake by the insistent pressure of his mouth pressing firm kisses on my neck. Gripping my hip with one hand, he pressed his erection into my backside. I turned my head and instantly his lips were on mine, wet and warm and enticing.

With gentle fingers, he turned my body until I was lying on my back beneath him. His lips left my mouth, descending to brush my neck, while his hands roamed freely under my shirt. Deciding that he was wearing too many clothe, I hooked my fingers beneath the hem of his shirt and pulled it upwards. His hands left my body briefly while he pulled his shirt off before removing mine too.

His chest crushed against mine and the force of his hungry kisses had me gasping for breath. Wedging my hands between us, I pushed him upwards and fumbled with the buttons of his jeans. I unfastened them but when his mouth closed over my nipple, I lost all purpose. He sucked me into his mouth and the soft slurping noises he was making sounded so erotic in the quiet night my heart started to pound. His right hand wandered down my body, stealing into my panties causing my legs to spread automatically for him.

Goose bumps popped up all over my body as the pleasure of his touch washed through me. When I began tugging on his jeans, my nipple popped out of his mouth while he moved around to free himself from the denim.

I moaned when he settled down again and I felt his complete nakedness.

Obviously wanting me in the same state, he pulled my panties off and put his mouth and hands on me again. I writhed beneath him, enjoying the twin sensations for a few minutes before being hit with the desire to touch him.

My hand snaked down between us again. I shifted my hip out of the way, feeling the heat rolling off him as I took him in my hand.

With a sharp intake of breath, he bit down on my nipple causing a startled yelp to fly from my throat. He whispered an apology and swirled his tongue over my nipple soothingly. I curled my fingers around him and he flexed into my hand groaning loudly. The silky softness of his warm skin was a sharp contrast to the hardness beneath it. I'd never felt anything like it.

Giving him a gentle squeeze, I was rewarded with a pleasured moan and another flex of his hips. He might have said my name but his voice was too thick to tell.

Remembering some of what I'd read recently, I slid my hand down to the base and back up again. He felt long and thick, and I almost lost my nerve until his hand curled around mine. He squeezed tight, stroking my hand up and down his length. His heartbeat was slamming in my ear but all at once his mouth was there and he was whispering.

"God, that feels good, Bella."

Encouraged, I kept going even when his hand left mine to slip between my legs again. Desperately trying to focus on his pleasure too, I swirled my thumb around the tip of his penis and found moisture there which I spread with my fingers as I pumped harder.

"Fuck Bella!" he exclaimed into my ear, the expletive exciting me.

His fingers rubbed harder between my legs.

"You like that?" He murmured, pressing his lips to my ear. "You like touching my cock?"

I moaned in response, barely able to form words.

"Tell me," he ordered. "Tell me you like touching my cock."

"I like it." I knew what he wanted and it turned me on so much. "I like touching your cock."

His sharp groan flooded my ear with heat. This was a whole new side of him, and I wondered if it was waking up in the middle of the night that had brought it out of him.

"Do you like my fingers on your pussy?"

I whimpered and nodded.

"I want to put one in you, Bella." His tongue circled the shell of my ear. "Do you want me to?"

I opened my legs wider in invitation, still mute from the pleasure he was giving me. His middle finger circled my entrance and then slipped inside. It felt thick in the tight space and he paused when I tensed. After a few seconds I managed to relax and he slid in deeper, eliciting another whimper from me.

"Does it feel good?" He murmured, his thumb pressed against my clit.

"Yes, but I want you to feel good," I managed to say, working him harder.

"I do, Bella, believe me."

He removed his hand from me and wrapped it around mine again, helping me press tighter and to stroke faster. I did as he showed me while his hand slid up my body cupping my breast tightly.

He buried his face in my neck and panted my name over and over, his teeth nibbling my neck. Suddenly, his hand snaked around behind me and he flipped us so he was lying on his back and I was looming over him. He pulled my face down and kissed me deeply.

I broke the kiss but his hand splayed across the back of my head, anchoring me to the crook of his neck.

"I'm coming!"

His hips started to buck violently and I felt his penis pulsing in my hand, keeping up the rhythm until his hips finally stilled and he covered my hand with his to still it.

He jerked when I swirled my thumb around the warm wetness on his tip. When I removed my hand, I lay it on his belly directly into a pool of warm stickiness. I immediately removed it, embarrassed.

"Sorry," I muttered.

He gripped my wrist. "It's okay." I'd never heard that timbre in his voice before, it was husky, relaxed... satisfied. He stretched his arm towards my nightstand, knocking my lamp over, before I heard the distinct rustle of tissues being pulled from a box.

He wiped my hand first before cleaning his abs and then bunching up the used tissues. "I need to get rid of these," he said, kissing my temple.

I moved to let him climb out of bed and in the scant light that the moon offered; I caught a glimpse of his unbelievably sexy backside. I flopped back onto the bed and waited. Less than a minute later, I heard him pick the lamp up and the mattress dipped as he climbed over me and settled back in beside me.

I turned to face him expecting to snuggle in but his arm clamped around me, pulling my body flush with mouth descended on mine with vigor and his tongue plunged into my mouth.

All too quickly his lips left mine and he started to move down my body, his mouth licking and sucking as he went . My heart started to bounce in my chest with the realization that he was going to put his mouth on me again.

Just like the last time, he slid his hands underneath and tilted my body up to meet his mouth. My whole body shuddered when he slid his tongue languorously over my lips and inhaled deeply. I looked down at him but with the light from the window behind him I couldn't see the features of his face, just the silhouette of it. By the tilt of his head, I guessed he was looking up at me.

He spread me with his fingers and clamped his mouth on me. My head fell back with a loud moan and then I felt one long finger probe inside me. I stiffened a little at the unexpected invasion.

"Is this okay?" he whispered.

"Yes," I moaned.

It didn't take long before my orgasm was crashing through me and I was shouting into the dark room. "Edward!" I yelled, as he expertly worked me through it. _Oh, I love you!_

My eyes flew open. At first I was unsure if I'd shouted those last words aloud in my euphoric state, but Edward was busy dusting my inner thighs with sweet kisses, and I relaxed in the knowledge that I probably hadn't.

Placing a final sweet kiss on my lower belly, he finally moved up the bed and wrapped me in a strong embrace.

My breathing was still shuddering and laboured as he pressed his lips into my hair and murmured words that I couldn't fully hear. "Hmmm?"

"Do you want me to stay?" he repeated.

"Of course," I answered snuggling closer as he pulled the covers over us.

_Why wouldn't I?_

I fell asleep, my naked body wrapped around his and I had never felt closer to another human being in my entire life. As sleep claimed me my last thought was that I wished I could have this every night. That I would never have to sleep without him again.

The morning light arrowed into my room through a gap in the curtains, dragging me out of my pleasant dream. I heard him shift beside me and turned to watch him sleep, but he was awake. He was leaning back against the headboard, leafing through my book. I swallowed as his eyes met mine.

"This is what you're reading these days?" He was frowning.

"Um... yes," I said hesitantly, worried by his frown.

"This isn't you," he said, tossing it onto the nightstand.

"You disapprove?" I asked, sitting up and pulling the sheet up around me.

He gently rubbed my cheek with the back of his fingers. "Where did you get it?"

He was suspicious but I couldn't think why. I didn't understand why this seemed to displease him. "I...um bought it at a bookstore across town."

"Were you alone, when you _happened_ upon this book store?"

I nodded unable to vocalise the lie.

"Bella, you don't..." He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. "It doesn't matter. It's your business."

I opened my mouth to speak but he pressed his finger to my lips and then replaced it with his. He kissed me gently. He turned and reached down to the floor to retrieve his boxer shorts. When he pulled them under the sheet, I realised he was going to put them on under the covers.

"I want to see you," I blurted.

He blew out a short breath, and then rubbed his thumb across my cheek as he slowly dragged the sheet down. Cool air washed over my own skin and my nipples pebbled, he held my eyes with his gaze until eventually the draw was too much and my eyes lowered.

I gasped. "It looks smaller than it felt."

He burst out laughing and I looked up confused. "Bella, you really don't have a filter in that brain of yours, do you? That's not what a man likes to hear."

My hands flew to my mouth. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

He grabbed my hand at the same time he pressed his lips to my ear. "Touch me," he murmured, placing my hand on him.

His skin was soft and silky but as soon as my fingers curled around his flaccid form, I felt him begin to twitch and grow in my hand. His skin heated as it stretched and swelled in my grip.

"Now look," he said.

I complied. "Oh!" I uttered. "That's quite a difference."

He chuckled. "That's better." Then he groaned ruefully. "I shouldn't have started this because I really do have to go. I have early classes."

I moved my hand away, blushing slightly when I caught his eyes wandering hungrily all over my naked body. He looked up into my face and smiled crookedly. "Rain check?"

I nodded as he, and his impressive erection, got out of my bed.

After he'd gone, I picked up the book and turned it over in my hand. His reaction to it perplexed me but I opened my drawer and placed it inside, deciding not to dwell on it.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

"The dress looks wonderful Alice," I said, gazing in her mirror. There were still a few alterations to be made, but I couldn't believe that she'd done such a great job in so short a time.

She beamed at me proudly. "It does, even if I do say so myself. Did you get shoes?" I nodded "With a two inch heel?" Again I nodded, and pointed to the box I'd left on her bed.

She took the shoes out ."They're perfect. I thought you said you didn't have any taste?"

"I gave the sales lady the swatch of fabric, and that's what she came back with."

"Okay, take the dress off," she ordered, putting the shoes back in the box. "The dress will be finished tomorrow night. Tonight I've got this function for work that I can't get out of."

She helped me unzip the dress, letting me lean on her while I stepped out of it. This time, I didn't blush when she openly stared at my underwear while chewing her lip. "Maybe we should think about getting you some nice underwear," she mused, sounding like she was talking to herself.

"Why?" I looked down at my white lace bra and panties.

"It would just be a shame not to be wearing something equally beautiful under that dress." Her mouth spread into a wide grin. "You know in case you get lucky!"

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Do you need to get dressed first?" She smiled, and I loved her for it. She was so understanding.

Not wanting to lose my nerve, I grabbed the bull by the horns and launched straight into my problem. "Remember we were talking about the books the other day?" She nodded, helping me step down from the little stool she'd had me standing on. "Well, I did some reading that night and I did..." I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself as the feelings of shame washed over me again. "Maybe I shouldn't tell you. In fact, I... I don't know if I can even say it out loud."

"What's happened?" She looked mildly alarmed and sat me down on the bed keeping hold of my hand. "You're starting to worry me."

"Alice, I'm just so... ashamed!" I could feel tears pricking my eyes, and fought desperately to hold them back.

She gripped my shoulders. "Bella, if something bad has happened to you, you have to trust me and tell me."

"N-n-no, nothing bad happened to me. It was my fault. It was me that did it." The tears spilled "Afterwards it felt so wrong... and _dirty_!"

She seemed to relax slightly, lifting her hand to gently brush my hair away from my face. "Bella, what could you possibly have done that has upset you so much."

I really wanted to tell her. I'd virtually ignored it since it had happened, but it was still there, lurking in the back of my mind, making me feel bad and bringing back memories I had long forgotten.

"Bella?"

My vision cleared and the image of my mother's face disappeared and morphed back into Alice's, whose eyes were so kind and encouraging.

"I touched..." I shook my head. "No, I didn't just touch. I _masturbated_."

Her shoulders sagged and she pulled me into her arms. I could feel her relief even though I couldn't yet understand it. "Jesus Bella! You had me worried there." She gripped my upper arms and pulled back staring into my face. "It's okay, I promise you, it's okay. Why are you so ashamed?"

"Because it's a sinful wicked act!" I said parroting words I'd heard from my mother even though at the time I was too young to fully understand her meaning.

Someone on the commune had been caught doing it. To this day I still don't know who the perpetrator was, but when it had been debated, we were all lectured accordingly.

"Bella, how can self pleasure be so bad when other... _acts_ aren't?" Her voice was gentle, and I knew she was trying to understand without forming judgement.

"When I share things with Edward, it's borne out of love. When I'm with him it doesn't feel like I'm doing anything wrong. But doing _that_ was just about lust. It was selfish and weak and about giving in to my carnal side."

Anger flashed across her features briefly, but then disappeared when she looked at me again. "I'm sorry Bella, but that's the biggest crock I've ever heard. You don't believe that do you? You can't? It's a natural thing. It's self expression and being at one with your own body." She paused "God gave you the ability to do that – if you want to look at it that way."

Her reasoning made me smile. "I guess I am sounding like the worst kind of bible thumper," I conceded. "But I just felt so ashamed."

"You've been carrying a lot of baggage around for so long. I understand why you're having a difficult time with this. I wouldn't have suggested the books if I thought you weren't capable of expressing yourself sexually. But you have to let go of the past. What you did wasn't dirty, it was you being brave and in control of your own body and mind." She clasped my face in her hands. "You have no idea how much I admire you, Bella. You are the bravest, sweetest, kindest most beautiful person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Don't stop now; you're only at the beginning."

Tears slid down my cheeks. "You really think it's not dirty?"

She nodded. "Most people do it. Though, it _is_ probably the least talked about of all the sexual acts."

I stared at her.

"Yes, I do it. Jasper does it." She wiped my tears away. "At the risk of repeating myself – it's natural. There's certainly nothing wrong with doing it."

"I never expected to feel so bad afterwards."

"Listen, you've come such a long way. You need to start giving yourself some credit and stop being so hard on yourself. You're a grown woman who knows what she wants from life and knows how to get it. This is just an extension of that."

Her words started to make sense and I began to relax a little. "So," I said, steeling myself. "I need to get some nice underwear?"

She grinned and I could see pride shining in her eyes. "Exactly. In case a certain someone gets lucky."

"In case who gets lucky?"

I yelped throwing my arms across my body when Jasper stepped into the room.

"Shit!" he cursed, hurrying back out of the room averting his eyes. "I didn't know you were here. I'm sorry Bella."

"Jasper!" Alice scolded at the same time.

I quickly dressed before leaving Alice in the bedroom to get ready for her night out.

Jasper was draped across the couch but jumped up when I came downstairs."I'm really sorry Bella."

I waived my hand dismissively, knowing that he hadn't seen anything he shouldn't. It's not like I was naked. "It's okay. You weren't to know." I looked at his red face which strangely comforted me, because it was good to know that I wasn't the only person easily embarrassed. "It's not like you saw anything."

However, there was still a tension between us that had never been there before, and I wondered if it was because on some level he knew I was keeping a secret from him. I knew I had to tell him about Edward before the wedding this weekend.

I suddenly came up with an idea. "Do you have plans tonight?" I asked. "Alice told me she's going out with friends."

His eyes lit up "No, why? Do you want doing something?"

"Yeah, I'd like to take you out to dinner." I smiled.

"Throw in a movie, and you're on," he said, grinning at me.

He hurried upstairs to get changed while I sat on the sofa to wait.

I was glad to have the opportunity to talk to Jasper. Edward had spent the last few days cramming for his final exam tomorrow, and he was extremely stressed about it. To avoid distracting him, I'd been studying in the library until late, but tonight I couldn't face another night doing the same thing.

Jasper and I headed downtown, but there was a concert playing nearby which meant most of the restaurants we wanted to go to were full. We eventually settled on a small Indian restaurant which was thankfully pretty quiet. I ordered a glass of red wine and Jasper ordered a beer after we were shown to our table.

"I've missed this," he said.

"Me too," I said smiling at the waitress as she placed our drinks on the table.

"So, are you looking forward to the wedding?" he asked, his eyes roaming the menu.

"Yeah, I am. I'm so glad Charlie has found someone he can be happy with. you know?" He nodded. "I hated the thought of him sitting alone in front of the flat screen eating a TV dinner night after night."

"I had dinner with my dad last week," Jasper said, frowning. "He's not coping too well, he seemed really down. Of course, he'd never admit to it but..." He shrugged.

I covered his hand with mine. "But you're really worried about him."

"I guess I am," he admitted. "I know I acted like a jerk before when I thought he didn't care, but I get it now."

"Well, that's good. The two of you will get through this together. Just be there for him, he'll let you in eventually."

During the meal, we stuck to lighter topics of conversation. When our deserts were laid in front of us, my mood sobered and I wasn't surprised when Jasper noticed instantly.

"What's wrong?" he asked, scooping a huge piece of blueberry pie into his mouth.

"Nothing's wrong," I said defensively.

He shrugged and went back to eating his pie.

"I'm taking a date to Charlie's wedding."

"Really?" He sounded surprised. "Jacob?"

"No. I told you that didn't work out." He made no effort to say anything else but sat there waiting for me to tell continue. "I've asked Edward to come with me."

He stared at me for a while, before setting his fork down and wiping his mouth with his napkin.

"You're taking Edward as your date?" he asked slowly, his jaw stiff with tension.

"Yes," I said, feeling my own anger begin to boil. Tension hung thick in the air and I knew we were going to fight. "Maybe we should get the check and discuss this somewhere else," I suggested, waiving my hand at the waitress.

Without a word Jasper got to his feet and shrugged violently into his jacket. After throwing some bills on the table he strode out, leaving me alone at the table.

The waitress brought the check and when I counted out the bills Jasper had left, I saw he'd left enough to cover the check and a generous tip. Not wanting to hang around any longer, I gave it all to the waitress and hurried outside.

He started walking away as soon as I stepped out onto the street. My heels clattered on the sidewalk as I tried to catch up with him.

"Okay!" I shouted. "Let's hear it!"

"Hear what?" He said stopping and turning to face me. "You don't need me to tell you that you're fucking crazy ." He moved closer. "I thought you were smarter than this. You know he only uses girls."

My anger exploded. "Fuck you, Jazz."

I turned, fully intending to find a cab and go home, but his hand gripped my wrist to stop me.

"Does he like that filthy mouth? Look at you! You're turning into one of the foul mouthed sluts he likes to fuck so much!"

Without conscious thought my hand shot out and struck his face so hard my palm stung instantly. We stood there staring at each other, our breathing ragged. His cheek grew scarlet from my slap.

"I thought you'd be happy for me. I've finally found someone I'm happy with... just like you and Alice." I said my anger quelling slightly.

His eyes narrowed. "Are you fucking him?"

I felt like slapping him again. I wrenched my arm out of his grip and started to walk. "You're not even listening to me!" I cried as I heard his footsteps close behind me.

He was alongside me now glaring. "He's a creep Bella. I mean, I had my doubts about him before he moved in, but Alice convinced me it would be okay." He ruffled his fingers through his hair. "I shouldn't have listened to her. He'll use you and when he gets bored, he'll be back to trawling the bars and fucking women in the restrooms and at the goddamn back of the building, like the animal he is!"

I couldn't stop the loud gasp that escaped my lips.

"That's right." Jasper sneered. "That's his M.O. He'll take any girl that throws herself at him. Half the time he doesn't even take them home, he'll fuck them anywhere."

"Why are you telling me this?" I screamed, drawing the attention of a couple walking their dog. I turned my back to them but it meant I was facing Jasper fully. "Why are you doing this?" My voice cracked.

He gripped my shoulders. "Because you're better than that Bella. You deserve someone who'll love and respect you, someone who'll treat you right. Not someone like _him_."

"You don't know him like I do," I huffed, sagging down onto a low wall. He sat beside me "He works hard, he studies, he has _dreams_." I turned to face him, studying his grim profile. "And he_ does_ treat me with respect. He never does anything I don't want him to."

His breath hitched. "So you are sleeping with him?"

"Is that all you care about?" I said, sighing. "Okay, since you're so interested, yes, I've slept naked in his arms, he's touched me, he's put his mouth on me, he's made me come, he's..."

"For fuck's sake Bella!" he snapped. "Stop! For once in your life don't be so fucking honest."

"You asked," I countered. "And I wasn't finished. I haven't had sex with him yet," He turned to look at me, his eyes dark with fury. "But I will. I want to make love with him and I don't care what he's done before, because it all happened before he met me. It's in the past." I dragged my fingers through my hair. "I don't want anybody judging me on my past, thinking I'm a freak. I want to be judged for who I am and what I do _now, _and Edward deserves the same."

His eyes were filled with disdain which hurt more than his anger. "You're just so naive. I know you Bella, this is not who you are, you can't just do a one eighty and turn into someone completely different overnight."

I stood up and turned to face him. He was still sitting and I gripped his shoulders until he looked up at me. "I'm not that naive little girl you grew up with, so stop trying to fit me into that box. I have changed, but maybe this is who I was all along. I just needed to grow up and let this side of me out. I'm a passionate woman, Jasper. I love Edward and I believe in him." My lips trembled. "And I need him more than I need you, so don't make me choose."

I released my grip walked away from him. I saw a cab and started to run, waving for it to stop. Thankfully it did but when I pulled the handle, Jasper's hand closed around mine. "Go home to Alice!" I said, pulling his hand from mine and opening the cab door.

I didn't turn to look at him while the cab drove away. I wouldn't have been able to see him through my tears anyway.

I paid the driver and stood on the kerb outside the apartment. It was still early, not yet ten o'clock, so I didn't want to disturb Edward. He had an important exam to study for, and the last thing he needed was me arriving home obviously upset.

Pulling my coat tighter around my body, I wondered what to do. I was worried that I'd just lost my best friend and I really needed someone to talk to. I couldn't go to Alice's for fear of running into Jasper, and I couldn't bother Edward with it either. Taking a chance, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Jacobs number.

Less than a half hour later a red Volkswagen Rabbit drew up to the curb, and Jacob swung open the passenger door to let me in.

"Thanks for this," I said, embarrassed now that I had calmed down.

"You okay?" he asked, pulling into a gap in the traffic. "You look like shit."

Recognizing his attempt at humor, I smiled. "I didn't have anyone else to call. You don't mind, do you?"

He glanced at me briefly, before his eyes went back to the road. "I can't say I'm not surprised that you called me, but if you need someone to talk to – I'm happy to listen."

Since he had to help his dad, he took me home to his house. I didn't really care where we went, I just needed some company and some time to calm down before I went home.

His house was a modest little one-story house on the outskirts of town. Its run-down state was emphasized by the brand new ramp leading to the front door. I followed Jacob up the ramp and into the house.

He led me into a small living room which despite the stark wood paneled walls, seemed cosy and inviting. A man who looked like an older version of Jacob was sitting in the armchair in front of the television. He turned to greet Jacob, but his greeting was cut short when he noticed Jacob wasn't alone.

"Dad, this is a friend of mine, Bella," Jacob said. "She's Edward's roommate."

"I hope you don't mind me coming her so late, Mr. Black," I said quietly, suddenly regretting imposing on Jacob.

He flashed me the same blinding white smile that Jacob possessed. "It's a pleasure to meet you Bella, and call me Billy. Mr. Black makes me sound old."

I smiled shyly, shaking his hand. He glanced at Jacob and then back to me. "Well, if you don't mind, Bella, I'll just get Jacob to give me a little help, and then he's all yours."

Jacob and I exchanged embarrassed glances at his insinuation, which made Billy chuckle as he handed me the television remote. "Jacob won't be long. Make yourself at home."

While they were gone, I sat down on the sofa and flicked through the TV channels. I wasn't really in the mood to watch anything, but it was preferable to sitting in silence. My mind wandered back to my fight with Jasper, making my stomach clench. I couldn't understand why he was being like this. When he met Alice I was so happy for him, and I genuinely thought he'd come round to the idea of me being with Edward once he knew that he was making me happy.

It broke my heart that I was losing him, but I hadn't been lying when I told him that I needed Edward more. Edward was the first person to treat me like my past didn't matter. With him, I felt like I was growing as a person. It hurt that Jasper couldn't be happy for me, and I hated how he assumed that he knew better than I did who was right for me.

"So do you wanna talk about it?"

Jacob's voice startled me. I hit the mute button on the remote, facing him. "I had a fight with Jasper tonight, but I don't want to burden you with my problems. I just didn't want to go home when I was upset. Edward has an important Exam tomorrow."

"Was the fight about Edward?"

I nodded, snorting at the same time. "He wasn't happy when I told him I was taking Edward to Charlie's wedding as my date. He told me some pretty horrible stuff about Edward." I shook my head, not wanting to dwell on the images his revelations were bringing forth. "I really wish he hadn't." I looked at Jacob. "Was he really bad with women?"

Jacob's reluctance was evident in his sigh. "Edward's my friend. I think you should talk to him about this." He paused. "I'm sorry."

"I love him, Jacob and I believe in him. I just need to know that I'm not reading him wrong."

Jacob leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. "When I first met him he was a real party animal, always loaded and up for anything. And yeah, he had all the girls falling all over themselves to get him. If I'm being honest, I didn't like the way he treated them. But most of them were only out looking for what he was offering, so I guess it was win win."

He paused briefly as if deliberating whether to continue. At last he did. "There was one night Emmett threw one of his legendary parties, and Edward and I were doing the open mike thing, you know at the bar?" I nodded for him to continue. "Well, he was fine when we got back to Emmett's place but within an hour he was really wasted. I've never seen him that bad, it worried me. I don't know if someone spiked his drink or something. Some shit happened that... Anyway, he passed out in the bathroom. I found him and put him to bed... I guess that's my expertise." He laughed, but it was a brittle sharp sound that was devoid of humor. "I slept on his floor because I was afraid he might choke."

He looked a little uncomfortable and stopped abruptly, standing up. "Do you want a coffee or something?"

"I wouldn't mind a glass of water."

He pulled two bottles out of the fridge and handed me one before sitting down again. He rubbed his hand down his face, before continuing where he'd left off. "He talked in his sleep, well moaned and cried. I won't tell you what he said, but in the morning he talked about it. I won't lie, he shocked the hell out of me. I thought he'd get all pissed at me for babying him like that. But he talked about the shit he went through with his mom... look, Bella, this really isn't my story to tell. I feel like I'm going behind his back here."

"I understand," I said sadly. "So you think he has issues with women because of his mom?"

"You don't give up do you?" He shook his head. "No I think he has issues with women because he has absolutely no sense of self worth, which probably comes from his mom. Or maybe he never felt worthy of Dr Cullen and his family, I don't know. It's like he always tried to live up to his bad reputation, rather than let people see what he was really like underneath. But after that night he changed. He stopped going to Emmett's parties... and then he moved in to your apartment."

He drained his water. "So to answer your question; no, I don't think you're reading him wrong. Underneath it all, he's a decent guy, who's trying to get his life back on track. I think you'll be good for him."

I blushed.

"He's one lucky guy," Jacob mused sitting back in the chair. "I just hope he doesn't fuck it up. But if he does, don't you go blaming yourself."

The last part worried me but everything else he'd said revived my belief that I could do this with Edward. _We_ could do this.

Noticing that Jacob still looked uncomfortable, I apologized for putting him on the spot.

"No, it's cool. I just don't want Edward to think I'm–"

"I know," I said. "But you're being a good friend to him doing this."

"Yeah, well since that night I haven't had much of a chance to be his friend at all."

"Why?"

"He withdrew. I think he hates that he opened up to me that day," he explained. "I tend to have that effect on people. It must be an aura I have or something." He tried to smile, but it was weak. "People always confide in me, and it usually turns out to be a good thing. But with Edward... well, he's still cool but he's too cool with me if you know what I mean?"

"God, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here and laid this all on you. That wasn't fair of me." He dismissed my words with a wave of his hand and a shake of his head. "Have you seen Leah since the hospital?" I asked, changing the subject.

He nodded. "She came by yesterday," he told me, smiling softly and visibly relaxing. "She was jealous of you. She wanted to know if we were dating."

"What did you tell her?"

He shrugged. "The truth. That I can't think of anyone but her... even though I shouldn't."

"I wish I could help you, the way you've helped me," I said, feeling sorry for him. He didn't say anything. "Tell me about her," I requested, settling back against the sofa.

"What?" He looked confused.

"Tell me your story," I elaborated. "I don't suppose you get a lot of opportunity to talk honestly about your feelings for her, but you know you can trust me, right?"

He smiled at me. "Yeah, I guess I do."

"So tell me how you managed to fall in love with your cousin's wife." My crude phrasing made him grimace and I quickly made amends. "Oops, I didn't mean to make it sound like that. I'm so sorry." I blushed.

He laughed, waving away my apology. While he told me about Leah, I marveled at the way his face lit up and his eyes shone as he spoke of tiny details about her that nobody else probably noticed. From what he told me, I gathered that her feelings for him were pretty strong too. However, she was determined to stay loyal to her husband.

It seemed like an impossible situation. I was in no position to offer him any advice, but after he finished he thanked me for listening. Normally I wouldn't like to see a marriage break up, but remembering how horrible Paul was to Leah, I couldn't help but wonder how she could bear to stay with him.

After Jacob drove me home, I thought about how complicated his relationship with Leah was while I got ready for bed. It made me see how lucky I was that I was free to love Edward, and I shouldn't let Jasper spoil it for me.

Edward's room was in complete darkness, and I could hear him breathing deeply as I carefully walked towards the bed. Slipping beneath the cover, I pressed myself into his side. The heavy depression I had been feeling for most of the night started to melt away when Edward rolled over and wrapped his arms around me.

My eyes drifted closed as he sleepily nuzzled my neck.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

I awoke to the sound of the phone ringing. At first I was disorientated but then I remembered I had crawled into bed beside Edward last night. Unfortunately, I was now the sole occupant of his bed. Forcing myself to get up, I hurried to the living room and answered the phone.

"Bella?"

Alice's voice immediately reminded me of my argument with Jasper the night before.

"I'm just calling to let you know your dress is ready. When do you want to pick it up?"

_It was a relief to know she hadn't called about the argument, but I knew I couldn't face going to their house to pick up the dress. I doubted Jasper had told her about our argument and the last thing I wanted to do was go over there and alert Alice to the tension between us._

"I have some things to take care of this week," I lied. "Would it be okay if Edward picked the dress up for me on Friday?"

"I was hoping I could get you to try it on one last time to make sure everything fits perfectly," she said, sounding hopeful.

"I'm sure it's perfect."

"Okay, send Edward on Friday. I'll have it packed up for you."

I hated disappointing her. "I'm sorry, Alice."

"Don't be, you can't help being busy. But promise me, if there is anything wrong with the dress at all call me as soon as you can. I'll come over on Saturday morning to fix it. I won't have you walking up that aisle in an ill-fitting dress."

"Alice, it was perfect the last time I tried it on, and you only had the fine details to finish. Nothing will be wrong with it."

"Oh! I almost forgot. Did you want to go underwear shopping?'

"I'm just going to pick something up during my lunch break. I don't have a lot of time.'

"Okay," she said, with a horrible guilt inducing tinge of disappointment. "I guess I'll see you on Saturday then.'

"I'll see you then," I agreed before hanging up.

I sat on the sofa, and not for the first time since my fight with Jasper, I started to cry. He had ruined everything, and I was hardly sure of anything anymore. His actions last night had worried me. Did he have feelings for me that were romantic? Hadn't he loved Alice as much as I thought? The one thing I had no doubt about was that his reaction to me being with Edward was a jealous one, and where did that leave Alice? She would be so hurt.

By the time I pulled myself out of my pity party it was well after nine. While I took a shower, I wondered how Edward was doing with his exam. It was a shame that he hadn't woken me this morning as he was leaving to give me the chance to wish him luck, but I understood that he was probably too nervous to give than any thought.

During my lunch break, I went to Victoria's Secret in University Village to pick up some underwear. However, the shopping trip took longer than anticipated thanks to the shockingly diverse choice of garments they had on offer. There were so many colors, styles and fabrics to choose from, I paced the shop unable to decide on what to buy.

Since the dress was strapless, the bra I picked had to be too. Any hope that this would narrow my choice was dashed when I saw the large selection of strapless bras they had on offer. In the end, I picked a dark blue one with thin lace cups and picked up the matching thong too. Running my finger over the material, I could see that nothing would be left to the imagination when I was wearing these. The thought of Edward seeing me in them raised my blood pressure just a little.

Standing at the back of the store, I couldn't will away the fantasy of him helping me out of my dress and letting his eyes roam all over my body. Realizing that I had been in the store for well over an hour, I decided to skip the rest of my classes and headed home instead. As I made my way there, my thoughts still lingered on what might happen with Edward on Saturday night.

Back at the apartment, I put away the groceries that I bought on the way home and cleaned the apartment from top to bottom. It was my way of keeping myself occupied while I alternated between worrying about Edward's exam and fantasizing about Saturday night.

The more I thought about Saturday night, the more I wanted it to be special. Charlie and Sue were heading off to their honeymoon straight from the reception, and I still had my key to Charlie's house. It would make sense for Edward and me to stay at Charlie's after the wedding and drive home on Sunday.

The thought of Edward spending the night with me in my bed in Forks excited me beyond reason, and I came to the conclusion that it would be the perfect place for us to make love for the first time. A familiar throb pulsed between my legs, and I bit my lip. I wanted him so much, and I was pretty sure I was ready.

My decision to keep it as a surprise was not entirely selfless; I didn't want to give Edward the opportunity to try to talk me out of it.

It was almost six when Edward finally burst through the door, a little tipsy and wearing the widest grin I'd ever seen on him. He slammed the door and strode towards me brandishing a bottle of champagne, which he slammed down on the table before scooping me up into his arms and twirling me around.

"The exams are over!" he yelled dramatically.

"I take it you did well?" I squealed in delight as he buried his face in my neck and squeezed me tight.

My body slowly slid down his as he set me down, but he didn't let go of me. "I think so," he said, smiling down at me. "I'm just so fucking glad it's over. You have no idea what a relief it is.'

I was so pleased for him, I cupped his face and pulled it down to mine. He returned the kiss eagerly, his tongue tasting faintly of beer when it slipped into my mouth.

"That's good," he groaned, pulling back just enough so he could talk. "I've wanted to do that _all _day, but I had to go out with the guys for a little celebration this afternoon," he explained. "It's tradition.'

"You don't have to explain to me," I assured him. "I'm just so happy that you're done.'

He turned to the champagne bottle and began to peel off the foil. "I know this is a little over the top, but I thought we could have a little celebration of our own.'

I practically skipped to the kitchen to get glasses. Edward followed me with the bottle and when I stretched up to take the glasses down from the shelf, he was right behind me reaching up to do it for me. I turned to face him, loving the warmth of his body against mine. He looked down at me with awareness sparking in his eyes.

I ran my hands up his body and splayed my fingers across his chest, enjoying the firm covering of muscle on his chest. He gave a short animalistic groan and lifted me up onto the counter. He pushed my legs apart and settled between them, pressing his burgeoning erection right on my center. I was vaguely aware of the glasses hitting the counter. One of them may have smashed, but I was too caught up in the sensation of Edward's tongue in my mouth to be concerned.

Hungry for more, I wound my legs tightly around him, pulling him closer and moaning into his mouth when he ground against me with more force. His hands were everywhere; in my hair, on my breasts, pulling at my hips, they moved so fast I felt like I was making out with an octopus. His mouth left mine, dipping to my neck where he sucked gently and swept his tongue over my pulse point.

"Bella!" he groaned, pressing against me with almost painful force. "You get me so hard!"

Somehow I managed to slide my hand between us to cup him through his pants. He gripped the counter on either side of my hips and pulled back to watch me rubbing my hand all over his crotch. Emboldened by his obvious enjoyment, I moved my fingers to his buttons. I wanted to please this gorgeous man. I wanted to show him how much I loved him.

"I want to make you come," I whispered.

His eyes rolled closed and a tiny muscle bounced in his jaw. "Not here," he rasped, before wrapping my legs around his waist and lifting me off the counter. While he carried me to his bedroom, I peppered his face with kisses and licks which made him grin as he kicked the door open and lay me down on his bed.

I sat up instantly, grabbing for the fastening on his jeans again. For a brief moment his fingers fisted in my hair, and then he loosened his grip and watched as I undid the buttons. His eyes darkened with lust when I began tugging the heavy material down his hips.

The sound of the phone made us both groan.

Edward took a step back. "Leave it, " I whispered.

He smiled affectionately at me, cupping my cheek in his palm. "Why so desperate?" he teased lightly. "We have all night.'

I flopped back onto the bed when he left the room, silently cursing whoever it was who had picked this precise moment to phone. A few seconds later Edward called out to me.

"It's Jacob!" he yelled. "He wants you."

Edward handed me the phone when I made it into the living room. I glanced down ruefully at his still open jeans, before he turned his back and headed into the kitchen.

"Hello?" I said into the receiver.

"Hey, Bella," Jacob answered. "You okay?"

His concern revealed that my greeting might have been a little terse. "Yeah, sorry. I'm fine, I was just a little busy."

"Sorry, I called earlier but there was no answer." I felt bad, Jacob had been so nice to me last night and here I was irritated by him for interrupting me. "I just wanted to check if you were okay, you know, after last night. Have you talked to Jasper today?'

"No, I don't think I'll hear from him anytime soon," I said quietly, feeling a tiny pang of pain again. "I'm fine though. I'm not going to beat myself up about it.'

"That's good to hear. Listen, I won't keep you if you're busy. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.'

"You're so sweet," I said impulsively, and he chuckled down the line. "Thanks for last night it was really good of you.'

"You owe me one," he said, still chuckling. "Maybe one day you could return the favor.'

"I'd love that. You can call me anytime." I paused. "I need to go, but we'll talk soon.'

"Never mind talking... you need to bring that truck over before it falls apart."

I laughed, "Okay, I will, I promise. Now stop nagging."

I hung up after saying goodbye joined Edward in the kitchen. He was arranging broken glass on the counter into a small stack, and I noticed right away that his jeans were re-fastened. I pouted.

"You were with Jacob last night?" he asked not looking at me. His voice was quiet.

"Yeah, I had dinner with Jasper and it was still early when we were done, so I went to see Jacob. " I really didn't want to tell him about the argument, not tonight. I could've made up a story about the truck, but I was already lying by omission and didn't want to further compound it.

He looked at me with one eyebrow raised. "I didn't realize you and Jacob were so friendly.'

"Yeah, well we won't be for much longer if his lousy timing doesn't improve," I joked, but Edward didn't smile. "I needed some company, and–"

"And you went to Jacob?"

"I knew you were studying, so I didn't want to disturb you," I explained.

After my argument with Jasper last night, I really didn't want to risk something similar with Edward. It was clear he was jealous, and if I told him what I really discussed with Jacob it would only make matters worse. I really wanted him to come to the wedding with me, but if he knew what Jasper had done last night it could all blow up at the wedding. It would be better to tell him afterwards and then I could deal with Jasper when the time was right.

"So, did you have a good time with Jacob?" he pressed.

I moved closer to him. "It wasn't like that. The night we went on our date, Jacob and I had a real heart to heart. He's in love with this girl and–"

"Leah," he cut in.

I nodded, relieved that he knew. "I told him that night that I had feelings for someone too –I didn't tell him it was you –and it was a common bond for us. When I was getting my cast off the other day, I bumped into him at the hospital and we had lunch. Leah and her husband showed up. It's just so sad, Edward. Jacob and Leah are clearly in love with each other but she's stuck with that asshole."

He laughed."You're developing quite a foul mouth these days."

"I can't think of another word that's more fitting for a guy like that. Anyway, last night Jacob told me all about the situation with Leah."

"So why were _you _thanking _him_?'

He had me there. "It was just nice of him to indulge me when I needed a friend."

_Wrong choice of expression._

His eyes narrowed slightly, but then he turned and dumped the glass in the trash before returning to the cupboard and pulling out two more glasses. "Weren't we supposed to be celebrating?" he reminded me, handing me a glass and then grabbing the bottle.

"Are we taking this to bed?" I asked suggestively, but jumped in fright when the cork popped out of the bottle.

"Patience," he said, with only a faint trace of the tension his voice held before. He poured some champagne into my glass before filling his own and then clinking them together. "Are you hungry?" He asked, making me I realize I was.

"I'll cook something," I offered, taking a long sip.

He topped up my glass. "No, I'm going to go out and buy some beers. I'll pick us up a pizza if that's okay?'

I nodded, disappointed that he didn't want to go straight back to the bedroom, but this was his celebration. And like he said earlier – we had all night. I drained my glass after he left, and sat back on the sofa going over what we'd been doing before Jacob called.

I poured more champagne into my glass and sipped while thinking about how he'd been directly in front of me. If I'd been successful in pulling his jeans down his penis would have been right at eye level. I giggled at thought of referring to it as his penis. Even in my mind that word seemed so formal now. Remembering my recent reading material, the word cock came unbidden to mind.

My eyes squeezed tight as my insides lurched. Could I really do put my mouth on him as he had done for me? Between my legs started to throb. I was giddy with excitement as I made my way to the kitchen. Noticing the banana sitting proudly on top of all the other fruit in the bowl, I grabbed it, peeled it, and squinted at it.

I lay it on the counter and grabbed the champagne bottle. I poured myself glass, which I drained in one gulp while I eyed the banana.

_This is silly._

I set the glass down gently and picked up the banana.

_Oh what the hell._

I slid it between my lips, caught somewhere between feeling foolish and highly amused.

I pushed it in as far as I could – which really wasn't very far at all – vaguely aware of how ridiculous I must look standing in my kitchen trying to swallow a banana whole. I closed my eyes and tried to remember what the women did in my books. But I couldn't remember if I was supposed to suck first or lick first. Opting for the latter, I flattened my tongue against the unwitting fruit.

I tried to swirl my tongue around the banana, but gagged when the tip hit the back of my throat. Giggling, I pulled it out slightly and tried again. Hollowing my cheeks, I sucked gently and attempted another swirl of my tongue.

Getting into it, I let my lips slide back a little and circled the tip forcefully. All at once I was yelping in pain when I felt something sharp slice into my tongue.

I hadn't heard the door, but Edward appeared in the kitchen just as I spat blood into my hand.

"What the hell?" he gasped, gawking at the blood-tipped banana I was still holding.

I felt my tongue and then stuck it out at him. "Is it bad?"

"How can you cut yourself on a banana?" he asked incredulously, setting the Pizza and a brown bag on the table before moving close enough to inspect my tongue. "There's a tiny nick on it. It's not too bad. It shouldn't bleed for long.'

He pried the banana out of my grip and examined it. "Ah, there's a tiny bit of glass embedded in the end of it." He looked up at me quizzically.

"I sat it on the counter after I peeled it. You must've missed a piece of glass when you cleaned up earlier."

Tasting blood in my mouth, I poured some champagne into my glass with the intention of rinsing my mouth.

"Whoah!" he exclaimed, grabbing the bottle and holding it up to the light. "You've really been hitting this!" His eyes went back to the banana. "You didn't bite it," he said slowly.

"Pardon?'

"How did you cut your tongue when you haven't even bitten the banana?"

_Busted!_

I giggled.

"You're drunk," he accused, his eyes narrowing.

"Well you have some catching up to do." I grinned. "Come on this is supposed to be a celebration."

He smiled dubiously. "I just don't get how you could cut your tongue like that. I mean most people just bite into a banana. But you didn't take a bite." He frowned, clearly confused. "What were you doing with it?"

"I was sucking it."

His eyes widened, and he bit his lip before dragging his hands down his face and fixing me with a hooded stare. "Sucking it," He parroted quietly. "Fuck!"

"What's wrong?"

He stalked to the table, grabbed a beer from the bag and opened it. I watched open-mouthed as he downed the whole thing in one swig and immediately grabbed another. "Like you said..." He burped. "I have some catching up to do." He pushed the pizza box in my direction. "Eat," He ordered.

We ate in silence and I finished the champagne before stretching myself out on the sofa. Edward eyed me with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"What are you thinking?" I asked, feeling more than a little inebriated.

"Let's play poker," he suggested.

I sat up pleased by his playful tone but my head spun a little. He grabbed the cards from the sideboard, then sat beside me."You look beautiful when your face is all flushed like that," he commented, pulling my hair back from my face. He dipped his head so his lips were close to my ear. "Are you up for strip poker?'

I nodded knowing my face had just turned several shades deeper. He smiled wickedly, and I almost launched myself at him right there.

I looked at the cards he'd dealt me and tried to remember how to play.

After a few rounds I was sitting barefoot and wearing only my bra and jeans. Edward had fared worse, scowling with only his boxers to protect his modesty. I could hardly bear to draw my eyes away from his body to look at my cards, which made concentrating on the game nigh on impossible.

"I win!" he yelled, clapping his hands together while leering at me. "Lose the jeans," he said triumphantly.

Deciding it might be nice to take the upper hand; I reached behind my body and unclasped my bra. His reaction had the desired effect; he was definitely surprised. Empowered by his rapt attention, I slowly wiggled my shoulders until the straps slid down my arms. The grin slipped from his face, his eyes darkening as I let the fabric fall to reveal my hardened nipples.

He stared for a long moment and I felt myself begin to melt under his gaze. "It's your turn to deal," I croaked.

His eyes shot up to my face and stayed there as he shuffled the cards, his crooked grin slowly returning as he dealt.

I lost the next game, and only had my jeans half way down my legs when he grabbed me from behind.

"Let me help," he murmured, sliding his hand slowly down my thighs, taking the denim with them. He dropped to his knees, sliding his hands up my calves while he helped me rid myself of my jeans. I yelped when he bit my butt cheek.

He chuckled darkly, licking the teeth marks. Kissing his was slowly up my back; he rose to his feet and then nibbled my earlobe. "Turn around," he whispered, his fingers encouraging me to do so.

His hands circled to my front, cupping my breasts. I sighed with pleasure when his thumbs brushed over my sensitive nipples. He massaged more firmly while pressing his warm lips to the base of my throat. When he lifted me off the ground, I knew where he was taking me.

"If the phone rings this time," I murmured as he carried me. "I'll kill you if you answer it!"

His chuckle rumbled in his chest.

He sat me in the middle of the bed but I scooted to the edge, pulling him to me. His kisses were feverish as he rubbed his hands over my legs and upwards taking in every inch of skin until he reached my breasts. I gasped at the pleasure of his warm mouth enveloping my nipple.

"Edward!" I moaned falling backwards, his mouth never leaving me as he followed. He flicked sharply over my aching tip before moving to my other breast to do the same. His fingers hooked under my arms and he pushed me up the bed until I was pressed against the headboard. My nipples puckered in the cold air when he sat up to gaze at me.

My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him looming over me, breathing heavily and regarding me with dark, intense eyes. Without a word, he grabbed a fistful of my panties and ripped them from my body. I gasped as he roughly pulled my legs apart and proceeded to attack me with his mouth and tongue.

It felt so good but so different from how he'd done it before. This was far more intense. I wriggled beneath him, but his hands clamped my hips and held me in place while he feasted on my throbbing flesh. He alternated between using his teeth and his tongue to pleasure me, drawing strangled gasps from me as I tried to push myself up onto my elbows to watch him. His eyes snapped open and he watched me watching him. I had never seen his eyes darker, and I bit my lip as I fought to maintain eye contact with him while I panted under the pleasure of his ministrations.

One of his hands left my hips and snaked between my legs.

"Oh!" I gasped, my eyes rolling closed in pleasure when he pushed a finger inside of me and started thrusting forcefully. My orgasm erupted.

"I love you!" I cried as my elbows gave out and I collapsed onto the bed. Pleasure rolled over me in waves as I came for him shouting his name and other incoherent words. When I fluttered back down to earth, he was lying on his back by my side. I curled myself against him, trailing my hand lightly down his body.

"I want to do you now," I said, still panting from the pleasure of my orgasm.

He sucked in a long unsteady breath and I could feel his heart beating wildly beneath my face. I moved over his body in my bid to seize the moment, but I had moved to fast and my stomach lurched when I bent over him.

"Oh God!" I cried, as I shot off the bed and raced to the bathroom. I only just made it before I threw up into the bowl.

Even after my stomach was completely empty, I continued to wretch until the convulsions subsided. I flushed the toilet before sagging back against the bathtub, but my relief was short-lived when I opened my eyes to find a fully clothed Edward watching me from the doorway.

"I'm sorry," I croaked. "Too much champagne."

His mouth set in a grim line. "Are you okay now?" He bent to help me up when I nodded. "Let's get you to bed."

Disappointment rocked through me when he guided me to my own bedroom. "I'm sorry," I said again. "I didn't mean to ruin the night."

"It's fine," he said without contradicting me.

He pressed his lips to my forehead, leaving me sitting on the edge of my bed cursing the champagne.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

My alarm violently shattered my slumber at seven a.m. and I groaned when I felt the dull thud of a headache build in my head. I would give anything to miss college today, but I'd missed a few afternoons lately and today's classes were pretty important. Stumbling to the bathroom, I took a quick shower which brought me up to a semi-normal state and enabled me to go back to my room and make myself presentable for the day.

By eight I was ready to leave. I tapped on Edward's door and on hearing muffled response, I opened it, poking my head into the room.

"Hey." I smiled sheepishly.

He was bleary eyed but looked like he might have been awake for hours. "Morning," he greeted warmly.

"I need to ask you a favour."

"Shoot," he said turning onto his side. The cover slid down his body revealing his naked chest, and I wanted nothing more than to get undressed again and slide into his bed beside him. He quirked one eyebrow.

I blinked. "Sorry. I... um... could you maybe go to Alice's today and pick up my dress for me?"

"Sure," he said easily. "I have to pick up my suit from the cleaners. I'll stop by on the way back."

I moved to the bed and bent to kiss his head, but when he looked up I kissed him on the mouth instead. He reciprocated instantly, and I moaned around his tongue. He pulled back, smiling weakly. "You'll be late."

I frowned. "I can't wait for this weekend, it'll be nice to wake up and neither of us needs to rush out the door."

He nodded but said nothing.

"Okay, I'll see you later," I said and forced myself to leave.

My hangover really kicked in around ten o'clock, and by lunchtime I was tired and dehydrated. I bought a bottle of water from the canteen and sat in a corner to read my book. I couldn't concentrate on it though, and my attention was drawn into the busy room. My eyes scanned idly, until I spotted Jasper sitting with his back to the wall on the other side of the room. As if he could feel his eyes on me, he looked up focussing directly on my eyes.

His mouth curved down slightly, his eyes remaining flat and expressionless. I couldn't look away but I couldn't smile either while we stared at each other until someone walked across our line of vision, breaking the connection. When the person passed Jasper was looking back down at his tray of food, none of which had been touched.

I wanted to go to him, but he had caused the tension between us, so he had to be the one to fix it. I finished the last of my water and exited through the door behind me. I struggled through the remainder of my day and got home to find my dress hanging on my bedroom door and a note from Edward.

_I've gone out with Em to shoot some pool and have a few beers._

_ I won't get drunk. See you in the morning._

_ Edward._

I was a little disappointed but I decided to take the opportunity to make a bit of an effort for tomorrow. I made a salad for dinner and afterwards, called Charlie to see how he was doing. He was nervous as hell but I joked that as long as he didn't spend every night stuck in front of the flat screen he'd be fine with Sue.

In the bath, I shaved my legs, plucked my eyebrows, and clipped my toenails. After my bath I packed my overnight bag for the weekend, and smiled as I placed my new underwear in it. After the rough week I'd had, I was really looking forward to spending time with Edward at the wedding – and everything that would come after it.

My imagination ran riot, as I tried to imagine what it would feel like to have him inside me. my hand smoothed down my body and I sighed. I really wanted him so badly I was almost tempted to wait up for him tonight, but a wave of tiredness washed over me and I decided sleep was probably what I needed most.

Morning light flooded my room and I stretched languidly on my bed. I'd slept so well I hadn't heard Edward when he came home. My eyes widened, had he come in?

Creeping out of bed, I padded to his room and was immediately consumed with guilt when I pushed open his door. He was lying face down and fast asleep. The sheets had fallen low, barely covering his buttocks.

I tiptoed to the bed and lifted the sheet before slipping in beside him. I showered his back with tiny kisses as I allowed my hand to roam over his buttocks on top of the sheet. He turned to face me and smiled sleepily. "Morning," he croaked.

He smelt faintly of beer and cigarettes.

"I didn't hear you come in last night," I said still stroking my fingers over his firm butt.

"It was late," he murmured, rolling onto his back.

My hand stayed where it was, which meant his erection was now level with my open hand. He curled his hand around my neck, guiding me down to kiss him. Lust consumed me. I attacked his mouth, sucking greedily on his lower lip before releasing it and plunging my tongue into his mouth.

A soft chuckle rumbled up from his throat, but then it quickly morphed into a surprised gasp when my hand burrowed under the sheet and wrapped around his rigid length.

"Yes," he moaned, bucking his hips into my hand. "That feels good."

His fingers brushed my skin as he pushed my top up and clamped his mouth to my breast. All control was lost as we frantically explored each other's bodies with, hands, fingers, mouths and tongues. He pulled me over him so I was straddling his hips, sitting up against the headboard. I smiled when he pulled my top up over my head, leaving my pyjama shorts the only barrier between his naked body and mine.

His hands slid up my thighs as his eyes raked over my naked breasts. "I love your tits," he murmured, gripping my hips and grinding into me. "They're perfect, so soft." He flicked one pebbled nipple with his tongue. "And delicious."

I angled my hips in an effort to rub myself harder on his thick shaft, whimpering at the much needed friction on my clitoris. His hand slid up my back, pulling me towards his eager mouth so he could suck on my nipples freely.

I started to writhe on him.

"Oh, that's it baby," he groaned. His eyes were dark and he looked up at me through his lashes. "D'you like that?"

"Yes!" I almost screamed as he held me clamped to him, licking and sucking my nipples with more purpose.

I looked down and watched as he devoured my breasts. The erotic sight spurring me on, until I was rubbing myself shamelessly all over him. Just as I felt I might come, he growled loudly and flipped me onto my back. "I need to taste you," he declared loudly, yanking my shorts down.

He paused and kissed me deeply before pressing his lips to my ear. "I love licking your pussy."

I loved his dirty talk and my heart did a back flip in my chest.

He started to kiss his way down my body, but when I felt his breath on me I stopped him.

His eyes darted to mine, his expression concerned. I smiled and I saw the relief wash over him. "I want you to touch yourself while you do it," I whispered almost gasping from the intensity of my desire for him. "I want you to come too."

His eyes rolled back when I propped myself up on my elbows to watch. Watching him do these things to me was fast becoming my favorite thing to do. Opening his eyes, he stared down at me. "You're so fucking beautiful Bella," he murmured, groaning loudly when he wrapped his hand around his cock.

"Edward!" I yelled, when his hand began to move and he lowed his mouth to my aching flesh.

With avid eyes, I watched as he lapped at me with his tongue before closing his lips over me and sucking. The pleasure was so intense, I didn't have the energy to keep myself upright and my body flopped onto the bed in raptures. My fingers tangled into his hair giving me better leverage while I arched my pelvis into his face. Throwing my head to the side, I was gratified to see that he was stroking himself just like I'd asked. It was such a massive turn on to watch him do that and it brought my orgasm prickling to the surface.

"Edward, I'm coming," I yelped as my hips started to buck into him and he moaned around my quivering core. Something warm and wet hit my inner thigh, and when I realized it was Edward's orgasm, I screamed in pleasure as my own washed over me again.

Spent, he finally dropped his head onto my belly while we both struggled to regulate our breathing.

I stroked his hair and looked down at him. "You are perfect." I sighed.

He whispered something that sounded like, "Don't say that."

My brow furrowed. "What?"

He planted a smacking kiss on my belly before crawling back up to bring his pelvis into direct contact with mine. Even though he didn't have an erection it was a little shocking to feel him pressed against me like that.

"Sorry," he said, lifting his hips and shifting to my side instead.

My giggle was rewarded with a soft chuckle from him. "That was the best," I told him, sighing appreciatively. "Let's take a bath."

"What is with you this morning?" he asked, his tone amused. "You're insatiable."

"Today is a good day." I grinned. "Charlie is getting married." I slid my finger down his nose and then laughed when he captured it with his teeth. "And I get to take you home with me to Forks for the night."

He released my finger and leapt off the bed, scooping me into his arms to carry me squealing to the bathroom. A short while later I was sitting in the bath between his legs, my back to him, while he washed my hair.

"Mmmm, that's nice," I crooned as his fingers massaged my scalp. "It's been a real pain having to wash my own hair, I've missed this."

He chuckled when he switched the showerhead on to rinse me off. "Conditioner?" he asked, dropping the showerhead. I nodded and he smoothed some of the strawberry scented one through my hair.

The showerhead moved around beneath the water and I yelped when it sprayed me unexpectedly. "Oh!" I exclaimed.

"What?" Edward asked, still stroking his fingers through my hair.

"The showerhead." I gasped, thinking it felt quite nice.

When I shuddered he must have picked up on what was happening because he rooted around under the water until he retrieved the showerhead and pressed it closer to me "This?" he enquired, pressing his lips to my shoulder.

I responded with a low groan. The water was a different temperature to the bath water which served only to heighten the sensation of it on my center. My head lolled back on to his chest and I could feel his erection growing against my back.

"You like that, baby, don't you?" He crooned, snaking his other hand around my body and down between my legs.

My ability to speak deserted me as he slid one long finger inside me while moving the showerhead so that the spray swept like electric sparks over my eager clitoris. It didn't take long for me to come so hard that I was a trembling wreck in his arms while he rinsed my hair. The absence of water barely registered while he helped me out of the bath.

While I was drying myself, I remembered I still needed to try on the dress for tomorrow. I explained this to Edward before hurrying to my room.

I heard the shower running as I slipped into the dress which thankfully fit like a glove. Wanting to ask Edward's opinion I trotted back into the bathroom, but stopped in my tracks when I saw him. He was standing beneath the spray one hand propped against the wall while he was pumping his cock hard with the other.

He hadn't heard me and I stood in awe, feeling myself get wet again, watching him.

The muscles in his back danced powerfully beneath his skin as he bent over the task at hand. His fist worked furiously on his rigid cock, in a near blur. The sight of him taking control of his own pleasure thrilled me. My mouth dried and my knees almost buckled. I watched rapt while he squeezed his fingers up and down his shaft, occasionally swirling them around the heavy sac beneath. My jaw dropped when his hips bucked wildly and thick ropes of white fluid shot out of his penis into the shower spray.

I'd never seen anything like it. The sight of him coming was the most arousing thing I'd ever witnessed.

I was so caught up in the spectacle, it didn't occur to me to duck out of sight. Edward spotted me as soon as he opened his eyes and turned to step out of the shower.

His lips spread into a smile. "Busted!"

"Do you do that a lot?" I asked when I finally regained the ability to speak.

"When I was a young teenager I did. But I didn't take it up again until I met you," he joked stepping out of the tub. "The dress is beautiful by the way."

I gasped, having forgotten I was wearing it. I jerked my thumb over my shoulder. "I should go and take it off."

"Need any help?" He smirked.

"We'll be late if we don't get a move on," I said ruefully and he nodded.

Less than an hour later we were in the truck headed for Forks. I was happy that Edward was back to his playful self and hoped that we would see more of each other now that he was finished with his exams.

~*AE*~

"Your dad's the chief, right?" he asked while I negotiated the rain slick roads that led to forks. Edward had managed to hang up his suit and my dress over the door on his side but it meant that whenever I came to a junction he had to shift them so I could see.

"Yeah, so practically everyone in Forks knows us," I responded.

"You don't like that?"

"Not really. It was excruciating when I was growing up. Everybody knew who I was, and about my mother and how I had lived before coming to live here." I sighed. "I was the town freak for many years, something of a curiosity."

He glanced at me sideways. "You're definitely a curiosity Bella Swan." There was nothing mean in his words, in fact the way he said them had me glowing with pride.

He asked me a lot of questions about growing up in Forks and then he swapped some stories about living with Alice and her family. As we passed the sign heralding our arrival in Forks, I turned to him.

"Dad thinks I'm driving us back to Seattle tonight," I warned him.

He nodded. "And he still thinks you live with Jasper, got it." I heard a slight frisson of annoyance in his tone, but I could also understand it and appreciated him agreeing to play along.

I stopped at the end of the street and Edward pulled the garment bags to the side and peered out of the window at the houses. "Which one's yours?"

I pointed along to the other end of the street. "It's on the end, there."

He turned to me, one eyebrow cocked. "Then why did you stop here?"

I slid along the seat. "Because, I want one last kiss before I have to force myself to keep my hands off you for the rest of the day."

He didn't need me to ask twice as he pulled me flush against him and kissed me senseless. I sat dazed for a moment before reluctantly sliding back to the wheel and driving towards my house.

I parked behind the cruiser and got out while Edward unhooked the garment bags. Our overnight bags were hidden under the seat, and my heart did a little happy dance when I glanced at them as I got out of the truck.

Charlie greeted us at the door, looking tired, grey, grouchy, and more dishevelled than I had ever seen him.

"God, Dad, you look terrible," I said, climbing the steps. "Did you get _any_ sleep last night?'

He forced a smile. "It's nothing a couple of cups of coffee and a shower won't fix."

I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him when I reached the top of the stairs. He kissed my forehead and then pushed me away to look at me at arm's length. "You look," his brow creased as his eyes roamed over my face. "Good." He finally smiled. "I guess Seattle agrees with you." I slid my arm around his waist as he pressed me to his side, turning his attention to Edward.

"Dad, this is my date Edward," I said proudly. "Edward, this is my dad.'

Edward stepped forward and held out his hand. "It's good to meet you Chief Swan.'

Charlie removed his arm from my shoulder to accept Edward's outstretched hand. "Aren't you a little old for Bella?" he asked to my utter mortification.

"I'm 27," Edward responded grimly, and I could have kicked Charlie.

"Edward's a med student, Dad. He's going to be a doctor.'

"Hopefully," Edward added, and I stifled a giggle because he looked like he was about to blush.

"So how did you two meet?' Charlie asked, slipping into over-protective mode.

Even though I'd known he would start with the interrogation as soon as we arrived, it still irked me. "Edward is Alice's cousin." I said, pushing him into the house. "Remember Alice? That nice girl of Jasper's you like so much." I turned and rolled my eyes at Edward who was reluctantly following us into the house.

"Have you had anything to eat?" I asked when we arrived in the kitchen.

Charlie shook his head and I pushed him down into a chair and motioned for Edward to sit down too. "Okay, I'll cook us something light and then you need to go take a shower, Dad. And have a shave for heaven's sake!'

They sat awkwardly facing one another at the table while I moved around the kitchen cooking. I couldn't help but notice that Charlie would stare at Edward when he was watching me, and Edward would only look at Charlie if he was doing the same.

Every now and then Charlie would ask me a question or I would tell him little things about Seattle but I wanted to avoid getting into that subject too deeply, in case he mentioned my living arrangements. He asked Edward a few questions about mundane things but apart from that he barely spoke to him.

After our light lunch Charlie headed off to the shower and I gave Edward a mini tour of the house and yard. I showed him the tree house in Jasper's back yard before we headed back inside to find Charlie stomping around the house looking for his tie.

He was half way down the stairs when the doorbell chimed.

I smiled when I opened the door and saw Alice standing there. "Alice," I greeted pulling her inside. My smile faltered when Jasper stepped into view behind her.

"Alice!" Charlie called walking towards us and fumbling with his tie at the same time. "Good to see you again.'

Alice stepped into the hallway and immediately swatted Charlie's hands away so she could take over the task of fixing his tie. "My, don't you look handsome," She told Charlie, while expertly knotting the tie for him.

My jaw dropped when I spotted the flush of red creeping across Charlie's cheeks.

Edward and I exchanged an amused glance as Alice reduced Charlie to a big harmless puppy dog.

Avoiding my gaze, Jasper stepped inside and closed the door quietly. He stood awkwardly a few feet back from the rest of us.

"Good to see you Jasper," Charlie said, bringing him into the group and shaking his hand vigorously. Throwing his arm around Jasper's shoulder, Charlie led him into the living room. "So how's college going?"

"Good." Was all Jasper said and I could see the hard glances he and Edward exchanged as he passed him on his way into the living room.

We had no choice but to follow.

Charlie stood talking to Jasper grilling him about college. I sat beside Edward on the sofa and slipped my hand into his, he turned away from Jasper and Charlie and smiled at me and gave my fingers a little squeeze.

"So I hope you're looking after my girl," Charlie said, and I looked up to see him eyeing my hand in Edward's pointedly.

Jasper at least had the good grace to look embarrassed. "Everything's fine, Charlie," he mumbled.

Alice turned to me and I had the distinct impression she was using diversionary tactics when she pulled me off the couch and ushered me out of the room. "Go get ready and I'll do your hair and make up for you."

I mock saluted her, and bounded upstairs calling over my shoulder that Edward could use the bathroom to get changed in.

Once I was dressed, I slowly negotiated the stairs holding the dress above my feet, terrified that I might trip over it and fall to my death.

"You look stunning ," Alice complimented, clasping her hands to her chest. "Doesn't she Jasper?'

Jasper merely nodded before returning to his conversation with Charlie. I followed Alice into the kitchen where she fussed around me pinning up my hair and applying my make-up for me.

When Alice was finishing up, Edward joined us in the kitchen. I glanced up and then did a double take. He looked utterly handsome in his midnight blue suit and matching tie. His face was clean shaven and he'd clearly attempted to tame his hair. I motioned with my finger asking him to move closer and when he did, I grabbed his tie and pulled him down so I could ruffle his hair.

"There, that's better." I grinned and Alice giggled.

Alice handed me a mirror to let me look at myself. "Wow, you really know your stuff," I said smiling at my reflection. The make-up made me look almost pretty and I loved the way she had pinned my hair up, leaving soft wispy curls around my face and neck.

"Okay, I have to go and put the finishing touches to my own outfit," Alice said, kissing Edward on the cheek and patting my back. "We'll see you at the church.'

Edward loomed over me his eyes glowing. "You look..." He blew out a long shaky breath. "Beautiful doesn't even begin to cover it." He skimmed his hand over my hair gently, before sliding one finger down my neck and across my shoulder. "I like your hair like this, it shows off your beautiful skin."

I blushed to the roots of my hair, but I didn't get a chance to respond because Charlie chose that moment to come into the kitchen. Edward took a step back and Charlie came forward, smiling at me at me with shining eyes.

"You look so grown up.'

I rolled my eyes. "That's because I am a grown-up, Dad. I'm not a little girl anymore."

He came over to me and pressed his lips to my forehead. "You'll always be my little girl."

While we waited for the cars to arrive my thoughts turned to Jasper. He'd seemed wound up earlier, like a coiled spring. I didn't like the way he kept his looking at Edward with malevolent eyes whenever Charlie was talking to him. He'd made no attempt to speak to me, or to apologize for his behavior the other night, and I was worried that he would cause a scene later.

"That's the cars," Charlie announced, diverting my attention away from Jasper.

He sprung to his feet and did a comical jog around the coffee table, patting his pockets. "I've got the ring, we're all set," he said, heading for the door, but then he stopped in his tracks. "Shit! My wallet!" he exclaimed before taking off up the stairs.

Edward brushed his finger lightly down my cheek. "It's gonna be a_ long_ day."


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27 **

Sue and Charlie were married in a church. Charlie wasn't particularly religious, so I guessed it was Sue's choice. The service was beautiful. Sue had written some personal words for her part of the vows, but Charlie being Charlie, he mumbled his way through the traditional ones.

Despite his obvious discomfort it moved me to see him standing before his family and friends making his vows to Sue. His loving expression as he promised himself to Sue, spoke more loudly than his voice ever could.

It brought tears of happiness to my eyes to think that he had found someone to spend the rest of his life with, and that he wouldn't be lonely any more.

I stole a couple of glances at Alice sitting blissfully ignorant between a tense Jasper and Edward. I couldn't escape the feeling that there was trouble brewing, and as the minutes wore on I started to lose faith that we would see out the day without incident.

During the photographs, I noticed that Edward was hovering around in the background while Jasper and Alice stood chatting with Jasper's father.

I snuck over to Edward while I wasn't needed. "It won't be much longer, and then we can sit together at the reception," I promised.

"It's fine," he insisted, though his eyes flickered to Alice and Jasper alerting me to the fact that it probably wasn't fine at all.

"I'll make it up to you tonight," I whispered, sliding my hand surreptitiously over his ass while looking in the opposite direction. I briefly wondered if I should tell him I wanted to make love with him tonight, but then I decided against it. Maybe he'd like the surprise.

He winked at me as I was called back to the bridal party.

The wedding party was relatively small and Charlie had hired a modestly sized function room at the local hotel to hold the reception. I was disappointed that I had to sit at the top table during the meal with the rest of the bridal party, and I watched nervously as Edward sat eating at the same table as Alice and Jasper. The three of them looked miserable, and it was plainly obvious that Alice had picked up on the tension between the two men.

I hardly heard a word of the speeches and simply laughed when everyone else did. When it was Charlie's turn to speak, he touched my shoulder half way through, and I listened with tears in my eyes while he told me how much he loved me and how proud I made him.

I dabbed my eyes before he pulled me up into his arms to give me a bone crushing hug which brought fresh tears to my eyes. At last the music struck up, and bodies started to fill the small dance floor.

While I was making my way to Edward's table, it was difficult to keep the smile on my face when people kept stopping me to comment on my dress. All I wanted to do was get to Edward who was sitting alone at his table.

"I thought the meal would never be over," I said, when I finally reached him.

He smiled tightly.

"Are you okay?" I asked, following his line of vision to where Alice and Jasper were dancing.

"What's up with Jasper?" He looked at me with accusation in his eyes. "He hasn't said a word all day and he's drinking heavily. Alice has noticed too." I returned my gaze to Jasper, and sure enough he looked a little unsteady on his feet. "I also noticed that you haven't talked to him at all today. Did you two have a fight or something?"

I swallowed. "Can we talk about this later?"

"I'd rather you tell me now." His voice was low and controlled but I could tell he was becoming angry.

"It's my dad's wedding, I don't want to discuss it here. It was just a silly little argument."

"What was it about?"

"Please," I said touching his arm. "It was nothing. I'll tell you everything later."

He glanced at my hand and sighed. "Okay, I won't ruin your day, but you will tell me later."

"I promise," I said, even though his words had been more of a statement than a question.

When the current song finished, Alice and Jasper started making their way back to the table. Edward grabbed my hand and stood up. "Let's dance," he insisted, pulling me gently to my feet.

This time, he didn't invite me to stand on his feet, so we barely moved as we swayed to the music. I felt him relax a little, and smiled up at him.

"Do you think my dancing has improved?"

"This isn't dancing. We're barely moving." His small chuckle came as something of a relief. I didn't want him to spend the day being angry with me over Jasper

When the song finished and was replaced by a faster one, Edward took my hand and led me back to our table. Charlie reached the table at the same time.

"You haven't been formally introduced to Sue have you?" Charlie asked, addressing Alice.

"No I don't think I have met your wife," she responded, her face breaking into a wide grin when Charlie flushed with pride. "I'd love you to introduce us," Alice continued, standing up. "But since she's busy dancing, perhaps you could dance with me?'

Charlie looked stricken. His dancing skills were only marginally better than mine, but to his credit he held his hand out to Alice and led her to the dance floor.

"Do you want something to drink?" Edward asked when I sat down.

I glanced at his empty glass. "What are you having?"

"Just a coke."

"I'll have the same," I said, smiling up at him. I wanted to keep a clear head for later, and I was glad that he wasn't drinking either.

After he went to get the drinks, I looked around the room. I saw Jasper talking to one of our neighbors. He glanced in my direction and his eyes lingered for a moment before he turned his attention back the conversation he was having.

While Edward was buying the drinks, I headed to the bathroom. I didn't strictly need to go, but I didn't want to be there alone if Jasper came back to the table.

After taking a few moments to make sure that my mascara hadn't run when I was crying earlier, I washed my hands and left the bathroom. But when I opened the door, I found Jasper there waiting for me.

"I need to talk to you," he said, moving forward until I backed into the bathroom. To my horror he followed me inside, locking the door behind us. He turned to face me, his eyes slightly hooded from the alcohol.

"I just want to talk to you," he said again, holding his hands up in a conciliatory gesture and keeping his back against the door. "I've been carrying this around for weeks but I couldn't talk to anybody. You're the one I always come to, and yet you're the last person I could tell. And then when you told me about you and Edward, I just lost it. I can't stand the thought of you being with him."

I reached for the door handle but he caught my wrist. "Jasper, don't. I don't want to hear this. My relationship with Edward is none of your business."

He wasn't listening to me, he raised my arm up and held my hand between his, gripping tightly when I tried to pull away.

"I should have told you that night we were in the tree house after my mom died." He looked up at me with blood shot eyes and the sadness I saw in them staggered me.

"Told me what?"

He leaned closer and I pulled back at the sour smell of liquor on his breath. Undeterred, he took a step forward causing us to play an odd game of cat and mouse until my back was pressed up against the wall and I couldn't maintain the distance between us.

"When we were back in Forks, I had a wake-up call. You mean everything to me Bella, and I'm so sorry that I denied you when you needed me most. That night in the tree house when you fell asleep in my arms, I wanted to show you how it can be... I wanted to make love to you."

My heart dropped like a stone, he was ruining everything. "Don't," I begged as he wrapped his arms around me.

He brushed my hair away from my face and tilted it up towards his. "Did you ever think of me that way?"

I shook my head emphatically. "No!" He was too close now, his lips almost touching mine. I pushed against his chest but he resisted. "Let me go, Jazz. You were my best friend, that's all I ever wanted from you. I don't want you like that. I never have... and I never will."

He frowned. "But, you asked me to kiss you–"

"When I was sixteen!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was something we'd often joked about, something we agreed was silly request not to be taken seriously. Yet here he was acting as if it had happened only yesterday.

I hated seeing him like this, drunk and emotional. It made me wonder if he hadn't been coping with his mom's death as well as he'd been letting us believe. There had to be some explanation for this very out of character behavior.

"Let's go back to the party," I suggested, trying to placate him.

His lips twisted into an ugly sneer. "You just want to go back to _him_!" he spat, his fingers digging painfully into my upper arms. "How can you even think that he's good enough for you? How can you even stomach his touch? He doesn't know you like I do, he couldn't love you like I can."

"Stop it!" I yelled, pushing with all my might and finally managing to make him take a step back. "You have no right to say that to me. I love Edward, and he's worth more than a hundred of you. He would never hurt me like this! You can't keep doing this, you hurt me the other night with the things you said and I don't want to go over it all again today. You need to sober up and get over this nonsense." I reasoned.

"Why him?"

I sighed, struggling to remain calm. "Why not him?"

"Did you mean what you said the other night?" His words were slow and deliberate as if he was trying to appear completely sober, but it wasn't working.

"I said so many things, you'll have to narrow it down." My irritation was starting to rise.

"You said you need him more than you need me. Is that true?"

"I need you both, but in different ways. You're my friend, you're always there when I need you, but you have Alice and I have Edward. Our priorities are different."

"You didn't answer the question."

"Yes . I do need him more than you Jasper, just like you need Alice more than me, if you want it in black and white."

"It kills me to think of him touching you, Bella," His voice was quiet and filled with emotion. "I can't bear the thought of you being with him."

"Because it's him?" I challenged. "Or because you wish it was you?"

His eyes snapped up and he reached for me. I took a step back but he still caught me, winding his arms around me. "I do love Alice." he buried his face in my neck as I tried to pry myself free of his embrace. "I do. But I love you, too."

"And I loved you. But not like that, like a brother, a-a best friend but not like that!" I tried to sound gentle but my irritation was morphing into anger. "Let me go Jasper."

He straightened without releasing his grip and stared into my eyes. "I can't stop thinking about you," He wasn't listening to me anymore, he was too wrapped up in his own delusions. "When I moved out, you started to change. I don't know if it gave me perspective, but I think about you all the time."

I groaned pulling back with all my might. "Jazz, don't! You're drunk and you're about to ruin everything." I knew I was babbling but I just wanted him to stop. "You're just making something out of nothing. I don't understand you. You were happy when you thought I was dating Jacob, so why are you being like this now?"

His grip relaxed slightly but he didn't let go of me. "When you were with Jacob that day at the barbecue, there was nothing there, I could see it, but with Edward I can see the way you look at him. I can see you want him." He released my neck, taking my hand and placing it on his heart. "I want you Bella, and I want you to look at me like that.'

I was horrified. I hadn't expected this at all. He was telling me that he wanted me in a sexual way, which appalled me. Surely he didn't mean it. It must be misguided jealousy at being replaced as the most important person in my life – outside of Charlie. Maybe after losing his mother, he was over reacting at the thought of losing me too.

He was in love with Alice. It didn't make any sense for him to be doing this now. My heart dropped into my stomach. Alice would be devastated if she knew he was saying these things to me. That thought galvanized me, giving me the strength to finally push him completely away from me.

"That's enough," I said forcefully. "You have to pull yourself together. You've got Alice... she loves you and she doesn't deserve this." My voice cracked. "I know you love her too, Jasper. Don't throw it away."

He released me at once looking wounded. "But...I can't lose you," he whispered.

"It didn't have to be like this," I said, backing up towards the door. "We were best friends. It should have been enough. You've ruined that, and if you don't pull yourself together you'll ruin what you have with Alice too!"

I moved to the door, relieved that he made no attempt to stop me.

I wasn't at all surprised to see Edward on the other side. I knew he'd notice the two of us were gone and come looking for me. "You've been in there a long time," he said, his eyes dipping to my arms. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine," I answered, hooking my arm in his as I attempted to hurry away from the bathroom.

We'd only taken a few steps when I heard the bathroom door open behind us. My hope that Edward wouldn't turn around proved futile because he did exactly that, and froze when he spotted Jasper.

"What was _he_ doing in there with you?"

Jasper started to move towards us.

Edward turned to me, his eyes hard like granite. "What the fuck is going on, Bella? I know something happened between you two last week... and don't give me any bullshit. You went out with him and something happened that sent you running off to confide in Jacob."

"We had a fight, and I didn't want to worry you–"

"Did he hit on you?" he asked, cutting me off. "I bet he gave you that fucking book."

I was stunned. "What's the book got to do with this?"

"It's not just about the book. It's_ him_! He acts like he owns you and now you're sneaking around in bathrooms."

"Nothing happened."

He glared down at the red marks on my arms, his face twisting with rage. "Then what the fuck is that?" He spun on his heel and practically ran at Jasper. "You fucking prick! Don't you ever touch her!"

Before I could even react, Edward slammed his fist into Jasper's face with a sickening crack, sending him crashing to the ground. I watched in horror as Edward pulled him up and hit him again. "I'll fucking kill you, you goddamn son of a bitch!'

"Hey, hey!"

I turned at the sound of thundering feet to see Charlie and several other men rushing towards us to break up the fight.

Still incandescent with rage, Edward whirled wildly when Charlie tried to restrain him, knocking me over in the process. I fell backwards, hitting my head on the wall on my way down.

"Oh God, Bella!" Edward cried rushing to my side. "Shit, Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't–"

"You better get the hell out of here, son!" Charlie roared standing over us. "Before I haul your ass down to the station." He turned to me, his eyes were black with rage. "I'm surprised at you Bella. Is this the type of punk you're mixing with in Seattle?"

Edward turned back to me and I'd never seen him so miserable.

"Leave!" Charlie roared.

"Dad, It's okay–"

"I'm going," Edward said, shooting Jasper a fierce look before striding down the hallway and out the door.

"Edward!" I sobbed, struggling to my feet, but Charlie grabbed my arm and stopped me from going after him. "Let me go, Dad!" I shouted.

I glared at Jasper who was slumped against the wall, holding a tissue to his bleeding nose. "See what you've done?" I yelled at him.

Charlie finally let go of my arm and I raced towards the exit, desperate to catch up to Edward. Alice was standing at the end of the hallway, her face a picture of confusion. But I couldn't stop, I had to find Edward.

The street outside was head swiveled wildly as I looked in every direction, but there was no sign of him. "Edward!" I called, as I started to run to the end of the street, but he wasn't anywhere in sight. Doubling back, I saw Alice storming out of the building.

"What the hell is going on Bella?"

"You need to speak to Jasper," I cried, running straight past her. "I need to find Edward."

I heard her heels as she followed me."What's going on with you and Jasper?"

Too focused on finding Edward, I didn't answer her until she grabbed my arm and spun me around. When I saw the pain etched in her face, my heart clenched with pity. She didn't deserve this.

Tears coursed down my face as she clutched my shoulders. "Jasper is in the men's room with his father. I need you to tell me what's going on, Bella, please."

"I don't know what's going on Alice," I sighed, reluctantly giving up on finding Edward for the time being.

There was a small bench nearby, Alice followed me over to it and we sat down.

"Why were you and Jasper in the bathroom together?"

"It's not what you think, Alice. We had a fight last week when I told him about Edward and me. He didn't take it well."

"What did he say?" she asked quietly.

"I can't remember the exact words but he accused Edward of turning me into a slut and said I deserve someone better."

"Someone– meaning him?"

"You should speak to Jasper. I don't want to make things worse."

She sucked in a sharp breath. "You know when I first met him and he told me about you, my initial reaction was that there was something weird going on. I mean, no one is as close as you two were without their being romantic feelings involved. But the more I got to know him I really believed him when he said he just felt very protective of you." A tear slid down her cheek. "But less than a month after he moved in with me things started to change. He started to talk about you more and more. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and told myself he was just missing his best friend."

"But I hardly see him, he's happy living with you." I protested.

"I thought that too, but deep down I think I knew he was becoming jealous of Edward... I just didn't face up to it till now."

"Is that why you helped me?" I had no right to feel aggrieved but a small part of me did.

"Partly," she admitted. "But I meant everything I said. You are impossible not to like and I really did want you to be happy and to find what you were looking for." She stared off into the distance, fresh tears coursing down her cheeks. "Jasper and I moved too fast. I shouldn't have let him move in with me."

I wanted to tell her she was wrong, that everything would be alright, and that Jasper really did love her. But I didn't know if any of that was true anymore.

"What did Jasper say to you in the bathroom?"

"It all happened so fast–"

"Did he make a pass at you?" A hard edge crept into her voice. "Tell me the truth."

I couldn't speak. The last thing I wanted to do was break her heart.

Even though I hadn't spoken, she nodded her head and stood up. "You don't have to say anything, Bella. Your silence tells me all I need to know."

"Alice!" I called after her as started to walk away from me. "I'm so sorry!'

She turned, her eyes brimming with tears. "Bella, this isn't your fault. But please understand when I tell you that you're the last person I want to be around right now."

Just with one man's actions, four people had been hurt. All I wanted to do was find Edward and explain everything to him. I wanted him to know that I love him and that there would never be anyone else for me. But this was Charlie's day and I had to go back in there and explain myself to him before I could leave to look for Edward.

I took a deep breath as I opened the door and stepped inside. Music was drifting through from the reception room and I passed a few people chatting in the hallway. Thankfully there was no sign of Jasper or Alice. I nervously stepped into the reception room and spotted Charlie and Sue talking to a group of people at their table.

Swallowing down my embarrassment, I approached the table. Charlie shot to his feet to meet me half way. "I came outside, but when I saw you talking with Alice, I thought it best to leave you girls alone. He rubbed the back of his neck. "That poor girl doesn't have a clue what's going on... and neither do I?" He shot me a pointed look.

"I'm so sorry, dad," I said, battling my tears. "I hope I haven't ruined your day."

He shook his head. "No, don't worry about that. I'm worried about _you_. What the hell happened? How could you get yourself mixed up with a guy like that? Jasper said he lives in your apartment, is that true?'

"Yes, he moved in when Jasper moved out to live with Alice." I looked him in the eye. "But he's not just my roommate anymore." Charlie shook his head. "Don't, Dad. I know your first impression of him has been less than impressive, but he's really good to me–"

He blew out a harsh breath "He hit your best friend," He bit out angrily. "I think you should move back to Forks."

"I'm not going to do that, Dad."

His face turned an alarming shade of purple. "Bella, I won't have you living with a guy who goes around hitting people for no reason!"

Sue appeared behind him and laid her hand on his arm. "Charlie," she said in a calming tone.

"Sue, I'm so sorry," I said, tears spilling from my eyes. "What must you think of me? I really didn't mean to cause all this drama on your big day."

She smiled sympathetically. "Bella, you didn't spoil anything. Sure, I would have preferred it hadn't happened, but that's life."

My lips were trembling so hard I couldn't even thank her for her kind words. I blew my nose loudly into the tissue she handed me and managed to compose myself sufficiently to speak. "I hope you two will have a very good honeymoon, but I need to go now."

Charlie had calmed down a little, but his efforts to convince me to stay, fell on deaf ears. Eventually he conceded. "At least don't drive home tonight, stay at the house."

That broke my heart just a little bit more when it reminded me that I been planning to stay there with Edward. My breathing hitched, as my dream of Edward and I becoming lovers tonight, went up in smoke.

Sue assured me that she and Charlie would be leaving soon, so it wasn't a problem that I was leaving early. I felt too guilty to wait inside, so I called a cab from my cell phone and waited on the bench outside. I had no idea where Jasper and Alice were, but all I wanted to do was get back to Seattle and try to salvage something from the wreckage with Edward.

The cab dropped me off outside Charlie's house, and I trudged wearily to my truck. Ignoring Charlie's request to stay at the house, I took my keys from my bag and climbed in. I couldn't sleep in the house alone tonight, not without Edward.

The engine roared to life and I sat back shifting it into gear when a movement caught my eye in the rear-view mirror. My heart leapt in my chest. He was standing by the side of the house. I quickly killed the engine and got out, sighing heavily with relief as I closed the door.

He was standing with his hands in his pockets and his head bowed. It took all the strength I had not to run to him, but to walk while I wondered what the hell I was going to say to him.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

I approached Edward slowly. The closer I got the more I wanted to just wrap my arms around him, so that's what I did. I walked up to him, wound my arms tightly around his body and pressed my cheek to his chest.

He remained rigid, making no attempt to reciprocate. But I couldn't give up on him, opting to hold onto him and wait until he made the next move. Finally, he lifted one hand and caressed my hair. I almost cried with relief that he hadn't pushed me away.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked when I finally pulled back to look up into his face. "I couldn't leave till I knew you were alright, but I couldn't come back to the wedding," he said ruefully. "I didn't want to spoil your dad's day any further."

"I'm okay," I said. "I have a small cut on my arm, but it's nothing a band aid won't cure." I lifted my arm and there was blood on my dress.

He sucked in a sharp breath and swore. "I'm so sorry Bella. I shouldn't have hit him I–"

"Come inside," I whispered. "We need to talk."

I reached for his hand and laced our fingers together, offering up a silent prayer of thanks when he allowed me to lead him to the house.

The door closed behind us with a loud click, and the empty house seemed the perfect setting for me to finally be honest with him about everything.

"Give me your truck keys," he said quietly.

My heart started to thump in my chest. "Edward, please don't leave me."

He looked at me with a frisson of tenderness flickering in his eyes. "I'm just going to bring the bags in. I'm dying to get out of this suit."

_Oh thank God._

When he returned a few minutes later, he handed me my bag and suggested we get changed_._ It settled me a little to know that he wasn't going anywhere soon. He used Charlie's room while I undressed in mine. Tears pricked my eyes when I removed the underwear I had so eagerly bought, but there was still the tiny little bit of hope that I could convince him that we had a future together.

Dressed in Jeans and a t-shirt, I found him sitting in the kitchen wearing a similar outfit. I made coffee in silence and then finally sat down at the table beside him.

"Do you want to be with Jasper?" he asked, taking me by surprise.

"What? No. Why would you think that?"

"Aside from the long history you share, the two of you were locked in a bathroom together in the middle of your dad's wedding. And you came out all creased up and with red marks all over your shoulders and neck.'

"If you're accusing me of something, just come out and say it." I demanded, hurt by his lack of faith in me.

"I don't know what to think, Bella. You didn't tell me what happened with Jasper, but you confided in Jacob." He brushed his fingers through his hair. "I know Jacob wouldn't give you a book like that. Was it Jasper? Did you tell him that you want to have sex?"

"No! You've got it all wrong," I said remembering his accusation from earlier. "It was Alice."

His head snapped up. "Alice?'

"Yes. She suggested the books."

"Why do you need those books, why do you need to change?"

"I thought you understood why," I cried in frustration. "I want to be normal, to be able to express myself in every way. I want to be able to open my heart and body and let someone in."

"Someone," he muttered.

"Edward," I gasped. "Don't you do that, this is all for you. It's only ever been for you."

"You haven't shared any of it with me."

"How can you say that?" My voice was rising in frustration. "I've trusted you so much and shared so much with you."

"That was just sex, Bella."

His words stung me and I couldn't avoid the sob that bubbled from my throat. "Maybe to you. But I have nothing to go on here; I don't have your wealth of experience."

"That's right," he said, snorting bitterly. "Now we're getting to it. It's time you opened your eyes and saw what everybody else can see."

"Which is?"

"That I'm no good for you Bella, everyone else can see it why can't you?"

"You keep saying that. Maybe you should be asking why they can't see what I can see. What could you have done that's so bad?" I asked. "Have you ever hit a woman?'

His eyes hardened, insulted by the question "No!'

"And you've never had a relationship, so you can't have cheated," I mused. I felt like I already knew the answer to the next question, but I had to ask it anyway. "The sex you've had has always been consensual, right?"

There was a beat of silence and his whole demeanor changed. My heart started to thump in my chest, fear brewing in my stomach with the possibility that he might say no.

He stared at his hands and it seemed like he was suddenly breathing a little harder. Eventually his eyes closed and he began to speak.

"There is something I should have told you about," he began quietly. "Jasper knows about, I'm surprised he hadn't told you." He shrugged. "I think Alice may have talked him out of telling you."

"What did you do?" I asked, even though I didn't really want to know. However, I knew if we were going to move forward we had to be completely honest with each other.

"It was a stupid mistake, Bella, it was just something that got out of hand. That's why I left Emmett's; I didn't want to be the asshole I'd turned into anymore." He glanced at me briefly, but then looked away as if he couldn't bear to hold my gaze.

"What did you do Edward?" I could barely speak my mouth was suddenly so dry.

"It was at one of Emmett's parties," He stood up and moved to the window, turning his back to me. "I did a shit-load of coke that night." His shoulders sagged. "It wasn't the first time. Anyway, I was having a drink with some friends when this girl came up to me and dragged me up to dance. She started rubbing herself all over me and then pushed me down into a chair to give me a lap dance.

"People started to notice and gathered around us. Someone threw a couple of condoms at us." He dug his hands deep into his pockets and sighed heavily. "Some guys started shouting things at us, and the next thing I knew she unzipped my pants and pulled my dick out. I was so wasted, I didn't do anything to stop her. She started jerking me and I was laughing, thinking it was all a big joke. But it escalated and the next thing I knew I was having sex with her on the floor with a baying mob at my back."

The story sickened me. I wanted to stop him but I was too shocked to think straight.

"Then I looked down at her, and just as I was thinking 'what the fuck am I doing?' I noticed that she was crying. She was fucking lying there crying and I was..." He paused. "That's when Emmett came in. He pulled me off her and she got up and ran away."

"What h-happened to her?'

"Emmett was fucking furious. He made me go talk to her, even though I was in no fit state. I can barely remember what I said. In the end it was Emmett who fucking apologized to her, not me."

"Did you see her again after that?"

When he turned to face me, his eyes were dark and hollow and his face a mask of self loathing. "I went to her apartment a couple of days later. She was still pretty upset about it, but more with herself than me. She said it wasn't my fault we were just wasted and things got out of hand." He finally turned to look at me. "I stopped as soon as I saw her crying, but what if I hadn't noticed? I was too caught up in the moment... too high. I knew I had to get out of Emmett's; I was partying and doing drugs all the time. That night was my wake-up call."

My expression seemed to register with him and his eyes bored into mine. "Say something."

"I don't know what to say." I could feel tears pricking my eyes, while the horrible image of him doing that in front of people played in my head like a horror movie.

He sighed. "So now you know.'

Yes I did, and I wished more than anything I didn't. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of what he'd done, what they'd done. Did people really do stuff like that at parties? I couldn't look at him.

"I do," I said quietly, my eyes focused on the floor.

Horrible images were playing in my head, and I just wanted to be alone to sort through my feelings. "I don't know what to say to you." I sighed "I think I just need to go to bed."

I heard his long shaky breath "Okay, I'll call a cab." He moved to the phone.

"No!" I gasped, taking myself by surprise. "Don't go. Stay here, you can sleep in my room. I'll take Charlie's." I found the courage to look at him. "Please, Edward, just give me tonight to think about this and we'll talk tomorrow.'

"Bella," he groaned. "There's nothing to talk about, I don't fit in your life. Your dad had me figured out from the start." He clenched his teeth. "Your best friend hates me. You should be with someone who'll love and respect you. Someone who knows how to treat you right, and won't let you down."

"You've always respected me." I said quietly. "Please Edward, just give me tonight to think and we can talk in the morning."

"It won't change anything."

"Please!"

He nodded slowly. "Okay."

"Thank you."

Even though it was still early I was so tired I dragged my weary body up to Charlie's room and collapsed sobbing onto his bed. All I wanted was for sleep to come quickly, and to wake up in the morning to find it was all a nightmare that didn't really happen.

Sleep did claim me, but it felt like only moments later when I was awoken by the telephone. I flew downstairs to answer it.

"Hello?" I croaked.

"Were you sleeping?" It was Charlie.

"Yes," I said, glancing at the clock to see it was only ten p.m.

"I guess it was a long day, huh? Did you talk to Jasper?"

And then it hit me. Everything that had happened came flooding back and I looked around at my surroundings. The house was in darkness: Edward was gone.

"Dad, I'll talk to you when you get back. I'm really sorry about everything that happened," I said, desperate to hang up. "You and Sue have a wonderful time–"

"Bella, I just wanted to check–"

"Dad, I'm fine. I'm just tired and want to get back to sleep."

"Okay," he said, the word came out on a long sigh. "If you're sure. But I want you back in Forks as soon as Sue and I get home. You have a lot of explaining to do."

"Goodnight, Dad."

I hung up and checked the living room before taking the stairs two at a time. My bedroom was empty and I sagged on to the bed and sighed. I should have known he would bolt first chance he got. I lay back and thought about what he'd told me, but now that I'd calmed down it didn't seem such a huge deal.

Sure it was a horrible story, but it was a mistake, and it was clear that he felt ashamed of what happened. If he was the heartless bastard he kept trying to paint himself as, he wouldn't care what he'd done. He wouldn't have gone to find that girl to apologize and make sure she was alright.

Again I was assaulted by an image of two people lying on a floor together, while others watched. It seemed so seedy and degrading. I had no idea if it was a common occurrence at student parties. Maybe there were people who liked doing that kind of thing. However, from Edward's reactions, I knew he wasn't one of them. He'd simply been stupid and reckless and it had made him want to turn his life around.

Edward and I were the same. We were just two people trying to change. Trying to move away from the past and find a better future. He'd only ever been good to me. Nothing he'd said had changed that.

I lay there for a long time mulling it all over in my head, unable to marry the Edward of the past with the Edward I knew and loved. The man who had been so patient, kind and loving and had never taken advantage of me. He made me feel alive in ways I'd never thought was possible for me. I couldn't imagine my life without him and no matter what horrible images came into my head, I didn't recognize that guy on the floor, he was not my Edward.

Every way I looked at it, I kept coming back to the same thing; I loved him and what he'd done in the past couldn't change that. I had to get to him to tell him. I had to tell him I love him and hopefully he would see that nothing mattered more than that.

I leapt off the bed and switched on the light to get my things ready, but my heart leapt in my chest when I immediately spotted his bag on the floor.

_He's still here._

I bolted downstairs and opened the front door. He was sitting on the porch drinking one of Charlie's beers. He turned his head in my direction but his eyes never lifted to my face.

"Sorry, about not answering the phone," he said quietly. "I had a feeling it might be your dad."

"What are you doing out here?" I asked, stepping out onto the porch. There was a bitter chill in the air and I folded my arms across my body to ward off some of the cold.

"I couldn't face being in your bedroom, I could hear you crying."

"Come inside," I begged.

A little bit more of my tension drained away when he stood up and followed me into the house slowly.

I led him into the living room, switched on the lamp, and gestured for him to sit down. To my disappointment he sat down in the chair, preventing me from being able to sit down beside him. He didn't look at me.

"I've been thinking about what you told me," I said. "And it doesn't matter."

His head jerked up. "Of course it matters."

I shook my head, keeping my eyes trained on his. "It's in the past. You've moved on, so I'm not going to dwell on it. Besides, it's none of my concern, and it's certainly none of Jasper's."

"You deserve better."

"Better?" I yelled. "There is nothing better than being with you. I won't lie to you, I don't like the things you've done, but I didn't know you then... and they won't stop me from loving you." He opened his mouth to speak but I didn't let him. "I love you, Edward."

His mouth gaped, and I guessed it was because he finally understood that even though I knew everything I was still here, still wanting him. "I'm not right–"

"I love you," I moved closer.

"Bella," he warned. "You don't kno–"

"I love you." I was right in front of him, looking down at him and loving the rabbit-caught-in-the-headlights look on his face.

"You can't mea–"

"I love you!" I was practically shouting now as I slid onto his lap. "Edward, nothing you say will change _that. _I wound my arms around his neck, pulling his face close to mine so that our eyes were level. "I'll say it all night if I have to. The only thing that will make me stop is if you tell me you don't want me." My eyes searched his. "Tell me you don't want me."

His eyes burned into mine and he swallowed hard. "I can't."

"I'm yours," I said, tears burning in my eyes. "I don't want anyone else. I never have. I love you so much, you're everything to me." I cupped his face. "There's nothing and no one standing in our way, I promise you."

"Bella, I don't want to hurt you, but I can't do this."

"Why?" I challenged.

"I just can't."

"Why?"

He flipped me off his lap and stood up, rubbing his hands furiously down his face.

"Edward, tell me why!" He didn't answer and I could feel myself becoming desperate. I knew we were so close and I had to keep pushing him. "Why?" I shouted.

"Because I'm scared!" he roared.

There was a long moment of silence punctuated only by his heavy breaths. His voice was much quieter when he finally spoke again. "The way I feel about you scares the shit out of me, okay? I'm scared that I won't be able to make you happy, that I won't be enough for you , that I'll fuck it up and I can't bear... I can't... lose you."

I flew into his arms. I peppered his face with kisses, clinging to him while I told him over and over that I loved him. He restrained me eventually and held my face in both his hands. "How can you be so sure of your feelings?" he asked. "It feels like you are running blindly into this. You know the truth now and you heard all the stuff Jasper said today, haven't you even considered that he might be right?'

I shook my head. "No, because I know he's wrong."

He sighed. "That's what I'm talking about; you're just blindly trusting me."

I touched his face. "You never push me or take anything from me, you always give. You stop whenever I need you to." I smiled gently looking directly into his eyes. "You have always been so considerate. You took me to see East of Eden, even though you knew you'd hate it. You brought me Jane Austen DVDs, because you knew I would enjoy them. You were kind and considerate and thoughtful. You did those things for me purely because you wanted to. I was putty in your hands, but you didn't take advantage."

I kissed his chin. "I'm pretty sure you could have charmed me into doing anything with you if you'd wanted, but you didn't." I lifted his hand to my lips and kissed his fingers. "That's how I know you're right for me. That's how I know you _are _good for me."

He held me so tight I could hardly breathe, but I didn't care. All that mattered was that he was here, and we were finally getting to the root of things.

"I want you to tell me everything you've been thinking tonight," I whispered.

He nodded, and after picking me up, he carried me to the sofa where he sat down with me on his lap.

"When I met you, I thought you were so adorable. I only agreed to the whole arrangement thing because I thought you would back out within days." He kissed my head. "But the more I got to know you the more I fell for you. That's when the problems started."

"What problems?"

He chuckled wryly and it sounded like music to my ears. He was coming back to me. "I've never felt this way about anyone. I've never cared or wanted to make someone happy before. It makes me feel vulnerable." He raked his fingers through his hair, sighing sharply. "I've been numb my whole life till I met you, and I don't know what to do with this. I just feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. That one day you'll wake up and decide that I'm not good for you."

"How can you keep saying that?" I said gently. "You've never been anything _but _good for me."

He held me for a long time, stroking my hair gently while I listened to the steady thump of his heart. I knew he was thinking over everything I'd said, just as I had done earlier. Every now and then he would sigh and squeeze me tighter. I could tell he was warring with himself, and though it was so very hard, I waited patiently.

He had to come to this himself. Eventually he tilted my chin up so I was facing him.

" You know I've never had a relationship. I don't do it. Let's not sugar coat this; I treat women like shit and I've never cared about any of them." His eyes closed briefly before he focused on me again. "You saw what I was doing in the shower this morning." I nodded, wondering what that had to do with anything. "Well I have the same emotional connection with that shower as I had with any woman I have ever been with. They were there to get me off, that's all."

I didn't want to think of him being with other women, but I understood his need to vent. "Am I just here to get you off?" I knew the answer, but he needed to admit it to himself.

"No never," he insisted, pressing his lips to mine. "God Bella, you've taken me to the moon and back."

"How can you say that when we haven't even made love?"

His head sagged back on the sofa. "I've never made love to anyone, it was always cold detached sex. With you, it's the complete opposite. Your happiness means everything to me. I love being with you."

My heart soared when he felt like he'd never made love before. I wanted so much to believe that sex and making love could be two different things.

I was tired but I had never felt so exhilarated before, he was finally letting me in. "You seemed disturbed by me reading those books," I ventured, wanting to dig the last worm out of the can.

"I'm not used to feeling jealous," he admitted. "I was worried because I thought maybe Jasper had given it to you. I've never trusted him." At the mention of Jasper the harshness returned to his voice. "You guys are insanely close. I've never understood your relationship, but I know you tell him everything and I thought he was setting you up. I thought he would tell you about my past and you'd freak out and go running to him with all the horny stuff you'd imbibed from the books he gave you."

"And then there's Jacob," he continued, taking me by surprise. Surely he wasn't jealous of Jacob? "When he called the other day, I heard you thanking him for being there when you needed a friend. That hurt." His fingers brushed gently through my hair as he leaned his head on mine. "Why did you go to him after you had the fight with Jasper?"

"I couldn't go to Alice."

"You could have come to me."

I sat up, looping my arms around his neck. "Could I?" I raised an eyebrow. "You wouldn't have gone round there and punched him like you did today? Not that I'm saying he didn't deserve it, but last week you had an important exam and you didn't need the distraction."

He kissed my lips softly. "I regret leaving you every time I did this week. When you told me you loved me the other night, I completely freaked. I couldn't believe that you meant it. But the fact you said it, floored me. No-one's ever told me they loved me before. I've never given anyone reason to love me."

"When did I tell you?" I gasped.

His gaze was heated when he leaned forward and kissed me again before responding. "That night you drank all my champagne." there was a tiny flicker of amusement in his eyes. "You yelled it out when you came."

My hands flew to my mouth, my blood racing to my cheeks. "Really?"

He nodded. "I'm so ashamed of how I handled it. I chose to ignore it, when we should have talked about it then."

"Well now you know."

His lips spread into a wide smile. "I do."

Weariness set in and I laid my head on his shoulder trying unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn.

"You must be exhausted," he said, running his hands up and down my arms. "Do you want to go to bed?"

I nestled my face into the crook of his neck, pressing my lips to his warm skin. "Only if you come too."

"You're quite the temptress," he said, chuckling. "It's not so long ago you were telling me you wanted to wait till you were married, and now you're reading dirty books and giving blow jobs to bananas."

I groaned with mortification. "It was something Alice said as a joke and when I was drunk it seemed like a good idea," I lifted my head to look at him. "But for what it's worth, I was thinking of you the whole time."

He laughed, almost all of his tension was gone. "Sometimes you are just the cutest, funniest person I've ever met. How could I resist you?"

"Just sometimes?"

He kissed me deeply and wrapped his arms around me. "I want to try to make this work."

Tears filled my eyes when he pressed his lips to my ear and murmured, "Tonight, I'm going to make you come and then we'll fall asleep in each other's arms. You won't be deprived, but I won't make love to you." He sucked my earlobe into his mouth. "Yet."

"I wanted to make love with you tonight," I said, failing to keep the pout from my face.

His eyes were so tender when he gazed into mine. "Today was a bad day. I don't want your first time to happen after a day like that. I want it to be special for you and just about us... not about needing to prove anything to each other. Don't get me wrong, I want to... I really want to, but I want to us both to be in the right frame of mind for this."

I couldn't hide my disappointment, but I tried for a compromise. "Okay, I think I understand, but will you let me do something?"

His eyes sparkled with curiositiy. "What?"

"Will you let me make you come too? It seems to me like I've been neglecting you."

His eyes shone. "Do you really think I'd say no to that?" He laughed. "Don't answer that," he added, getting to his feet with me in his arms.

Half way up the stairs he stopped and looked down into my face. "There's something I forgot to tell you earlier," he said.

I wasn't sure I was ready for anymore revelations. "Can't it wait till tomorrow?"

He shook his head.

"I love you, Bella."


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29 **

I woke up alone and disorientated until my eyes focussed and I realised I was in Forks. All memories from the day before came flooding back and I alternated between groaning, smiling and frowning.

I deeply regretted that everything had blown up during Charlie's wedding, but I couldn't regret the outcome, or at least not all of it not all of it. Even though Edward was my main concern, I felt desperately sorry for Alice and my part in what had happened.

Edward and I had talked long into the night. He had been completely truthful, and even though none of it mattered, I knew he needed to be completely honest with me about his past. Listening to him describe how he used to be wasn't easy, and at times it was hard for me to believe that he could be so heartless and disrespectful when he was the complete opposite with me.

But I hadn't known him when he was like that. The Edward I knew was sexy, smart, funny, and above all caring and considerate. Was it so bad that he had been a bit of a hell raiser in his time? He hadn't murdered anyone. I suspected the extreme reaction he had elicited from Jasper was more to do with Jasper's opinion of me than his opinion of Edward. The same could be said for Jacob's assumption that Edward would not be a good boyfriend for me.

If the potential girlfriend had been anyone other than me, I doubt they would have raised an eyebrow. I knew how they viewed me; sweet little Bella Swan, so innocent and pure and vulnerable. A few months ago that might have been true but only Edward really knew me. Only Edward had allowed me to be myself and to grow without trying to stick a label on me.

I smiled to myself, my mind drifting to Edward. He'd gotten some things wrong of course, but nobody was perfect. I knew I certainly wasn't, but he had gotten so much right and I only hoped that I could help him become the person he wanted to be just as he was doing for me.

The soft sound of footsteps approaching filled me with anticipation. I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep. The sound of him whistling happily made it difficult for me to keep the smile off my face.

"Either you're having a wonderful dream, or you're pretending to be asleep." I heard him chuckle softly as he set something down on the nightstand. The enticing scent of coffee filled my nostrils.

I opened one eye. "Spoilsport, I was hoping you'd kiss me awake."

He grinned. "I'm not a mind reader, but if you close your eyes I'll do it now." I sat up, refusing to close my eyes. "So stubborn," he murmured as he leaned closer and pressed his lips gently to mine. "Now eat your breakfast."

He lifted the tray he had brought in with him and set it on my lap before sitting down beside me. "French toast," I said happily, grabbing a slice and biting into it. The sweet taste of it wiped the smile off my face instantly.

"What?" he asked, noticing my reaction.

"You put sugar in it," I said, dropping the slice back onto the plate after taking a bite.

"I brought some syrup up as well," he offered, making me feel guilty for my tactless comment.

I shook my head, sipping my coffee to get rid of the taste. "Sorry, I like my French toast with salt."

"Sounds disgusting." He grimaced, picking up the rejected slice and taking a huge bite out of it. "Want me to make you something else?"

It took a great deal of effort to wrench my eyes away from the sight of his tongue sliding over his lips. "The coffee will do for now. I'll grab some cereal later."

"You sure, I can bring you up a banana if you want?" He headed for the door and laughed loudly when my pillow hit him square in the chest.

Later, I was standing at the kitchen window, staring at Jasper's car. He was right next door, but he might as well have been on the other side of the world. Alice was probably back in Seattle by now, and I felt guilty that I was so happy when she was so miserable.

"So are you going to give me a tour of your childhood haunts?" Edward asked, coming up behind me.

"Jasper's still here," I said quietly.

He slid his arms around me, placing his chin on my head with a soft sigh. It meant a lot to me that he would comfort me when he was surely still mad at Jasper.

"Are you going over to see him?" His words were slightly stilted, belying the relaxed attitude he was trying to convey.

"No, this is mainly between him and Alice. I don't want to speak to him until after he has explained himself to her."

His grip on my waist grew firmer as he turned me to face him. "You still haven't really told me the full story about what happened between you two yesterday."

This time there was no hint of accusation in his tone, but there was more than a little apprehension in his eyes. I had been so preoccupied in getting as much out of Edward as I could that I hadn't realized I had failed to reassure him.

"He was very drunk. I've never seen him like that... I mean I've seen him very drunk, but I've never seen him so tortured." I touched his chest, looking up into his eyes to gauge his mood. "Promise me you won't get angry?" His jaw flexed but he didn't respond. "Edward, you already hit him. If I'm going to tell you the truth, you need to promise me that you'll let me handle this."

"I can promise I'll try. But if he touched you, I'll–"

"He didn't, but he tried to kiss me–" I ignored his angry hiss. "And he told me he wants me–"

"That fucker! Didn't he think about Alice at all?" His fists balled at his sides. "He fucking lives with her, but he thinks it's okay to try to fuck you in the restroom at your dad's wedding?"

"Don't say it like that!" I was sharply reminded of his past exploits. "He only tried to kiss me."

"Only?" he shouted. "What if I _only_ tried to kiss someone, how would you feel?"

That was an excellent point. "You're right. I didn't mean to disregard how much it hurt Alice, but I don't think he would have gone that far. The alcohol skewed his judgement."

His eyes narrowed. "The alcohol has nothing to do with it. He knew exactly what he was doing. If you had reciprocated, he wouldn't have given Alice a second thought."

It was obvious Edward was trying to keep his composure, but his anger was bubbling just under the surface. He watched me closely for a few moments. "I'm not going to defend him," I said, guessing that he was expecting me to do just that. "There is no defense for what he did to Alice."

His expression relaxed a little, the fire in his eyes dulling slightly. "As much as I hate to admit this, I know the bond between you two can't simply be wiped out and that you're missing him already." He lifted his hand and cupped my cheek. "I won't stand in your way when the time comes for you to figure out what you want to do about Jasper. But please, promise me you will be honest with me and tell me everything. I don't think I could stand to be kept in the dark again."

"I promise."

"Thank you."

My thoughts returned to Alice. She was the one I wanted to see most, but I had to respect her wishes.

"Will you go to see Alice today? She'll need someone to talk to."

Edward responded with a nod and pulled me into his arms.

When we left an hour later, Edward suggested that he should drive since I was still preoccupied with everything that had happened. As he backed out of the drive, I couldn't help but stare at the tree house. It was a relief when he swung the truck out onto the road and I couldn't look at it any longer.

We had traveled a couple of miles before Edward struck up a conversation. "I think there's still some things we need to talk about," he said without taking his eyes from the road.

"Like what?"

"Well for starters... are you sure you're okay with the things I told you about myself last night?" He glanced at me nervously before returning his eyes to the road.

"Yes," I responded truthfully. "I won't lie. I don't like to think of you being with other women because it makes me jealous. Worrying about the things you did won't change the past, but it could change our future if we let it. I just want this to be about us, nothing else matters."

I stared out of the window for a few moments before turning to face him again. "Can I ask you something?" He nodded. "Did you try to date Lauren?"

"Yes and no."

"What does that mean?"

"I only did it because Emmett was so into Rosalie. She wouldn't go out on a date with him unless I went out with Lauren."

"So you did it for Emmett?'

He shrugged. "I thought one date couldn't hurt."

"But you told me you'd never been on a date."

"Not a proper date. We went to the bar... the one Jacob sang in. We sat at a table drinking all night."

"And then you had sex with her." I imagined I was probably a very vivid shade of green, despite my efforts not to get jealous.

"Yes," he said simply. "The second date was more difficult. Emmett was like a big fucking teddy bear around Rosalie. I've never seen him so happy. I guess I was a little bit jealous and I started to wonder if I could be happy like that too. That's why I went on a second date with Lauren. I tried, I really did. I listened to her when she talked, I was really nice to her... but my heart wasn't in it."

We were on the freeway now and I rolled my window down to let some cool air in.

"The experience with Lauren just confirmed what I'd suspected all along; that I can't do relationships."

"But you can," I stated.

"I can try," he corrected.

I rolled my eyes but decided not to contradict him.

He slid his hand across the seat between us and squeezed my knee. "I enjoy being with you, but sometimes I worry that I forget myself. Sometimes I say things and–"

Smiling, I moved closer and snuggled into his side. I knew he was referring to when we were in bed together. "I like it," I whispered, resting my head on his shoulder. "I like when you lose control a little and you say those things." I was a little nervous about admitting it, but I felt like I could tell him anything. "I don't know why it has that effect on me, but when you say...dirty words, it excites me. It makes it better for me when you let me know what you want to do to me."

He threw his arm around my shoulder. "Bella, you are just one little bundle of surprises." He dipped his head a little so his lips were right by my ear. "And I want to do _everything_ to you."

My heart skipped a beat.

The phone was ringing when we arrived at the apartment just after lunchtime. I rushed to answer it while Edward carried the bags in.

It was Charlie.

"I tried calling the house," he said as soon as I picked up. "I must have just missed you. Did you get home okay?"

"Dad, you called my apartment and I answered the phone, so I think it's safe to assume I got home okay."

"You sound in a better mood," he grumbled.

"I had a good night's sleep." I blushed when Edward waggled his eyebrows at me. He mouthed that he was going to Alice's and then blew me a kiss before leaving.

"Hmm, okay, well Sue and I are just going on a boat ride." I could hear the smile in his voice but all too soon it was gone as he added, "I'll call you next week and let you know when we'll be home. I expect you to be there."

"I will, but only to visit."

His breath huffed down the line. "Bella I don't want you living in that apartment alone with _him_."

His refusal to say Edward's name irritated me beyond belief, but I bit my tongue. He was on honeymoon, that confrontation could wait until he returned.

"Enjoy your honeymoon, Dad. I'll see you next week."

He muttered something unintelligible before saying goodbye. I sat on the sofa and immediately started worrying about Alice.

**EPOV**

I walked slowly to Alice's, racking my brains. I was never very good at this supportive stuff. I knew she'd be hurting thanks to that asshole boyfriend – hopefully _ex_-boyfriend – of hers, but what the fuck could I say to make it any better? Alice would do it for me though, I was sure of that. If there was one person I could count on in life, it was Alice. It had always been Alice.

It had been a hell of a twenty-four hours. I'd never been so honest in my life before, not even with myself and it was not a pleasant feeling. The whole time that I'd been talking to Bella last night, I kept expecting her to bolt for the door. At one point I felt like bolting myself. Bella's faith in me was something that I wasn't sure I could live up to.

It astounded me that she was willing to judge me solely on how I treated her, and that was a gift to me. A rare fucking gift. I doubted I would meet anyone else in this lifetime who would give me that. And I didn't need to, she was all I wanted.

My steps faltered when I reached Alice's house. I would be far more at home if I knew it was Jasper who was here. _That_ I could handle. It would be so easy to confront the prick, but to confront Alice's pain was a far more daunting prospect.

I reluctantly jabbed the doorbell, and perhaps subconsciously, turned my back to the door. When the door opened behind me, I had to force myself to face her.

The sight of her robbed me of breath.

This wasn't Alice. This was a hollow shell of the wonderful girl who had become more than my cousin, in my mind she was my sister. Sure she'd been disapproving like everyone else at one point in her life, but she was the one person in my formative years who had stopped and listened and tried to understand. I loved that glint in her eye, that appetite for life that she held. The sheer confidence and self assurance that no one else I knew seemed to possess. But none of that was evident today.

I looked forlornly at this creature before me. She was dull eyed, wet nosed and broken. This was not Alice.

A strong wave of hatred for Jasper burned in my gut.

Without a word, she turned away and disappeared into her house. To my shame, I said nothing either. What could I say?

I closed the door, took a deep breath and ventured into the living room where I found her standing by the window with her back to me.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said quietly.

That took me by surprise. Alice was the type who analysed everything. Nothing scared her. She thrived on thrashing out problems, getting to the root cause and making it right. Clamming up was not her style. Not at all.

I crossed the room and placed my hands on her shoulders, pulling her to me. She stiffened, but I wrapped my arms around her and held her. "Let it out," I whispered.

Words were unnecessary as she crumbled into my embrace, her sobs fueling my anger. Somehow, I managed to hold it back and conceal it as best as I could. She needed comfort and that was what I was going to give her. My heart felt like a brick in my chest as I listened to her pained sobs.

Finally, she calmed down enough to speak. "I don't think I've ever got anything so wrong in my life," she whispered. "I could see it all. I thought he was the love of my life. I could see marriage and babies." She pulled back, rubbing furiously at her tear-stained cheeks. "I've never felt a connection like this before – despite her."

I bristled at the way she said _her_. This wasn't Bella's fault, it was all on Jasper and it took all the strength I had to refrain from telling her that. She must have noticed my reaction, because she stepped out of my embrace.

"I'm sorry, I don't blame Bella, but it's very hard not to feel..." She left the sentence unfinished. "Did she go to him today?"

"Did _he_ call _you_ today?" I asked, irked, but then her hurt expression filled me with guilt. I had to remember it was Jasper I was mad at, not Alice or Bella.

I shook my head in response when she ignored my question. When she glanced at me, I could tell what she was thinking. "It was her decision not to see him," I explained. "Maybe I would have tried to stop her for my own selfish ends," I admitted. "But she felt it wouldn't be right to talk to him until he's talked to you first." I looked her square in the eye. "She knows he should see you first."

Alice nodded, perceptibly placated. "It's a strange relationship they have," she mused. "When I met him, one of the first things he told me was that she was his best friend and I shouldn't feel threatened by her."

"Didn't that set the alarm bells ringing?" I asked the most obvious question.

She shook her head. "I can see where you're coming from, but he was so sincere, like he wanted to be honest from the start." Her eyes filled up again. "He was so... I can't believe that it wasn't real."

This is where Bella would defend him. I wouldn't do it.

"It wasn't until he moved in here that he seemed to obsess over her." She snapped out of her melancholy and began to speak with more purpose. "I thought it was because of you living there. He's very respectful of women and he just couldn't handle the way you were with them. But then he started to put her on this pedestal, as if you weren't fit to shine her shoes. As if_ I_ wasn't fit to shine her shoes."

I couldn't hold back any longer. "Why the fuck are you torturing yourself Alice?" I snapped. "He hated me before I even moved in because he was jealous of_ our_ relationship, now he's trying to get Bella to–"

"Don't!" she whispered, turning to the window again. "You don't know what he was like with me." Her shoulders sagged. "Remember when you and I were growing up? We had tongues wagging because you were so wild and I was the only one who could talk you down. Do you remember the disapproval, the judgement, the interference from people who didn't understand?"

"That was different, we were kids and there was no question of anything like this."

"Maybe it's the same for them," she said quietly.

I was horrified. "You can't believe that, Alice. I never stood in your way with any of your boyfriends and you never... well you never stopped me."

"This is new to them. You know Bella's never had a boyfriend, he's never had to cope with these feelings."

"So you're taking him back? Despite the fact he made a move on Bella?'

She whirled, her expression agonized. "Did he?'

_Shit!_

I didn't want to hurt her any more than she already was, but I'd said it now and I couldn't take it back. "Yes. He told her he wants her."

Her face crumpled into a mask of grief, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks. I shot off the sofa and held her while she cried. It could have been minutes, but it felt like hours before she finally stilled in my arms, emotionally spent.

I pressed a tissue into her hand and she blew her nose noisily. She sat with her head on my shoulder while her breath shuddered from her lungs.

Eventually she was able to speak. "What about you and Bella. Are you okay?"

I nodded. "We talked everything through."

"That's good. At least it hasn't ruined your relationship too." She offered me coffee. I didn't want any but I accepted because I knew it was driven by her need to be doing something. "Have you told her you love her yet?" she asked, causing my mouth to drop open in shock.

She turned and smiled weakly. "Oh Edward, don't look so surprised. I know you. In fact, I know you so well, I'm sure I knew before you did. So did you tell her?"

I nodded.

"Good," she said, turning back to the coffee.

I wanted to talk to her about the books and stuff but there would be plenty of time for that, the last thing she needed tonight was to feel as if she'd done something wrong. Her shoulders started to shake again and I placed my hands on them.

"Alice, I don't know what to say to you," I whispered through gritted teeth. I wanted to offer to go back to Forks and kick ten colors of shit out of him. "He doesn't deserve your tears."

She swept her hand across her face, ridding it of tears. "Would you mind if we don't have coffee?" she asked, looking up at me through watery eyes. "I think I just want to be by myself for a while."

To my shame, my initial reaction was relief. I was out of my depth here, but then I thought of all the times Alice had been there for me when we were growing up. "I can stay. We don't have to talk." I wiggled my shoulder at her. "You can have this to cry on all night."

She giggled but it sounded hollow and forced. "No thanks, Edward. I really need to be alone."

She was resolute in her rebuttal, so I kissed her head and let her walk me to the door.

As I walked home, some of the tension from the last twenty four hours started to dissipate and for the first time I thought of Bella without apprehension. My pace quickened. I couldn't wait to see her again, even though I'd left her only hours before.

I'd been wrong about everything and yet I'd never been happier to find myself wrong. The one and only tiny blot on my landscape was that I still worried that I wouldn't be enough for her, that I wouldn't be able to sustain this level of... I couldn't think of one word to adequately describe our connection.

I let myself into the apartment and my nose was instantly greeted by the pungent aroma of garlic. My mouth watered. I could hear her singing to herself in the kitchen and followed the wonderful sound of her voice. She looked up with shining eyes, and the loveliest blush crept over her cheeks.

_Fuck. How have I managed _not _to make love to you?_

She stepped towards me. "How was Alice?" she asked, the first flush of her joy in seeing me disappearing, replaced by her concern for Alice.

"She wants to be alone."

"Does she hate me?"

"God no," I said taking her hand. "Nobody could ever hate you Bella." I rubbed my thumb across her knuckles affectionately. "She's hurting, and I think seeing you would just remind her of him."

Her shoulders sagged. "Does she hate Jasper?"

I felt myself stiffen but I tried to hide it. Her quick glance told me I hadn't succeeded. "No," I spat, and she raised her eyebrows at my harsh tone. "I'm sorry Bella, but she should fucking hate him!"

"Let's not argue about it." She squeezed my hand. "Dinner's ready."

We talked while we ate dinner, keeping the conversation strictly on neutral ground. After dinner we worked in tandem clearing up and doing the dishes. The new dynamic between us amazed me. I was enjoying her company on a whole new level. I loved the way she trailed her hand across my back when she was squeezing past me in the tight space. In fact, a couple of times she rubbed against me so shamelessly I couldn't believe it wasn't on purpose. I had to force myself not to grab her.

As she rinsed the glasses I looked out of the window. It was a lovely evening. "Let's go for a walk," I suggested, thinking I might cool off if we were outside the apartment.

She turned with one eyebrow quirked. "Why?'

_Because all I want to do is bend you over the counter and take you._

I chuckled. "Because it's a nice evening, and I want to take my girlfriend out." The word girlfriend seemed to hang in the air between us, but as I watched her eyes light up it thrilled me too.

"I'm your girlfriend?" she asked quietly, a ghost of a smile playing on her delectable mouth.

"My one and only." I grinned, pulling her to me and kissing her. I loved the way she melted into my embrace. Her hand delved into my hair as she pressed her body against mine. I hardened instantly. Not having her was killing me, but for the first time in my life I wanted it to be special. I wanted it to mean something, and I wanted us both to be on the same wavelength when it happened.

As much as I craved her, the need to do things properly was stronger. I couldn't slip or fall into old habits. It all had to be new. In terms of relationships, I was a virgin too. She'd let me open my heart to her last night and it touched me in ways I'd never thought possible. She'd silenced me with her proclamations of love and she'd coaxed my own out of me. I couldn't fuck this up.

Even though I believed she loved me, I still had to prove myself worthy of it.

Her cheeks were glowing and her eyes glassy when I pulled back from the kiss I couldn't resist giving her. I loved the effect I had on her, and for good measure I pressed my erection against her to let her know the effect she was having on me.

"Do we have to go out?" She pouted.

I slapped her ass gently. "Go get your jacket."

She giggled and practically skipped to her room.

I watched her ass as she did.

_Fuck! What I wouldn't give to bend you over the sofa and..._

The learning curve would be steep.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

**BPOV**

He surprised me by hailing the first cab we saw. When it stopped, he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards it.

"I thought we were going for a walk?" I said as I slid onto the seat beside him.

"We are," he insisted with a reassuring smile. "But I thought we could walk along the waterfront."

I grinned as he told the cab driver where to take us. A romantic walk along the waterfront – how very un-Edward.

He was right; it was a beautiful evening. The crimson sun was slipping slowly towards the horizon, casting a warm pink hue on the buildings and boats on the waterfront. Edward paid the driver and took my hand to help me out of the cab. His fingers laced with mine and he gave my hand a little squeeze as we started to walk. It seemed he was not the only person to have thought of this idea; lots of couples were strolling along the sidewalks, enjoying the pleasantly warm evening.

I smiled up at Edward, feeling a strong burst of pride. He was by far the most handsome man here and I thanked my lucky stars that he was here with me.

We walked hand in hand, enjoying the balmy evening. I was so happy, everything seemed better. The flowers were more colorful, the setting sun more beautiful, and the salty tang of the breeze more pleasing to my nose. Being in love, reciprocated love, had given me a whole new perspective on the world; it was suddenly a far nicer place to be living in when I had someone to share little pleasures with.

After a while he stopped walking and pulled me into his arms, hugging me tightly. The sidewalk was all but deserted, and I guessed most people had been put off by the chill that was creeping into the air now that the sun had disappeared.

"There's something that's been on my mind this afternoon," Edward said quietly. Judging by his expression, I doubted I would like it. "I think maybe I should move out."

"Why?" I managed to choke out against the sharp gasp that filled my lungs.

He reached out, trapping a thick ribbon of my hair between his thumb and forefinger and began to twirl it as he tugged me gently closer with his other hand. "Because I can hardly keep my hands off you Bella, and I want us to do this properly. To have a proper shot at this, we should do things right."

"Are you saying you don't want to touch me anymore?" I pouted.

He frowned. "No, I'm saying the opposite. I want you so much, Bella." He wound his arms around my waist and pulled me flush to him. "I can't imagine staying in that apartment with you now and not sleeping with you every night." His voice became huskier. "I can't imagine not wanting to kiss you and touch you and make love to you every minute of every day if we live together. It's too much."

His words left me feeling a strange mix of delight and disappointment. I brushed my hands up his arms loving the feeling of his soft hair springing up beneath my fingers. "I don't want you to move out Edward. I like having you around." I look up at him shyly. "Besides, there are ways we can stave off the...um, tension. You've been looking after yourself... I could do the same." I couldn't help the blush that felt white hot on my cheeks.

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and a low moan growled in his throat. "Do you really think that I could stay in my own room every night, knowing that you're in yours..." He leaned forward, pressing his lips to my ears at the same time as his growing erection pressed into my belly. "Playing with your pussy?"

My eyes rolled back and wetness pooled between my legs. With shining eyes he grinned at me. "You really do like it when I talk like that don't you?"

"Stop trying to distract me," I complained, still hurt that he wanted to move out.

His expression sobered. "Let's go for a drink and talk about this properly."

I agreed, but only because I was determined to convince him not to leave me. He tucked me into his side and pressed his lips to my forehead as we turned and retraced our steps back along the sidewalk.

We arrived at a small bar, which was quite full. We stepped inside into a room that was richly furnished with heavy mahogany tables and cherry leather sofas. Matching wood paneling adorned the bottom half of the red brick walls. Since the booths were all full, Edward led me to a table in the middle of the room, which didn't offer us much privacy.

He asked me what I wanted to drink and left me alone at the table while he went to the bar. There was a long line at the bar, and I took the opportunity to admire Edward while he waited. It didn't escape my notice that I wasn't the only female in the room admiring him, but when he turned and winked at me it didn't matter. He was with me and I intended to keep it that way.

Renewed determination washed over me. Last night I had convinced him that I loved him and tonight I needed to convince him that staying in the apartment with me would not be detrimental to our relationship.

"Checking me out at the bar?" he teased, setting our drinks on the table and sliding onto the sofa beside me. I was pleasantly surprised, I had expected him to sit opposite me.

"A girl can look." I smiled taking a sip of my wine. "Since I'm not allowed to touch anymore."

He threw his arm across the back of the sofa and pressed himself closer. "You don't make this easy for me, Bella."

"I just don't understand why we have to go back to square one. I mean, I get why we have to start dating properly, but I honestly don't think I can have a near platonic relationship with you."

He toyed with my hair again as he spoke. "I don't want that either, but living together might make things more difficult. It might be too intense."

I sighed in exasperation, and perhaps unreasonably a part of me longed for the Edward who possessed a lot less morals than this. "It's not intense. It's everything I want. Why can't we just be like other couples?"

"I don't know what couples do," he said quietly.

I smiled, heartened by his admission. "Well, being open about their relationship in public for a start," I said, pecking him on the cheek. "Dating, spending time with each other's family and friends."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that will be easy because your dad and your best friend just love me."

"_I_ love you," I told him. "And once my dad gets to know you, he'll accept you."

He looked doubtful but he took my hand in his and kissed it.

"Don't leave me," I begged, moving closer. "Stay at the apartment. We don't have to sleep together every night, although occasionally would be nice. You'll be starting your internship after the summer, so I won't see a lot of you anyway."

He stared at me long and hard as his fingers traced the contours of my face. "You have me completely wound around your little finger, Bella Swan."

My mile was victorious. "Take me home."

Even though we were in the middle of a busy room, he pulled me close and kissed me senseless. "Drink your wine," he murmured with a twinkle in his eye. "And stop trying to seduce me."

My spirits tumbled. "I guess I'll just have to learn to be as unaffected by you as you are by me."

He slid his hand between us and tapped my thigh lightly. "Give me your hand."

I lowered my hand beneath the table, still disappointed at his steely resolve to take things slowly again. My disappointment was short lived when he enveloped my hand with his and pressed it against his iron-hard erection.

"Unaffected?" he asked, one eyebrow quirked.

When he released my hand, I took a large gulp of wine.

We made out like teenagers in the back of the cab. I fought hard to stifle my groans since we were in close proximity of the driver, but by the time we got back to the apartment I was a limpid pool of wanton jelly in Edward's arms.

We crashed through the door and he pressed me up against the wall. "Jesus, Bella!" he rasped. "Whose fucking idea was it to take things slowly?"

"It was your stupid idea," I moaned between kisses.

He gripped my upper arms and his forehead dropped to mine. I could feel his heart hammering beneath my hands. "I want your first time to be special, Bella. I mean it."

"It'll be with the only person I've ever loved," I sighed. "It couldn't be any more special than that."

His lips slid across my cheekbone, down my jaw and fixed firmly onto my neck. He sucked my skin gently for a few seconds before he spoke again. "Trust me, women want a first time they can look back on fondly."

An obvious question was out of my mouth before I could stop it. "What was your first time like?"

His lip paused on my neck. "I was sixteen, I got drunk, I fumbled around, and we fucked," he said brutally, the memory clearly pouring ice on his ardor.

"Was she a virgin?" I asked, not fully sure why I wanted to know.

"Hardly," he snorted. "She was my best friend's mother."

My mouth gaped. "You lost your virginity to Emmett's mother?"

He laughed loudly. "No! If you knew Emmett's mother, you'd know why I am laughing." He chuckled again. "She's built like a line backer, that's where Emmett get's it... and she'd crush me like a bug if I even looked at her with a glint in my eye." He shook his head as if to rid it of an unpleasant image. "Which I wouldn't. Just so you know."

"Okay," I said, sliding my hands between us. I was delighted to find him still hard. "No virginity taking tonight, but we can fool around for a while?" I asked hopefully.

"Definitely," he said, scooping me up into his arms and heading for my bedroom.

His lips found mine again, drawing a wanton moan from my body when he traced my bottom lip with his tongue. His lips were hot and wet and utterly intoxicating as he devoured my mouth.

My whole body was humming with pleasure at the thought of the wonderful things he could do to me with that talented mouth.

I slipped my fingers underneath his shirt, yanking it upwards. A small smile played on his lips when he stepped back and pulled his shirt up and off his torso. Dragging my eyes away from his, I let them trail down to his bare chest. The magnificence of his masculinity hit me like a freight train. Every part of my body throbbed with need for him, and I pressed my mouth to the soft sprinkling of hair on his chest, inhaling deeply.

He smelled divine. Desire rolled through me as I let my lips slide lower, swirling my tongue over his warm skin. When I reached his nipple, I traced it with my tongue before tugging on it gently with my teeth. He inhaled sharply and dug his fingers into my sides. Pride burst through me. I was going on instinct alone, but to feel his reaction was extremely empowering.

With my tongue still working on his nipple, I dropped my hand to the fastening on his jeans.

His fingers immediately circled my wrist. "Bella," he warned, gripping gently.

Undeterred, I set my fingers to work releasing the button and tugging down the zip. He let go of my arm, allowing me to work the denim down his legs. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to drop to my knees as I pulled the material free. He tried to stop me.

"Let me undress you," I whispered, pulling his shoes off and encouraging him with my hands to step out of his jeans. He didn't need my encouragement to remove his boxers too.

The glorious texture of his skin sent ripples of arousal dancing up my spine when I ran my hands up his calf muscles. But that was nothing compared to the thrill of running my hands over his muscular thighs. Wild horse couldn't have stopped me from sliding my tongue along the inside of his thighs. My eyes flicked upwards when I grew close. I could feel the heat of his erection by my cheek, but my eyes didn't linger there, instead they focused on his face.

A muscle worked gratifyingly in his jaw as his burning eyes pierced mine. He licked his lips once before pursing them together forcefully. The implication of my position was not lost on either of us. He was right there in front of me.

And I wanted to taste him.

My heart pounded with excitement when he curled his hand slowly around my neck. But he pulled gently as if he wanted me to stand.

"No," I said quietly, leaning forward and applying my lips to his rigid shaft.

Myriad emotions washed over me, including excitement, arousal and maybe even a little fear. But I wasn't repulsed by this at all. This was me loving him, and physically showing him. I wanted to do it, to give him pleasure and take ownership of his glorious body. I wanted to be in control for once, the way he had been with me.

I shuffled closer, gripping his base lightly. When he jerked in my hand and whispered my name on a low groan it was utterly empowering.

Not sure if I was doing it right I traced my tongue up the underside of his cock, inhaling the spicy musky scent of his arousal. I knew I had reached the most sensitive part at his tip when his fingers tightened in my hair and he jerked again. I pressed my lips there and then I was so nervous a tiny giggle bubbled in my throat.

"You're thinking of the banana, " he murmured gently. I glanced up to see a tiny flicker of amusement in his burning eyes. It was enough to dispel my tension. The amusement in his eyes didn't last because he tried again to pull me up, but I wasn't having that.

I opened my mouth to let him in. His loud groan brought one from my own throat as I took in as much of him as I could. His fingers were still in my hair, but he didn't move as I closed my lips around him and sucked gently

He responded vocally when I alternated between sucking and swirling my tongue around him. The sounds he began to make were the most arousing I'd ever heard, giving me the courage to go on and fueling my own desire. I sucked my way back up his length until he was almost out of my mouth. I sucked harder I as took him in again.

"You don't have to do this," he groaned in a way that sounded like the words were physically painful. "Are you okay?'

"Mmm hmm," I murmured affirmatively around him. His head jerked back and his hips flexed in an involuntary motion that made me wonder if he liked me to be vocal.

I hummed again and was rewarded with the same thrilling reaction. I was in complete control and contrary to what I initially thought about this act, it was not degrading at all. This was me loving him and giving him pleasure with my body. I had never felt stronger. The rasping desperation of his breathing, the trembling of his knees, and the glorious gasping groans he was emitting were all because of me – _I_ was doing this to him._ I_ was making him feel all kinds of wonderful, and nothing had ever pleased me more.

"Use your tongue," he begged.

Complying, I swirled it around his tip. He held my head lightly with his fingers while his hips bucked gently. If it was possible I was sure I could feel him swelling in my mouth. My excitement mounted at the thought of being responsible for bringing him this level of pleasure.

"Stop!" he gasped, pulling his hips back so he fell out of my mouth.

Rocking back on my heels, I looked up at him with confusion. His eyes were two bright emeralds scorched into the taught landscape of his tense face. Veins pulsed in his neck as his fingers encouraged me to stand.

"What's wrong?" I asked as he enveloped me in his arms and pressed his forehead to mine.

He was still breathing deeply when he answered. "I was about to come."

"That was sort of the point," I complained, though I couldn't be completely despondent when my heart was pounding in my chest with the knowledge that I had almost given him an orgasm. "Why did you stop me?" I wasn't sure what to expect at all, but I had wanted to take him over the edge, to give him what he had given me so many times.

He guided me down onto the bed and hovered over me, staring into my eyes. "A man's cum doesn't taste very good." The small smile playing on his lips was accompanied by a wicked gleam in his eyes. "Not that I know this from firsthand experience. But the last thing I wanted was for you to be put off from ever doing that to me again." He winked and kissed the tip of my nose.

"One of us is wearing too many clothes," he accused then, letting his eye roam down my body. "And it's not me."

I shivered under his heated gaze, moaning a little when his fingers slid under the hem of my shirt and began to tug it upwards. At the same time, he pressed his lips to my neck and kissed a path down my body until his fingers and lips met on my breasts. He made short work of pulling the shirt over my head before clamping his mouth over my nipple.

He kept moving my hands away when I tried to help him, seemingly wanting to undress me himself. His mouth followed his fingers, licking and sucking the skin he exposed. He opened my jeans, sliding them only as far as my knees. The material bound my legs together, making it impossible for me to open them when he pressed his face between my legs. I groaned appreciatively when his tongue delved between my lower lips. His fingers held my hips steady and he trailed his lips to my hip where he sucked violently on my skin, marking me in the process. He kissed the purple mark, whispering an unnecessary apology.

At long last he stripped me bare and lay down beside me. I brushed my hand over his cock, enjoying the hot smoothness of it and the hitch in his breathing that revealed his pleasure.

"You like touching me, baby, don't you?" he murmured, dipping to circle my nipple with his tongue.

"Yes," I hissed, writhing beneath him. "But I want you inside me." He looked up at me, his eye burning with passion. "Make love to me?" I begged.

"You have no idea how much I want you right now, but I want it to be special for you."

I sighed, my arousal doused by disappointment. "This_ is_ special. If we make love right now, it would be special to me." I hated the desperation in my voice, but I'd never wanted anything more. "I don't need you to take me to a fancy restaurant and ply me with wine first. You don't have to take me to a fancy hotel or anything like that. I'm ready and I want you, right here, right now."

He chuckled. "Always so impatient."

"I'm being serious," I groused. "I don't need you to dress this up. It's special the way it is because we love each other. I would rather have spontaneity than you filling the room with flowers or lighting a hundred candles."

His eyebrow quirked. "You've just vetoed all my best ideas."

I saw the truth in his expression and groaned. "I'm sorry. Were you really going to do that?"

"Well it does sound a bit cheesy now that you mention it, but yeah... I had some plans."

Guilt washed over me, but he didn't seem too put out.

"You're right, spontaneity is good, but there does need to be some level of planning." I wasn't sure what he meant. "We need protection and I'm guessing you don't have any condoms in here. It would be a bit of a mood killer having to run to my room in the middle of things to get some."

"I'm on the pill."

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Really? Since when?"

"A few weeks." He smiled at my guilty flush. "Um, would it be okay for us to do it without condoms?" I didn't want anything between us on my first time, but I still had some concerns.

"Doesn't it tell you on the packet when it's safe? I know it can be different depending on the type of pill." He was propped on his elbow, looking down at me now, and it struck me that the slight uncomfortable feeling that was creeping over me had nothing to do with our nakedness. I was completely at ease lying naked beside him.

It was something else that was bothering me. I didn't want to offend him but I had to ask. "Have you always used condoms?"

"Of course," he said. "I didn't want to risk some random girl coming up to me and telling me she was having my kid."

That was not a pleasant thought. "So, you've never done it without one?"

"No. Even when I was so trashed I couldn't fully remember everything, there was always 'evidence' afterwards." He looked a little shame faced. "Maybe the condom package... or the condom itself." He grimaced lightly, but then noticed my embarrassment. "Why?"

"I...well... condoms don't just protect against pregnancy," I muttered.

His eyes lit with understanding. "Oh."

"You're not offended are you?"

He shook his head, but I could tell he didn't like the implication. "I have no right to be offended. My reputation precedes me yet again." His voice was a little tight. "But you have nothing to worry about. I'm completely disease free." He tried to inject a little humor into the last part but failed miserably.

"I'm sorry," I said, cupping his face.

"No, don't be." He lifted my hand and brushed his lips across my knuckles. "You were right to bring it up."

"Can I ask you something else?"

"Yeah," he answered cautiously.

"Can we never mention bananas again?"

He chuckled and rolled onto his side, trapping my mouth with his. His kiss was strong and needy and I felt him harden against my hip.

"Let's take a shower," he suggested, grinding his hips a little.

"Right now? But I thought–"

"Trust me, Bella. If I attempted to make love to you right now, it wouldn't be special." He ground his hips into me again. "It wouldn't last five minutes."


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N Thank you for your generosity in reviewing. Even though this is the third time of posting this story it's still nice to hear your thoughts. I'm pleased by the positive response once again.**

* * *

**Chapter 31**

I woke up in Edward's bed, naked and alone. As soon as I opened my eyes, details from last night started to replay in my mind, which brought a wide smile to my face. Lying back against the pillows, I recalled the feel of his hands on me and his tongue between my legs. Every muscle in my body clenched in desire when I thought about his tongue there. I would never tire of that.

He'd carried me, rather unnecessarily, to the shower and playfully dumped me in it before turning on the water. His mood hadn't stayed playful for long, and I discovered just how much he liked to come in the shower. In fact, I wasn't averse to it myself. Afterwards he took me back to bed, but we were too exhausted to do anything but fall asleep in each other's arms.

I got out of bed, wondering where he was. Grabbing one of his sweatshirts from a drawer, I pulled it on and padded to the living room. There was no sign of him there or in the kitchen, and by the time I checked the bathroom I already knew he wasn't home.

His exams were finished, so I doubted he'd had an early class to attend. Since he hadn't left a note, I was stumped. I couldn't help the insecurities that started to surface. What if he was avoiding me? I'd practically begged him to have sex with me last night, but he wouldn't. What if he doesn't want to be with me after all?

Wound like a spring, and desperately trying not to panic, I returned to my own bedroom. I had been intending to get dressed but when my eyes fell on the piano I was hit by the urge to play. Playing piano always relaxed me and I needed it now. As sure as I was of my feelings for Edward, there was still a tiny seed that he didn't feel as strongly for me as he claimed. At this moment in time that seed was threatening to take root and bloom into a horrible mass of doubt.

I sat on the stool as I had done many times before and waited for a tune to come to me. When I began to play, it was no surprise that the music was somber like my mood. I had often played _Chopin's Prelude in E Minor_. My mother taught it to me, but the only reason I could stand to play it was because she had come to hate it. To this day I still don't know why she suddenly refused to let me play it any more, but after I went to live with Charlie I played it often.

I stopped playing when I heard the front door opening, turning expectantly at the sound of footsteps approaching my room. Edward appeared in the doorway. "You're up?"

"You're back," I countered.

He smiled, but gave no explanation to where he had been. "Don't stop. I could hear you as I was coming down the hall. I love it when you play."

My eyes dropped to the bag in his hand. "Where were you?"

"I had to run an errand, I was hoping to get back before you woke up. Are you hungry?"

I shook my head. Not for food.

Turning back to the piano, I played a different song. It was an upbeat country song which I had learned to play for Charlie when he got tired of hearing classical pieces.

"Your tastes are very diverse," Edward remarked, coming up behind me. His warm breath whispered against the crown of my head as he leaned down to kiss it.

"I learned lots of different tunes," I said, still playing. "I used to spend hours every day playing." I smiled at the memory of Charlie's scowling face. "I think it drove Charlie up the wall most of the time, but he never said anything."

I switched tunes again.

"You're very talented." His lips were sensuously close to my ear, and the heat from his body seeped through the shirt I was wearing. "You look hot in my sweatshirt." My fingers stalled on the keys; I wasn't sure if he meant I looked good in it, or if I looked too warm. Right now, I definitely felt too warm. "Don't stop," he said, swirling his fingers over my naked thighs.

My fingers stopped moving when he placed his hands on my hips and quietly asked me to stand. I did as he asked, watching as he sat on the bench and pulled me gently down into his lap. "Keep playing, please."

His soft voice was thick with arousal, which was so distracting I could hardly coax a tune out of the piano. Somehow I managed to keep playing, even though most of my attention was on his long fingers exploring my naked skin. He whispered compliments in my ear, deliberately letting his lips brush against it. Shivers of pleasure danced up and down my spine.

He slid his hands over my knees and back towards me over my inner thighs, forcing my legs gently wider as he did. I felt myself get wet as his talented fingers delved beneath the sweatshirt, but I was aware that he was deliberately avoiding all the areas I wanted him to touch.

"You're not playing," he reminded me.

My fingers pressed on the keys, but I was no longer even aware if I was playing a tune. The pleasure humming through my body had sent the blood rushing through my veins and I was practically incoherent with lust. He rewarded my efforts with a soft brush of his thumb over my nipple. My back arched, thrusting my breasts firmly into his palms. His fingers flexed, massaging me and drawing a whimper from me that sounded like I was somewhere between pleasure and pain.

One hand stayed on my breast while the other slid lower, and in violent contrast to his ministrations so far, he swirled his fingers quickly over my clitoris before quickly plunging two fingers inside me. "Oh!" I gasped, my hands flying from the piano keys to grip his forearms.

"Does it feel good?" he murmured seductively. I couldn't respond, and merely sat there while he removed the sweatshirt from my body with his free hand – his fingers never leaving me. There was something incredibly erotic about being completely naked in his lap, while he was fully clothed.

He spent a few moments pumping his fingers in and out of me while his teeth nipped at my neck and shoulder. Eventually he eased his fingers out and gripped my hips lightly. "Turn around and let me look at you," he requested softly.

I stood up, allowing him to turn my body. His eyes seemed to drink in every inch of me, and my heart began to pound when he slowly traced his bottom lip with his tongue. Without a word, he reached behind me and closed the piano lid. Guiding me back to his lap, he spread my legs so that my knees rested on either side of his hips. In this position I was completely exposed to him, but the appreciation in his eyes obliterated any feelings of self-consciousness that I had been harboring.

The way he was looking at me, made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

"Edward!" I gasped when he leaned forward and licked my nipple then blew on it. He did the same to my other nipple and smiled as they puckered tightly.

"Jesus Bella," he rasped. "I love the way your body reacts to me." He lowered his head and flicked his tongue over my nipple again. I watched with rapt attention as his soft full lips closed over my quivering breast and sucked hard.

"That feels good." I yelped when my head fell back heavily against the piano. However, I felt no pain because there was far too much pleasure at play here.

Releasing my breast with a wet pop, he slid his fingers under my head, massaging the spot that had connected with the wood. "Are you okay?" he asked, mildly concerned.

"I'm perfect," I responded hoarsely.

His lips spread into a wide grin. "Yes you are. You definitely are." He drew me upwards until our lips were almost touching. "Come to bed with me."

My heart immediately started hammering in my chest as the implication of his words hit me.

"I can't wait any longer Bella. I fell asleep wanting you last night and when I woke this morning, I wanted you even more."

He stood fluidly with me still in his arms and set me down on the bed.

"Open your legs," he said, pulling his shirt over his head. "Wider," he encouraged, gazing at me with burning eyes as he unfastened his jeans. "Your pussy looks delicious," he groaned.

"I love this," I said breathlessly, reaching out to touch the soft trail of hair leading from his navel down into his underwear. His face was a mixture of lust and mild humor as he watched my fingers swirl through it. He let me play there for a while before he dropped his jeans to the floor and asked me to lie back down. I did, marveling at the sight of him when he removed his boxers.

Unfazed by his nakedness, he walked across the room to retrieve the bag he had brought in with him. I watched as he pulled out a small bottle, which he set on the nightstand.

"This is massage oil," he explained. "I thought we could start with something to relax you." He rooted in the bag again and produced a small bunch of pretty pink daisies. "I got these just in case you _are_ the romantic type but don't know it." He smiled at me adorably. Lastly, he held up a small fat candle and lit it. He dripped the wax on the nightstand and pushed the candle onto it. There was an unmistakable glint of amusement in his eyes when he looked at me. "I thought one candle wouldn't hurt."

"I love it," I told him, endeared by his obvious discomfort and his efforts to lighten the mood.

He blew out a long breath and kneeled beside the bed. "I just want to make this good for you, Bella." He frowned slightly. "But I'm in uncharted territory here. It's never mattered before. You'll tell me if I'm moving too fast or you want me to stop?"

I gripped his face in my hands, pulling him to me and kissed him with all the passion I could muster. He returned it with fervour, stretching himself over my body, pressing his weight into me for a few moments before he raised himself off me again.

"Roll over," he whispered.

I heard him rub the oil in his hands while I rolled onto my stomach and rested my cheek on my arms. His touch was gentle when he slicked the oil from my ankles up towards my calves, kneading the muscles firmly. It felt wonderful as he lavished attention on each leg, working his way slowly upwards. His fingers slowed further when they skimmed over my buttocks, smearing the oil over my heated flesh.

Firm thumbs worked in circles, sweeping between my legs to graze my lower lips. When one dipped briefly inside me, I sucked in a sharp breath, which turned into a whimper when his hands left me completely.

He re-positioned himself and I felt the hard warmth of his penis against my wet skin. He was teasing me as his hands worked their magic across my shoulders.

"Edward?" I mumbled against my wrists.

"Hmm?"

"This isn't relaxing me."

He stopped. "Isn't it?"

"No, you're not touching me enough where I want you to touch me, and it's making me tense."

He chuckled. "I'm not done yet."

I groaned in complaint.

He leaned over the side of the bed, lifting his discarded shirt and dried his hands on it.

I rolled onto my back, gasping in delight when he forced my legs open and sat between them. His legs curled around my hips, and he pressed the base of his erection against my wet core, the tip standing proudly between us.

I ground against him, earning a deep groan in response. "Stop that," he hissed playfully.

He shifted position, sliding downwards and peppering my torso with open mouthed kisses. I was wound tighter than ever as his mouth was poised above me, and then his tongue darted out and he gave me one long lick right along my folds.

Bolts of pure pleasure shot through my whole body. With the added anticipation of what was to come, the sensations were stronger than anything I'd ever felt before.

He repeated the motion several times until his mouth closed over me and he sucked hard. Two fingers filled me, increasing the intensity of the ecstasy hurtling through my body. I clutched at his hair in desperate need of something to cling to. The heat of my impending orgasm blazed deep in my pelvis as I strained for release.

His fingers began to piston with increasing force, sending me screaming over the edge.

He lay with his head over my hammering heart, pressing sweet kisses on my breasts as my breathing slowed.

"Are you relaxed now?" he asked, looking up at me with a mischievous smile.

I fisted my fingers in his hair. "Almost."

He pulled himself up, planting a sweet kiss on my mouth. Brushing my hair off my damp forehead, he gazed into my eyes. "Are you sure you want this?"

"Completely sure."

His head dropped into the crook of my neck. His breath washed over my neck in hot gusts as he reached down between us and positioned himself right where he needed to be. He paused to kiss me again, and I saw the restraint etched in every detail of his face. His lips quivered with it and his eyes searched mine.

Pushing forward slowly, his jaw slackened and a low moan rumbled in his throat.

It felt so tight and the stretching sensation was hot and painful, robbing me of breath.

He stilled instantly. "You okay, baby?"

I looked up at him, his eyes were shining but his jaw was tense. I could see a little muscle working furiously beneath his skin. I nodded, not wanting him to stop. I never wanted him to stop.

He drew back slightly, but my relief was short lived when he pushed in again. I bit my lip against the wince that threatened, but he clearly felt the tension in me because he stopped again.

"I'm okay. Don't stop."

"Fuck Bella," he groaned. "It feels so good. I wish it was good for you too."

"It will be," I whispered, pulling his head down into the crook of my neck.

He pulled almost all the way out and this time when he slid in fully, I felt the first bolt of pleasure and moaned.

"That's it, baby," he urged, his groans matching mine. "It's so good." His lips were pressed to my ear. I fisted one hand in his hair, clutching at his back with the other. "You're so good."

He kept a steady pace, sliding in and out with long slow strokes. I could still feel the stretching burn, but it was easing and the pleasure was taking over. He reared back to meet my eyes, piercing me with a searing gaze that seemed to reach all the way into my soul. Never before had I felt so connected to another person. It felt like my body was made for his and my whole life had been leading up to this moment.

"I love you," he murmured, dipping to capture my lips with his.

In that moment, every cell in my body sang with rightness of what he was doing to me. I _felt _loved, and my own heart was bursting with the same love for him. I told him over and over, clinging to his body as he moved inside me.

His hands dropped to my hips as he pushed deeper and faster. The slight pain wasn't enough to matter, all that mattered was that I had never felt this much love in my heart, this close to anyone physically or emotionally, and I never wanted it to end.

Loud groans reverberated around the room, our voices mingling in a passionate symphony that was sweeter than any music I'd ever played. I felt his lips brush the shell of my ear. "I'm coming," he moaned.

His hips bucked erratically, and I felt him swell inside me as his low moan became a loud roar of pleasure.

Breathing raggedly, he tilted my face towards his with shaking fingers. The kiss he gave me was deep and loving and a tiny bead of sweat dripped from his forehead onto mine. "Jesus, I never knew it could be like that," he panted.

I smiled.

** Epov**

My heart was hammering in my chest, I'd never felt anything like it.

Her body felt like it was molded to fit mine, but it wasn't just the physicality of it. The emotions coursing through me were blowing my mind. Every moan that fell from her lips made me want to please her more. I wanted her to feel as good as she was making me feel. I needed her to know that I loved her with all my heart.

Everything was heightened; the smell of her skin in my nostrils, the taste of her lips on my tongue, the sheer fucking pleasure of being with her like this. Making love with her, sharing something that neither of us had felt before.

I tried to take it slow to make it good for her, but I couldn't. I was so fucking excited, so turned on, and she was so goddamn beautiful staring into my eyes that I couldn't hold on. The most intense orgasm of my life ripped through me like a missile, obliterating every last vestige of my self control as I gave myself over to it.

"Jesus, I never knew it could be like that," I gasped, loving the feeling of her sweat slicked skin against mine.

I looked down into her beautiful eyes. "Did I hurt you?"

The smile on her face never wavered as she shook her head.

I knew it was a tall order to make her come on her first time, but I still felt a little bit like a selfish asshole. I'd never cared before. In fact, I didn't even fucking know if I've ever given a woman an orgasm with my dick. I'd never paid close enough attention.

She smoothed her hand across my clammy brow, pulling my thoughts back to the here and now.

"It was perfect," she whispered, tears glistening in her eyes. "I love you, Edward."

"I love you too, baby." Nothing could have wiped the smile from my face. I didn't recognize myself any more. I'd never been into the hearts and flowers shit, and I'd never really believed it was possible to feel so much for one person that you'd never want to be with anybody else. But here I was, a big goofy sap, probably pulling out every cliché there is, but loving every minute of it.

I didn't even want to pull out of her body, but nature took care of that as soon as I moved to lift some of my weight off of her. I smiled as we both uttered the exact same disappointed moan.

We lay in silence, sharing tight embraces and soft slow kisses, until her stomach began to growl with hunger.

I propped the pillows up behind us. I wanted to ask her not to cover herself when I saw her pull the sheet up to cover her breasts when she sat up. But I didn't, because I wanted her to feel comfortable. Leaning over the side of the bed, I grabbed the two paper bags I'd brought home earlier.

She giggled when I handed her a bagel and a juice box. "You thought of everything. Does making love always make you hungry?"

"I have no idea." I grinned at her, preparing to take a huge bite out of my bagel. "That was my first time."

She swatted my arm. "You know what I mean."

"I'm serious," I insisted, keeping my tone light. "I don't want to talk about the past right now, but I want you to know that this is _all_ new to me."

I didn't want to tell her that most of the times I'd had sex before, I was usually drunk and I either passed out afterwards or zipped up my flies and left. I'd never held any of them afterwards, or eaten in bed with them. Maybe the first time. That day I'd wanted to hold her and thank her, but she simply patted my cheek and left me dumbfounded and wholly unsatisfied.

There was no point in telling her any of that. It wasn't important. All that mattered was this... and I fucking loved this.

"How do you feel?" I asked while I chewed.

She rested her head back against the headboard, letting out a long contented sigh. I watched transfixed as a slow smile crept across her face then she tilted her head to look at me. "Relaxed."

I grinned like a fool.

"It was so nice," she continued.

"Nice?" I was a little disappointed. I'd been hoping for something a little more than _nice_?

She smirked. "I'm teasing. It was perfect." Her hand slid down my body and she absently stroked the hair below my navel. I now knew why they called it a happy trail. When she did that it certainly made me feel all kinds of happy. My dick twitched a little too.

"I was worried it would be too sore or I'd do something wrong, or that I'd feel guilty. But it felt so good." She beamed at me. "I can't do it justice. I can't describe how much I loved it, how much I love you. Will it always be that good?"

"I'm hoping it will be better."

She frowned. "Wasn't it good for you?"

"It was amazing, Bella. Jesus! Don't ever doubt that." I hugged her closer. "But it was your first time. It was fast and basic, and even though it was pretty fucking perfect, it will be better for you." I leaned forward, pressing my lips to her ear. "The more we do it."

Her eyes glittered as she wrapped her lips around her straw and desire arrowed straight to my dick. Just with that one innocent act, I was hard and ready to go again. She shivered when I leaned forward and sucked gently on her nipple.

Her eyes swung down to meet mine. "Again?"

"Only if you want to," I said.

She trapped her lip between her teeth and nodded. "I definitely want to."

I pounced, hovering over her as she wrapped her fingers around me and pulled me to her. She winced a little when I pushed inside, and my whole body shook with the effort of holding back until she adjusted.

After a few moments, she tilted her hips slightly and relaxed around me. This time I managed to go slower, stroking in and out of her gloriously tight body again and again. I took my time to feel every tremble of her body, every sweet whisper of her breath against my face. Wanting to make it better for her, I eased my fingers between us and began to stroke her clit softly.

"Yes," she moaned. "I like that, Edward, don't stop."

The sound of my name on her lips spurred me on. I rubbed her with more purpose and increased the force of my thrusts. She was mewling and sighing and groaning and it was like the sweetest symphony I'd ever heard. I wanted to wait, needing to feel her orgasm. But it was so intense, I wasn't sure if I could wait for her.

"That's it baby," I whispered, sliding deeper, enjoying the soft gust of her breath against my neck. "Feel it. Feel _me_."

At last I felt her muscles contract and pulse. It felt so fucking good it triggered my own orgasm. Her muscles milked my cock as her body accepted every last drop of what mine gave.

We must have slept, I had no idea what time it was when my eyes opened and I slowly became aware of the soft body draped across mine.

She sighed softly when I kissed her hair.

"You awake?" I asked.

"Yes." I felt her smile.

She looked up at me resting her chin on my chest. "I missed my classes." She grinned. "Isn't this just the most perfect day ever?'

"Sure is." I sighed happily.

"I want to take a bath with you," she said.

We lingered in the bath. I washed her hair and she washed mine. We had to have a shower after the bath so I could wash my cum off her after she went down on me.

In the evening, we ate sandwiches and chips for dinner. Afterwards, we lay on the sofa and talked.

"I want to take you to meet Esme and Carlisle," I told her.

Her head rose and she looked at me quizzically. "I've already met them."

"I know, but I want to take you there as my girl. I've never done that." I kissed the tip of her nose.

"Okay." She smiled. "I'd like that." But her eyes dulled a little.

"What's wrong?"

"I want you to meet Charlie, properly." She sighed. "But I have to go alone first. After what happened at the wedding, I have to go and explain everything to him–"

"I'd prefer to explain to him myself, man to man."

"You would?"

I nodded. "He already thinks I'm some no good asshole. I'd rather apologise in person than have you do it for me."

She sat up fully and raked her fingers through her hair. It was all tangled and mussed up, but looked hot as hell. "I guess you're right, we'll go together." Her eyes flicked to mine hesitantly. "If Jasper has spoken to Alice by then, I'd like to go see him while I'm there."

"I won't lie to you Bella. I'd prefer it if he just disappeared off the face of the earth, but I know how much he means to you, so if you want to go see him, I won't stand in your way. But I want to go with you, I don't trust him to keep his hands to himself."

She pressed her lips to mine. "Let's not talk about Jasper tonight."

Later, as I drifted off to sleep with Bella wrapped in my arms, I thought about how foolish I'd been for even considering moving out. I would give anything to spend every night with her.

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**A/N Would it be crass to request marks out of ten for their first time? ;) Just kidding. **

**There are 11 chapters to go, but I may slow down on the updates for a few days as I'm _attempting_ to write an epilogue as in the past people have requested a little more closure. That's all I'll say for now, but as the story progresses towards the end if there is anything you would like to see covered in the epilogue feel free to let me know.**

**Thank you for reading.**

**Kat**

**x**


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N Sorry for the delay in updates. I hope you will forgive me when I tell you I'm currently writing an epilogue and it's actually going WELL... in my humble opinion. I haven't written anything that I've been happy with for over a year, so it's a great relief to me that I'm enjoying writing the epilogue for this.**

**I will continue with the updates over the next week or so and hopefully I can get the epilogue finished in a couple of weeks so there won't be a big delay.**

**Thank you again for your generosity in reviewing. I'm enjoying reading them and it certainly inspires me to write.**

* * *

**Chapter 32**

Despite everything that had happened I still looked for Jasper when I was on campus the week after the wedding, but he never showed up. If it hadn't been for the hurt he'd caused Alice I would have gone straight over to his house the day after the wedding and had it out with him, but she was the most important person in all of this and I couldn't in all conscience try to repair the damage he had done to our relationship before he had at least tried to speak to Alice.

Edward came home on Wednesday night after spending the day with Alice and informed me that she had packed all Jasper's stuff and asked him to pick it up at the weekend. My heart ached for her just as much as my anger burned at Jasper.

It was a strange position to be in. I'd never had cause to feel this way about Jasper, he'd let me down, and he'd let himself down. For years we'd been impossibly close and I shared everything with him. He was always there for every trauma and every triumph, but now when I was finally discovering who I really was, he was absent.

I was angry at him for what he had done, but every time I thought of his face I melted. I'd seen how he felt about Alice. I'd watched as that loving smile had stretched across his face when he thought of her. I'd witnessed his happiness at finally finding his other half, but yet somehow, somewhere along the line he'd taken a wrong turning and we'd all suffered as a result. And deep down it upset me to know that he was hurting too. I missed my friend so very much, even though he wasn't good for me in his present state of mind.

On Thursday I was sitting alone in the cafeteria when I received a text. I'd been disappointed when I'd entered the room to find he still wasn't here. When I checked my cell and saw the text was from him I felt a moment of relief. The text consisted of one word: Sorry. I didn't reply, though I desperately wanted to. I decided it would be best to contact him after he'd spoken to Alice at the weekend.

On Friday afternoon I called Jacob to tell him he was right about the truck. It had started to make a worrying rattling noise and I was grateful when he told me to bring it over right away.

When I arrived he was already on the porch waiting for me, a huge blinding white grin on his face. I couldn't help but smile back, my mood lifting instantly. He was like a faithful puppy, always happy to see you and always able to make you feel better. He got me to scoot over and jumped in beside me taking the wheel. He drove a block down the road before backing into a large garage. "I work from here," he told me, killing the engine.

I got out of the truck and took a look around. The stench of oil and exhaust fumes hung in the air. The bare walls were grimy and in need of a paint job. In the corner two old car seats had been positioned in front of a scuffed coffee table and the sink unit behind them was badly rusted.

"If you have plans I can drive you home and I'll bring the truck over later," Jacob offered, already peering under the hood.

I shook my head. "No thanks. I thought I could hang out while you work."

He grinned and jerked his head towards the kettle. "Okay, but make yourself useful."

The tap gurgled to life and I almost expected rusty water to spew out of it. Thankfully the water was clean and I set about making coffee.

"So, how're things going with you and Edward?" he asked from beneath the truck's hood, his voice slightly muffled.

My thoughts turned to the week I'd just spent with Edward. We could hardly keep our hands off each other and despite his concerns we'd spent every night sleeping in the same bed. Sometimes in his, sometimes in mine, but always making love. A familiar throb started to pulse between my legs as the memory of his touch washed over me.

"That good, huh?"

Jacob's voice startled me out of my reverie, and I opened my eyes to see him staring at me with a mixture of humor and surprise in his expression. I blushed to the roots of my hair.

This was where I missed Jasper the most. I was really desperate to talk about all of this to someone. Not the specific details, but it would be nice to be able to share my happiness with him. Jasper used to share this kind of stuff with me, and I loved hearing about it. I always thought that one day I would confide in him the same way.

Pushing thoughts of Jasper out of my mind, I returned my attention to Jacob. "I'm sorry. I'm just really happy."

His eyes twinkled. "Yeah I can see that, and you don't have to apologize for being happy." He wiped his oily hands down the front of his jeans, which were already covered with a layer of grime. "Could you pass me that wrench?" When I did, he ducked his head back beneath the hood. "So how did your dad's wedding go?"

I made the coffee and told him what had happened while he worked. When I got to the worst of it, his head jerked up narrowly missing the hood. "He made a pass at you?"

"It wasn't really a pass," I said, frowning at the memory. "I'm not sure what it was. The whole thing is a complete mess."

"How's Alice taking it?" He pulled something out of the engine and wiped it with a cloth before scowling at it and muttering.

"She's devastated. I haven't actually seen her myself – she doesn't want to see me, but Edward talks to her every day. She's packed up all Jasper's stuff."

He put the part back into the engine and came over to sit on the other car seat. Leaning back, he took a long sip of his now lukewarm coffee. "Can't say I blame her. Sounds like Jasper acted like a real ass."

"I know he did, but it's so sad, Jacob, he really does love her. I remember what he was like when he first started dating her and they were so desperate to move in together. How could it have gone so sour so quickly?"

He must have detected something in my tone of voice. "Are you worried that it won't work out between you and Edward?"

"I wasn't until now," I admitted.

"You're being totally honest with him now, right?" he asked, fixing me with a stern stare. I nodded. "Then that's all you can do. Nobody ever knows how their relationship will turn out. All you can do is be honest with each other and work at it together."

I stared at him, feeling a rush of admiration for this kind man who would make such a wonderful boyfriend. "I really wish you could meet someone," I mused.

He drained his mug. "I have," he reminded me.

"Someone available," I pointed out.

Ignoring that, he got up and went back to work on the truck. "So, Edward decked him?'

I groaned. "Charlie didn't take too kindly to that, he completely took Jasper's side because of it and now he thinks Edward is some kind of rash punk."

That seemed to amuse Jacob. "I'm sure once he gets the full story, he'll realize Edward was quite right."

"I don't think he should have hit Jasper," I protested. "But as soon as Charlie gets home, I'll be setting him straight."

Jacob's cell phone jingled to life and he straightened up to answer it.

"Hey, dad, what's up?" He listened while his dad spoke. "I'm just finishing up on Bella's truck...yeah, I could pick some up... no, she's here with me now...wait I'll ask her..." He turned to face me. "Dad's asking if you want to stay and have dinner with us?"

"Yes I'd like that." I smiled.

"She said yes dad... sure, sure... about an hour?... Okay, see you then." He thumbed the disconnect button. "He seems to like you."

"He _does_ know we're just friends?" I asked.

Jacob laughed. "Don't worry, I told him you're Edward's girl. And just for the record, he really likes Edward too."

A small ripple of pleasure coursed through me when he referred to me as _Edward's girl_.

After almost an hour of talking while Jacob worked, he eventually slammed the hood shut. "She needs some new plugs. I can order them in for you."

"Does that mean I can't drive it?" I asked worried how I'd manage to get to classes without my truck.

"No, she'll be fine for a little while. I've cleaned the plugs up and it'll only take a few days to get the replacements."

I giggled. "Do you always refer to vehicles in the female tense?"

He smirked. "Sure," he said, patting the hood gently. "I like working on the ladies."

I laughed then and caught the keys he threw to me. We had to take a quick ride to the grocery store so Jacob could pick up some things for dinner. While he was in the store I called Edward and told him I was having dinner with Jacob and Billy.

It was just getting dark when we arrived at Jacob's house. He unloaded the bags, but refused to let me carry one as he led me into the house.

"At last," Billy greeted us. "I thought I was going to have to send Leah down to drag you two out of that workshop."

Leah was standing behind Billy smiling at Jacob, but when her eyes swung to me her expression soured. I wasn't used to having that effect on someone, and I couldn't say I cared for it.

"Hey Leah," Jacob said lightly, and I wondered how he could be so easy around her. "Where's Paul?"

"Embry and Sam took him fishing for the weekend." She glanced at Billy. "Billy called and invited me over for dinner." Her eyes briefly connected with mine. "I hope that's okay."

Billy looked the picture of innocence but something in his demeanor seemed to suggest that he was meddling. Without responding to Leah, Jacob turned to me and surprised me by curling his fingers beneath the lapels of my jacket and pulling it gently down my arms. It seemed such an old fashioned gesture, and I blushed under Leah's watchful gaze as I wriggled my arms free.

"I'll just hang this up for you," Jacob said.

Billy turned to the kitchen, leaving me facing a sullen Leah.

"Hello again," I said with a tight smile which she didn't return.

She simply nodded before following Billy into the kitchen with an offer to help with the meal.

"No, thanks Leah, Jacob and I can manage."

"I need to take a quick shower first," Jacob said, returning to my side.

"I don't mind helping," Leah said, but was quickly rebuffed by Billy.

"I won't be long," Jacob insisted and when he looked at Leah, I saw the first hint of tension in his expression.

I sat down awkwardly on the couch and after a few moments Leah did the same. I had no idea what to say to her and we sat in awkward silence while Billy rattled around in the kitchen.

"Jacob was working on my truck," I said eventually. I'd only said it to fill the silence, but it came out sounding like I was offering her an explanation for why I was with Jacob today.

"Yeah, Billy told me." She didn't even look in my direction.

She hadn't been so ill mannered when I first met her, but it felt like she'd somehow developed a resentment towards me. I had no idea why and it made me feel very uncomfortable.

When the meal was ready the four of us sat at the table. Billy gestured for me to sit in the seat beside Jacob and opposite Leah, leaving me directly in line with her frosty glare. Billy chatted amiably while he ate and I tried my best to keep up with the conversation but I was too aware of Leah to really do it justice.

A few times I caught Billy watching Leah carefully whenever Jacob and I spoke to each other. I became suspicious of his motivation for inviting Leah to join us. I got the distinct impression that he had invited her after he'd invited me, but surely he couldn't be trying to force Leah and Jacob together by making her jealous. Aside from the embarrassment of it, Paul was family and even though there were mitigating circumstances, it still seemed highly inappropriate.

After the meal I offered to wash up. Billy tried to say no, but I was set on getting away from Leah and having something to do. I stood up and stacked everyone's plates and took them to the sink.

"Sorry about Leah."

I started at the sound of Jacob's voice and dropped the dishes into the sink with a deafening clatter. Luckily they didn't break.

"Did I do something to offend her?"

He blew out a long sigh and leaned his hip against the counter. "I guess she just doesn't like seeing me with other girls." He snorted. "How's that for irony?"

"That's not irony," I grumbled. "It's selfishness."

He didn't respond.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" I said. He shrugged, still a little distracted. "Did your dad invite her here to make her jealous?"

His smile held a bitter edge. "Probably. I know that's kind of fucked up, but he knows how we feel about each other and he hates the way Paul treats Leah and–" He rubbed his fingers over his short hair. "Fuck. I'm sick of this shit." His eyes lifted and they were so full of sadness and regret that I immediately moved to his side and put my arms around him. "I feel like I don't want to love her anymore because it hurts too much."

I didn't know what to say to him. I could only guess at the level of his misery but I knew that there was nothing I could say to make him feel better. He returned my hug with fervor before pulling away. He smiled sadly at me. "Thank you. I needed that."

I smiled back. "I know you did."

"You know, Edward is one lucky guy."

His mention of Edward troubled me, was this inappropriate? How would I feel if he was hugging other girls? I'd been the one to tell Jasper that we shouldn't be so tactile anymore and here I was wrapping my arms around Jacob.

"Hey," he said softly, dipping his had to look into my eyes. "Did I say something wrong?"

I shook my head. "Do you think that maybe I shouldn't hug you. I mean, that's how Jasper and I used to be and look how that ended."

His loud burst of laughter surprised me. "You're cute Bella, but I'm not gonna fall in love with you just because you hugged me a couple of times."

I blushed furiously which made him laugh harder. "No, that's not what I meant," I protested, but his laughter was infectious and my argument was lost amid a fit of giggles.

When Leah stepped into the room a few moments later, it felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown over us and our laughter died instantly.

"Um... I just came to say goodbye. I'm gonna head home now," she said looking at Jacob. I watched transfixed as he stared back and a thousand silent words seemed to pass between them. The look in his eyes was an intense mixture of anger and longing. I began to feel like I was intruding on a private moment.

"I should go too," I said, breaking the silence. I turned to Leah. "I can give you a ride home... if you like?"

I didn't really relish the thought of being alone with her but since we were both leaving at the same time, I couldn't _not_ offer her a ride.

"No thanks. I only live a couple of blocks down." She paused, glancing at Jacob before addressing me again. "I'm sorry if I seemed a little off tonight. I didn't mean to be rude."

I waved off her apology even though she offered no explanation.

After saying our goodbyes to Billy, Jacob saw us both out. I had intended to hurry to the truck to give them some privacy but Leah simply said goodbye and headed off down the street, leaving Jacob and me alone on the porch.

He watched her until she disappeared around the corner. He turned to me. "I'm really sorry she was off with you tonight I–"

"Don't apologize," I cut in. "I had a nice time. I'm glad your dad invited me." He walked me to the truck and held the door while I got in. I rolled the window down after he closed the door. "Call me when you have the parts, and I'll bring her over."

He grinned. "Ah, so you agree she's a she?"

"Whatever," I said, before pulling away from the curb.

When I turned the corner, I was surprised to see Leah standing at the edge of the road. She raised her hand and motioned for me to stop. I briefly entertained the notion of ignoring her, but curiosity got the better of me and I pulled over.

She opened the passenger door. "Do you mind?" she asked, gesturing to the seat.

"Did you change your mind about the ride?" I asked dryly.

She climbed in and closed the door. "What's the deal with you and Jacob?"

I killed the engine, knowing that it wasn't a ride she wanted. "You should talk to Jacob," I said, irked by her nerve.

"He said you two are just friends but you looked pretty cosy to me."

"Didn't he tell you I have a boyfriend?"

She rolled her eyes cynically and I was hit with the sudden urge to slap her. I'd never felt like using physical violence before but the disdain on her face angered me. "Yeah, he said you're with Edward Cullen. No offence, but it would be easier to believe him if he told me the pope was your boyfriend."

Her rudeness astounded me. "I don't care what you believe, and I don't care for your attitude, so please get out of my truck."

"Look, I didn't mean to offend you. I just thought you and Jacob were together, and..." Her voice trailed off.

"And what?" I challenged. "What if we were together? Do you think it's fair to try to scare off the competition when he's not yours to fight over?"

"You're no competition," she sneered.

"That's right, I'm not. But what if I was? What if Jacob really did like me that way? You'd still do it. You'd still ruin his chance because you want him there pining for you while you go home to your husband every night."

"You don't know anything about me. It's none of your business!" she shouted.

"No, I only know what Jacob told me and what I've seen for myself. And you're right; it _is_ none of my business, but I like Jacob and I think he deserves to be happy." I stared into her eyes. "You're probably the only person who can help him with that."

She flinched a little as if my words had physically hurt her. Her lip trembled and she turned her face to the window and looked out onto the street. For a moment I thought she was going to get out. Her hand moved towards the door handle but she dropped it into her lap again. Eventually she turned to face me with tears shimmering in her eyes.

"I have nowhere to go." All at once she was like a totally different person. Her eyes were filled with sorrow and her voice was barely a whisper. "I don't want to stay with Paul, but I can't see a way out."

"Have you talked to Jacob?"

She shook her head but then seemed to gather herself. "I have to go. I shouldn't have said anything." And with that she got out and was running down the street before I could even call her name.

I arrived home just after nine o'clock to find Edward sitting shirtless on the sofa watching the game on TV. His hair was damp as if he had recently had a shower.

Dropping my bag and jacket onto the floor, I hurried towards him and straddled his lap. My fingers sifted through his hair as I pulled him to me and kissed him hard. His eyebrows rose in surprise briefly before he groaned and wrapped his arms around me. His tongue was warm and tasted faintly of toothpaste when he slipped it between my lips. I tugged his hair a little harder as I sucked on it greedily.

"Wow." His eyes were bright with arousal when I finally pulled back for air. "Hello to you, too."

I dropped my forehead to his and sighed heavily, feeling my tension ebb away. "I hope we stay like this forever," I murmured.

His brow furrowed. "Is something wrong?"

I kissed him again, but gently this time. "I just spent a really uncomfortable evening with Jacob and Leah. I couldn't bear it if we couldn't be together, I don't know how they can even stand to be around one another."

He tilted my chin up and his eyes were full of tenderness. "It's their problem, Bella, not yours. They have to work it out for themselves."

I found myself marveling at how well he seemed to know me. He'd guessed correctly that I was already wishing I could help them. "I guess I shouldn't interfere."

"No, you shouldn't. If it's meant to be, they'll find a way to be together."

All thoughts of Leah and Jacob ceased when I dipped my head and kissed him again. His hands gripped my hips and he pulled me closer into his lap, letting me feel the hard ridge of his erection. Gripped with need, I moaned into his mouth and flexed my hips to gain friction. I wanted him to take away all the tension I'd felt tonight, to remind me that love can be something good, something that makes you happy.

Our kisses became hungrier and the sexual energy ramped up several notches as his hands slid under my shirt. He cupped my breasts over the fragile lace of my bra. "Take your shirt off," he murmured against my neck, his lips trailing over my skin. "I want to see your tits."

My eyes rolled back with pleasure when his hands left my breasts and lifted my shirt. I raised my arms obediently while he tugged it off, and my bra quickly followed. A small groan of pleasure rumbled in his throat as he looked his fill. His hungry gaze made me shiver with anticipation. He raised his hands to my breasts again, curving his fingers around the undersides and leaving my nipples exposed to him.

At last he looked up at me with a wicked glint in his eyes. "What do you want me to do?"

My heart started to pound. "Touch me."

"I am touching you," he pointed out playfully. "Tell me specifically what you want me to do..." He paused, licking his lips. "...to you."

I rubbed against his erection feeling the sweet sense of revenge when he groaned and his fingers squeezed my breasts harder. As quick as a flash he flipped me onto my back and started furiously working the button on my jeans. His haste thrilled me and my fingers explored his face while he stripped me. He captured my finger and sucked it into his mouth, his eyes glittering invitingly.

He rocked back on his heels, staring down at my naked body. I wanted him in the same state.

"Take off your jeans," I ordered feeling bold, but the bubble of excitement caused my voice to crack.

His lips spread into an approving grin. It never left his face while he slowly unbuttoned his jeans and made a show of lowering the zip slowly. I couldn't drag my gaze away from his. I was almost incapacitated with lust. Even when he peeled the denim down his legs, I still couldn't look away from the intensely erotic gleam in his eyes. He looked like he wanted to devour every inch of me.

He dropped his jeans to the floor. Finally my eyes dipped to focus on his body. He sat back and his heavy penis bobbed between his legs. "What now?"

I glanced up at him, and the gentle lift of his eyebrow told me he wanted me to call the shots – vocally.

My nipples hardened and the moisture between my legs increased. There was something so exciting about being here with him like this; naked on the sofa, with all the lights on and the TV still humming in the background. The thought of him looking at my body aroused me.

"Look at me." I whispered, opening my legs a little wider.

"I am looking at you."

_Goddamn it!_

"You have to say the words Bella." His grin was devilish. "The dirty ones."

I swallowed hard. I was unbelievably turned on, but also a little apprehensive. It was one thing whispering dirty words into his ear but to say them out loud in the brightness of this room was something altogether different. Lifting my foot, he swirled his tongue around the bone on my ankle and I knew exactly what I wanted him to do.

"Look at my p_" His eyes lifted to mine expectantly and the lust I saw there robbed me of the ability to take this slowly. I couldn't stretch this out, I needed him and I needed him now. "Lick my pussy," I moaned, and my head dropped back onto the arm rest as a mixture of arousal and mild embarrassment washed over me.

He spread my legs wide and attacked me with relish. He'd never been this rough before and his teeth scraped across my slick flesh. He sucked so hard that my hips lifted off the sofa. "Watch me," he demanded in a voice that sounded almost like a growl.

My head snapped up and his eyes held mine as he flattened his tongue and licked slowly from my entrance up to my clit. My knees trembled. "You're so wet," he rasped. "I could eat your pussy all night."

His words washed over me, causing goose bumps to spring up over my skin and my nipples to tighten into small hard buds. I loved his filthy mouth and the sight of his face buried between my legs was the most arousing thing I'd ever seen. He flattened his tongue again and repeated the motion several times, increasing the pace until he was biting, licking and sucking like a man possessed. My fingers fisted in his hair and a long loud moan reverberated around the room when I came on his tongue.

He worked me through it until I had to push him away when his tongue began to tickle. With one final lick, he rose and loomed over me.

I pulled him down and kissed him, tasting myself on his lips. He dragged them across my cheek and nibbled my ear lobe. "I want to fuck you, Bella."

My mouth popped open in surprise and he pulled back a little to look at me. He'd never referred to it like that before and if it hadn't been for the look of love in his eyes I might have balked at the words.

He was a little tense, probably wondering if he'd gone too far, but he hadn't. He'd told me he wanted to do everything with me. He'd made love to me so sweetly the first times and I loved it, but I loved this too. I loved to see him losing himself in lust.

I rubbed my thumb across his bottom lip while I bit my own. He sucked my thumb into his mouth and closed his eyes.

"Fuck me," I whispered, taking us both by surprise.

His eyes popped open and his gaze was almost reverent, but the lust was still burning brightly.

He bent and kissed me hard and pushed himself inside me at the same time. Pulling my legs up around his waist he began to pound into me so forcefully that loud gasps of pleasure erupted from my throat with each thrust. He was panting hard when he stopped abruptly and stared down at me.

"What's wrong?" I panted, confused as to why he had stopped.

"Will you turn around?"

"Why?"

His head dipped and he brushed his lips across mine. "I want to take you from behind."

My insides clenched around him making him groan. He kissed me again and slipped out of me. Placing his hands on my hips, he turned me over and helped me up onto my knees.

"God, I love you," he groaned as he positioned himself behind me, spreading my legs wider to accommodate him. I gripped the arm rest for balance.

He smoothed his warm hands over my buttocks. "So beautiful," he murmured and then with a loud moan, he slid into me.

It felt so deep that I worried it might hurt. Reaching back, I pressed my hand on his thigh and he waited, rocking gently until my body adjusted to it. Pleasure rolled through me in waves and before I knew it I was rocking backwards, encouraging him to move deeper. He slid one hand underneath me and splayed it across my belly while the other gripped my hip. He pushed in so deeply I could feel his balls pressed against my wet skin, heightening the pleasure I was feeling. My head dropped onto my hands as the sweet sensation of him filling me almost rendered me boneless.

"More," I panted, pressing backwards.

"Fuck!" he gasped pulling back and then thrusting forward sharply. "It feels so fucking good, can you feel it?"

"Yes."

He thrust into me at a frenzied pace. The sound of slapping skin and impassioned moans filled the air around us.

He leaned forward his chest pressed to my back, still thrusting. "Do you like it Bella?" he panted in my ear. "Do you like me fucking you?"

I couldn't speak I was so overwhelmed by the feel of him slamming into me and the sound of his voice in my ear.

"Tell me baby, do you like it?" His fingers found my breasts and he gripped them roughly.

"Yes!" I shouted throwing my head back. His lips instantly clamped onto my neck. "Oh please don't stop. You feel so good inside me."

Letting go of my neck, he straightened and a rush of cool air hit the sweat slicked skin on my back. His fingers dug into my hips, anchoring me in place while he increased his speed. My muscles began to tighten and every nerve ending in my body prickled as I strained for release.

When it finally slammed through me, I was a babbling wreck. Words were flying from my mouth but all I could focus on was the white hot pleasure of the orgasm shooting through my entire body, curling my toes and making my knees buckle.

"That's it baby," he groaned and then a string of expletives left his lips when his own orgasm hit.

We collapsed in a sweaty panting heap and I could still feel him pulsing inside me as my muscles did the same. When our breathing slowed, he rolled off me and pulled me against his chest. "God, you are amazing," he whispered, kissing my forehead.

I looked up at him and smiled. "I have a great teacher."

He smoothed my hair back away from my face and stared at me, his expression suddenly a little tense. He planted soft kisses all over my face paying particular attention to my eyelids and eventually my mouth. "You know it's still making love, right?" he asked, pulling back to look at me again.

"Edward, stop worrying about me. I'm not going to go running for the door every time you let yourself go." I cupped his chin and stared at him levelly. "I liked it." I pecked his mouth. "I like you fucking me." Even though I meant what I was saying and tried to sound as confident as possible, I still blushed furiously as I said the words.

The slight hitch in his breathing was utterly gratifying. "Did I tell you how amazing you are?" He grinned.

"You might have mentioned it," I joked before turning serious. "You're amazing, too. I love you so much... I never thought I could ever feel this way."

"Me neither," he murmured, pulling me into a tight hug.

In the early hours of the morning I lay awake listening to him softly snoring, my thoughts had turned to Alice and I felt guilty for being so blissfully happy. Jasper would be coming by today to remove all his stuff from her house, and I thought about how I would feel if it was Edward leaving here. I couldn't even bear to try to imagine it for more than a few seconds, yet for Alice it was her reality.

* * *

**A/N Thank you for reading.**

**Kat**

**x**


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

"Dude! You totally fucking sucked ass."

Emmett's voice seemed to fill the whole apartment as soon as Edward opened the door and they walked in. I glanced up from the book I was reading to see them walking down the hallway towards me.

"Jesus Em, keep your fucking voice down," Edward snapped as they stepped into the living room. He grimaced at me apologetically while he threw his gym bag into his room.

"Hey dancer," Emmett greeted, throwing himself into the chair opposite me. "Sorry about the language. I didn't realise I was being so loud."

I stifled a giggle. Loud and louder were the only two volumes Emmett was capable of. Quiet just didn't compute in his brain.

"Where were you two?" I asked, setting my book down on the table.

"Kick boxing," Emmett replied, glancing at Edward accusingly. "We used to do it a couple of times a week. Anyways, I always kick his ass, but never like today." His grin widened. "He was like a little fucking puppy dog – sorry for swearing – it was embarrassingly easy."

Edward sat down beside me on the sofa, draping his arm across my shoulder. I caught an enticing whiff of his freshly showered body. "Shut up Emmett. You won. Get over it already."

"I guess you guys will be hungry." I stood up and headed for the kitchen.

Edward caught my hand. "You don't have to go to cook, we can order in."

"It's no trouble," I insisted.

Emmett was already settling himself back in the chair and flicking through the TV channels. Perhaps if it was anyone else who did this on their first time here it would have annoyed me, but Emmett was not the type of guy you could be annoyed with.

Edward peered into the fridge. "We only have two beers left," he muttered. "I'll nip out and buy some more." He glanced at me over his shoulder. "D'you want some wine?"

I nodded and he kissed my cheek, telling me he wouldn't be long.

I gathered what I needed from the fridge and started chopping vegetables.

"Wow, you're really gonna cook from scratch?" Emmett was looming over the fridge watching as I worked. "Christ , we've lived on take outs and stuff that comes in a tin for the last four years."

I smiled. "I like to cook, though I have to warn you there will be no meat in it."

He grimaced and I burst out laughing. "You're not going to change him into a vegetarian too are you?"

I frowned. "Too?"

"You've changed him," he responded taking the beer I offered him and twisting the cap off. "For the better," he elaborated quickly.

Pride got the better of me."How so?"

"Well for a start, he actually smiles these days." He chuckled. "Of course, regular sex does that for a guy."

I blanched. "Well I think we can agree Edward has always had regular sex."

"Hey," he admonished, stepping closer. "Don't you do that. I don't wanna hear any of that self doubt bullshit from you. I'm telling you that he's different now because of you. You're making him happy. He's in fucking love and that's something I never thought I'd say about Edward Cullen."

Embarrassment heated my cheeks and I turned to make a start on the onions.

"Look, I guess what I'm trying to do is warn you and put your mind at ease at the same time."

I looked up. "Warn me?"

He sighed. "Well, you know, just because he's with you, doesn't mean girls will stop throwing themselves at him. You just need to know that he's totally into you, like he's never been with anyone before." he took a swig of beer and I went back to chopping and the onions started to sting my eyes. "You can't let any of the bullshit he did in the past affect what you two have." He grimaced. "Jesus, I sound like a fucking agony aunt... I really care about him; he's had a tough time. I just don't want to see you two fuck it up, that's all I'm saying."

I thought about Leah's reaction to us and I knew what Emmett was trying to do. He was trying to make sure I understood that some of this might not be easy. I hadn't doubted Edwards love but maybe without Emmett's advice I would have one day.

"He used to be a selfish prick, but with you I get the feeling he'd do anything for you and he won't ever let anyone hurt you."

I smiled up at him my eyes still stinging from the onions and fat tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Are you fucking crying?" he gasped, recoiling as if he thought it might be contagious.

"It's the onions," I explained, laughing at him.

I dabbed at my eyes with a kitchen towel and blew my nose noisily.

"What the fuck, Em?" Edward glared dropping a bag on the counter and immediately rushing to my side. "What have you been saying to her?"

I hadn't even heard him come in.

Emmett grinned and raised his eyebrows at me knowingly as if some kind of point had just been proven.

During our meal, Emmett talked about Rosalie a lot and I wondered how the funny sassy woman he described could sound so different from the sullen moody one I'd met. I said nothing of this and politely smiled and nodded in all the right places. Every now and then Edward would gently caress my knee beneath the table and Emmett noticed every time, winking slyly at me whenever Edward wasn't looking.

After dinner my thoughts drifted back to Alice and Jasper, and needing some time to myself I insisted on washing up alone. Staring out of the window at the early evening sun I thought about the night of the barbecue. They had been so happy that night and it was heartbreaking to think of Jasper moving all his things out of the house. I wondered if he was still there collecting his things and if they were talking things over. I hoped they weren't fighting.

A little while later, Emmett ducked into the kitchen. "Thanks for dinner. That vegetable shit was better than I thought it'd be."

I was sure there was a compliment in there somewhere.

He walked towards me, "I have to go Rosie just text me." He looked at me conspiratorially. "Remember what I said, and no matter what anybody says to the contrary, take it from me, he won't let you down."

We turned to find Edward watching us from the living room. Emmett kissed my cheek, slapped Edward on the back as he passed, and left.

"What was all that about?" Edward asked, wrapping his arms around me and backing me up against the wall.

"What?" I said, feigning innocence.

"You're little tete-a-tete with Emmett in the kitchen."

"Oh that. He was just telling me about how badly you kick box." I smiled.

He pressed himself into me and I felt the comforting warmth of his body. "I was distracted," he murmured, flicking his tongue over my earlobe.

"He kicked your ass."

"Only because I was too busy thinking about yours."

I moaned when I felt him harden.

The phone rang and my shoulders sagged as I reached for it. Edward pressed soft wet kisses to my throat.

"Hello?" I tried to move out of his way, but he pulled me closer, sucking gently on my neck and grinding his hips into me.

Silence.

"Hello?" I said again.

Edward stiffened and stepped back quirking an eyebrow. I shook my head indicating that I had no idea who it was.

Then I heard sniffling. "Alice?"

"I-I-Is Edward home?"

My heart ached for her. I knew she wouldn't want to speak to me. Jasper was gone from her life and she probably wished I was too. I wanted to say something but couldn't find the words to convey how sorry I was. Edward took the phone from me, his eyes full of sad regret.

"Are you okay?" He spoke, turning away from me slightly. He didn't completely turn his back on me, but the distance was evident. He glanced at me pleadingly, and I knew what he was asking even though he didn't speak. I nodded and his head dipped slightly. "I'll be right there," he said to Alice.

Pulling me into his arms he held me tight and dropped a firm kiss onto my lips. "Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Of course not, she needs you."

I wanted to ask if Alice had mentioned where Jasper had gone, but I knew that was the least of their worries. I simply kissed him back and let him go.

**EPOV**

Alice must have been watching for me because the door was already opened when I arrived. I stepped inside and closed it slowly, the house was eerily quiet but I knew where to find her, it's where she always went when she was hurting.

The top step.

She liked to be at the top looking down, as if nothing could rain down on her, her troubles were beneath her. He was beneath her.

When I found my instincts were right it told me more than she ever could convey in words, he meant something. As much as that sickened me, he did. Still.

She stiffened when I sat down and wrapped my arms around her, but then succumbed and sobbed into my chest.

"I can't believe it's over."

Her words were thick with grief, her face anguished. What the fuck could I say? Everything I wanted to say about him would only hurt her more. Her heart wrenching sobs stopped me from saying anything at all. I just held her and hoped it would go some small way to letting her know that she would never be alone.

As I held her shaking body and listened to her heart breaking, it dawned on me that what she felt for Jasper was every bit as strong as my feelings for Bella. She had clearly put all her faith in Jasper and had been so utterly shocked and devastated by his actions.

It made me think about the bond he and Bella shared. What if it was more than just friendship? They had a life time of memories and it made me feel sick to my stomach that one day Bella might come to the same realization that Jasper had, and decided that it was him she wanted to be with.

What if Alice and I were the dress rehearsal and the real show belonged to them, waiting to be played out.

"I can hardly breathe," Alice whispered, alerting me to the fact that my arms had tightened like a vice around her.

She pulled away wiping at her eyes when I let go. She fixed me with her usual penetrating glare, and I knew she could tell what I'd been thinking. Her unnerving ability to do that had ceased to surprise me years ago.

"She loves you," she said a little harshly, and I dipped my head feeling ashamed that I had been thinking of myself in her hour of need. "She rejected him, so at least _you_ have that."

I felt like the world's biggest asshole.

"What did he say?"

"He apologized a million times." A solitary tear slid down her cheek. "He said he loves me and the stuff with Bella was a mistake. He said it's me he wants and he just lost sight of that–" When she crumbled into sobs again, I took her hand in mine and waited till she was ready to continue. There was a haunted look in her eyes when she did. "The worst part is I think I believe him but I can't trust him anymore. He's everything I've ever wanted and he was perfect. But now it's ruined. It will always be there... she will always be–"

She stopped when I stiffened.

"I don't mean it like that. I just mean that what happened will always be hanging over us. I don't know if I could stand to see them being friendly again."

God knows I couldn't stand that thought either, but I kept my mouth shut.

"Tell me the truth," she begged looking up into my eyes. "Has Bella talked to him?"

"No," I answered. "She wants to, but she kept her distance to give you two a..." Could I say it? It seemed so obscene that Alice would even consider it, but I did. "She wanted you to have a chance at working it out."

Her eyes pierced mine. "He said he knows now that he can't live without me." Her voice was hollow and I knew what was on her mind before she voiced it. "But he didn't say if he could live without Bella."

We sat at the top of the stairs for a while until she got tired. Eventually, I scooped her into my arms and carried her to her room where she cried herself to sleep. I sat beside her bed until I was certain she was sleeping. Before leaving, I pulled the comforter over her fragile little shoulders that had been so strong for me so many times.

I missed my dad a lot when I was growing up, my mom too, though it took me years to admit it. Alice was the only one who ever saw my pain. I'd become so adept at hiding it behind a facade of apathy. I still don't know why Esme and Carlisle put up with me in the early years when I came to live with them. I was disruptive and completely unresponsive to everything they tried to do for me.

I went out of my way to make life as difficult as possible for them. As I got older I accepted that it was all a cry for attention, but it doesn't wipe out the fact that I embarrassed them and brought trouble to their door.

Even though she was younger than me, Alice would watch me with those big brown eyes – like she could see right into my head. She never seemed to get exasperated the way everyone else did and she never said one cross word to me. She had a way of getting me to open up to her.

It was only when I was alone in bed at night that I would let some of my emotions out. Sometimes letting my tears fall before furiously wiping them away again. That's how Alice found me that first time; trying hard to stifle my sobs in my pillow. She simply walked up to the bed, pressed her favorite teddy bear into my chest and then climbed in beside me, wrapping her arms around both of us. It was the first time I cried in front of anyone. It wasn't the last, but she was the only one who ever saw me cry.

There were many nights like that, where I would talk to her about my feelings. The crying eventually subsided, but she always knew when I needed her. When I got older it didn't feel right letting her come into my room so I stopped her. But I went back to feeling lonely and my behavior once again deteriorated.

Pulling my thoughts back to the present I walked quietly to the door, but then spotted her old teddy bear sitting on the vanity unit. I picked it up and placed it in her arms before lying down beside her. I wrapped my arms around her just like she had done for me so many times when we were kids. I couldn't leave her yet.

She woke in the middle of the night and ordered me home to Bella. I tried to insist on staying but we both knew my heart wasn't in it and for that I felt guilty. I walked through the bracing Seattle night back to where I wanted to be more than anywhere else, hoping that Alice would get through this.

Bella was sleeping and not wanting to disturb her I went to my own room where I stripped off and got into my cold bed, curling into a ball. I tried, I really did but it was like a magnetic force pulling at me relentlessly, until I couldn't do anything but get up and follow its trajectory straight to her room.

I slid between the sheets and curved my body around hers. I could tell I had woken her when she sighed in pleasure and snuggled closer.

"Go back to sleep," I whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you. I just couldn't sleep without you."

Her head dipped and she raised our entwined hands and kissed my fingers. When her ass wiggled against my pelvis, all my good intentions were lost.

I slipped her panties down easily and with her back to me she threw her leg over my thigh and guided my dick inside her. I moved languidly, sliding in and out of her wet depths as she gripped my fingers and brought them to her breasts. I was more than happy to oblige, kneading them softly as I slid my tongue along the curve of her neck. We took our time, reveling in each other's bodies. With each stroke the fear that had been brewing in me all night began to slip away.

I'd never enjoyed anything so much and I'd never fucking feared losing anything so much. She quivered in my arms when I bit her shoulder as I came, and feeling her pulse around my cock almost brought tears to my eyes. I never wanted to lose her, and it scared the crap out of me.

I awoke to an empty bed, but the smell of bacon appeased me and I lay on my back and listened to her humming in the kitchen. Contentment washed over me and I drifted back to sleep again.

She woke me by kicking the bed. "Hey, sleepy head."

I opened my eyes and grinned at her, pulling the sheet down slightly. "I've got a morning boner. Wanna help me out with it?"

A bright glint sparked in her eyes, but she shook her head. "I've made you some bacon and eggs and they're getting cold." Then her eyes dimmed. "And I want to hear about Alice, before I go to work."

I got out of bed and then realized I had come to her in the night naked and had nothing to put on. I stepped out of her room, my boner bobbing obscenely and smiled ruefully at her. "I just need to go put something on."

Her eyes were fixed on me as she watched me walk to my room. I had the urge to pull her back into her room, but she wanted to talk about Alice so that's what we'd do.

**BPOV**

I watched him do a strangely awkward jog to his room while cupping his hand over his erection. Normally I couldn't have resisted the sight of him naked, but today I was too anxious to hear about Alice. I had fought with my conscience all night after Edward had left. I wanted to call Jasper just to make sure he was doing okay but I had to know what he'd said to Alice first. Of course, I had spent most of the night staring at my phone willing it to ring, but it never did.

Edward emerged from his room wearing sweat pants and pulling a t shirt over his head. He sat down opposite me and winked, before digging in to the bacon and eggs I'd set in front of him.

"You know," he said, with his mouth full and a glint in his eye. "These are hot enough that we could have had a little quickie."

He was insatiable and I loved it. But...

"How was Alice?" I asked, instantly dampening the mood.

He frowned.

"Seeing him made her feel worse." He sighed and rubbed his hands down his face. He pushed his plate away even though he'd hardly eaten anything and finally looked at me. "He apparently apologized a million times."

There was a heavy note of sarcasm in his voice which I chose to ignore. I knew this wasn't easy for him.

I sagged back in my chair. "I wish I could go see her."

"I don't think that's a good idea," he said.

A long silence stretched between us. It felt like neither one of us was really ready to discuss Alice and Jasper fully.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you Esme called last night and invited us all for dinner tonight," Edward said, suddenly enthusiastic because he'd found something to say. "Do you want to go?"

"I take it Alice said no?" He nodded at my question. "Because of me?" I asked, and he nodded again, his eyes not meeting mine.

"She just needs time, Bella, she'll come round." He fidgeted with the rim of his plate. "So will you come tonight?"

I wondered if it was a good idea to go tonight when it was glaringly obvious that their daughter was abstaining because of me, but Edward seemed keen for me to go, so I agreed.

It was almost time for me to leave and I really wanted to talk about how things had gone between Alice and Jasper. "Do you think she'll be able to forgive him?"

When he snorted derisively, I had to force down the bubble of anger that swelled in my chest.

"Maybe I should drive down to Forks and see him this week before Charlie gets home." I mused aloud.

"Why the fuck would you want to do that?" He was practically gritting his teeth and his sudden outburst surprised me. "He's the one in the wrong and he hasn't even attempted to contact you to apologize. Why should you go running after him?"

"I'm not running after him. I was waiting till he spoke to Alice and since I can't ask her how he's doing I–"

"Fucking hell Bella, what was all that bullshit about waiting till he came to you?"

"He text me last week," I shouted. "I didn't reply so the ball _is_ in my court."

I stood up and dumped my uneaten breakfast in the trash, wondering how a perfectly good morning had suddenly descended into a shouting match.

He stalked into the kitchen and slammed his plate of uneaten food on the counter. I winced at the noise expecting the plate to break, but it didn't. He stood glaring at me but his voice was quiet. "Look, Bella, I just don't think you should go running down there it might send the wrong signals."

"I just want to make sure he's alright, Alice has had you to lean on Jasper doesn't have anyone." I insisted "And I'm sure he got all the signals he needed the last time – when I _rejected _him." I added pointedly.

Suddenly his eyes were like flint. "He doesn't deserve anyone, he caused all this! Why can't you see that?"

"He deserves a chance to put it right!" I yelled.

He jammed his fingers into his hair and raked it back. "How can he ever put this right? He tried to split us up, he almost cheated on Alice and he practically attacked you at your dad's wedding! Explain to me how he can ever put any of that right."

"Oh for crying out loud Edward, he didn't attack me. I was angry about it too, but we can't fix it by ignoring it."

"So you think things will just magically go back to the way they were?" He snorted.

"No," I said quietly. "I know things will never be the same, but he's still my friend and I'm not going to turn my back on him just because he got confused."

Edward snorted. "Yeah, confused about which one of you he wants to put his dick in to."

Tears pricked my eyes as I stalked to the living room. We weren't getting anywhere and I really didn't want us to fight over this. "I'm going to work," I said picking up my purse and the truck keys.

All day at work I alternated between stewing over Edwards apparent u-turn on not standing in my way if I wanted to make it up with Jasper, and feeling down about the fact that things would never be the same again. I had spent the most important years of my life relying on Jasper, and he had given me so much during that time. I had to at least find out if we could salvage something from the ashes of the bond we'd once shared.

At this point in time there was no question of who I would choose if I had to, but there was also no ignoring the fact that Jasper had been a major part of my life and had never let me down before. That level of trust and strength of bond had been cultivated over years and couldn't be wiped out by one stupid mistake. Even though I knew it was entirely Jasper's fault, I couldn't help how I felt. I missed him, and I couldn't stand the fact that he was hurting.

By the time I got home I had resolved not to mention Alice or Jasper this evening. Edward was taking a big step taking me home to meet the people he'd come to love as parents, and it wouldn't do to turn up with a big ugly cloud hanging over us.

He came to greet me as I was taking my jacket off in the hallway. "I'm sorry about this morning," He said enveloping me in his arms and squeezing me tightly as I apologized too. "The bath's ready for you."

I thanked him and smiled when he offered to join me. "I don't think we'd make it to dinner if you did that." I said heading to my room to get a change of clothes.

"You know, I miss the days when you couldn't get enough of my hands in your hair," he teased lightly, easing the strained mood a little.

"You're right I couldn't, but that was before I knew where it could lead." I looked at my watch pointedly. "And how long it can take."

He left me to get ready and I went through my routine as quickly as possible, all the while feeling more and more apprehensive about the visit. It wasn't as if Carlisle and Esme were a couple of ogres, they were very nice people, but it was nerve-wracking because Alice had refused to come because of me.

Their house was lovely, even from the street. It looked large enough to accommodate a family of twenty, very modern in design, and nothing at all like I'd imagined. Edward turned into the driveway and I admired the beauty of it as I got out of the car. There was so much glass, I couldn't imagine ever living in a house as open and luxurious as this.

He led me inside and his nervous disposition did not go unnoticed by me. Carlisle and Esme were standing in the vestibule arm and arm waiting for us. Esme, in particular, was grinning at us like we were a couple of kids and she'd just caught us holding hands in the corner. Everything about her just screamed that she was thinking; 'Too cute.'

I blushed, but when I looked at Edward I stifled a giggle because there was a definite tinge of rose pink just above his cheekbones.

"I won't introduce you, since you've already met." He sighed, stopping just short of rolling his eyes.

Carlisle grinned and stepped forward. "It's lovely to see you again Bella, welcome to our home."

I thanked him and accepted the enthusiastic kiss Esme planted on my cheek. Edward did roll his eyes when they turned away and we followed them down the hallway. I swatted his arm playfully.

I almost fell over my feet when we reached the living room and saw Alice sitting rigidly in an easy chair with her hands twisting in her lap. She looked up and her eyes met mine. She forced a smile which I nervously returned.

It would have taken a lot for her to come and I felt relieved and guilty at the same time.

Esme retreated to the kitchen while Carlisle poured us some drinks and Edward glanced nervously between Alice and me. Thankfully Carlisle struck up a conversation with Edward about his upcoming year as an intern, leaving me with the golden opportunity to approach Alice.

"How are you?" I asked awkwardly, groaning inside at my lame opener. How the hell did I think she was? She looked worse than I'd ever seen her, thinner, with dark circles under her eyes and a grim set to her mouth.

"I've been better," she said quietly. "But I'm getting there."

"Edward said you weren't coming," I blurted. "But I'm glad you did." It seemed my inability to hold a normal conversation had temporarily deserted me.

She finally looked up at me. "Bella, I came tonight, because I need to move on. I'm not angry with you, but I will admit I've been dreading seeing you again. But you're with Edward now, so I have to get used to it sometime."

"I'm so sorry for everything that happened," I said, moving towards her.

"It wasn't your fault," she insisted, recoiling slightly.

Even though I knew this was Jasper's fault, I couldn't help but feel responsible in some way. For years Jasper had had to contend with jealous girlfriends who couldn't accept our friendship. He'd often argued that there was no reason for them to feel jealous at all, but I had never tried to lessen the intensity of our friendship for their sake.

When he met Alice, she was different from the others. She fully accepted our friendship and was the first of Jasper's girlfriends to be nice to me. It was devastating that Jasper had broken her trust, and I couldn't help the bubble of anger that swelled in my chest when I thought of him.

The silence stretched between us and I struggled to think of anything to say. Everything I wanted to say to her would probably rub salt in her wounds. She smiled wanly and turned towards the television which had been muted.

When Edward came into the room he frowned slightly when he saw us sitting on opposite ends of the sofa not talking. Striding over he kissed my forehead before addressing Alice.

"I'm glad you came," he said, stooping to kiss her cheek.

I was sure I heard him whisper thank you as he did so.

Esme was an excellent cook and I was pleased that Edward had remembered to warn her that I'm vegetarian. Embarrassingly, the conversation seemed to centre around me. Edward kept his gaze trained on me listening intently while I answered Esme's barrage of questions. Every now and then he would wink at me and flash me an affectionate grin.

Inevitably the subject of my mother came up. I tried to stay upbeat while I answered Esme's questions but it became increasingly difficult and I was grateful when Edward stepped in to rescue me. Though I did wish he had been a little less blunt about it.

"One of the things Bella and I have in common is that we don't like to talk about our mother's," he said with brutal honesty.

Carlisle scowled at him but let the remark slide, I suspected out of politeness to me.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Esme said. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." She shot a disapproving look at Edward.

I placed my hand over Edward's and squeezed. "It's really alright. It's not our fault we have mothers who haven't been there for us."

He turned towards me and looked at me with dark unfathomable eyes. I held his gaze until it finally softened. "You're right," he said, turning to Esme. "I'm sorry."

After that the atmosphere became more relaxed and Carslisle and Esme shared cute stories about Edward and Alice's childhood. It was nice to see Alice laugh again, and during the remainder of the evening I found myself wishing that I had experienced that kind of family bond growing up.

After dinner I offered to help with the washing up, which of course Esme refused, but then to my surprise Alice offered to do it with me.

I washed while she stood behind me armed with a dish towel. We worked efficiently and in silence, I hoped she would eventually speak.

"Have you talked to Jasper?" she asked, her voice was so quiet and her words so slow I almost didn't want to respond.

"No, not yet."

"Yet," she echoed wistfully.

I didn't turn because I couldn't face her pain, but the least she deserved was honesty. "I'll probably see him during the week when I go home to see Charlie."

"He said it was a mistake brought on by all the changes that happened in his life." Her voice was almost childlike.

I spun round. "That's what I believe," I said, finally happy that there was a breakthrough. "I know he loves you, Alice. It's only ever been friendship between me and Jasper. He lost his mom just when his relationship with you got more serious and his friendship with me changed. I honestly think he just–"

She held a hand up. "I don't know if I can ever trust him again. I believed everything he said about how he felt about you, but then he went behind my back and made a pass at you."

I opened my mouth to speak, but again she stopped me.

"Don't say it," she whispered. "Don't ask me to forgive him."

I shook my head. "I would never do that. He let us all down, but I know you have suffered the most. I'll be completely honest with you, I miss him so much and I want to build bridges with him if I can. But I still want to be friends with you too, you've been so good to me, Alice, and I don't want to lose that."

I noticed that she was staring at a point over my shoulder. I turned to find Edward glowering in the doorway.

"It's time to go," he said coldly.

We drove home in virtual silence and I tried to talk to him about what he'd heard, but he cut me off in a voice that brooked no argument.

Later, I slipped into bed alone and close to tears. When he joined me I could still feel the distance between us even though his arms were wrapped tightly around me.


	34. Chapter 34

**Sorry for the delay. Won't keep you waiting for the next chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter 34**

I went to college as normal. Classes were winding down for the break and I stopped looking for Jasper. I was far more concerned by Edward's newfound aloofness. Even though I could understand why he didn't want me to reconcile with Jasper, I couldn't figure out a way to get him to talk about it.

I couldn't help missing Jasper, but I couldn't do anything about it and I couldn't tell Edward because I didn't want us to fight over it. He hadn't resorted to sleeping in his own room but he had simply wrapped his arms around me each night and gone to sleep. I was even wearing pajamas again. I was too scared to touch him intimately; I didn't think I could bear it if he pushed me away. I contented myself with simply feeling his arms around me.

Charlie called briefly on Wednesday night to let me know he'd be home on Friday. I tried to argue that I had classes but he made it clear he wanted me there and I meekly agreed to be there early. The weeks where I'd felt I was growing as a person maturing and finding myself were slowly slipping through my fingers, and all the old self-doubts were coming back. The irony was that even though he'd caused this, the part of me that was re-emerging made me need Jasper more than ever.

After Charlie's call I sat down heavily on the sofa and listened to the dull drone of the traffic outside. I pulled out my cell phone and thumbed the keys, flicked through the menu to Jasper's name, and sat staring at the screen. I sat for a long time debating on whether to call him, but then I thought about Edward and I couldn't do it.

It was still relatively early when Edward came home and I was delighted to see Alice behind him. I stood up and moved towards them, Edward smiled at me and it was the first genuine smile he'd offered me in days. His lips brushed mine briefly and he touched my cheek.

"Get your glad rags on," he said. "There's an open mike gig on tonight. I thought we could all go." He raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Jacob's meeting us there."

I almost felt boneless my relief was so intense. It would be so nice to have some fun with Edward and our friends. I turned to Alice.

"Will you help me pick something to wear?" I asked tentatively. I didn't really need her help but it was good an excuse as any to break the ice.

She nodded and followed me into my room. "You seem tense," she remarked as I closed the door. "Is everything alright?"

I would have loved to confide in her, but she had her own problems and I couldn't in all conscience burden her with mine. So I sucked it up and lied.

"I'm fine. I'm just worried about seeing Charlie this weekend."

She nodded while she rooted around in my closet and pulled out a pair of tight, black pants that I'd bought in a sale but never had the nerve to wear. "Edward mentioned that you would be going to Forks this weekend. I'm really proud of him for offering to explain things to your dad in person. These will look nice with a bright top." She threw me the pants and delved back into the closet.

She found me a red top to wear that I didn't know I had. I stood behind the closet door and changed while Alice sat on the bed and waited in silence. She offered to do my make up and I sat on the piano stool trying not to make eye contact. There was a tension between us that only time would alleviate, but it was good to know that we were making a start.

When she went to the bathroom Edward stepped into my room. He was wearing a slightly misshapen white v necked shirt, but still managed to look stunning in it. He insisted I looked beautiful and then he immediately hauled me into his arms and pressed a desperate kiss to my lips. I clutched at him and couldn't fight the long relieved sigh that gave away my immense relief.

"I'm sorry if I've been a little distant," he whispered, punctuating each word with a peck on my lips. "This whole thing with Alice is affecting me more than I realised." He cupped my cheek, his eyes shining with affection. "I know we should really talk about this, but I feel like I don't even want to think about it anymore." He kissed me deeply, sliding his tongue into my mouth. I groaned in protest when he finally pulled back. "Let's just have fun tonight?"

It didn't escape me that he'd referred to the situation being about Alice and not Jasper, but I pushed the thought away and relaxed into his embrace. "I wish we didn't have to go out now." I whispered running my hands over his chest.

His chuckle was strained. "Any more of that and I'll be wishing the same."

Even though it was Wednesday night, the bar was surprisingly busy. Edward received a text from Jacob and went outside to help him bring in the guitars. I was excited at the prospect of seeing them both sing. Alice was a little quiet and I couldn't help but wonder if she was remembering the last time we'd been here.

"Shall we go to the bar?" I suggested, not really wanting to, but desperate to try anything to distract her.

While we were waiting at the bar, I felt a pair of large hands encircling my waist and jumped in fright.

"Hey, dancer." Emmett grinned as I turned around. "Wow! You look smokin' hot tonight." He looked at Alice. "This your work?"

I swatted his arm playfully, but quickly dropped my hand when Rosalie stepped up beside him.

"Hi," I said nervously, though I wasn't exactly sure what I had to be nervous about. There was just something about her that put me on edge.

Emmett threw his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. The bright grin she gave him knocked me sideways. I'd never seen her smile so genuinely. It dimmed a little when she turned her gaze on Alice and me and said hello.

After we'd bought the drinks, we found a table near the stage and Emmett dragged some more chairs over while Alice placed the tray of drinks on it. Alice sat down on one side of me and somewhat alarmingly, Rosalie sat at the other. Thankfully, she sat turned away from slightly while she spoke with Emmett.

It wasn't long before Edward and Jacob joined us. Jacob took the first available seat but Edward stood for a second looking a little perplexed. I realised I should have saved him a seat beside me and mouthed sorry. He shrugged it off with a wink and took the seat beside Jacob.

"I got the parts for your truck." Jacob said, leaning forward. "You should bring it over this week and I'll change them for you."

To my intense surprise Rosalie turned towards us and spoke to Jacob. "You fix cars?"

Jacob nodded. "Yeah, I'm trying to start up my own business. At the moment I'm renting a garage a couple of blocks away from my house. I get a decent amount of work."

Turning fully in her chair she looked at me. "What kind of truck do you have?" Her eyes were the clearest blue I'd ever seen, and seeing her without her perma-scowl was really breathtaking. She was quite simply beautiful. Her interest in my truck confused and intrigued me in equal measure.

"It's a chevy," I said, blushing before glancing at Jacob for help. "I think?"

He chuckled and turned his full attention on Rosalie. "Get this, it's a 1953 Chevy."

Rosalie's grin widened. "Wow! How did you manage to get parts for it?"

Jacob beamed with a proud glint in his eye. "I have my sources."

"You know I wouldn't mind coming down to your workshop," Rosalie said. "I know my way around an engine."

My mouth was probably hanging open as I watched Jacob and Rosalie hurtle deeper into a conversation they were clearly both enjoying immensely. Who would have guessed Rosalie liked cars? I turned and said as much to Alice.

She laughed softly. "I'm sure Emmett said something about her father and brothers being motor heads, I guess it runs in the family."

I sipped my drink and tried desperately to think of something else to say but the moment was gone and we slipped back into a polite silence while our problems pressed on us once more. We sat watching as other people got up to sing and I was just beginning to relax when a rather voluptuous redhead approached our table and zeroed in on Edward.

"Edward," she crooned in an annoying sing-song voice. "I haven't seen you in _ages_, where have you been hiding?"

"Victoria," he acknowledged stiffly without answering her question.

She turned a chair around from the table behind and slithered into it, entirely too close to Edward for my liking. Jacob and Rosalie were still deep in conversation and Alice had gone with Emmett to the bar, leaving me with no diversion at all as I watched Victoria simper over Edward.

"You know," she said, grinning lasciviously as her fingers did a strange walk up his chest which made me want to chop them off. "Tanya and Kate are here. Maybe you should come over and say hello."

Her hand fluttered at the opening in his shirt and just as it looked like she might slip it inside, Edward grabbed her wrist and lightly drew it away. "I don't think so," he said firmly and his eyes flicked to mine. "I'm with my–"

Before he could finish the sentence, Victoria stood up and moved around him. My jaw clenched as I watched her fingers trace the line of his jaw as she smiled down at him.

"Some other time then."

Every nerve ending in my body froze in horror when she stooped and brazenly kissed him on the mouth. Even though Edward pulled away, painful jealousy bloomed in my chest. She faked a pout, keeping her hand on his cheek and leaned in again.

Sickened, I shot out of my seat and headed straight for the restroom.

I locked myself in a cubicle, closed the lid on the toilet seat and sat down heavily. My knees were bouncing as I tried to calm myself down. It was ridiculous to get so jealous so quickly when it wasn't even Edward who had initiated it. Perhaps if he hadn't been so distant these past few days it wouldn't have affected me so badly, but I almost felt like I didn't want to go back out there. I couldn't bear to watch her touch him like that, even though he was doing nothing to encourage her. The image of her blood red lips pressed to his almost made me retch.

My blood ran cold when a realisation hit me. This must be how Edward had been feeling over the whole Jasper situation, and that was so much worse than what had happened with Victoria. I groaned as I finally realised the enormity of the situation in Edward's eyes. If I'd reacted this badly to one woman flirting with him and attempting to kiss him, then how much worse must it have been for Edward when I'd been locked in a room with the person whom I'd been closest to in my adult life while he'd tried to do more than kiss me?

A tear slid down my cheek. I'd have to choose, even though there really was no choice. I couldn't see a way back from this for Jasper. I loved him, of that I was sure, but not in the way I loved Edward. I wanted and needed Edward, and if that meant I couldn't see Jasper any more then I was prepared to let him go. He was the one who had ruined everything and I couldn't let it ruin what I had with Edward too.

I dabbed at my eyes and blew my nose when I heard the door open.

"Bella?"

"I'll be right out." I answered Alice as brightly as I could, but failing to mask the emotion in my voice.

She tapped lightly on the door and I opened it intending to step out, but Alice had other plans and stepped into the cubicle. Her eyes were filled with concern and fresh tears sprung to my eyes. "I'm sorry Alice, did Edward send you in? He shouldn't have done that."

She shook her head. "I saw Victoria fawning all over him and then he followed you here. He's standing outside waiting for you. He looked like he was going to right in after you, so I thought it would be best if I came in instead." She tilted my chin and looked into my eyes. "You okay?"

I sighed as a fresh wave of guilt rushed through me. "I just realised what a monumentally selfish fool I've been."

Confusion flickered in her eyes.

"All this time I've been trying to defend Jasper, but now I'm beginning to realise how badly he hurt you and Edward." My eyes dropped to the floor, unable to withstand her gaze. "I've been so wrapped up in missing him that I couldn't see things clearly. There's no way back from this–"

"Really?" Her gasp brought my eyes up to hers, was it possible that she thought there was?

"What did he say to you when you spoke?" I asked.

She paused as if deciding whether to answer or not. Eventually, she did. "We talked about lots of things. Like how we moved in together too soon. How he hadn't been entirely honest with me about his feelings for you, and how he was very confused." Her voice was quiet, regretful ."He begged me to give him another chance, but I can't." She hissed and shook her head sadly. "Not when he still can't accept you and Edward. That tells me more than his words ever will."

Her sadness was palpable, and I felt my heart constrict with the mere sight of the haunted look that swept over her beautiful features. She looked up at me with eyes that were two shimmering pools of pain. "He said he won't see you again if that's what it takes."

"That's the conclusion I've just come to. I can't be without Edward, and if it means cutting Jasper out of my life then I'm prepared to do it."

"Even though you don't want to," she said sadly. "Neither of you does." Suddenly, she gripped my arms with unnerving force. "That's what's so fucked up about the whole thing. If there was nothing there, you wouldn't have to stay away from each other."

"Alice, there is something there, of course there is, but for me it's like the way I feel about Charlie. It's like I'm losing my brother, there is absolutely nothing sexual in it. I promise you."

"I believe you. But can't you see, Edward and I _are_ family, if you are with Edward and I was with..." She hesitated. "Jasper, then you couldn't avoid each other. It just can't be done." Her shoulders sagged. "So you're right; there is no way back from this."

There was a harsh knock on the door reminding me that Edward was still out there. I called out to him that we'd be right out.

I turned back to Alice, everything she'd just said indicated that she still loved Jasper and I didn't want to be the one to extinguish her last flicker of hope.

"Look, Jasper hasn't tried to contact me." I shook my head. "Except for one text to say sorry. I guess he really is trying to stay away for your sake."

"He owes you and Edward a massive apology." She sniffed.

"I guess he sees you as the priority, and that's the way it should be." I handed her a tissue "Edward and I are going down to Forks this weekend to see Charlie. I want to speak to Jasper just to hear him out but I won't if you or Edward don't want me to."

"No, you have to talk to him, both of you. If nothing else it will give us all some closure." The door knocked again and her eyes darted to it. "You better put him out of his misery."

I pulled her to me and hugged her. "I'm so sorry Alice, I've missed you so much and–"

Her arms tightened around me. "We'll get there," she said quietly.

I unlocked the door and checked my reflection in the mirror before opening the outer door to face Edward.

"You okay?" he asked anxiously, stepping towards me and curving his fingers around my arm. "I didn't know she would do that," he raked his fingers through his hair. "Try to kiss me like that in front of you."

"I'm sort of glad she did," I said and his eyes widened in shock.

Before I could explain Alice stepped out behind me.

"I'm just gonna get a cab," she said, jerking her thumb in the direction of the exit. "I'm a little tired tonight."

"We can all go," Edward offered, but Alice shook her head.

"No, please, stay. Don't let me ruin your night." There was no question of that but I knew she'd only feel worse if we did insist on leaving.

"Walk her out," I said to Edward , touching his hand. "We can talk later."

I returned to the table to find Jacob sitting alone. Emmett and Rosalie were swaying to a slow song on the dance floor.

"Is everything alright?" Jacob asked when I sat down opposite him.

"Yes, it will be."

He shrugged and glanced at Emmett and Rosalie. "She's coming down to my workshop tomorrow," he said with a fake grimace. "Can you believe that?"

I laughed at his apprehensive expression. "Whatever you do, don't let Leah anywhere near her."

He eyed Rosalie and laughed. "Can you imagine those two getting in a fight?" He shuddered theatrically. "There would be blood."

"How is Leah?" I asked seriously.

"What did you say to her last week?" There was no hint of malice or accusation in his tone.

"Why?" I asked, wanting to check the lay of the land.

"She's been different. She came to see me the following day to apologise for being so rude to you." He glanced over my shoulder and I guessed that Edward was on his way back to the table. "She's even talking about getting a job, since Paul has some independence back."

"That's a good thing, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but there was something else." He shook his head a little. "I don't know, like she's a little more hopeful or something. It sounds silly but whatever it is, it's making me feel more hopeful too."

"I'm glad," I said raising my glass to touch his bottle.

He smiled and said nothing more.

I felt Edward's warm hand on my shoulder and looked up at him. "Do you wanna move around in circles with me?" He asked, grinning at me. "Seeing as you can't dance."

I took his hand and let him lead me onto the floor.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I said as soon as he pulled me into his arms. I relaxed into his embrace

"What do you have to be sorry about?" he asked, lifting our hands and kissing my fingers.

"Everything," I said. "All this stuff with Jasper."

He stiffened. "Let's not talk about it here."

"But I–"

"Please Bella," he begged, pressing his lips to my head. "I've been an ass the last couple of days, but tonight I just want to forget it all and be with you."

He kissed me long and hard and when I finally rested my head on his chest again, I took some pleasure from the envious glare of the three girls staring at us from the other side of the room.

Later, he made love to me so passionately all that mattered was that I loved him. Nothing mattered more than that. Nothing.

It was just before noon when we arrived in Forks. Edward had been tense all during the drive, rebuffing my attempts to strike up a conversation about my realisation last night. Every time I broached the subject, he simply patted my knee or my hand on the wheel and started talking about something else.

Frustrated, I pulled the truck to a stop at the end of the street, just as I had done the last time we were here.

"Look Edward," I said, turning in the seat to face him. "I really want to talk to you about something before we go and see Charlie."

"Bella, I already know that it's not just Charlie you've come to see." He scrubbed his hand down his face, exhaling slowly. "I want to be supportive. I know this isn't easy for you, but..." His voice trailed off. "Let's just talk to your dad first and then we'll go see Jasper together, okay?"

"I just want you to know that I'm sorry for not realising how difficult this has been for you."

"Don't apologise to me, Bella. _You _didn't do anything wrong." He kissed me gently before pulling back and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. His eyes were tender as he gazed at me thoughtfully. "I want to get away for a couple of days." I froze instantly but he reassured me with a smile. "With _you_. This weekend, maybe. We could go out of town for a couple of nights. Just to get away from it all, somewhere quiet." He pulled me across the seat and held me close. "I want to spend a whole day just making love with you."

I closed my eyes, overcome with pleasure at the mere thought of it.

With a final squeeze, he dropped a kiss onto my forehead and released me. "Let's get this over with."

Everything I had wanted to discuss with him had evaporated on the pleasure of his kisses. As I re-started the engine, I felt a sharp pang of regret that I hadn't forced him to talk things through with me last night. I wanted to reassure him that I just wanted to make my peace with Jasper and then move on.

I drove slowly to Charlie's and parked in the driveway. With great effort, I didn't look at Jasper's house at all as we walked from the truck. Charlie had left the door open for us and taking Edward's hand I pushed the door open and stepped inside.

Charlie was standing in the front room facing the window. He turned as soon as we walked into the room and the first thing that registered was how tanned and relaxed he looked. I hadn't seen him look this good in, well, never. I knew he was alone and wondered where Sue might be but I didn't ask. Now didn't seem the time for pleasantries.

His eyes narrowed slightly as he regarded Edward. I half expected him to react angrily but Edward spoke first.

"Chief Swan," Edward began stepping forward. "I came down here with Bella today to apologise to you for my behaviour at your wedding. It was unforgiveable, and I hope you and your wife will accept my apology."

Charlie's eyes flicked to me and then back to Edward. "I really wanted to see my daughter today so that we could discuss all this privately." He said stiffly. "But I appreciate you coming down here to accept responsibility in person. But I'm still not happy with Bella living in the same apartment as you."

"Dad," I said, stepping forward. "Edward didn't come down to accept responsibility. He's apologising for causing a scene, but if you'll let me explain what happened, maybe you'll understand his actions that day."

Charlie all but ignored me, keeping his steely glare firmly focussed on Edward. "What exactly are the living arrangements?"

"Dad!" I shouted. "I'm not a child, and if you want to discuss this then you have to listen to what _I _have to say as well. I'm not going to stand here and let you scold me like a child."

He blanched and when Edward put a restraining hand on my shoulder, Charlie zeroed in on it. "So you two are together?"

If I was child he thought I was I would've rolled my eyes at that comment. Instead, I sat down, pulling Edward down with me. "I love Edward," I said firmly, looking Charlie straight in the eye. "We've become very close and he did what he did at the wedding because he thought I'd been hurt."

Charlie looked confused and maybe even a little lost for words. "You better tell me what happened." He said, sitting down finally.

Keeping a firm hold of Edward's hand, I told Charlie the whole story of what Jasper did that day. My cheeks flamed when I admitted just how far Jasper had wanted to go. While I spoke Charlie's tan turned puce.

"I saw him this morning but I didn't talk to him," he said, rising. "I wondered why he was back here."

"Where are you going?" I asked in alarm when he stalked towards the door.

"You two wait here. I'm going to have words with that little fucker."

He was out of the house before I even had the chance to react. Bolting for the door I chased after him.

I almost fell down the porch steps in my haste to catch him, but it was futile. He was already pounding his fist on Jasper's door.

When Jasper opened it, Charlie grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him out.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" Charlie roared. "Bella trusted you. _I_ trusted you. You practically forced yourself on her." He was shaking him and Jasper was wearing an odd expression that looked to me almost like relief. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't kick your ass into next week, Jasper!"

"I can't," Jasper said, in a voice that was eerily calm and resigned. "There is no reason."

Charlie still had his hands fisted in Jasper's shirt and I looked around hoping that Edward would help me restrain him. He was standing in the doorway with his fists clenched at his side, and I realised he was too busy restraining himself.

I turned my attention back to Charlie. "Dad!" I yelled, grabbing his arm. "Dad, don't! Please, please don't do something you'll regret. It's not worth it."

When Charlie released his grip, a look of intense regret passed over Jasper's features. He made no attempt to get away from Charlie, he just stood right in front of him meeting his glare head on.

"For what it's worth, Charlie," he said, quietly. "I'm sorry."

Charlie grabbed my arm and pulled me away. "Let's go." He stopped in the yard and turned back to Jasper. "Don't you come near her again!"

My heart skipped a beat when Jasper walked down the porch steps, but he turned and headed towards his back yard. Edward moved back into the house and Charlie started walking again. When I saw Jasper climbing into the treehouse, I pulled away from Charlie.

"What are you doing, Bella?"

"I need to say goodbye to him," I said looking up at Charlie. "I can't just... leave it like this."

"Bella," he groaned. "I don't want you being alone with him."

"Dad, you saw him, he's no threat to me." I touched his arm. "Please, I have to do this."

Charlie relented, and I waited until he was on the porch steps before I turned and made my way to the tree house.

* * *

Thank you for reading


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

I'd climbed the makeshift ladder up to the tree house so many times that my fingers knew every knot and ridge in the wood. The harsh edges and splinters that used to pierce our young skin had been smoothed over with time, buffed by our eager feet.

The familiar damp, leafy smell greeted my nostrils, bringing forth so many memories that my breath caught in my throat. Never would I have imagined that I would one day be climbing into the tree house to end my friendship with Jasper.

I could hear him shuffling around inside as I started my ascent. When he stopped moving, I knew he could hear my approach. Heart thumping, I paused and took a moment to collect myself. The last thing I wanted to do was cry before I'd even had a chance to say a word. Pushing away the memories that were breaking my heart, I took a deep breath and climbed inside.

His eyes met mine from across the room. Holding his gaze, I climbed fully inside and sat down with my back against the wall opposite him. At first glance he looked just the same, yet on closer inspection he looked entirely different: His hair curled in the same way, his eyes were the same dark grey, his top lip still tilted up crookedly on one side, which to me always looked like the beginnings of a smile. But today there was a difference. There was a bleakness in his eyes that I didn't recognise, a tense set to his jaw, and dark hollows in his cheeks. All of which lent a harsh edge to his normally pleasant features.

He broke eye contact first and cast his gaze downward. I watched him tug at a loose knot of threads on his ripped jeans with shaking fingers.

My heart lurched. It hurt to see him looking so vulnerable.

"I'm sorry."

His voice was barely audible in the space between us.

He looked up and I felt a sharp pang of the pain evident in his expression. But it was fleeting, quickly replaced by anger so deep it shocked me. Suddenly, I wanted to yell at him and curse him for ruining everything. For making it impossible for us to ever find our way back to how we used to be. We were merely feet apart, yet it felt like the distance between us could never be bridged.

Hot angry tears pricked my eyes.

"I've thought a lot about what I'd say to you if I got the chance," he said, his voice hoarse with emotion. "I've almost called you so many times." He paused. "Look at me, Bella. _Please_."

"I can't," I said, my eyes trained on a darkened knot in the wooden floor. I was caught between wanting to comfort him and wanting strangle him. If I looked at him, I couldn't be sure which side of me would win out.

He shuffled forward.

"Don't!" The word was harsh and loud and he stopped in his tracks. "Don't come any closer. I only came to tell you that… we can't be friends anymore. "

The words almost choked me.

He sighed heavily and settled back against the wall. "I know," he whispered sadly.

Tears spilled onto my cheeks, but still I couldn't look at him. It was a mistake to come here. Memories of happier times were all around me. The smell of old mixed with the bitter tang of varnish was the smell would always remind me of the many happy hours I'd spent here with Jasper.

"Why did you have to ruin everything?"

"If I could take it back, I would," he responded quietly. "I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am, Bella."

"I don't understand how it happened. You were happy with Alice, you loved her. I know you did." My voice was rising along with my despair.

"I've been talking to someone."

My eyes snapped up, but he wasn't looking at me. His shimmering eyes were fixed on a point beyond the window.

"A therapist," he continued. "When mom died, I didn't really deal with it properly. I couldn't … get my head around it. And then I felt like I was losing you too— " I attempted to argue but he shook his head. "Let me finish, please?"

I nodded even though he wasn't looking at me.

He glanced at me briefly and pursed his lips together as some form of acknowledgement, then continued speaking. "I'm not asking you to excuse what I did, I just want to try to explain it to you. The therapy has helped me to see things more clearly. All my feelings were mixed up."

"Because of the grief?"

"And my jealousy," he admitted solemnly. "It was such a shock losing Mom like that, and I couldn't handle the thought of losing you too."

"But you weren't losing me."

"I know that now, but at the time it felt like I was. When we came back here for the funeral, you were different. You were in love with him then, weren't you?" I nodded. "I was jealous when I thought it was Jacob, but when I found out it was Edward―" He dragged his hand down his face. "I thought he would really hurt you. I couldn't stand the thought of him using you like he did with everyone else."

Anger swelled in my chest. "You never took the time to talk to me about it. You just made up your mind and tried to ruin the best thing that has ever happened to me."

My outburst didn't seem to surprise him. He looked at me levelly. "I know, and I'm sorry. I should've been there for you, supporting you instead of undermining you. Through the therapy, I've come to realise what a narcissistic prick I am." He snorted humorlessly. "Nobody is more sickened by my actions than I am, Bella. I promise you. I hate myself for what I did to you at Charlie's wedding."

I grimaced at the memory. "You hurt Alice too," I reminded him sharply.

His lip trembled and he surreptitiously swiped his fingers beneath his eyes as he turned to the window again. "I've loved you for so long," he said quietly. "I loved being there for you when we were growing up and the way you relied on me. I always thought that it was you who needed me and I was living up to the task. It was like a drug, Bella. You made me feel like the most important person in the world. Nobody else made me feel like you did, and I guess it fed my ego. But all along, it was _me_ who needed _you_. You were my affirmation that I was worth something. You were the one person who didn't question anything I did. You trusted me completely."

His fingers started to tug at the threads again. "I discussed it a lot with my therapist. She made me see that I had allowed our bond to fill me with self-importance. I thought it could never be broken and when Edward came along I felt threatened... Even though I loved Alice and didn't really want you that way." His head dropped into his hands.

"I've been vain and selfish Bella. I wanted you to need me and _only_ me. There's nothing I can say or do to show you how sorry I am. I can't justify it or explain it, except to say that I was a selfish prick. When you found happiness with Edward I should've been there for you, sharing it just like you did when I met Alice. You're not a stupid person, Bella. I should've discussed my fears with you about Edward and trusted your judgement."

"I didn't want him to be your first. I honestly thought he'd take you and throw you aside like he always does… did." He moved as if to come closer, but I shot him a warning glance and he stilled. "I was genuinely scared that he would break your heart, but that didn't give me the right to try to control the situation."

He leaned back, letting out a bitter snort. "This hasn't been easy for me." His red-rimmed eyes flicked to mine. "Realising what an asshole I am. I was so fucked up, Iactually thought I could be your first and it would just be an extension of our friendship and then we could go back to normal. I must've thought I was king of the fucking world, and I was put on this planet to be all things to all people. Fucking Narcissus has nothing on me!'

He picked up a small stone and threw it against the wall. "I've spent every night sitting here going over it all, but it's done and I can't do a goddamn thing about it. I know I can't fix it and I know I don't deserve another chance, but I just wanted you to know that I'm fucking devastated that I ruined everything."

He looked sick to his stomach. Exactly how I felt.

"I've lost everything because I'm an asshole," he spat. "I hurt you and I broke Alice's heart, and I'm so very sorry…" His voice cracked as his emotions boiled over and tears streaked from his eyes.

Pain ripped through me as a loud sob escaped my throat. "You _did_ ruin everything," I cried. "I miss you every single day, but I can't… I love Edward, and I can't let you ruin that too. He gives me the one thing you never did ― self-confidence. He loves me in a way that makes me _grow_. He doesn't stifle me or treat me like a child the way you and Charlie do. He'll take care of me and let _me_ take care of _him_." my voice cracked. "If you had opened your eyes to the truth you would have seen how very good he is for me, and that what we have is the same thing you had with Alice. You should have _wanted_ that for me."

We sat on opposite sides of the small cabin and cried. After a few moments, Jasper regained enough composure to speak.

"I know I can't say or do anything to make it up to you, but please believe me when I say that I'm glad you're happy with Edward."

"I am," I muttered, even though at that precise moment I had never felt more miserable. I got up to leave.

"I've applied to NYU again," he blurted.

My eyes shot to his. "You're leaving?"

"Alice wants to get on with her life, and if I stay here I honestly don't think I could stay away from her. She deserves better than that."

The teenager in me was dying to beg him to stay. The thought of not seeing him again crushed me. I thought we would be friends forever, that our families would be close and we would always be a part of each other's' lives. But it was gone. One day his father would no longer live here, and I'd probably never see him again.

No matter how much it hurt, I knew that I would endure it to keep Edward. I'd meant what I told Jasper; Edward had given me my confidence, he helped me grow as a person and I loved him with all my heart. Nothing was more important to me than that.

"I wish it didn't have to end," I whispered, backing towards the hatch.

"Me too," he agreed, gazing at me with tear-filled eyes.

I hurried down the ladder, almost losing my footing. It was better to just leave than linger too long and lose the courage of my convictions.

"Bella!" His cry was desperate and I turned to see him stalking towards me. I was in his arms before I could take another step. "Please don't hate me. That's all I ask."

Sobs wracked my body. It was the setting and the history surrounding us. All our happy times and everything we'd shared t was now reduced to nothing but a pile of bittersweet memories. For a brief moment I clung to him, wishing that I'd never have to let go. But I needed to. As much as I still loved him, I loved Edward so much more.

"I couldn't ever hate you," I said, managing to pull away. "Goodbye, Jazz. Take care of yourself."

The cold air seeped into my skin when he let go and took the porch steps two at a time. The screen door slammed with a loud thwack. He was gone.

I turned the corner, relieved to see Edward waiting on the porch with Charlie. Charlie gave me a strange look and stepped into the house.

I rushed towards Edward and I was so desperate to feel his arms wrap around me, it took a moment for his restraint to register. Confused, I looked up to find him glaring at me.

"Don't!" he hissed when I tried to wrap my arms around him. His hands gripped me like a vice and his face was a mask of barely contained fury. "You couldn't wait, could you? I could feel your excitement all the way here. You couldn't wait to see him."

I gasped. "Edward, it wasn't like that!"

"It's exactly like that! The guy has a major boner for you, and you're all snuggled up with him in that fucking tree house. I thought we were going to talk to him together, but as soon as you could you snuck off to be alone with him. Why did you even bring me here if you're leaving me for him."

"What?"

He plunged his fingers into his hair. "Last night you said you were glad Victoria kissed me. I get it now."

"What are you _talking_ about? You're not even making any sense. I'm not―"

"Save it, Bella. I knew this would happen. It was only a matter of time before you'd leave. God, I've been such a fucking idiot. I thought…" He turned anguished eyes to me. "This is why I don't do relationships. It's all bullshit. You put your heart out there and someone comes along and stomps all over it." He turned, pushed past me and marched down the steps towards the truck. "I never wanted any of this fucking shit, I shouldn't have listened to you."

"But you didn't listen to me!" I yelled. "All the way down here I was trying to talk to you, but you wouldn't let me! Don't walk away from me, Edward. Stay and talk to me."

He yanked the truck door open, the loud screech of metal ringing out louder than my plea.

"I don't want to hear it. I didn't earlier and I don't now. If you want him, go! But don't expect me to sit around and _talk _about it."

"No Edward! Wait!" I cried reaching for the handle as he slammed the door.

He peeled out of the driveway almost and I stumbled backwards, helpless to stop him.

"Bella!" Charlie appeared beside me and held me back when I made another lunge forward.

"Stop him," I begged, struggling to free myself from his grip.

Tears blurred my vision as the truck disappeared out of sight.

* * *

**Don't you just hate cliffies? Well fear not, the next chapter is coming right up.**

**Thank you for reading**

**x**


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

Charlie patted my back awkwardly while I cried. He had led me back into the house after Edward took off in the truck.

"We should go after him," I sobbed.

Charlie sighed and rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. "It's best to let him cool off."

"I need to explain."

"Well maybe you could explain it to me first. You took off after Jasper and left Edward in here wondering what the hell was going on. I had a job convincing him not to come over there. In fact, you were gone so long I was going to come get you myself."

My head snapped up. "Was I?"

"Edward was pretty agitated."

My heart dropped. "I needed to talk to Jasper… to tell him goodbye. That's all it was"

Charlie sat down beside me and rubbed his hands down his face. "I'm no good at this kind of thing," he muttered into his hands before looking at me. "I used to worry about your friendship with Jasper. I always felt you relied on him too much, maybe I should've, I don't know, paid you more attention or something, but you seemed happy enough. I thought maybe one day you'd end up together." He stiffened a little. "I sure as hell didn't think he'd pull a stunt like he did at the wedding."

"I don't really want to talk about that," I said.

He sighed sharply. "Right. What I'm trying to say is, I can sort of see why Edward got angry. He came down here to apologize man to man and ended up sitting with me while you were with the guy who caused the incident at the wedding."

I looked up at him, blinking through my tears. "I thought you'd be glad to see the back of him."

He took my hand in his. "I know you're all grown up, but I still worry about you, Bells." Using his thumb, he brushed the tears from my cheek. "The last thing I want is to see you hurt. It's clear he means a lot to you and you to him, otherwise he wouldn't have come down here to apologize. So, no, I'm not glad to see the back of him."

"I love him, Dad," I whispered, burying my face in his chest as another wave of sobs shook my body. "I just want to go home and talk to him."

Charlie stood up. "Okay, give me a few minutes to call Sue and then I'll drive you." I looked up, surprised by his offer. "I'm not going to let you take the bus in this state, and it's clear I can't convince you to sleep on it here."

"I'm sorry," I said weakly. "You're just back from your honeymoon. I'll be okay on the bus."

"You either let me drive you, or you stay here," he insisted, sternly.

I decided to wait outside while he was on the phone. I stood next to the cruiser kicking stones with the toe of my boot and drumming my fingers on the roof. I hoped Charlie wouldn't take too long. Edward already had an hour of a head start, and even though I highly doubted he would be at the apartment, I wanted to get there as soon as possible.

"Bella?" I turned at the sound of Jasper's voice. He was walking across the yard towards me. "Is everything alright? I saw Edward leave."

"It's not your problem, Jasper," I said quietly, biting my lip against the tremble of threatening tears.

"Did he leave you?" He sounded incredulous, and I wanted to scream at him that it was all his fault, but it wasn't. This was my fault.

"I should have waited. We were going to talk to you together." I was half talking to myself, but when I looked up at Jasper he was watching me intently, his grey eyes filled with sadness.

He looked like he might say something, but then Charlie came out of the house and he simply turned and walked away.

When we arrived at my apartment, Charlie came in with me. It was no surprise to find it empty and Charlie stayed for a little while until he was satisfied I was okay. As soon as he left I called Edward's cell but it was switched off. Even though there was no answer on Alice's phone, I took a walk to her house to see if he was there, but there was no-one home.

Walking back to the apartment, I tried not to think about where Edward was and what he might be doing. My imagination would only conjure up worst case scenarios, and I couldn't handle that.

When it got late I put my pajamas on and sat on the edge of my bed rubbing my fingers over the scorch mark on my nightstand. Only recently I'd joked with him that I would always keep this nightstand because of what the mark represented, but now it hurt to look at it. It represented the first time we'd made love and I couldn't stand the thought that we would never be together like that again.

Unable to stand the loneliness of my own room, I went to his and got into his bed. The smell of him on the sheets was both comforting and upsetting at the same time. I clutched his pillow letting my tears soak into it while I prayed that he would come home.

I slept fitfully, every little noise out in the hallway jolting me upright in the hope that it was Edward returning. But he didn't come.

In the morning, after another fruitless call to his cell, I walked over to Alice's place in the hope of finding him there.

She opened the door and stepped outside before I reached it.

"Is he here?" I asked desperately.

She nodded and relief washed over me. "I called last night," I said. "But you didn't answer."

"I was over at Emmett's. He called to let me know that Edward was there," she explained. "He was pretty drunk, but he wouldn't tell me what happened. I'm guessing you two had a fight."

"Something like that," I said. "Do you mind if I go in and talk to him alone?"

She led me into the house. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."

He was sitting on the sofa with his head in his hand and his shoulders slumped forward. I could see the dark shadow of stubble across his chin when he lifted his head. He must have expected to see Alice because his eyes widened when they met mine. They were red rimmed and bloodshot, and the dark circles beneath them revealed that his night might just have been as torturous as mine.

He stood up and stalked to the back of the room as if he wanted to put as much distance between us as possible "Bella, I don't want to do this," he said quietly, his voice weak and raspy. "I really can't handle going through this over and over."

"Edward, I'm sorry I didn't wait for you yesterday. Please give me a chance to explain―"

I turned when I heard a commotion behind me and Jasper appeared in the doorway.

"Jesus fucking Christ, what the fuck do you want?" Edward shouted at him, before turning to me. "I guess I don't need to ask how you got back from Forks."

Alice came rushing in behind Jasper looking stricken. "He just pulled up," she said pushing past him. "I tried to tell him you wouldn't want to see him."

"I came here to apologize to you," Jasper said striding across the room. My heart started to hammer when I noticed Edward's fists clench. "I went to the apartment and since you weren't there I came here." He stopped and looked at him curiously before turning to me and Alice. "Has he been here all night?"

"What the fuck has that got to do with you?" Edward yelled, taking a step forward but Jasper didn't move or turn even though he likely heard Edward move. "You've caused enough fucking damage, so why don't you do us all a favor and fuck off!"

"I'll get to that," Jasper said, unperturbed by the venom in Edward's voice. "But first I want to tell you all how sorry I am." He shot a longing glance at Alice over his shoulder. "I'm sorry for hurting you." He faced me. "I'm sorry I let you down." Lastly, he looked at Edward. "I'm sorry that I tried to ruin your chance with Bella. She loves you, man, don't throw it away."

Edward glared at him. "You've said your fucking piece, so leave!"

"Let me finish and then I'll go," Jasper said.

When Edward didn't respond, he sat down heavily on the sofa and continued. "I've been going to therapy. I told Bella about it yesterday. After I lost my Mom, I… got confused about a lot of thing ― especially my feelings for Bella." He glanced nervously at Alice. She had moved to the front of the room, and was staring at him with a pained expression. "I didn't see what was right in front of me until it was too late. I crossed a line, fuck!" He jammed his fingers into his hair. "I crossed so many goddamned lines, and if I could make it right, I would."

Even though he was talking to Edward it was Alice he was looking at. "I know I've hurt Alice too much and there's no going back, but you don't have to make Bella pay for my mistakes. She came to me yesterday to tell me that we can't be friends anymore. That's all there was to it. Nothing's going on with us."

"Alice trusted you," Edward spat. "And you threw it in her face."

Jasper rubbed both hands down his face, exhaling sharply. "You don't think I know that?" He glanced at Alice again and his eyes shimmered slightly. "I fucking blew it, I know that, it was right there for me, everything I wanted―" his voice cracked slightly. "I was a dick. But you don't have to be. Open your fucking eyes and see what's right in front of you."

Without waiting for a response from Edward, he got up and left the room. Alice followed.

Edward rose from the sofa and moved towards me.

Tears slid down my cheek. "It's true," I said, my lips trembling around the words. "I've only ever wanted you."

"Jesus, Bella." He swept me into his arms and clamped his arms around me. "Don't cry. Fuck. I'm sorry."

Clinging to him, I sobbed into his chest. "I'm sorry too, Edward. We should have talked the other night. I should have made you listen to me. We can't just ignore things and hope they'll go away, we need to talk," I looked up at him, cupping his cheek. "What we have isn't bullshit. Relationships aren't bullshit."

His lips were in my hair and his voice was thick with emotion when he spoke. "I shouldn't have said that, I didn't mean it. I was angry and―"

I pressed my finger to his lips. "I love you and I want this to work, but you can't leave me every time something angers you."

He bent and kissed me gently. "I've never had this much to lose before and I'm so sorry that I keep fucking it up."

"Let's go home."

Alice was standing alone in the entryway staring down at her something in her hands. She startled when she heard us coming and stuffed whatever it was into her pocket, then wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"He's gone," she said quietly.

"Do you want us to stay?" I asked, suddenly feeling guilty for wanting to rush off with Edward.

She shook her head. "I'll be okay. I'd rather be alone right now."

Edward asked if she was sure and she managed to smile at us. "You two should go home and talk."

He took my hand and led me around the corner away from our apartment. I looked at him, puzzled. "Where are we going?"

He pointed up ahead to where my truck was parked at the side of the road. "I'm sorry I took it," he said, handing me the keys. "You should drive. I'm probably still over the limit from last night."

"Please tell me you didn't drive here when you were drunk?"

"No, I came earlier and Alice wasn't in. I left it here to go get shit faced. Somehow I ended up at Emmett's and he called Alice."

I took the keys from him and climbed inside. As I pulled away from the curb, he touched my knee. "Let's go downtown to the park," he suggested. I crooked an eyebrow at him. "We really should talk, but if I get you into the apartment talking will be the last thing I want to do." His fingers slid up my thigh briefly before he snatched his hand away. "So, I guess we need to go somewhere neutral, where there are other people around." It felt good to hear the touch of humor in his voice.

It seemed the sunny day had brought out the masses, and lots of people were sitting on picnic blankets dotted all over the grass. We found a spot underneath the shade of a tree and Edward put his jacket down for me to sit on. He bought a couple of sodas from a nearby vendor and lay down beside me, resting his head on my lap.

I ran my fingers through his soft hair while I explained everything to him. I told him about how I'd felt jealous when Victoria kissed him, and how it made me realize how much he'd been hurting. I told him everything that Jasper and I had said to each other in the tree house. He tried to interrupt when I apologised for going to the tree house alone, but eventually he let me finish.

He sat up beside me, throwing his arm around my shoulder and kissed the top of my head lightly. "I acted like an idiot yesterday. I should've stayed and talked it out with you, but I was convinced I was losing you."

"Why? I've told you time and again that I love you."

"I know, but I got scared. I've never let anyone in, since… for a long time and I was convinced it was only a matter of time before I lost you, too."

My heart ached for him. "It's not your fault that your dad died and your mom couldn't cope."

His arms tightened around me. "I know it's crazy, but loving you brought some of the pain of losing them back to me. I've been so selfish, Bella. Carlisle and Esme welcomed me into their family but I never gave them a chance. They tried everything to make me feel like I belonged with them, but I kept them at a distance. I didn't want to love anyone because it hurt too much to lose them."

Tears stung my eyes as I listened to him talk about his parents. His voice shook while he recounted memories that clearly still hurt to remember. We sat against the tree holding each other and talking until clouds started to block out the sun and the threat of rain hung in the air. Eventually when I began to shiver he looked down at me.

"Let's go home."

He helped me onto my feet and we walked back to the truck.

"You really told Jasper that you won't be friends anymore?" he asked quietly while we walked.

"I had to make things right with you."

He stopped and turned to face me. "I'm sorry, baby. I shouldn't have put you in that position. I was crazy jealous of him, you two go back a long way, and I worried that you would suddenly discover that you love him more than just a friend, like he does."

"But he doesn't," I protested. "He loves Alice."

"Yeah, well no amount of therapy will change what he did, but he looked genuinely sorry today. And who am I to judge a guy for acting like an asshole?" He shrugged. "I'm not saying I'm gonna be best buddies with him. Fuck, I don't even know if I could ever like the guy, but you shouldn't have to give up your friend because of me. I know how hard it would be for me if you asked me not to see Alice anymore, and I can't do that to you."

"I think we all need a bit of space to think about things," I said, stepping back into his embrace. "Let's just let things settle down for a little while."

When we reached the truck, he pressed me up against it and kissed me.

"It shouldn't be this hard," I whispered against his lips. "I just want us to be happy."

He gazed down at me and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "We'll figure it out together."

Even though it was still early, we went straight to bed when we got home. I curled into his side, relieved to be in his arms again, and let the soft thump of his heart lull me to sleep.

During the night movement woke me and I felt the mattress dip as Edward climbed back into bed.

"Sorry I woke you," he whispered, spooning me. "I had to pee."

I smiled when he pressed a soft kiss behind my ear.

Rolling over I pulled him close for a proper kiss. "I missed you last night," I told him while he pressed soft kisses down the column of my neck.

"God, I missed you too," he groaned, and the trace of arousal in his voice sparked my own.

"I want you," I murmured, trailing my hand down between his legs.

He groaned loudly and pressed his hardening cock into my hand.

I slid my fingers beneath his erection, swirling them through the soft hair below his navel.

"I love it when you do that," he moaned, but it quickly became a groan of pleasure when I gripped his shaft and scooted down his body to take him into my mouth.

His fingers twisted in my hair gently while I swirled my tongue around the head of his cock. He muttered intermittent expletives when I hollowed my cheeks and lightly grazed my teeth over his hot skin. Remembering his reactions the last time I did this, I began to hum as I took more of him in. His hips bucked upwards but I could tell he was being careful not to push too far.

His grip tightened in my hair and the way he uttered my name sounded like a warning, but I kept going. I wanted this. I wanted him let go and allow me to take control. His voice grew louder, his grip tighter and his movements more vigorous, indicating that he was close. I sucked harder, cupping his balls in my hand and squeezing gently. His moans of pleasure spurred me on, and at last I was rewarded when his hips bucked and he came with a loud roar.

I kissed my way up his body to rest my head on his heaving chest. His heart was thumping like a jack hammer, and I grinned at him when he tilted my chin up with his fingers.

"I love you," he whispered, kissing the tip of my nose. "Now lie back and let me return the favor."

"You don't have to." My words were meaningless since I was already rolling onto my back.

"I know," he said as his tongue began its wet decent.

When we made love later, I cried tears of relief.

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**Is it okay to leave it here? More to follow next week.**

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**

**x**


	37. Chapter 37

**No excuses offered for the delay, but I do apologise. Next chapter will be posted right after this one but I can't promise when the rest will appear. I'm also sticking to my efforts in writing an epilogue... even though it has been weeks since I've had the time or inclination to write.**

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**Chapter 37**

"You weren't kidding when you said you knew your way around an engine," Jacob said, grinning at Rosalie as he slammed the hood shut.

For the past hour I had been sitting in the corner sipping my coffee watching with great incredulity as they worked on my truck. They'd made a great team, barking out orders to each other and passing tools back and forth while arguing about the best way to do whatever it was they were doing. Sometimes Jacob was right and other times Rosalie. It was cute the way they grudgingly conceded ground to each other before gloating as they took it back.

Rosalie wiped her hand across her brow, leaving a streak of grease on her otherwise flawless face. "I can't believe you managed to get the parts for it so easily," she said, accepting the rag Jacob was holding out to her and wiping her hands on it.

"I know a lot of people in the business," Jacob said with a shrug.

"So do you get a lot of work?"

"I do okay," he responded modestly, moving to the sink and picking up the soap. He winked at me as he turned on the faucet. I'd been all but invisible in the corner since Rosalie arrived, but I didn't mind. It had been entertaining watching the way they worked together, enjoying the shared passion for what they were doing.

"You know my dad knows quite a few people around here, he could probably send a lot of work your way," Rosalie offered, taking the soap from him and joining him at the sink. "I mean, if you wanted to do it full time?"

"You'd do that?" Jacob asked, clearly surprised. "I mean, that's what I'm aiming for, you know, to get enough business so I can rent a bigger place and set myself up legitimately."

"This isn't legit?" she mocked lightly.

"Sure it is, but it's a two bit set up. I want to quit the hospital and do this full time. This feels like a hobby. I want a proper place with my name above the door and people working for me." His cheeks coloured a little, which made Rosalie laugh.

When they started to talk details, I decided it was time to leave. Draining the last of my coffee, I stood up and took the mug to the sink. "How much do I owe you," I asked Jacob over my shoulder while I rinsed the mug.

"Don't worry about it, I got it."

"That's no way to run a business," I teased, smiling at him.

Rosalie immediately launched into a discussion about pricing structures and mark-ups. Jacob looked a little overwhelmed and I tried not to laugh when he dragged her over to a small coupe outside the garage to divert her attention. Once she was sufficiently distracted by whatever he had pointed out to her beneath its hood, he came back to me.

"So where are you rushing off to?" he asked as I took the keys from him.

"Edward has arranged a surprise date for tonight," I told him. "He won't tell me where we're going, but I'm under strict orders to be home by five."

Jacob opened the garage doors allowing me to guide the truck slowly out onto the driveway.

"I'm glad you finally brought her over," he said, leaning his elbows on the door frame.

I stared at him, confused. "Rosalie? I didn't bring her over."

He laughed loudly. "No, the truck. I was beginning to worry she would give out on you." He glanced over at Rosalie. "_She_ just shows up whenever she feels like it."

"Does she come around a lot?" I asked, lowering my voice.

Jacob's brow wrinkled a little but his smile didn't falter. "Yeah, she does. She seems to like it here and I can't really get rid of her," he whispered.

"It looked to me like you two get along okay."

He looked back and seeing that she was still bent under the hood, he turned back and leaned closer. "Actually, today's the first time she's really talked to me. Normally she just works with me and only speaks to ask me to pass her something." He snuck another glance over his shoulder. "She's kinda bossy too. I mean, this is my place and she acts like she's my business manager." He rubbed the back of his head. "But, she knows her stuff and she works for free, so I can't really complain too much."

"And besides her boyfriend is built like a bear," I pointed out, laughing.

He chuckled. "Yeah, but somehow I don't think she needs Emmett to fight her battles. She's pretty feisty."

I put the truck in gear. "As much as I'd love to stay and talk about Rosalie, I really need to go. I don't want to be late."

He pushed away from the truck. "Have fun."

When I pulled away, I sounded the horn and Rosalie waved without lifting her head.

I stopped at a nearby store to pick up the wine and plastic cups Edward had asked me to get earlier. Maybe he was planning a picnic.

I was perusing the aisles when I heard someone call my name, and turned to see Leah walking towards me.

"Hey," I greeted when she reached me. I glanced at her uniform and name badge. "Do you work here?" It was a stupid question, but I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"This is my third week."

"That's good," I said, lamely. "Are you enjoying it?"

She shrugged. "I guess it beats being stuck at home."

I wanted to ask her how things were but I didn't feel it was my place, so I let it slide.

"So were you down seeing Jacob?" she asked after a moment's awkward silence.

"Yeah, he was putting some new plugs in the truck for me."

"Is that blonde girl still working with him?"

"Don't you see much of him now?" I countered her question with one of my own.

She shook her head. "I'm trying to sort myself out. I thought about what you said, you know, about me not being fair on him, and I've been giving him some space while I decide what I want to do."

Her candour surprised me, and I felt a bit sorry for her. It was clear that she wanted to know who Rosalie was but didn't want to ask.

"Rosalie is there purely for the cars," I said. She looked up, her expression dubious. "It's true. She has this thing for fixing engines and just shows up to help Jacob. She's going to help him get more work."

"That's good. I know how much he wants to quit the hospital and make a go of it."

Her voice sounded sad and wistful.

"She also has a boyfriend she's crazy about," I said, hoping it would make her feel better.

Her cheeks flushed, but she smiled a little. "I should let you get on with your shopping," she said, glancing at my empty basket. "What were you looking for?"

"Plastic cups."

"They're down this end," she said, pointing the way. "I'll walk with you."

I followed her to the other side of the shop and picked up a pack. "Thank you," I said, dropping them into my basket.

"I'm leaving Paul," she blurted.

I had no idea what to say. What do you say when someone you hardly know tells you something so personal? "Oh." Was my less than eloquent response.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you. I don't know why I'm telling you, I haven't told anyone else yet. I thought about telling Jacob, but I think I should maybe wait until I get my own place and..." She shrugged as if she was regretting bringing the subject up. .

I touched her shoulder. "I know we're not really friends, but if you need any help...' It was my turn to feel awkward. What help could I be?

She smiled gratefully. "If you hear of any cheap apartments let me know. It's a nightmare trying to find a decent place.

I promised I would.

"Okay, so it was good to see you," she said walking backwards. "I better go do some work."

During the drive home, I thought about Leah's revelation. It was sad that her marriage was ending, but I hoped that she could find happiness, whether it was with Jacob or not.

"It's five thirty!" Edward called from the bathroom when I rushed through the door of the apartment. I quickly ran into the kitchen and dropped the wine and cups on the counter.

"I'm sorry," I called back, heading for the bathroom. "I met Leah. She's working in the―" I stopped in my tracks. He'd drawn the blinds and the darkness was punctuated by lots of tiny candles which flickered maniacally when I swept into the room.

"Oh no!" My hands flew up to my mouth. "I'm so sorry."

Edward was sitting in the bath. "It's fucking freezing in here." He grimaced. "And I look like a prune from the waist down."

"Really?" I gasped.

He chuckled. "No. I was watching from the window and saw the truck pull up, but I did have to refill the bath twice with warmer water. Your tardiness is most disappointing." Bizarrely he said the word "tardiness" with a mock British accent and it made me laugh.

"I thought we were going out?"

"We are. But I figured you'd want to take a bath first, and it seemed like the perfect opportunity to try this romantic shit."

I giggled. "You know it's not romantic if you say it like that, don't you?"

"You said you weren't the romantic type," he countered, lightly.

"I guess you're showing me that I am," I looked around at the candles he had placed on every available surface. "This really is lovely."

"Get your butt in here," he ordered playfully. "There's no hot water left, and it really is starting to get cold."

I started to undress.

"Slower," he murmured, settling back against the rim of the tub to watch.

"I thought you said it was getting cold?" I said with a smirk.

"Shh… you're spoiling the moment." He winked.

His eyes roamed over my body as I exposed it inch by inch. By the time I stepped into the bath and settled between his legs, I was throbbing with need for him. Lying back against his chest, I moaned when he cupped my breasts and kneeded them gently.

"I wanted to do this so many times when I used to wash your hair," he murmured, pressing his erection into my back. "You have great tits, Bella."

I almost cried out with the loss when he let go and asked me to pass the shampoo.

"Tease," I muttered, handing him the bottle.

After he washed my hair, he took the soap and lathered up my arms and stomach, deliberately avoiding my breasts. But he didn't tease me for long. His fingers slipped below the waterline and straight between my legs.

His tongue traced a lazy circle around my ear while his fingers slid over my clit in a similar motion. He groaned in approval when I opened my legs a little wider. "That's it," he encouraged when I started to writhe beneath him in the throes of orgasm.

We sloshed around a bit switching positions. I washed his body, enjoying the feeling of my fingers sliding over the hard ridges of his muscles. When I ventured beneath the water, he captured my hand and announced that it was time to get out of the bath. I grumbled in disappointment.

He got out first, holding his hand out to steady me as I followed. "I want to be inside you when I come," he explained, pulling me close.

Goose bumps sprung up all over my skin as soon as the cool air hit me. Noticing, Edward rubbed his hands vigorously over my arms and back. "Better?" he asked, dipping to kiss me.

Wrapping me in his arms, he pressed his body tightly to mine, warming me up while he kissed me thoroughly. With gentle hands, he turned me so that my back was pressed to his front.

"I want you like this," he whispered, running his hands over my breasts and stomach. His breath fanned down my neck when he spoke and I shivered again, but not from the cold.

He bent me forward slightly until I grabbed the sink unit for balance. Parting my legs with his knee, he stepped forward and pressed his cock against my entrance.

"Do you want me?" His words were carried on an inward breath, and I loved hearing how desperate he was.

"Always," I responded, attempting to push back against him.

He reciprocated at once, pushing deep inside me with one breath-stealing thrust. All coherent thought was lost, replaced by pure unadulterated lust when his hips began to piston.

His thrusts were fast and furious and he stopped only briefly to position one of my legs on the unit. The wider stance enabled him to pump deeper and harder and each sharp thrust was heralded by a loud grunt from both of us.

My arms shook with the effort of holding my position, but the pleasure far outweighed the burgeoning ache in my muscles.

"Do you like that baby?" he murmured in my ear, voice dripping with lust. "Do you feel how deep that is?"

"Yes!" I gasped. "I want you to go harder."

Immediately he increased his pace. The room filled with the sound of his skin slapping against mine. "Like this?"

"Harder!" I begged, reaching down between my legs to stroke his balls as they slapped against my flesh.

"Fuck! That's good," he grunted, increasing his speed again. "I love fucking you, baby."

His fingers slid under my wrist and circled my clit in hard quick strokes. My knees buckled as my orgasm built, forcing him to abandon my clit and wrap his arm around me for support. All sorts of garbled noises escaped my throat as my muscles clenched around him.

"Fuck, yeah!" he shouted, bucking wildly as he came violently inside me.

For a few moments I bore the brunt of his weight, but when my body started to shake beneath him, he gently lowered my leg to the floor. He whispered that he loved me while his teeth nipped at my ear lobe.

"I think I need another bath," I said, sighing contentedly.

"There's no time," he said, grabbing the washcloth.

An hour later I was sitting beside Edward while he drove the truck west. I glanced down at the cooler and blanket at my feet. "When are you going to tell me where we're going?" I grumbled as we waited at the traffic lights

He simply winked at me and kept his lips firmly closed.

On the outskirts of town, I noticed the traffic was getting heavier and a lot of people were walking towards the park. "We're going to the park?" I asked turning to him and he nodded. "What's on?"

"A concert."

"Really?" I felt a surge of excitement. I'd never been to an open air concert before. "Who's playing?"

"Just some local bands," he said, scanning the street for a parking space. "It's free so I don't even know if the bands will be any good, but I thought it would be nice to sit outside, drink wine and listen to music."

It took a while to find a space, and I could hear what sounded like a sound check coming from the park when I got out of the truck. Edward slung his arm around my shoulder and guided me towards the long line of people heading to the park. When I slipped my hand into his back pocket and gave his ass a light squeeze, he grinned down at me.

"Look at you getting all PDA," he teased waggling his eyebrows.

I squeezed again and he laughed pressing his lips to my temple.

The throng of people making their way to the park grew thicker the closer we got, and I almost missed them as we passed through the gates. "Isn't that Jacob and Alice?" I asked, craning my neck for a better view. "And Rosalie and Emmet?"

Edward threw his hand in the air and waived. "I thought it would be nice to hang out," he whispered. "You don't mind do you?"

"Of course not, but why the secrecy?"

He shrugged. "The concert was the surprise. I just decided at the last minute to call around and see if anyone else wanted to join us."

After a round of greetings, we found a space and set the blankets down on the grass. Edward stood talking to Alice and I hoped I'd get a chance to talk to her too at some point.

"So how's the truck running?" Jacob asked, plonking himself down beside me.

"Um… in the five minutes since I got it back, it seems to be okay," I said, earning a playful punch on the arm.

"I ran into Leah on the way home," I ventured. "She got a job."

"Yeah, I heard," he responded, and I didn't fail to notice the hint of tension that crept into his voice.

"She's giving you space," I said. "And… um… I think you have me to blame for that. That night we had dinner at yours, she waited for me around the corner when I was driving home." I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment. "We had words, and I know it's none of my business, but I sort of told her she was being unfair on you."

"You what?" he gasped loudly, prompting Edward to shoot me a concerned glance. I shook my head at him to indicate he didn't need to get involved.

"What do you mean sort of? You either did or you didn't," Jacob said, lowering his voice considerably.

"Look, I'm sorry. I know it wasn't my place to say it, but she acted like a jealous girlfriend trying to scare me off and I told her that if she isn't going to be with you, she really shouldn't be trying to stop anyone else from being with you." He looked shocked. "I know! I know! I'm a nosey meddling pain in the ass, but I really didn't mean to cause any harm."

He sighed, rubbing his hand roughly over his scalp. "Yes you are a pain in the ass, Bella." I was relieved when a slow smile crept across his face. "But I get the feeling she's moving in my direction. Did she say anything to you about what her plans are?"

I nodded. "But I don't think she wants me to tell you." I tried to hide my revealing smile but failed. "I think she'll talk to you soon."

"You know you just totally sold her out with that smile, don't you?" he teased.

I swatted his arm.

"It's early days though. I don't want to get my hopes up," he added, and his insecurity was plain to see.

The first band came on and we all spread out on the blankets to get comfortable. Alice sat down beside me, while Edward sat in front of me beside Emmett. Rosalie leaned back, from her position beside Emmett and looked at me.

"How's that truck running?" she asked.

"It's great," I replied a little stiltedly. It seemed Jacob wasn't the only one intimidated by her.

"Cool," she said, turning back to face the stage.

"Who wants wine?" Edward asked, grabbing the cooler.

The bands were actually pretty good and I sat tapping my toes as I sipped my wine. Every now and then Edward would glance back at me and smile, and it was only natural that I would gravitate towards him. Eventually, I was sitting directly behind him rubbing my fingers through his hair.

Emmett spotted us and leaned his head on Rosalie's shoulder. "Dude!" he yelled a little too loudly. "How come you don't do that shit to me?" He jerked his head in our direction.

Rosalie grinned. "You don't have sex hair like Edward."

His head snapped up, and he looked curiously at Edward before turning back to Rosalie. "His hair only looks like that because girls are always running their fucking fingers through it!" He stiffened, shooting me a worried glance. "Sorry." He grimaced.

"Don't be," I said, smiling. "It's my sex hair now."

Edward chuckled and planted a kiss on the inside of my wrist.

A little while later, I took the opportunity to talk to Alice, scooting back from Edward. "The bands are good," I remarked, for want of a better opener.

She smiled. "I'm glad I came. I'm sick of the sight of the inside of my house."

"You know you can come over any time you need company," I said, hoping it wouldn't offend her. "Or we could go out sometime?"

"Thanks. But I needed to be by myself for a while. It's beginning to get a little bit lonely there now, though," she admitted looking down at a small plastic ring in her palm. "I'm beginning to feel a bit more sociable again."

"I'm glad."

"Have you seen him… Jasper?"

I shook my head. "He's still back in Forks."

She sighed and put the ring in her pocket. "Well, I hope someday you two can get past this."

I almost said the same to her, but managed to stop myself.

"What's with the ring?" I asked.

"It's silly, it's…" She glanced at the others spread out around us. "Maybe I'll tell you some other time."

"Okay," I said, letting it drop. It didn't take a genius to figure out it had something to do with Jasper.

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**As always thank you for reading. Thank you for reviewing, too. x**


	38. Chapter 38

**Hmmm, I was sure I had posted this chapter last week. I almost posted chapter 39 by mistake. **

**So now you get two chapters in quick succession. :)**

* * *

**Chapter 38**

"You always seem to be on the go these days," Edward complained lightly. He was propped on one elbow, still in bed, watching me dress. "I'll be starting at the hospital soon. I feel like we'll hardly see each other."

As I sat down on the bed to tie my shoe laces, he took the opportunity to pull me down to his level for a kiss. I inhaled the musky morning smell of him, and felt the scruff of his beard rasp along my chin. "I wish I didn't have to go out today, but I'm meeting Alice and I have an appointment."

He raised his eyebrows in question. "Appointment?"

"At the beauty salon." Heat flushed my cheeks. "I need another wax."

"Ah, that explains the skirt," he mused, sliding his fingers up my thigh and into my panties. "You still feel pretty smooth to me."

I moaned from the pleasure of his fingers between my legs. "I'll be late."

As quick as a flash, he was looming over me, hands bunching my skirt higher. "I'll be quick," he promised, eyes flashing mischievously.

Less than an hour later, I was running along the sidewalk towards Alice who was waiting outside the café where we'd arranged to meet.

"I'm sorry, I'm late," I panted, trying to catch my breath. "I had to take a quick shower."

She eyed my sweat pants. "I see you came prepared this time."

I looked down. "Yeah, I was intending to wear a skirt." I held back my smile. "But it needed ironed."

She checked her watch. "I was hoping to have coffee first, but I guess we should get going."

"We can catch up at lunch after," I said, feeling bad for making her wait.

I had been so pleased when she'd called me during the week to ask if I wanted to spend some time with her today. I had suggested lunch after my appointment but she had offered to come to the salon with me, telling me that she was could get her nails done while she waited.

After my appointment, I was glad of the sweatpants. They were definitely much more comfortable than the jeans I'd worn the last time. Alice insisted on taking me to an up market restaurant which didn't look like the kind of establishment one wore sweats to. Thankfully no-one batted an eyelid when we entered.

"So, you're going to have a lot of free time on your hands when Edward starts working at the hospital," Alice said, after we had been seated.

I was happy to hide my casual legwear under the pristine linen table cloth.

"Yeah," I said, trying to inject a little enthusiasm into my voice. "He's really looking forward to it, and I'm happy for him, but it's going to be hard not seeing so much of him. The apartment will be so empty without him."

"We'll just have to hang out more," she said with a hesitant smile. "We can keep each other company."

"I'd like that," I said, feeling a wave of happiness that we could try to be friends again. "Actually, I wanted to ask your opinion on something. I know a girl who's looking for somewhere to rent, and I was thinking that since Edward and I mostly share a room now, we could rent the spare one out to her."

"What does Edward think?" She seemed a little surprised.

"I haven't pitched it to him yet. It would only be temporary until she finds something more permanent. She's leaving her husband and it would really help her out."

"That's really sweet of you Bella, but don't you think you and Edward need your privacy?" A small smile crept across her lips. "I mean, the walls in that apartment are pretty thin, and think of all the things you _couldn't_ do with a lodger there."

I blushed furiously, despite my laughter. "It would only be for a little while, and Edward will be working a lot―"

"Which means, the time you do have will be all the more precious," she pointed out.

My shoulders slumped. "I guess you're right, but I really want to help Leah, you know?"

She nodded. "Maybe she'd like to rent a room from me? I have two spare rooms and I'm rattling around in that house on my own. So..."

My eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"Sure, it would be nice to have some company again." Her eyes darkened.

Sadness washed over me. "I know we haven't really talked about this much, and I'm probably the last person you want to open up to, but if you need to talk I'm here for you."

Her eyes dropped to the table. "I'm fine, Bella, but I still miss him. Maybe, having a housemate again will be good for me. I used to share the house with a girl called Angela before I met Jasper."

She steered the conversation away from Jasper to tell me about Angela. They had been roommates through college and Angela had rented a room from Alice after she bought her house, but then she had moved to Europe.

"Of course, now she's wildly successful in Paris, while I'm still stuck here in Seattle," she finished with a flourish. "Maybe I should have gone with her when I had the chance."

"Why didn't you?"

Her eyes looked glassy when she looked at me. "Jasper." She shrugged.

"I―"

"Shall we get the check?" she asked too brightly, cutting off the feeble apology I had been about to make.

She drew her wallet out of her purse and the plastic ring I had seen her with at the concert, fell onto the table.

We both stared at it before she scooped it up, laughing nervously.

"Are you ready to tell me about it?" I asked gently, unable to hold back.

She sighed and twirled the ring between her fingers. It was made from neon pink plastic with a large daisy in the centre. "We got it at the fairground," she said wistfully. "It was just before Jasper moved in. He picked it when he failed to win me a giant teddy bear and jokingly proposed with it." Tears started to form in her eyes and I reached out and held her hand. "We laughed about it and I told him when he really proposed I would accept nothing less than a black diamond. I was joking… I would've accepted this." She dropped it into her purse, sniffing loudly. "He must have found it among his things after he moved out. He gave it back to me that day he came to apologise."

"Why?"

"He said he wanted me to keep it as a reminder that I should never settle," She rooted around in her purse and pulled out a tissue to dab her eyes. "He said he was my lump of plastic, and I deserved to go out there and find my black diamond."

After blowing her nose discreetly, she continued. "I was so happy with him, Bella. I don't know if I'll ever find that again. The thing that hurts the most is that, despite everything, I can't make myself believe it was plastic. It felt real to me when I gave him my heart, and I still don't think I have it back."

"I'm so sorry, Alice," I said squeezing her hand.

"No," she said, stopping me from saying anything else. "Don't be sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm just being silly."

"No you're not. It's okay to talk about it; you can't bottle your feelings up all the time."

Her lips curved up in a sad smile. "He did the right thing giving me the ring. Even though it hurts, he's right; I do need to move on."

There was nothing I could say to that. She was getting through it on her own, and as much as I wanted to help her, I feared that I would only make things worse if I tried.

The waitress arrived with check, ending the conversation. We parted ways after I promised to call Leah to set up a meeting if she was interested in renting a room from Alice.

Edward was on the phone when I walked into our apartment. I put my things in my room before heading towards the kitchen to get a drink of water. As I passed, he caught me and pulled me tight against his body, pressing his lips to my neck.

I could hear Carlisle talking while Edward slid his lips along my jawbone and up towards my lips.

"Yeah, next weekend would be cool," he said, pulling back slightly while he spoke. Carlisle's voice rumbled through the receiver again and Edward covered the mouthpiece while he leaned in closer. His lips soft, warm lips covered mine and a small moan escaped me when his tongue swirled into my mouth. I felt him smile against my lips before he lifted his head.

"Okay," he spoke again, pressing his finger to my lips. "I'll come over tomorrow and pick up the keys." He paused. "Sure, I'll bring Bella. Dinner?" He raised his eyebrows at me in question and I nodded. "Yeah, Dinner sounds good. Okay, thanks… u-huh, I'll see you then."

He bent to replace the receiver and I escaped his clutches to head to the kitchen. "Where do you think you're going?" he chuckled, pulling me back and covering my mouth with his. His kisses were hard and deep and incredibly arousing. "How do you feel?" His fingers fluttered lightly between my legs over the sweatpants. "Are you sore?"

"A little. But it's not as bad as last time," I pulled his hand up to my waist. "This time I was better prepared. Although, the skirt would have been better." I looked at him pointedly. "I had to change before I left, remember?"

He practically growled at me and buried his face in my neck pulling my pelvis hard against his erection. "That's too bad. I've been horny all day thinking about you walking around with that skirt on… and no panties."

He chuckled when I gasped. "I'd love it if you'd do that for me sometime," he murmured into my ear. "Maybe next weekend?"

I was reminded of his phone conversation. "What's happening next weekend?"

"I'm taking you to Carlisle and Esme's cabin. It's up near Taylor Creek, and it's very private." He traced his tongue along my bottom lip. "We could spend the entire weekend naked. nobody's ever up there."

I swallowed. "Naked? All weekend?"

"Yeah." His eyes were smouldering. "Imagine it, just you, me and Mother Nature. We'd be at the mercy of each other's lustful urges."

I giggled. "My, we _are_ horny today."

His fingers dipped into my waistband. "Mmhmm," he groaned against my lips, backing me up towards his room. As soon as we were inside, he pulled my sweats and panties down and knelt at my feet to help me step out of them. He stared at the juncture of my thighs.

"You look a little red, baby." he said blowing a soft breath on my tender skin. A shiver of pleasure rippled through me. "Sit down," he said, trailing his fingers over the inside of my thighs. His eyes were burning with desire when he looked up into mine. "Open your legs, baby. Let me look at you." When I complied, he let out a slow unsteady breath. "Want me to kiss it all better?"

I nodded with a whimper, letting my head drop back onto the bed as his breath washed over me again. He settled between my legs, lifting my calves so they were resting on his shoulders. It occurred to me that maybe I should be a little embarrassed being so openly exposed to him, but his touch was so gentle and loving as he slicked his tongue over my tender skin, I couldn't seem to care.

After a while I began to writhe beneath him, desperate for more friction, but he was intent on taking his time. My insides clenched when I looked down at him and our eyes met. The smile he gave me was so full of love and desire, I felt like my heart swelled in my chest.

He bent his head again, this time using his tongue more firmly and slipping a finger inside of me. My lower body quivered as I strained beneath him, mindless with lust and desperate for release. I didn't have to wait long because he started to hum and groan, sending sweet vibrations pulsing against my swollen clit. His fingers dug into my thighs when the orgasm that exploded deep within me shook every part of my body.

The aftershocks were still pulsing when he rose up, keeping my legs over his shoulders, and pushed himself inside me. His eyes rolled back briefly and he let out a loud moan of pleasure

He leaned forward, pressing in deeper, and kissed my lips softly before straightening and picking up pace. His eyes never left mine. The connection between us was more than just physical. I could see in his eyes that the love we were making meant just as much to him as it did to me.

The love I felt for him coursed through me just as strongly as the pleasure he was giving me. Every thrust of his hips brought a loud moan flying from my lips.

"That's it baby," he groaned. "Don't hold back, let me hear you."

It was almost too much. He was too deep, his eyes were too intense, his words too arousing and I couldn't stand it. I felt like I was going to explode again and it built and built until I unravelled under the hammering of his hips and the sound of my name on his lips.

Panting wildly, he eased my legs down his body and rubbed soothing circles into my stiff muscles. His breath was warm against my ear when he whispered. "I can't get enough of you, baby." Still ebbing inside me, he smoothed my hair away from my face and dropped his forehead gently onto mine. "I love you, Bella. I fucking love you so much, and I thank God every day Alice suggested this room for me."

Tears filled my eyes. "Me too. It feels like you brought me to life Edward, I never felt _alive_ till I met you."

He rolled us over, pulling me against his chest. "When I start working at the hospital, I'm gonna miss you every night I'm not here," He sighed heavily, pressing his lips to my hair. "But I promise I'll make it worthwhile every time I'm home."

"I guess Alice was right," I mused.

"About what?"

"I was thinking about asking you if we should rent a room to Leah." I propped myself up and looked down at him. "She's working really hard to turn her life around, and she needs a place to stay." He smiled affectionately at me and I continued. "Alice thought we'd need our privacy, so she suggested that Leah could rent one of her spare rooms instead."

He kissed my shoulder. "You never think twice do you?" he said with a smile. "When it comes to helping someone, you're right in there. No hesitation, you just do it."

"Jacob said I'm a meddling pain in the ass," I joked, but when his eyes darkened protectively, I elaborated, "Well I said it first, but he agreed."

He relaxed. "And I bet he's glad you are."

"I guess I just want everyone to be as happy as we are. I really hope he and Leah can make it work. I don't know if I could live with that level of longing without being able to act on it."

He hugged me closer and I melted into his embrace. "Me neither," he whispered.

The following day Edward came down to pick me up from work since we were visiting Jacob. I was also intending to see Leah and let her know about Alice's offer. I'd expected him to just wait for me outside, so it came as something of a surprise when he walked into the Deli half an hour before my shift was due to finish. He didn't look at me until he sat down at a table directly in front of the counter.

The way he stared at me made me blush. I'd never been very close to any of the girls I worked with. We didn't have very much in common and I often found myself excluded from their conversations. Any time they did speak to me it was mostly work related or small talk. We only ever talked in that trivial way people do to fill the silence between meaningful conversations, except we never got round to having the meaningful conversations.

"Holy Fuck!" Francine gasped. "D'you see that guy who just came in." I heard her low whistle, and turned to see her and Amy ogling Edward.

"He is fuck-hot!" Amy said, practically drooling on the counter.

I stayed rooted to the spot while they did this strange shuffle as they pulled at each other in their efforts to reach Edward first. Amy won out, strutting towards Edward, while Francine scowled at the side of the counter.

Edward glanced up when Amy stopped at his table. I was too far away to hear their exchange but I didn't miss the devastating smile he gave her. A sharp pang of jealousy burned in my stomach, but it was short lived because Amy's head whipped in my direction. I could see the incredulity in her eyes right before she turned back to Edward.

Seconds later she stalked back to the counter, her lips set in a deep frown. She glanced at Francine before addressing me. "He wants you to serve him," she spat.

I'd like to say that I was above gloating, but it took a lot of effort to hide my smirk. Since she hadn't mentioned anything about Edward knowing me, I instinctively knew he was playing a game. I decided to play along. I walked towards him, hoping that recognition and desire wasn't written all over my face

My assumption proved correct when he didn't smile at me. Intensely aware that Francine and Amy were watching me, I drew out my pad and poised my pencil above it.

"What are you doing here this early?" I asked quietly, still focussing on my pad.

"Now is that any way to treat your customers?" he mocked dryly. He made a show of glancing over my shoulder. "I take it your co-workers don't know who I am?"

I shook my head. "I don't talk about my private life in here."

He glanced at the only other occupied table in the room; the one in the corner, shared by a couple ignoring each other. He was reading a newspaper, while she was texting on her phone.

Taking me by surprise, Edward reached forward and fingered the hem of my skirt, turning his lustful eyes up to mine. "I want you to serve me."

I swallowed. "What can I get you."

He exhaled slowly, cocking his head to the side. "I'd like a cappuccino… and your panties."

I was pretty sure my jaw dropped, but he merely dipped his head slightly as if to confirm that I had heard him correctly.

We stared at each other for a long moment, until I realised he was deadly serious.

A bolt of excitement shot through me when I did.

I made my way to the counter on shaky legs, and I could have cursed when Francine and Amy converged on me.

"Do you know him?" Francine asked as I started on the Cappuccino. "What's his name? Does he have a girlfriend?"

I fumbled with the machine a little, still distracted by his second request. "Yes. Edward, and yes." I said biting my lip and wondering if I could really go through with remove my panties at work, and giving them to him. I risked a peek over the machine to see that he was still watching me intently.

"Oh my God!" Amy gasped. "Look at the way he's staring at you. He's _your_ boyfriend?"

Pride flowed through my veins and I felt like squealing YES at the top of my lungs, but instead I merely nodded and bit my lip to contain my smug grin. "Would you mind making the Cappuccino for me please, I just need to use the bathroom."

Amy was still staring at Edward, but then she snapped out of it. "What?.. Oh yeah, sure."

I hurried to the restroom and stood with my back to the stall door, breathing heavily. My heart was hammering as I wondered if I could really go through with it. My skirt was knee length so it wasn't like anyone would know, but it just seemed so illicit. Mustering up all my courage, I raised my skirt and pulled my panties down. The first stirrings of arousal I was feeling, surprised me and brought a smile to my face.

I quickly stepped out of my panties and balled them up, slipping them into the sleeve of my shirt. They bulge in the fabric was clearly visible, but I hoped that anyone who noticed would think it was a tissue. Steeling myself, I stepped out of the stall, washed my hands, and made my way back to the counter.

I glanced at the clock, I had twenty minutes of my shift left and no other customers had come in. Amy was just finishing the Cappuccino. "Did you want me to take it to him?" She asked with a hopeful glance in Edward's direction. It was the first time she'd been anything other than disinterested in my presence, and I had to admit that I liked the change in her demeanour.

"No, that's okay," I said taking it from her. "Thanks for making it, but I'll take it from here."

He watched me like a predator as I walked to his table. I carefully placed the coffee in front of him. His eyes met mine. "And?" he prompted, holding his hand out.

Aware that we were being watched, I turned my back a little and held my arm out to him, nodding towards my sleeve. Following my gaze, he looked down and slid his fingers under my cuff to retrieve the panties. Keeping them bundled into a ball, he slipped them into his pocket. His grin was positively devilish.

"Will that be all Sir?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

He took a sip of his coffee, taking his time to set the cup down slowly. "Sir? I like the sound of that." He waggled his eyebrows, making me giggle. "It's enough for now to know you are walking around here without underwear and I'm the only one who knows, but…" He added darkly. "I'll want more later."

The loud scrape of a chair startled me out of our little moment. The couple in the corner got up to leave and I moved to their table to clear it. Edward's eyes never left me for the remainder of my shift. His gaze was so intense it was almost embarrassing.

"Are we still going to Jacob's?" I asked as we headed outside after my shift was finished.

"yeah," he said, taking my hand. "And don't worry, you'll get your panties back before we get there. I just wanted you to have a little taster of what it feels like to have a sexy little secret just between you and me."

I stretched up and kissed him. "I like it," I whispered. "It makes me feel sexy." I pulled back and cupped his face. "But I don't think if I'd want to do it at work again."

He chuckled and backed me up against the truck which was parked at the far corner of the lot, affording us a little bit of privacy.

His lips grazed my temple. "I wish I could keep these," he murmured, and I looked down to see him holding out my panties. He bent down, and I glanced around before stepping into them.

He slid them up my legs, and his hands cupped my butt as he pulled them all the way up. He paused there for a moment, eyes glinting wickedly, but then he let my skirt slide back down and pecked the corner of my mouth.

"Maybe we should just go straight home," I suggested, grabbing his hips and pulling him closer.

He ground his erection into my stomach. "Sounds like a plan, but I've already told Jacob to expect us. Billy's cooking for us."

I groaned but it was only half-hearted. I didn't really mind.

Edward drove, and we stopped on the way to pick up wine and some beers for Billy.

The visit turned into a celebration when Jacob surprised us with the news that he had secured a lease on new premises. He talked animatedly all through dinner about how Rosalie's dad had got him so much business that he was finally in a position to quit his job at the hospital.

"You know, Rosalie's alright when you get to know her," Jacob said when we were finishing up the dishes. "She and Emmett came with me when I was looking at buildings." He smiled. "I think she still wants to work with me. She said her dad keeps trying to get her involved in the business side of things at his company, but I think she just likes to get her hands dirty."

I laughed. "You would never guess to look at her."

"I know, right?"

Just before we headed back to Edward and Billy, I stopped him and asked him for Leah's number. He looked surprised.

"Alice has offered to rent her a room," I explained. "I need to call her and see if she's interested."

Without saying anything, Jacob gave me the number.

"This won't cause any problems for you, will it. You know, with Paul?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Bella, she's leaving him because their relationship hasn't been right for years." He rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. "I know maybe I've been part of the problem, but she needs to get out and make a life for herself." He paused, sighing. "Whether that includes me or not, we'll have to wait and see. But I can handle any shit Paul throws my way. I just want her to be happy."

"I want you _both_ to be happy," I said, smiling gently at him.

He grimaced as if he was a little embarrassed, then told me to go ahead and call her.

Twenty minutes later I picked her up outside her house and drove around the corner to talk, away from Paul's prying eyes.

"So what's this about?" she asked when I shut the engine off.

"Have you ever met Edward's cousin Alice?" I asked, turning to face her.

"I don't think so, why?"

"I had lunch with her the other day and I mentioned that I was thinking of taking in a lodger," I explained. "I was going to ask if you wanted to rent a room at our apartment." Her eyes popped wide in surprise, but I kept talking. "But Alice has more room and she's looking for a lodger if you're interested?"

She sat in silence regarding me for a while, and then turned her face towards the window. Her shoulders started to shake and I realised she was crying.

"Oh God, have I upset you?"

She turned, tears glistening in her eyes. "No, I'm just a little overwhelmed. I'm really touched that you thought of me. I haven't exactly been very nice to you."

I couldn't argue with that.

She looked back in the direction of her house and frowned.

"Are you having second thoughts?" I asked.

"No!" She gasped. "God no! I know I'm doing the right thing, it's just a little scary. But I can't wait to get out of there."

"This is Alice's number," I said, pressing the slip of paper into her hand.

Fresh tears pooled in her eyes. "Thanks, Bella. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."

"You don't have to. I can see what it means to you."

Jacob had already helped Billy to bed by the time I got back, and Edward was helping him clear away the glasses.

"What did Leah say?" Jacob asked when I joined them in the kitchen.

"She's going to call Alice tomorrow."

"Isn't she great," Edward said, hooking his arm around my shoulder and kissing my temple. "I'm sure she could achieve world peace if she set her mind to it." I dug him in the ribs with my elbow, but it only made him laugh.

"Thank Billy for dinner," I said to Jacob. "We should really get going."

Jacob nodded and saw us to the door.

Edward was all touchy feely as soon as we got into the truck, and I figured he was enjoying a slight buzz from the wine and beer he'd drunk during the meal. He slid his hand beneath my skirt and stroked my bare thigh.

"Edward, if you want us to make it to the apartment in one piece, I suggest you quit that till we're safely there," I chided.

With a mock groan of complaint, he pulled his hand and stroked my cheek instead. "You're so beautiful," he murmured.

"And you're drunk," I accused.

"Not so drunk that I can't appreciate how hot my girlfriend is." He leaned in and pecked my cheek.

He behaved himself for the rest of the journey, but as soon as we got into the apartment his hands were all over me. "Come to bed with me," he demanded, already unbuttoning my blouse.

I willingly let him guide me into his room.

He started to strip me, slipping my blouse over my shoulders and letting it fall to the floor. "You know I've been thinking," he murmured, pressing his lips to my throat "You should move your stuff in here. I want to sleep with you every night, and when I'm working I want to know that you're in my bed."

I moaned in delight as he removed my bra, and his thumbs brushed my aching nipples. "Why not my room?" I managed to ask.

"Yours has the piano in it." He bent and blew gently on one nipple before briefly licking it "There's more room in here."

"Mmm, whatever," I muttered, already losing the thread of the conversation as my attention focussed on his fingers tugging my panties down.

Within seconds, we were both naked and he guided me down onto the bed, settling between my legs. His tongue slid into my mouth at the same time he pushed into me, and we moaned in tandem. "I meant what I said earlier," he murmured, rising up to look at me. "I want you naked as much as possible next weekend."

As he hitched my legs around his waist and began to move with more purpose, I would have agreed to anything and groaned out a loud, "Yes!"

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**Thank you for reading. **


	39. Chapter 39

**Only a couple of chapters left. I'm still working on the epilogue and hope to have it finished in the next few weeks. Thank you for all your lovely reviews. **

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**Chapter 39**

Epov

Bella slept for most of the long drive up to the cabin. I glanced down at her head resting on my lap. My dick twitched slightly causing me to chuckle a little. I forced myself to concentrate on the road, which like my mind, was single track. It cut its way through forestland which grew denser the closer we got to the cabin. Ours was the only semi occupied cabin left which meant the road was hardly ever used and was overgrown and strewn with broken tree branches and thick ruts of mud in wet weather. I gripped the wheel tighter glad that the truck could handle the rough terrain.

Bella had spent the previous day helping Alice get the room ready for Leah, and it was late when she'd gotten home. She'd complained when I woke her up early this morning, but I was eager to get here so we could spend as much time as possible here.

Esme and Carlisle hadn't been to the cabin for a few months, so we'd probably need to freshen the place up and we'd had to bring lots of supplies with us.

I steered the truck down the bumpy track, amazed that Bella was able to sleep through the deafening rattling and creaking of the truck. We passed the derelict cabin that used to belong to Mr and Mrs Mayweather. It was the only other cabin for miles and when they lived there, the Mayweathers used to look after our cabin while it was unoccupied.

When I was growing up, we spent a lot of time up here during the summer. Old Mr Mayweather used to take me fishing. I tipped my head ruefully at the shell that used to be their home as we passed. When I was seventeen we got the news that Mrs Mayweather had drowned in the creek. Mr and Mrs Mayweather were a part of this land and I couldn't understand how such a thing had happened. Aunt Esme sat us down and explained Mrs Mayweather had developed Alzeihmer's and then within the year Mr Mayweather had a heart attack and followed her. I never enjoyed the trips to the cabin as much after the Mayweather's left. Bella shifted in my lap, bringing me out of my reverie. I smiled down at her sadly, I would have loved to introduce her to them.

The last mile was the worst, and it took twice as long as it should have to cover it because I was being careful with Bella's truck, but finally the cabin loomed ahead. I parked out front and the sudden silence wakened Bella. She lifted her head and rubbed my thigh furiously. I looked down and saw the tiny damp patch of drool on my jeans.

She looked up at me all flushed and adorable, and apologised.

I laughed and kissed the tip of her nose, before jumping out and grabbing some of our bags. The steps were a little mossy and slippery, so I warned her to watch her step before opening the front door. I had just dropped the bags when I heard her yelp and an almighty thud and I rushed out to find her flat on her ass at the bottom of the steps.

"Are you okay?" I asked rushing to her side, almost joining her in the process. She laughed while I helped her up. "I did warn you," I pointed out, rubbing the muddy patch on her ass.

She stuck her tongue out at me, but still held on to me as she made her way up the steps. She stopped and leaned on the wooden fence, to take in her surroundings.

"It's really beautiful," she said, taking in a deep breath. "Can you smell that?"

"Yeah, I've always loved the air up here."

We made short work of bringing in our things and the cabin wasn't too bad. All it needed was a quick wipe down here and there and we were good. I gave her the guided tour, trying my best to detain her in the bedroom, but she was too eager to see the rest of the cabin and kept slipping out of my clutches.

I opened the patio doors which lead out onto the back patio. Bella spotted the hot tub right away, and turned to me grinning. "I've never been in a hot tub before."

There must have been a storm over the winter, because the cover had blown off and it was full of bits of broken twigs and leaves. I grimaced. "I guess we'll have to give it a good clean before we use it."

The thought of being in there naked with her later had my cock hard in seconds and I moved towards her. She glanced up at me, meeting me half way and this time she was just as eager as I was when I wrapped my arms around her. I kissed her neck and then licked slowly around the shell of her ear. "I can't wait to get you in there naked later," I murmured, loving the way she shivered in my embrace.

"Edward," she said, dropping her forehead onto my chest. "I know you said that stuff about us being naked, but I don't know if I can do it." Her hands slid down past my shoulders, and she pressed her knuckles gently into my abs, not quite pushing me away but the intention seemed to be there. "I don't know if I'd be comfortable walking around like that."

She looked up at me, the flush in her cheeks accentuating the troubled look in her eye. "It's okay Bella," I insisted, cupping her warm cheek in my hand. "You know I wouldn't make you do anything you don't want to do."

She nodded and relaxed a little.

"I don't want to disappoint you," she said quietly.

Tilting her face up with my fingers, I brushed my lips against her cheek. "You could never do that, Bella." I stared into her eyes. "I love you."

Her lips quivered slightly. "I love you too." She wrapped her arms around my waist.

"I'm hoping you'll be naked at some point over the weekend though," I teased.

She lifted her head and stared at me. "I did like it when you took my panties," she said shyly. "And I like all the new stuff we do together. So if you're patient with me, maybe I could meet you half way."

My heart clenched as I bent to kiss her again. "Let's just have some fun this weekend and take it as it comes."

I went upstairs to make up the bed while Bella cooked lunch, I was grinning like a fool the whole time. It felt so good to be away from everything and everybody, and to have her here with me in a place where I'd spent so many happy times growing up.

I could hear her singing softly to herself as she worked in the kitchen, and I stopped at the top of the stairs to watch her. She lifted the spoon out of the pot she was stirring and her tongue darted out to taste it. She smiled and took the pan off the heat before turning and rooting around in the cupboards, presumably looking for bowls.

It was almost difficult to reconcile this beautiful woman before me with the shy insecure girl I'd met mere months ago. It seemed like a lifetime ago, and if I'd known then it would turn out like this, I might have appreciated her a bit more from the start. She'd told me she felt like I'd brought her to life and I understood what she meant, because I felt the same way.

For too long I'd been numb. In my darkest moments, I'd sometimes wondered why I couldn't let anyone in. But now I knew; I'd never met the right person. I'd never met anyone like Bella, and I was now coming to realise that it was because there isn't anyone else like Bella, not for me. She'd given me everything freely. She trusted me in every way, never allowing anything I'd done in the past to cloud her opinion of me.

Sure, there had been little insecurities and jealousies, but she was stronger than she gave herself credit for. She was good at pushing doubts away, and trusting her own instincts. I, on the other hand, had almost ruined everything because I couldn't handle the thought that she might need Jasper more than me. Even when it was his mistake, I'd made her pay for it. Even when she'd given me no reason not to trust her, I hadn't.

It was gone now though, I'd given her everything. She had my heart, and I trusted her with it completely. She'd even severed all ties with Jasper to protect my fragile insecurities, and that more than anything had made me see how selfish I was being.

That day in Alice's when she came to me, I was so scared of losing her that I was pushing her away, but when _he_ showed up it threw me for a loop. It was the differing reactions of all of them that brought it all home to me.

Alice was shaking so badly as she stood in the corner, she was almost vibrating. Her longing for him was palpable, and her misery at what he'd done equally so. He'd broken her heart, yet she still seemed desperate to hold on to what they'd had.

His words shattered me. I was ashamed that it took his words to make me see that Bella had chosen me. She had told me she had only ever wanted me, but I hadn't believed her. As he spoke that day, I could see the truth of it in her face. He was never a contender, and the truth of it was there in his words, in his expression, in his guilt. He'd gotten it badly wrong, and his regret was rolling off him in waves. He'd stayed firmly focussed on Alice, but had been imploring me not to let Bella slip through my fingers.

And then there was Bella, so hurt and yet so willing to do anything to make me stay. That was the hardest thing of all. She was far stronger than me. Far more willing to put her faith in us, and absolutely willing to take all the risks that I feared.

Watching her pour soup into bowls with that contented smile on her face, I couldn't remember a single one of those risks. They were simply gone, and all that was left was the delicious feeling that we belonged together, and would never intentionally do anything to hurt each other.

She looked up as if she was preparing to call me. Her eyes widened when she spotted me.

"How long have you been there?" she asked, her face lighting up.

"I just got here," I said, moving down towards her. "Finally," I added under my breath.

After lunch we took a walk. I took her up the little trail that lead to the small meadow by the lake that Esme loved to bring us to. I carried a blanket under my arm, and draped the other across her shoulders.

As we walked, I enjoyed the beauty of our surroundings through Bella's reactions. She gripped my hand as I led her off the beaten path into a clearing surrounded by tall trees. She let go of my hand and ran ahead of me, brushing her hands over the wild flowers swaying in the long grass.

"It's beautiful," she said, eyes shining.

The grass was almost waist high in places, and thanks to the beaming sun the flowers were open wide, rendering the area a riot of color.

"It's like stepping into a Monet," she said, fingering some delicate violets. "It's stunning."

She practically jumped into my arms and peppered my face with kisses. "We should have brought a picnic."

"We just had lunch," I pointed out between kisses.

"I know but I don't want to leave any time soon."

I chuckled. "We just got here."

She slid down my body, and followed me to the far end of the clearing. I spread the blanket out in the shade of two trees. I sat down, and pulled her into my arms.

"This is nice," she murmured, snuggling against me. "I like the isolation."

I pressed my lips to her hair. "Nobody ever comes up here. We won't see another person all weekend."

I felt her grin. "Is this your way of trying to get me naked?"

I slid my hands down her sides until they rested on her hips. "You can't blame a guy for trying." I waggled my eyebrows, kissing her gently. "I'm just happy to be here with you. I'll take whatever you are willing to give."

She kissed me while she pushed me down onto my back. She lay beside me, resting on one hip and circling one hand on my chest. "I want to make love with you here," she whispered shyly. "Do you think we should risk it?"

She stretched over my body and pressed her hips into mine. I was already hard from her first touch and she sighed appreciatively when she felt it. "It'll be okay baby," I murmured, gripping her hips and pressing up into her as I spoke. "Nobody will come, I promise."

She pulled back to look at me, smirking. "I hope _that's_ not true."

I laughed when I realized what I'd said.

She rolled off me and asked me to sit up against the tree. Thrilled by her eagerness to take the initiative, I was only too happy to oblige. She seemed a little nervous as she straddled my lap and pressed her mouth to mine.

Her kisses grew hotter as she snaked her hands beneath my shirt and slowly started to lift it. "Is this okay?" she whispered.

I nodded, raising my arms so she could to take it off completely.

Dropping the shirt onto the grass, she kissed along my collar bone while her fingers explored my chest and abs. My cock, feeling left out, twitched violently and was rewarded with a grind of her hips. I sucked in a deep breath and fought the urge to speed things up.

"I love your body," she murmured, trailing her lips and tongue across my nipple. "You taste so good." Her lips slid lower and I felt her fingers tugging on my jeans. My head thudded back against the tree as she dipped her tongue into my navel, swirling it before licking slowly downwards.

She undid my jeans and I lifted my hips, allowing her to pull them down. I groaned loudly when she pulled my cock out of my boxers and kissed the tip. But she didn't linger, instead she sat back on her heels and pulled my jeans and boxers off completely. When she was done she stood up and looked down at my naked body.

She bit her lip hesitantly, but then as if she was ripping a band aid off, she yanked her shirt up over her head.

"I can do that," I offered.

She declined with a shake of her head and quickly stripped down to her underwear, stealing nervous glances over her shoulder.

"You sure you don't want any help?"

Again she shook her head, and after a brief moment of balling her fists then relaxing them again, she reached around and unfastened her bra. Her eyes flicked down when my cock twitched. She removed her bra and grinned when I twitched again.

"You're so fucking beautiful," I hissed, digging my fists into the grass in an effort not to reach out and pull her to me.

Finally she pulled her panties down and kicked them onto her jeans, before straightening up. She stood with her eyes closed and her chest heaving.

She let out a long shaky sigh. "I've never been fully naked outside before."

"How does it feel?" I asked gently.

Her eyes were full of nervous excitement when she opened them. "The breeze feels nice." She dropped to her knees in front of me. "I want you Edward," she said, in such a way that told me she wanted me to take over.

"Come closer," I said, taking her hand. "Put your knees on either side of me."

She did as I asked, gripping my shoulders for balance. I slid my hands up her soft skin and cupped her breasts. "Do you wanna do it like this baby?" I murmured, circling her nipple with my tongue.

"Mmm-hmm," she moaned softly, leaning closer.

I positioned my cock at her entrance, groaning at how wet she was already. "Sit down," I whispered, desperate to be inside her.

She did.

My eyes rolled back and we moaned in unison.

Every muscle in my body tensed with pleasure. I gripped her hips, encouraging her to ride me.

"Is that good?" she asked, becoming breathless.

"Oh yeah," I groaned. "Slide your hips forward as you come down." I helped her tilt her hips forward when she was fully seated, pleasure rippling through me as I slid deeper inside. "Yeah, just like that. You feel that baby? Feel how you're taking me deeper when you do that?"

She looped her hands around my neck and upped the tempo, driving me crazy in the process. I raised my hands to her breasts again when she threw her head back, giving my mouth great access.

The bark of the tree was biting into my back with every movement, but the feel and the sight of her riding me was just too good to forego.

She was completely lost in pleasure, and I took in the beauty of her body from this position. I spotted a tiny beauty spot beneath her left breast that I hadn't noticed before, and reached out to touch it with my tongue. Leaning closer, I leaned forward and sucked greedily on her nipples while my hands snaked up her back and curved around her shoulders to pull her down with more force.

"Oh, yes!" She yelled as her muscles began to spasm around me. "Edward, I'm…" she brought her head forward and her face was so beautiful. Her eyes were clenched tight and her mouth was forming a perfect little 'O'. She dropped her forehead against mine, and her breath came out in short puffs across my face while her orgasm faded.

Her eyes opened. "You didn't come."

I smoothed her hair away from her face and kissed her lips. "Not yet," I said, switching positions so I was looming over her. She shuddered with pleasure when I pushed back inside, wrapping her legs around my waist.

"Fuck me." She whispered when I buried my face in her neck. Her words turned me on so fucking much, I drove into her so hard that she yelled in pleasure with each stroke. With a few more thrusts my orgasm raced through me and I clamped my mouth onto her shoulder as I bucked wildly.

"Do you want to get dressed?" I asked, languidly stroking her arm. We'd been lying naked for the last half hour, but her tiny shiver alerted me to the fact that she might be getting cold.

She rolled on to her stomach and planted a sloppy open-mouthed kiss on my chest. "No, I'm enjoying this." I raised my eyebrow a little. "Really, I am," she insisted with a contented sigh. "It feels so liberating."

"And arousing?"

She grinned. "Definitely arousing."

She swirled her fingers in the hair beneath my navel. "If you keep doing that you'll make me hard again," I warned.

She looked up at me with deliciously wicked eyes. "I don't have a problem with that."

We were both starving by the time we made our way back to the cabin. The sun had slipped down below the tops of the trees which made it more difficult to pick our way along the darkened trail. She held on to me tightly, squealing in fright whenever she either tripped, or heard an unexpected noise from the trees.

It was almost dark when we reached the cabin. I went straight to the hearth to light the fire, while Bella switched on the lights.

"It's too bad we can't call out for pizza," she said opening the fridge.

"I don't mind cooking," I said, getting up. "You made lunch."

"No I'll do it," she insisted, turning to me. "You can clean the hot tub."

After dinner, we took a shower before heading out to the hot tub. I got in right away, but Bella took a moment to admire the view.

"It's beautiful out here with the lights on," she said, taking off her robe. I wolf whistled at the tiny red bikini she revealed when she dropped the robe. Despite everything that had happened earlier, she still blushed. "I went shopping with Alice the other day. She helped me pick this one."

"Red, suits you," I said, taking her hand as she gingerly stepped in.

"Mmm, this feels nice." She sighed appreciatively, sitting opposite. "Alice told me how beautiful this is, but her description didn't do it justice."

The mention of Alice had dulled my mood a little. "How is she?" I asked resting my arm across the rim. "She's sort of clamed up on me a bit lately. Is she saying much to you?"

"I think she's getting there but she's lonely." She sighed "Hopefully when Leah moves in it'll make her feel better."

"Do you think she still loves him?"

She glanced up and I could see that she was nervous about talking about him. "It's okay Bella, I don't mind talking about him. That's where I went wrong before; he's a part of your life, and I have to respect that."

"Not anymore," she said.

If I didn't know her so well, I might have missed the wistful edge to her voice.

"He will be," I assured her, and she looked up at me surprised. "What was he like when you were growing up?" I'd never taken the time to understand her relationship with him fully, yet now I found myself wanting to.

She shrugged a little. "When Charlie first brought me home, I used to watch him playing out in his yard from my window. He had a couple of friends who used to come by, but they would always ignore me. Even when I started school, he never spoke to me or even acknowledged me."

She looked away, and her face was as wistful as her voice had been a moment ago. "A group of kids started following me around school. You know the kind of thing; mocking me, tripping me up, sticking things on my back. It got pretty bad until, out of the blue, Jasper stepped in and put a stop to it."

"So you two became instant friends?" I asked gently. I really wanted to hear their story, so I could understand the bond they had and not be so jealous of it.

"Not instant," she said. "You know I'm not the easiest person in the world to get to know, well I was worse back then. But he was very good to me. I think he felt a bit sorry for me and wanted to help me make new friends." Her hands fluttered on the water as if she was trying to catch the bubbles. "I never did though, but over the months that followed we became very close. He introduced me to modern music, comic books." She smiled at the memories. "He used to try to get me to watch TV with him, but he liked all these horrible cartoons while I preferred shows like Little House on The Prairie. He complained every time I made him watch it with me, but I think he secretly liked it."

"Did you spend all your free time together?"

"Pretty much. Charlie worked a lot and would ask Marjorie to mind me. I had dinner with them most nights, and afterwards Jasper and I would hang out in the tree house."

"Didn't they mind you two being alone all the time?"

"I don't think we gave off that vibe. I mean, we were still pretty young."

"And as you got older?"

"When we were about sixteen, Charlie started to worry a bit. But Jasper was a big hit with the girls, so when he started dating Charlie realised that we were just friends. I think he thought I would start dating too but I never trusted anyone."

"But you trusted Jasper?"

"Yeah." She smiled sadly. "I could talk to him about anything. I had lots of questions back then. My mother had kept me very sheltered, and Jasper helped me make sense of a world I'd never been allowed to know. When our hormones kicked in and we were both confused about stuff, we confided in each other."

"You don't have to answer this if you don't want to," I began. She was being very open with me and I didn't want her to feel she had to answer everything, but I had to ask. "Did you ever want to date him?"

She looked me directly in the eyes. "No. The closest I ever came to that, was asking him to give me my first kiss. I guess I was kind of jealous that everybody was out discovering things like that while I was missing out. I knew I'd never loosen up enough to let anyone do it, so I asked Jasper. You already know that he turned me down." She snorted without humour, and I guessed she was thinking of the irony in that.

"Did you ever feel jealous of his girlfriends?" I probed.

"No. I was happy for him. I loved it when he liked somebody and got all excited. It was like I could live vicariously through him."

"But you never wished he wanted you like that?"

Her head snapped up, and I realized my question was possibly double edged, asking both about the past and recent events.

"Never," she said with complete conviction.

"I relied on him too much. I can see that now. I trusted him with all my secrets and consulted him with every problem. All of my best memories of my childhood involve him."

"He had applied and been accepted at a few colleges, but he really wanted to go to NYU," she continued, leaning her head back slightly. "I never knew until his mom told me. She said that he had changed his plans so that I would go to college too. When I got my acceptance in, he switched."

"You wouldn't have come to Seattle without him?"

"I couldn't have come without him. He was my crutch; I couldn't do anything without him." She raised her head. "I know what you're thinking," she accused.

I had no idea what she was talking about, I wasn't thinking anything.

"You're thinking that I've replaced one crutch with another," she finished.

"I don't think that, but do _you_?" I asked.

She looked up at the stars and then off into the darkness beyond the trees. "Maybe it's in my nature that I need someone. But the way I need you is different. With you, it's because I love you and want you and I want to spend my life with you."

We'd known each other for such a short time, her words should have scared me. But they didn't. They warmed my heart and made me feel happier than I'd ever felt.

She moved to my side. "I thought I would see Jasper every day for the rest of my life. That he'd always be a part of it, you know? I imagined that we would get married ― to other people― live in houses next door to each other, and our families would be close." She sighed sadly. "But with you I want you to _be_ my life. I want to spend my life loving you, living with you and having babies with you. I never once felt that way about Jasper."

She moved into my arms and I accepted her kiss. She threaded her fingers into my hair and gripped it tight forcing me to look into her eyes. "I love you Edward Cullen, and you loving me back is all I need." She dipped her head. "Of course, I've said way too much now, you're probably freaking out." She glanced at me nervously.

"I'm not freaking out," I said, kissing the tip of her nose.

She looked relieved. "I don't know what lies ahead, I just feel like all of that could be a possibility ― in the future. That's all I'm saying."

I hadn't expected the conversation to turn into this stark admission, but I was so very glad it had because I knew that I felt exactly the same. And I had nothing to fear.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**


	40. Chapter 40

**Tough times, but thankfully I have this little bit of fluff to take my mind off things. Thank you for your reviews. There are two more chapters to come after this one. I will try to get them out next weekend.**

**These next chapters are unbeta'd. I tried to catch all the errors but some may have slipped through the net. Apologies.**

* * *

**Chapter 40**

** Bpov**

Saturday morning arrived amid a cacophony of birdsong. My eyelids fluttered open, and the sight of the wood-panelled ceiling left me feeling disorientated before my memory kicked in. I couldn't help but smile as memories of yesterday washed over me. It wasn't only the physical intimacy that made my heart soar, but the emotional connection we'd shared.

We'd talked about my relationship with Jasper briefly, but it had somehow turned into my declaration of undying love for Edward. He hadn't said anything about it afterwards, and though it worried me a little, I was thankful that it hadn't sent him running for the hills.

I'd meant every word. He meant more to me than anything else in my life, and I knew we could be happy. But I was not an impatient girl, and I knew we had plenty of time before we needed to think about it seriously.

The sound of him snoring lightly by my side warmed my heart. I spent a few moments gazing down at him. He looked younger in repose, and it made me think of the many different sides of him. People had formed opinions on him based on his public persona, yet the man I knew in private was so very different to that. His hot and sexy nature was more than matched by his ability to make me feel loved and cherished.

I liked it when he was gentle with me, but he had an adventurous side to him that I didn't want to disappoint. Slipping out of bed, I crept to the adjoining bathroom to take a quick shower. Normally I got dressed right away but wanting to explore his desires, I returned to the bedroom wearing only a towel.

After brushing my hair and applying moisturiser, I took a few moments to collect myself. Could I really parade around naked in front of him?

Mustering up as much courage as I could, I approached the bed. The floorboards creaked a little when I kneeled down, making sure to hide my body out of sight.

"Good morning," I crooned.

He snuffled slightly, but turned his head away. Undeterred, I leaned over him slightly and murmured into his ear, "Good morning."

I leaned back down, and as he turned to face me, his eyes fluttered open. He blinked a few times and then said a sleepy, "Good morning." I loved his lips in the morning they were so soft and warm and I bent to kiss them gently.

"I'm going to make breakfast." I said. "What would you like?"

He rolled onto his back, rubbing his eyes. "I don't mind, whatever you want will be fine."

I thought about dropping the towel as I'd intended but my courage failed me, and though I wanted to please him, I still felt a little shy. I stood up and his eyes followed me, then to my delight his fingers reached out and touched the towel.

"Let me look at you?" He murmured tenderly, but then his eyes were suddenly on fire.

Somehow he always knew the right look to give me, the exact timbre of voice to use to encourage me, and just like that I _wanted_ to be naked for him. His desire to see me fuelled mine.

I opened the towel and let it drop to the floor. He smiled appreciatively.

"Do you think you could make breakfast like that?"

His finger traced a lazy circle on my thigh and I bit my lip before nodding.

His eyes glittered with anticipation as I took a step back.

Gathering all my courage I turned and walked away knowing his eyes would be raking over every inch of me. I barely made it to the bottom step when he caught up with me, and I squealed in fright when he scooped me into his arms.

"I don't know if I can keep my hands off you long enough to let you cook." He growled, burying his face in my neck.

"In that case you'll starve," I said, giggling at the feel of his stubble on my skin. "Because I intend to stay in this state of undress all day."

Raising his head to look at me, he let me slide down his naked body. "Me too." His hand cupped my behind, and his eyes burned with arousal. "How hungry are you?"

"Very," I answered suggestively.

He backed me up against the sofa and I knew breakfast would be late.

The staying naked thing turned out to be exhausting. It made it impossible for us to keep our hands off each other and after lunch we went back to bed for a nap. I must have slept for a long time because it was getting dark by the time I woke up. Finding the bed empty, I wrapped the comforter around me and headed downstairs to find Edward.

He was sitting in front of the fire, and looked to be deep in thought. I sat at his feet and rested my head on his knee. "What time is it?" I asked, staring into the fire.

"Just gone eight."

I gasped. "I slept for six hours?"

"I only woke up an hour ago." He smiled, lifted my hand, and placed a soft kiss on my palm. "We must have needed it."

"We'll be up all night now." I mused.

He chuckled. "I'm sure we'll have no trouble filling the time."

I swatted his leg playfully. I paused for a beat. "What were you thinking about? You looked deep in thought when I came down."

He pulled me closer, and I curled myself against his side while he smoothed his fingers through my hair. "I was thinking about Alice," he admitted with a sigh. "She loves it here, and when I told her you and I were coming up this weekend, she got this sad look on her face. I knew what she was thinking as surely as if she'd come right out and said it." He kissed the top of my head. "She wishes she could come up here with him. She still loves him."

I noticed he didn't say Jasper's name even though we'd spoken at length about him last night. It seemed that present tense Jasper was a lot more difficult to accept than past tense Jasper.

"I know she does, but you can't just switch that off, Edward. Even though he hurt her badly, it's going to take her a little time to get over him, and you can't be mad at her for that."

I felt him stiffen and then he tilted my face up so I had to look at him. "I'm not mad at her," he said softly. "I'm hurting for her. And I feel partly responsible for her pain."

"In what way?"

"I'm starting to believe that if it wasn't for me being with you, she'd have given him another chance by now. She'd be trying to find a way to make it work."

I wasn't able to confirm or deny that, but it felt like he was right and that filled me with guilt too.

"I just want her to be happy, but I can't see there ever being a time when we'll all be able to be together without what happened hanging over us."

A tear slid down my cheek as I spoke, "I wish we could though." I looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry if that hurts you, but I really wish we could just all get along and spend time together. We've never had that."

He pressed my hand between his. "It doesn't hurt me Bella. I know he's going to be a part of your life again, and I'm okay with it. I love you too much to want anything for you but what makes you happy. And I trust you. This weekend has taught me so much; I know how you feel about me now, and I don't feel threatened by him at all."

I was so overwhelmed I burst into tears. But they were tears of happiness, because he trusted and loved me on a level I never thought possible. My happiness was also tinged by sadness, because all of us couldn't have what should have been on the cards for us.

"Hey," he murmured, kissing away my tears. "Why are you crying?"

I blinked up at him. "I'm so happy…but I'm sad at the same time." I blubbered feeling foolish.

"Bella, you should learn to enjoy your own happiness and try not to feel so responsible for everyone else's. Jasper and Alice will find it, whether it's with each other or with other people, they'll find it." I snuggled closer and nodded.

He lowered his head and pressed his lips to mine. The kiss quickly escalated and he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, slowly sliding his tongue slowly across it. I opened my mouth expecting the kiss to deepen, but he pulled back and stared into my eyes. "I've also been thinking about all the things you said last night," he said slowly. "And I feel the same way, Bella. I know it's crazy because we've only known each other for a short time, but I know there will never be anyone who makes me feel the way you do. I don't think it's even physically possible to love anyone more than I love you."

My love for him washed over me, and I cupped his face with my hands wanting to tell him again how much I love him. But he placed a finger gently on my lips and continued to speak.

"If I didn't have years of training ahead of me, and had something more to offer you I think I'd be down on one knee right now." My eyes popped wide in question, and he nodded looking adorably nervous. "But I have nothing but student debts right now, Bella, and it I don't want to rush you into anything."

I knew he meant what he was saying and even though part of me wished he _was_ down on one knee, I didn't want to rush him either. So I tempered my response.

"Edward what I need from you can't be bought. You already give me everything I need, and more." I kissed his lips. "I wouldn't care if you were penniless; I want you for who you are, not what you can give me."

I lay pressed to his side for a long time before he finally spoke.

"Would it be too much of a cliché if I made love to you by the fire?" There was a hint of amusement in his tone.

"Yes," I said, smiling. "But please do."

The fire had died by the time he carried me up to bed and wrapped himself around me. "Tomorrow's our last day," he murmured sleepily against my neck. "It'll just be about us. We'll have some fun, I promise."

I reached around and rubbed the back of his head "I've had a wonderful time, Edward. We should definitely do this again."

~*AE*~

"Hey sleepy head it's time to get up!"

I felt the bed move, and turned to see Edward shaking the mattress. I groaned and pulled the duvet over my head, but his hands grabbed around my ankles and pulled me towards the edge of the bed.

"Okay!" I groused, sitting bolt upright. "What's the rush?"

"I'm taking you out to lunch."

I glanced at the clock. "It's eleven am."

"It's an hour's drive." He released my ankle. "Come on, get out of bed." He stepped away and picked up my bag, holding it out to me. "Did you bring a skirt?"

I grinned, knowing where he was going with this. "You know I did; you packed it."

He pulled it out of the bag, grinning at it devilishly. "Oh look, so I did!" He dropped it onto the bed beside me. "There's a bath waiting for you. Get your lovely ass in it and then put these on." he pulled a black top out of my bag and threw it onto the skirt. "And no underwear," he ordered with a wink.

I rubbed my thighs together a little. "Aren't you joining me in the bath?"

He leaned over and kissed my forehead. "Baby, if I join you in the bath, we won't make dinner never mind lunch."

I shivered in anticipation and hurried towards the bathroom.

The skirt was loose-fitting and hung to just below the knee so I didn't feel as uncomfortable walking around for the day without underwear as I would have done had it been shorter.

I came down stairs to find him waiting outside on the decking. He turned and grinned wolfishly as I approached, and I already felt the moisture gather between my legs. His hair was ablaze in the sunlight and his eyes sparkled like emeralds. when he smiled, his lips, looked like they were begging to be kissed.

He swept me into his arms and I moaned when his soft mouth covered mine. I sucked in a sharp breath when he slid his hand down my thigh and pulled my leg up to hitch it around his hip. He slid his fingers up my bare skin and curved them gently around my bare cheek. His groan matched mine, and the kiss deepened as he slipped his fingers between my legs.

The way he was reaching round caused his chest to press hard against my breast. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling. Increasing the pressure on my clit, he lowered his head and planted firm kisses on my neck. I hadn't expected this, and as he nibbled my tender skin and stroked my clit, I could feel my orgasm coming to life. Still he said nothing, but his soft moans mixed with mine added to my arousal and it wasn't long before my orgasm ripped through me and moaned loudly into the quiet morning.

He removed his hand and placed my leg gently down again. I felt like putty in his hands and gave him a lazy smile when he straightened and looked into my face. Recognizing the dark twinkle in his eyes, I decided to tease him a little.

"Shouldn't we be going?" I asked sweetly, biting my lip a little. His eyes darted to my mouth. I knew he liked it when I bit my lip but until now I hadn't realised just how much it affected him. A tiny noise emanated from his throat.

I smoothed my hands down the front of my top pulling it tighter against my body. "Are you sure no one will know I'm not wearing a bra? I mean, what if my―" I was about to say breasts, but since I was teasing there was no point being coy now. "―tits bounce a little too much." The temptation to demonstrate was cut off by his loud groan. "Did you just growl at me?" I laughed.

His fingers slid along the hem of my top, delving underneath. "Yes, we should be going, you little tease, but now," He pulled the top up exposing my breasts and looked down. "Now I'm going to have to make you pay for being a bad girl and getting me all excited." he looked up and the expression on his face had me quivering in anticipation. He looked as sinful and wicked as the devil himself.

"And how _exactly_ are you going to make me pay?" I asked, biting my lip again for good measure.

In response he stepped closer and backed me into the railings, trapping me with a hand on either side, and pressed his lips to my ear. "I'm going to turn you around and put my hard dick in that sweet tight pussy of yours, and then I'm going to fuck you so hard you won't even remember your own name!"

Even though his coarse words shocked me a little, his conviction thrilled me.

He pulled back, looking at me with a crooked grin on his face before bending down and sucking my lip into his mouth. I groaned when he bit it gently, but he didn't linger. Placing his hands on my waist he turned me towards the railings, which were just above waist height and perfect for gripping. I held on while his hands roamed over my body, pulling my shirt up over my breasts and my skirt over my waist. My nipples were already puckered with arousal, but tightened further when the cool morning air hit them.

"Open your legs," he ordered

When I complied he stepped between them and I shivered at the sound of his zipper opening. "I'm gonna _make_ those tits bounce," he whispered into my ear, his words making me whimper just as much as the feel of his cock teasing my still-sensitive clit, did. I tried to move my hips back so he would slip inside, but he restrained me and simply slid his tip up and down the length of my slit. He chuckled. "Ah, the little tease doesn't like to be teased."

I was throbbing with need for him now. "Please?" I whimpered, arching my pelvis back again.

"Please what?" he demanded, his voice thick with arousal.

"Oh God Edward, please fuck me!"

He thrust into me so quickly and forcefuly it stole the breath from my body. He stayed still, one hand gripping my hip and the other smoothing over my butt cheek until I adjusted. Pulling my left leg up, he rested it on the bottom of the railing and with a slight rock of his hips slid even deeper inside me. When I tried to move he held me still with both hands on my ass and began to withdraw slowly. He was almost all the way out when he stopped, presumably teasing me again. I glanced over my shoulder to find him looking down at where our bodies were joined. his eyes lifted to mine and he held my gaze as he slammed into me again.

"Oh!" I yelped from the sheer force of it. Catching the flicker of worry on his face, I yelled out again, "It's so good!" He began to thrust fast and hard and unable to hold my position I reluctantly turned away and held on to the railings for dear life.

His pace was almost frantic and the sound of his skin slapping against mine excited me further. I was calling out his name and begging for more. He had never been this rough with me before, but I loved it. Every nerve ending in my body was humming with pleasure as I clung to the wood trying to brace myself against the sheer force of his thrusts.

His voice was hoarse and beautiful with arousal. "Do you like me fucking you hard?" he rasped.

"Yes!" I yelled, deliberately loudly, revelling in the isolation and the illicitness of being outside and exposed like this.

My head dropped slightly, and my arms wobbled with the effort of holding myself away from the fence under the power he was exerting. His hands slid from my hips up to my breasts and he pinched and squeezed them, never losing his rhythm. "Touch your pussy," he groaned, lessening his force and removing my right hand from where it was gripping the railing.

I slid my hand up beneath my skirt and did as he asked. Sliding his hand up my back, he encouraged me to bend further forward. He increased the force of his thrusts again, but this time he was pulling me onto him, taking more of the brunt of it. I was so close, and I by the feel of him swelling inside me, I knew he was too.

"Oh Jesus fucking Christ!" he yelled "I'm gonna come, baby!"

I rubbed myself furiously as his hips started to buck erratically. When our orgasms hit, we made so much noise a flock of birds fluttered out of the trees and flew away into the distance.

My limbs felt boneless as he slid out of me and turned me to face him. He was still breathing heavily, and a sheen of sweat glistened on his forehead. "See what happens when you tease me?" he panted.

"I think I might tease you every day in life," I countered.

He threw his head back and laughed. "I fucking love you, Bella Swan." He gazed down at me lovingly and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "The teasing was meant to be just the thought of you walking around with me today wearing no underwear. I thought I'd last a bit longer before succumbing to temptation."

I bit my lip. This time it wasn't deliberate, but his eyes flicked to it just the same. "I'm sorry," I said with no sincerity whatsoever.

He smoothed my top down, causing me to shiver when his hands brushed lightly over my breasts. Would I ever get enough of this man?

"No you're not." He grinned and took my hand. "We should go."

I pulled back. "Um… I need to…" I jerked my thumb towards the cabin. "Clean up a little."

He looked down. "Oh!"

I hurried to the bathroom and did what I had to do, and then thinking about the practicalities of things, I pushed a pack of wipes into my bag. I didn't know what we'd end up doing today, and I was still a little unsure if I could be so brazen anywhere but here, but it wouldn't hurt to be prepared. When I opened the bathroom door he was standing right on the other side.

"I just need to get something," he explained entering the bathroom with me. He took a pack of condoms out of the drawer, and slipped a couple into his pocket before turning to me. "Just in case you decide to tease me again," he said with a suggestive grin. "And I'm hoping you will. It won't be so messy this way."

I sat curled against him, feeling completely relaxed and satiated as the truck bumped its way down the track away from the cabin. We passed an old rundown cabin, and Edward told me about the old couple who used to live there. Tears filled my eyes when he explained what happened to them, and I fleetingly wondered if Edward and I would grow old together.

I'd slept through the drive here, so pushing the sad thoughts of the old couple out of my mind, I sat up and tried to focus on the beauty of the scenery surrounding us. We drove for a little under an hour, passing through small towns. Finally at the fourth town we came to, Edward pulled into a parking lot behind a boarded up bowling alley.

"There's a great Mexican restaurant just across the street," he said, taking my hand as I got out of the truck. He paused. "I probably should have asked you this back at the cabin, but, do you like Mexican food?"

I smiled at him. "Sure food that hurts, what's not to like?" This made him frown, so I dug him in the ribs and laughed. "I'm kidding. I love it, the hotter the better."

His eyebrow quirked at the last part, and his lips spread into a wide grin. "I'm sure there's a double entendre somewhere in that statement."

The restaurant wasn't exactly buzzing with a lunchtime rush, and we were seated at a table right in the centre of the room. I was a tiny bit relieved because I'd been slightly apprehensive about what Edward might do if we were seated in a booth. I _was_ wearing no underwear after all.

After we ordered our food, he reached across the table and laced his fingers through mine. I listened while he told me more stories about the times he'd spent at the cabin with his family and his fishing trips with Mr Mayweather. During our meal, conversation drifted to the future. I loved how passionate he was about becoming a doctor, but there was a hint of regret in his voice when he talked about the long hours and the time he would spend away at the hospital during his internship.

"It seems so long since I've had anything worth coming home to," he said a little ruefully, sipping his soda. "And now I that I have, I'll be stuck at the hospital all the time."

I laughed. "You'll love every minute of it there. Don't say it like you'll be stuck down a mine shaft for endless hours. You don't have it so bad."

"So you don't feel sorry for me at all?" he joked with a pout.

"No, because I know when you do come home we'll make up for it."

His eyes darkened a little. "Let's get out of here."

He paid the check and led me back to the car taking such long strides, I was practically running to catch up with him. "What's the rush?"

The truck was the only vehicle in the parking lot, and he'd parked in a spot that had the building on one side and a wall on the other. He moved to the passenger side of the car and backed me up against the door. Without saying anything his lips crashed into mine and he kissed me feverishly. I melted into it, when he pressed his rock hard erection into my pelvis.

"It seems my ability to keep my hands and mouth to myself only lasts for a couple of hours," he rasped pulling away. "Just the mention of being with you is enough to set me off."

He kissed me again, but I gasped when I felt him lift my skirt slightly. I broke the kiss and looked around. There was nobody in sight, but the fact that we only had privacy on two sides worried me. If someone drove into the lot they would see us immediately. I gasped again as Edward dropped to his knees and disappeared under my skirt.

"Spread your legs," he demanded, and with another nervous glance around, I did.

His lick was hard and powerful, and somehow my fogged up brain chose that moment to remember that I'd read somewhere that the tongue was the strongest muscle in the human body. I could certainly believe that useless fact when he licked me again. I looked down at him buried between my legs beneath my skirt, and my arms thumped onto the truck. He stopped what he was doing and pulled the skirt over his face.

"Lift up your shirt. I want to see your tits!"

I glanced around biting my lip. Courage failed me. "I can't!" I squeaked. "Someone might come. Isn't this against the law or something?"

He laughed and stood up slowly. "You are so adorable when you're nervous." He was still breathing heavily and he smoothed my skirt down before raking his fingers through his hair. "Okay, maybe you're not quite ready for this yet," he mused.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I don't―"

"Hey," he admonished, gently. "Don't do that. It's alright, I just got a little carried away that's all." He brushed his lips across mine. "I was intending to take you to the movies, but I'm guessing you wouldn't be up for fucking in a movie theater just yet either."

He pulled me into a tight hug when I gasped. "I'm sorry, I'm just teasing you." He pulled back and looked at me smoothing my hair away from my face. "I feel like I want to fulfill every fantasy I've ever had, with you."

I couldn't stop the tiny frisson of jealousy that bubbled within me. "Have you ever done any of these things with anyone else?"

He shook his head, his eyes softening. "You know how I was before. It wasn't like this, Bella. It was always sex in its most basic form. There was never any planning or any thought going into it. It was always just something that happened in the moment."

I felt a little silly for asking and blushed.

He wrapped his arms around me and his breath was hot when he whispered in my ear. "I've put a lot of thought into what I want to do with you. There's so many things," he pulled back and his eyes were again filled with desire. "But we have plenty of time. there's no rush."

He reached behind me and opened the door. "Get in. let's go back to the meadow."

We went back to the cabin first to fill a cooler with a small picnic for later, and then made our way back to the meadow. The journey was taking twice as long as it should, because Edward kept stopping to kiss me and touch me. But I didn't really mind because I was far more comfortable here knowing that there was nobody around for miles.

He stopped me for another kiss, and then bending me back slightly he bunched my shirt above my breasts and tugged my nipple into his mouth. I groaned with pleasure at the loud slurping noises he was making and when he lifted the top over my head, I didn't object. He gave the same attention to my other nipple, and the cool air on my wet skin made them both pucker so tight it was almost painful. Almost.

He threw my shoulder over his shoulder, took my hand, and started walking. But we had only walked a few steps when he stopped again. By the time we made it to the meadow we were both completely naked and unbearably aroused. As we set the blanket down, I couldn't resist brushing past him a little too closely and occasionally letting my hand brush against his erection as I did.

Eventually it became too much, and he pulled me down onto the blanket to kiss every inch of me. His kisses were almost frenzied and I was panting when he finally released me.

"Jesus Christ Bella, you get me so fucking worked up," he rasped, before his voice lowered sexily. "Get up onto your knees." Excitement curled in my belly as I obeyed him, but when I put my hands on the ground he shook his head. "No, like this." He pulled me upright again so I was on my knees with my hands at my sides.

"I want to do something with you," he murmured. "You don't have to if you don't want to." His eyes flicked to mine. "Open your legs a little wider." Even though it was difficult to balance, I did as he asked. I watched in confusion as he lay on his back and then slid under me. "Oh yeah," he said, groaning. "Your pussy looks so delicious from here."

I could only see his chin.

"Lower yourself a little baby." He sighed with pleasure as his hands smoothed up the outside of my thighs. "Now put your hands on the ground," he instructed.

Leaning forward I placed my hands on the ground, either side of his waist. When I looked down I realised what he wanted me to do. I stared at him for a moment. His legs were bent at the knee and opened wide and his hard cock was lying on his belly right below my mouth.

The thought of this excited me. I'd never even considered the possibility that I could give him pleasure while he was doing it to me. I lowered my mouth to him and gingerly licked down his shaft from tip to base.

His balls tightened and he twitched beneath my tongue. Emboldened by his reaction I used my hand and took him fully into my mouth.

He stopped what he was doing briefly. "Yeah, that's it. Suck my cock baby," he murmured against my flesh. "Suck me while I lick your delicious pussy."

His words made my insides clench so hard with lust, I felt it would only take a couple of lashes of his tongue and I would come hard. I groaned around his shaft.

We both cried out at the same time when I sucked him hard and he clamped his mouth to me, and started working me furiously with his tongue. Knowing it wouldn't take long for me to come, I bobbed my head and sucked hard while swirling my tongue around him. I wanted to make him come too.

Remembering how arousing it had been when he had noisily sucked my nipples, I did the same for him. I began to moan around his cock and made noisy slurping sounds. He seemed to like it as his hips started to buck, causing him to slide deeper into my mouth. He almost hit the back of my throat a couple of times and I gagged once. _Stupid reflex!_

I felt my orgasm building and I was desperate to make him come too. But using my lips, tongue and even my teeth ―gently ― my attempts to have him join me proved fruitless. I couldn't hold it, there were stars flashing behind my eyelids and my whole body was quivering with the onset of orgasm. My arms buckled as it crashed over me. I let his cock slip from my mouth for fear that I would bite it off in throes of orgasm.

Panting, I lay my head against the juncture of his thigh and fought to regain my equilibrium. He was still lapping at me gently with his tongue, but it was ticklish and I moved my body away from him.

"It tickles," I explained croakily when he complained.

He moved as if to sit up, but I splayed my hand across his chest to restrain him. "I'm not finished," I admonished lightly. Adjusting my position I encouraged him to sit up while I lay on my front between his legs. He put one hand in my hair to move it away from my face when I took his cock back into my mouth. From this angle I couldn't see his face, but the sounds of pleasure he was making were music to my ears.

I angled my head to take him deeper and slid my hands under him. He sat up and shifted forward in a gentle thrusting motion. My moan must have alerted him that I liked it because he did it again. I gripped his hips and sucked hard.

"Fuck!" He gasped and his fingers gripped my hair while his thumb caressed my cheek.

He continued to thrust but was careful not use too much force. Balancing on one arm I used my hand to stroke his balls. It drove him wild and he started to mutter almost incoherently but I caught some of it.

"Oh yeah…that's it... oh... mmm hmm... I love fucking your mouth...yeah... harder... oh ..."

Before long, I could feel him swelling and getting harder in my mouth. His balls tightened and lifted and then with a loud curse, he was pulsing and pouring himself down my throat.

His arms gave way and he collapsed onto his back. I crawled up his body and lay across him listening to the pounding of his heart.

"I love you," I whispered.

"Ditto," he said shakily.

"You soppy romantic, you." I laughed placing a soft kiss on his nipple.

We lay like that until hunger got the better of us. We ate the food we'd brought in companionable silence and I was completely at ease being naked for the rest of the day. As it began to get dark I felt sad that we would be leaving tomorrow. I'd had the best weekend of my life, and I wished we could just stay here alone for ever.

"What time are we leaving tomorrow?" I asked frowning at the thought.

"I thought we could leave early and take a little detour to Forks," he said, crunching on an apple.

"Why?"

"I guess I owe your dad another apology," he responded with a grimace. "For running off like a jealous schoolboy the last time you took me there," He smiled and rubbed my leg a little. "This time, I promise I won't do anything that means I have to apologise again. I don't want it to become a regular occurrence."

"Charlie understands. you don't have to do that."

"I want to. And besides, it would be nice for you and I to spend some time with him and his new wife. I know how much he means to you. And I'd like to finally make a _good_ impression."

"You already did," I told him. "After you left the last time, he told me that he likes you, I think he respects that you came to his home and faced him man to man. He doesn't have a problem with you anymore." I frowned. "But he'll most likely probe you about our sleeping arrangements."

He laughed. "What do I say? I mean it's not like he's going to believe that I give you a chaste kiss on the lips at your bedroom door every night."

I cringed and felt the blush hit my cheeks. "I don't know, we can't tell him the truth."

He cupped my cheek. "We'll tell him a watered down version of it. He's not an idiot, Bella. And _we're _not kids."

I knew he was right, but it didn't make it any less embarrassing to think that Charlie would know we were sleeping together.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

**Kat**

**x**


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